Neither man felt like continuing their outing after the unpleasant encounter. Morgan didn't want to let that douchebag win by ending their first public date but Reid said the shopping had tired him out anyway and he had his meeting later on, so they went back to their apartment.
When they got up the stairs they saw some kind of big white duck stalking the corridor, wearing a tiny diamante collar and lead, and then they noticed what looked like a tramp sitting in front of their door, but as they got closer they were happy to see that it was their friend Young snoozing in the doorway.
Morgan smirked and banged his fist against the door.
"Rise and shine sleepy head." He said loudly. Then, "What's with the duck?"
Young jerked awake looking startled, then happy, then slightly put out.
"Where have you been? I got here like half an hour ago." He whinged, holding out his hands so the two men could pull him up.
"Well...most people tend to call when they intend to visit." Reid pointed out.
"Ah well most people have no flair for the dramatic entrance." Young replied, staggering to his feet.
"Yes...very dramatic sleeping." Morgan smirked.
"Hey, not my fault you ruined it." Young shrugged. "So you gonna let me in or what?"
"Seriously what is with the duck?" Morgan asked again.
"Seymour? Well that's a story which cannot be told on a doorstep."
Morgan and Reid exchanged long-suffering looks. Reid unlocked the door and they piled inside, Morgan and Reid gratefully dumping their bags on the floor. Young bent down, freeing his duck to roam the apartment.
"Hey is he housetrained?" Reid asked, looking anxiously at the duck, which was stalking across the carpet as if on tip-toe, hissing at the TV and lifting its wings up. His question went conveniently unnoticed.
"Been shopping I see. What did you get?" Young asked, flopping back into one corner of the couch.
"Clothes mostly." Reid replied with a shrug.
Morgan looked at him. "Really? I'd say mostly books. Heavy books. Which I carried."
Reid grinned, "Hey I'm a frail slip of a boy. I could have broken my wrist. You're here to protect me after all."
Morgan pretend-glared at him, then stepped forward with the intent to kiss him before he checked himself. He could see Reid knew what he'd almost done from the warning look on his face.
Young pretended to be tying a shoelace, trying not to smile.
"Uh, coffee?" Reid asked Young.
Young nodded. "Thanks."
Reid looked at Morgan who nodded, giving a tight smile. They hadn't discussed when or with whom they would share the news yet, so it was a little awkward.
Reid walked briskly into the kitchen, as if doing things briskly would make it seem more casual. Morgan sank into the other corner end of the couch.
"How're you doing?" he asked quietly. He'd been so wrapped up in himself and Reid he'd barely thought about his friend's illness, he realised, feeling guilty.
Young gave a tight smile, similar to the one Morgan had given Reid before. "Slightly worse I suppose. I guess that's always going to be the case from now on."
Morgan gave a sympathetic smile. "What've you been up to?"
"Since my two besties deserted me you mean?" Young pouted, then grinned. "Oh the stories I could tell you, it'd be enough to make your hair curl. If you...had any I mean." He tailed off mischievously.
"I have hair." Morgan protested.
Young squinted. "Where do you keep it?" he teased. Morgan gave him a half-hearted kick to the shins.
"So when am I going to hear these tales of vice and debauchery?" Morgan asked.
"These types of stories go best with good liquor." Young hinted. He stuck his hand in the air and clicked his fingers. "Bartender? I'd be much obliged if you'd bring me a bottle of your finest scotch to toast our reunion."
"Uh, actually we keep that in here," Morgan said, getting up to find it, though he strongly questioned whether giving Young alcohol was a good idea considering he already smelt suspiciously like gin.
Just as he found the bottle Reid walked in with some glasses.
"Oh you got it." He said, putting the glasses on the table. "Coffee's brewing."
As Morgan leant past Reid to put the bottle on the table Reid was hyper aware of the slightest touch of their legs, Morgan's chest against his shoulder. It was almost exciting in a way, having their secret, acting like there was nothing going on. He was happy to see Young but his interest of a sexual nature in the scent, texture and broad shapes of Morgan's body had been mysteriously rekindled since his arrival, and he couldn't help but anticipate what would happen after his departure.
Morgan sat down in his original seat, seemingly unaware of the electric stimulation his proximity had provided to Reid's cardiovascular system. Reid looked at the space between Morgan and Young, then placed himself in the adjacent armchair, trying not to make eye contact with Morgan.
"Apparently Young's been up to some mischief." Morgan filled Reid in, pouring them all a small glass.
"That is the least surprising statement I have ever heard." Reid observed, realising he hadn't told Morgan about Young's medical themed stripper party, and realising also that he didn't really want the scotch (he never normally drank as much as he had been doing lately since Morgan arrived and wasn't particularly keen on the feeling of alcoholic intoxication anyway) but he didn't want to be a party-killer so he decided to drink it very slowly.
"Don't let Seymour get at the scotch. He's a very mean drunk." Young informed them solemnly.
"You let your duck drink-!?" Reid asked.
Morgan suddenly laughed really hard. "Sorry I just...I'm just picturing him in an AA meeting. Like a circle of really depressed men and women and the duck just standing on the chair and saying 'my name is Seymour and I'm an alcoholic.'"
Young burst out laughing. "Hear that Seymour? The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem."
The duck just bobbed it's head from side to side, looking at each man blankly.
"So?" Morgan prompted Young, who was wearing the smug expression of a person who knows they have a killer story to tell and fully intend to enjoy making his companions pry it out of him.
Young took a sip. Which was more of a gulp. "Well it all started when I got drunk and bought this duck off a homeless guy for twelve bucks..."
Young's outlandish and dubiously unlikely stories kept them sufficiently entertained for several hours. Young was incapable of telling a story in linear fashion. He kept jumping around, remembering missed details, slapping his forehead and exclaiming "Oh my god I didn't even tell you about naked Jesus guy!" But for all the light-hearted stories and jokes, Reid felt that there was a strange energy about him. He seemed jumpy and vague, his eyes constantly flitting around the room, his knee jiggling up and down and his hands jerking in overzealous explanatory gestures. He was sweating too. Reid wondered if he was abusing more than just alcohol now, and felt sad to realise that perhaps it didn't matter now. If drugs enhanced Young's last years and kept the fear and pain away, then what right did he have to interfere? He couldn't imagine what it must be like for him, not only knowing his life would be so short, but to know that his body would simply degenerate until he couldn't even swallow or open his eyes.
Why should a good man like him have to suffer like that? He wondered helplessly. He's helped us so much and we can't do anything to save him.
He felt terrible for pushing it to the back of his mind but there was nothing else he could do.
Morgan and Young were still chuckling weakly, clutching their stomachs. Young drained his glass.
"Want another?" Morgan asked, the bottle already in his hand since he knew the answer would be yes.
"Yeah, go on then." Young said, as if coerced into the decision. Morgan poured but a tiny amount dribbled out, to the dismay of both men. Morgan offered to go out for some more, and though Young protested (weakly) that he didn't want to inconvenience him he was soon heading out the door with his coat on, looking lingeringly at Reid in a way he interpreted as 'I would kiss you goodbye if we were alone.'
"So," Young grinned tipsily, patting the couch cushion next to him. "Now we're alone..."
With great trepidation Reid got up from his chair and sat on the couch facing Young, sitting on one ankle while the other foot rested on the floor.
"Is there something...anything you'd like to tell me? Any...goings on since you two whippersnappers started cohabiting?" he winked four times in a row.
Reid pretended to think deeply. "Well...I bought a new T-shirt. It has a shark on it."
Young looked unimpressed. "So that's how you're gonna play it. Well for the record there is nothing on this earth that would convince me that you aren't shagging our dear friend Derek Morgan."
"That is your opinion." Reid said lightly.
Young laughed. "Good for you anyhow. You can thank me at your wedding for getting you two numpties together. I'll accept a firstborn child named after me, but if you wanted to make me best man too I suppose I could be talked into it."
Reid just looked at his foot with an awkward smile.
"Anyway. I wanted to check up on how you're feeling. Did you take the meds I gave you?" Young asked, transitioning instantly as he always did from friend to psychologist.
Reid shook his head, smiling.
Young's face lit up, "Really? And no reoccurring symptoms?"
Reid shook his head again.
"That's fantastic. I was worried...Hotch told me about Eric being released tomorrow. I thought...well I didn't know how well you'd take the news."
Reid swallowed, his good mood deflating. He'd managed to keep the whole thing in the back of his mind, clinging to his new relationship with Morgan like if he didn't think about Eric he would stop existing.
"Anyway," Young continued, "I'll be visiting you more regularly to check this doesn't make you relapse, or at least treat you if you do before it gets out of hand." He paused suddenly, as if he felt he was going too fast. "I promise I'll support you both through this. You won't be alone."
Reid nodded. A feeling of unease came over him. He hadn't even begun to worry about what would happen if he started getting symptoms again. It felt now like he had two enemies to fight, one out there somewhere, biding his time, and one which was inside him, which he wouldn't even see coming. But he appreciated Young being so matter-of-fact about it, preparing him for the worst-case scenario. Clearly he had thought this through more than Reid himself had.
"It'll be okay." Young said.
Reid wished he could believe it. How am I going to protect myself...protect Morgan from Eric if I lose my mind?
He fought off a shudder, feeling panicked as if Eric was right outside the apartment.
"Anyway, I'm glad leaving turned out to be the right thing for you." Young smiled. "Your boyfriend gave me a right earful about letting you sneak off like that."
Reid gave up trying to deny that they were boyfriends.
"Did he?"
"He didn't tell you?"
"No. He hasn't really talked much about before he came here." Reid admitted.
Young scratched his neck. "I suppose you've seen the scars."
Reid nodded. "You knew?"
"It's a difficult thing to hide. Hotch found out too. He bled on some important documents apparently and pissed off the lovely Miss Strauss." Young chuckled. "Who...I don't know if this is just me but...she's kinda foxy y'know?"
"Just you." Reid said firmly. "Anyway, I think he's stopped now." Reid reassured him.
Young looked doubtful. "Maybe. But it's not something he can close the door on overnight. Keep an eye on him."
Reid nodded.
"Hotch tells me you work at Starbucks now. Does that mean I get free coffee?"
"No."
"A discount?"
"No."
"Well...what is the point of you then." Young threw his hands up. His phone vibrated with a new text and he got it out of his coat pocket, glanced at the message, then turned the screen off and put it back with an apologetic smile.
At this point Morgan got back and Reid got up to let him in.
Young stood up. "I should probably go now actually. I have another...thing to get to and I wouldn't want to impose on your domestic bliss..."
Morgan looked dismayed. "What? I nearly froze my junk off getting you this damn scotch. Wait...domestic what?"
Young grabbed his coat and his duck. "I am but a wandering soul, I must come and go with the tides of the breeze." He said dramatically, waving his arms in what he seemed to think was a spirit-like manner.
"Asshole." Morgan grunted with a smile.
Young mimed tipping his hat and exited backwards through the door, the duck perched on his shoulder with its wings in the air menacingly.
"What was that about?" Morgan asked Reid when the door was shut.
"I don't know. He said he'll be visiting a lot when...after...y'know. Maybe he wants to talk to us separately."
"Oh? What did you talk about? I mean...if you want to tell me." Morgan asked, sitting back down on the couch.
"He wanted to know if I was taking the meds, if I'd had any symptoms...that's all really." Reid sat down next to him and Morgan lifted his arm for Reid to come under it.
Morgan nodded. "Did you tell him? About-"
"He knew. Asshole probably knew from the beginning." Reid said with a wry smile.
Morgan chuckled, twirling strands of Reid's hair between his thumb and finger. "Yeah, he's good. Annoying, but good."
"Shame he..." Reid couldn't finish, but Morgan knew what he was thinking.
"Yeah. It's just not fair." He said, kissing the top of Reid's head. "Someone so brilliant..."
There was a weighted silence.
"When do you think Eric will find us?" Reid asked, heavy-hearted.
"I don't want to think about it yet."
"We have to. We need a plan. To get him before he gets us." Reid insisted.
"Get him?" Morgan asked, looking into Reid's eyes questioningly.
"If we have to." Reid replied. "But we might not have to if we can trap him into giving himself away."
"We could give him away." Morgan reminded him gently. "Wouldn't that be easier than...the alternative?"
Reid looked down at Morgan's chest, closed his eyes and sighed, letting his forehead rest against Morgan's shoulder. He felt tears coming.
"For you...maybe it's easier but..." his voice stumbled out shakily.
Morgan gave him a squeeze. "It's okay. This is the last night we get to feel safe. We can deal with it tomorrow."
Reid nodded, looking at the ceiling and taking a deep breath to stop his eyes welling up. Morgan rested his forehead against the side of Reid's head.
"You know, Young being here, not being able to touch you..." he murmured, smiling almost sheepishly, "I swear it made you even hotter. Like you were my secret lover, all forbidden and...exciting."
He kissed the spot behind Reid's ear. Reid turned to look at him and Morgan cupped his face in his hand to kiss his mouth. His kiss was hard and breathy. Reid liked it but he couldn't enjoy it because he knew it meant Morgan wanted him to...and he felt numb, so awkward and afraid, when just an hour ago he was so fired up and excited he couldn't keep still.
Morgan pulled Reid across and tugged his skinny leg over so that Reid straddled his lap, and ran his hands up and down his lean thighs. Morgan was trying to create more pressure with his mouth and get his tongue deeper inside Reid, but every time he got the pressure he wanted Reid retreated tantalisingly out of reach. Morgan yanked Reid's hips forwards and pressed Reid's back forwards with his hands, but Reid caught his face between his hands so he controlled the pace. Morgan felt like he was being teased and smiled. He was perfectly happy to be teased by Reid. Playfully he twisted suddenly, threw Reid backwards onto the couch and climbed on top of him to kiss him in a way that would show him he meant business. Reid closed his eyes, both hands scrunched in the hair on top of his head.
Reid was praying silently: please, let me get aroused again, let that feeling come back, just let me feel something. I can't let him down again.
Morgan's intoxicated brain eventually worked out that Reid wasn't sending the signals of enjoyment he normally did. Since Reid wasn't saying no directly the bad part of him wanted to carry on anyway. When he was feeling helpless or scared, finding someone to have sex with was his go-to response. And there weren't many times in his life when he'd felt this scared or helpless.
He subtly slid his hand between Reid's legs, hoping he would find evidence that he was wrong, but there wasn't anything at all. Half-desperate, he started to rub Reid's crotch with the heel of his hand.
"Morgan stop." Reid groaned softly.
Morgan sat up, his elbow propped up on the back of the couch. He curled his face into his elbow for a second, forcing himself to calm down. He didn't want Reid to see him cry.
"I'm sorry." Reid whispered, cupping the back of Morgan's neck with his hand. He sounded like he was moments away from crying too.
"Don't say that. 'ts not your fault." Morgan murmured back, finally lifting his head.
"Sorry." Reid said automatically, then smiled sheepishly. Morgan shook his head, smiling, and held out his hand. Reid took hold of it, and they held hands across the couch.
"Not tonight then." Morgan ventured after a pause.
Reid shook his head apologetically. Morgan squeezed his hand.
"Want me to take the couch?" Morgan asked.
Reid shook his head again. "No, I don't want that."
"Come on then, let's go to bed." Morgan said.
"Oh I totally forgot about my NA meeting!" Reid remembered suddenly.
"Oh yeah. Young has no respect for other people's schedules." Morgan sighed, smiling. "Still, he is a psychologist so it was a kind of therapy..." he reasoned.
"Yeah, it's just...they all panic if you miss one. They think it means you're slipping. They take it really serious there, like some people have been clean ten, twenty years or more but they still go every single evening."
"Wow. Well having 'em nagging you will be a good thing for you I guess, if you ever do feel like going back to it."
"Mmm." Reid sighed. "Still, I liked the police NA meetings better. It was more formal. You got more anonymity there. This one's smaller, and everyone checks up on everyone else, and the meetings are all huggy and praise the lord and...it's...I just feel like a fish out of water. Like I do practically everywhere." He gave a short laugh.
Morgan hesitated. "What is it like for you with all this stuff? Like...do you get cravings a lot?"
Reid thought about it. "When I don't think about it I'm fine. Like...it's acceptance I guess that's the hardest part. If you accept that there's no way you can live while taking this drug, you can forget about it after a while. But once in a while it creeps up on you, like your brain checks whether the decision still holds, and you start thinking about how you could get some and whether you can cope with the effects of it. That's when it gets really hard. You're craving it so hard that your brain plays tricks on you, blocks out the bad stuff, finds a way to justify it. The only way to get rid of those thoughts is to distract yourself." He smiled. "And luckily I've been pretty distracted lately."
Morgan smiled, stood up and pulled him to his feet. "C'mon. We should try to get some sleep."
...
Both tired, they brushed their teeth and collapsed into bed just in their boxer shorts. Morgan's gun was by the side of the bed as it normally was, though taking on a sinister new meaning. They lay there as the hours went by, both men thinking about the same thing.
They normally went to sleep cuddled up but Morgan kept his distance, sticking to his side of the bed, which Reid appreciated. At first.
He was exhausted, but the moment his head hit the pillow he felt wide-awake. His heart beat hard like a drum in his ears as thoughts of Eric Faraday's release churned in his brain. He tried to figure out where the apartment was most vulnerable to break-ins, where the best escape routes for each entry point were located, and what where the best places to stash weapons. Memories of being raped in that basement, being filmed doing things he'd always been too embarrassed to even think about. The look on Morgan's face, and the way the two brothers had leered at them.
He played the whole grotesque experience over and over in his mind until he felt sick, telling himself that he needed to recall every detail of Eric's behaviour. He knew that anything could be important in predicting what Eric had planned for them. Everyone had stressed the possibility that Eric might have lost interest in them, but Reid knew beyond a doubt that he would want to finish what he started. The question was when, and how. He almost wished it would happen soon so that this agonising wait would be over, but at the same time he wished it would be as long as possible before he came for them.
More than ever he wanted the warmth and safety of Morgan's body wrapped around him, but the big man seemed to be sleeping soundly. He clamped a hand over his mouth as he started to cry again, gasping harder and harder to breathe. A familiar panic came over him as he realised each breath was making him feel more and more desperate for air, like there was an invisible hand around his throat.
Not wanting to wake Morgan he stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, pulling the cord to turn the light on. Leaning on the sink he forced himself to slow his breathing, even though it felt like he was suffocating. His body trembled from the adrenaline it had given him, to run or to fight, but he couldn't do either, so there was no outlet for it except to shake uncontrollably.
He heard footsteps as Morgan came to see what was wrong. He pushed the door open to see Reid clutching onto the sink for dear life, coughing and breathing in desperate gasps. Morgan swore and moved forward to help but Reid held up a hand and said he was okay between violent breaths. He did seem to be breathing slower and more deeply. After a few moments Reid looked at him, panting, with this crazy-hot look in his eyes, then suddenly grabbed him and kissed him, almost frantically.
"Reid..." Morgan frowned, pulling back.
"I've changed my mind." Reid told him, pressing right up against him, practically trying to climb up him, and as if anticipating Morgan's reservations, started pleading with him, "I want you now. Please," Reid's eyes flitted between Morgan's, "oh god I want you...I want..." his words were cut off as Morgan kissed him hard and got a hand under his knee and hitched him up with a jolt that left him breathless. He lifted his other leg for Morgan to catch and clamped both legs around his waist. He kind of loved it how easily and steady Morgan was able to hold him. He scraped his nails down Morgan's bare shoulders almost wanting to climb into his skin, as the man assaulted his neck with kisses.
Reid tilted Morgan's face up and they mouth-kissed. Morgan turned and pinned Reid's back against the cold tiles, grinding his lower body between Reid's legs. Feeling his own penis grow long and sensitive Reid blushed and broke the kiss to press his face into Morgan's shoulder, but he was too squirmy to stay there. He found when he pressed his shoulders back against the wall that he could use it as leverage to arch his lower back and repeatedly drive his crotch against Morgan's abs. It felt so good that a whine of pleasure snuck past his lips nearly every time, and he would reflexively drop his head back, cracking it hard against the wall a couple of times.
But Morgan wasn't content with dry-humping. Reid was being incredibly responsive and liberal with both his body and his voice, and Morgan sensed a kind of submission, or an invitation. Reid was asking in every way but verbally for him to take control.
He put Reid down in front of the sink, and turned him roughly so his hips were pinned against the edge of the sink. Morgan yanked down Reid's boxers and began to play with his buttocks, massaging them, squeezing hard. He felt a tremor pass through Reid's body as his hands pulled the cheeks apart, displaying his cute, pinkish, white-boy asshole. Reid shifted uncomfortably, gripping the sink hard. But he didn't protest, even when Morgan nudged his thumb into the little crater. In fact, the young genius leant forwards slightly and moved his legs apart to allow it. Morgan felt a thrill of excitement. He wanted nothing more than to slam his dick into that pretty hole and make Reid say every curse-word under the sun, but he didn't want the memory of their first time going all-the-way together tainted by the looming shadow of Eric's release.
Reid felt the heat of Morgan's chest disappear. His locked elbows trembled and he could hardly breathe for nerves. He felt totally vulnerable and exposed. But this time he didn't want to stop. It added to his excitement and arousal. He gave a sharp intake of breath as he felt Morgan's hands on his waist. He could feel Morgan's erection nudging his lower back, his own trapped against the cold sink but still hot and throbbing. He could hear and feel Morgan's heavy, sexual breathing against his neck, mingling with the sound of his own embarrassingly loud panting.
Morgan kissed the side of his neck and brushed his hands over his shoulders and down his arms slowly. Reid let his head fall forward between his arms, letting out a shaky breath. He wanted Morgan to fuck him properly but he was too proud to go through all that begging again just to be told no. He felt Morgan slip a hand around his throat and pull his head back to loll back against his right shoulder, forcing him to look in the mirror.
Reid balked inwardly, shocked at the slanderous image of him the mirror was showing, before he realised that was actually what they were doing. He grimaced and looked away, but he couldn't help looking back at himself. Morgan met his eyes in the mirror and smirked. Reid tried to keep his expression blank, feeling like he was naked right down to the soul. He couldn't take his eyes off Morgan's dark fingers around his neck, that predatory smile. He felt like a trapped gazelle, hanging from the jaws of a lion. Why that thought was making his penis lubricate itself with pre-come he was not certain.
Morgan noticed Reid try to sneak a glance downwards, and wondering why, reached around to jack him off, noticing that his cock was already slick with pre-come. Reid closed his eyes and bowed his head again, but Morgan grabbed his hair, pulled his head up and made him watch himself as he was pleasured. Reid rapidly turned into a sweaty, writhing mess, the tendons standing out on his throat.
But to Morgan's surprise Reid grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away and pushing it behind himself, trying to get Morgan's fingers in his ass.
"Okay, okay..." Morgan murmured smiling, and Reid let go. Morgan reached up to put two fingers into Reid's mouth and he sucked them obediently. The erotic sight momentarily side-tracked him and he stuffed his fingers down into Reid's throat until he gagged on them and moaned impatiently. Only then did he take them out, and push them faster than he should have done up inside Reid's asshole. As he kneaded and petted Reid's prostate he seemed to melt back against him, nuzzling into his neck like a cat.
But Reid still wasn't satisfied. He frowned and shook his head feverishly.
"'ts not working." He groaned.
Morgan worked his fingers as far inside as they could go, though it bent other two fingers forward, stretching the ligaments painfully. It seemed to do the job for a while but he couldn't keep it up, his fingers kept sliding back and he knew it. He could feel Reid's dismay and his desperate, jerky attempts to push himself back onto Morgan's fingers as his orgasm rapidly faded out of reach. Morgan changed to his left fingers and reached in front to jerk him off at the same time. Again it worked for a while, but Morgan wasn't as skilled with his left hand, and the effect diminished, leaving the genius even more unsatisfied.
"I want your cock." Reid finally choked out, humiliated and spitting the words harshly as if they were spoken against his will.
Morgan's stomach twisted with guilt. "Not yet baby." He said softly. "I'm sorry."
"Why...not?" Reid stuttered, checking his snappy tone halfway through. He couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice.
Morgan sighed heavily, his face contorted with sadness and temptation Reid couldn't see.
"'cause you're still ashamed of yourself for asking." He replied softly, easing his fingers out and letting his hand fall to his side.
Reid shook his head furiously in denial, balling his hands into fists.
"'mnot." He protested, unable to be any more articulate.
"'mnot!" he said again, like placing more emphasis on his words would take the place of a thought-out rebuttal. Finally, though it killed him, he resorted to begging. "Please."
"Baby...no, I'm so sorry but, it doesn't feel right." Morgan said, his voice hoarse and upset as he tried to find the words to explain. "A few hours ago you told me you didn't want sex at all. I don't want your first time to be because you're scared and you're panicking and you're clutching at the nearest person who makes you feel wanted. I've been there and it never works, okay? You just end up feeling even more alone."
He was prepared for Reid to yell at him, to threaten or plead, but the young man just buckled in his arms, crying and resting his forehead against the sink. Morgan held him as he sank to his knees but Reid pushed his arms away. Then he suddenly pulled himself up and Morgan watched helplessly as he let out an angry scream and swept his arm violently across the shelf above the sink, sending all the bottles and the toothbrush mug and the jars and the medicine bottles clattering onto the floor, the mug shattering into fragments.
"Reid!" Morgan shouted, but Reid didn't seem to even register his voice.
Anything which didn't fall Reid picked up and threw at the wall, then he ripped the shower curtain off the rail and staggered back. After ducking to avoid a rebounding bottle of shower gel Morgan caught him in a bear hug, pinning his arms to his sides, and pulled him down onto the floor, murmuring forgettable phrases of comfort in his ear. Reid let out a frustrated moan and hid his face in Morgan's neck. The torn shower curtain was tangled around their waists like a blanket.
They were both crying by this point. Reid had started to hyperventilate again.
"I can't live like this." Reid whimpered, dropping his head back against the bath. "I can't live my life knowing that he's out there. This isn't fair."
Morgan hugged him tight.
"I know, I know it isn't. But listen to me, hey listen," he held Reid's wet cheek in his hand and seemed to look past his eyes, soul to soul. "I would die before I let that pig get near you." He whispered tightly, stroking Reid's hair. "And I swear to god if you want him gone...just say the word and he's a dead man. If you want him locked up, we'll find a way to do that. But either way, I will die before I let him hurt you again."
Reid's breathing had steadied. The fear left his eyes, replaced by a dark, fierce lust. The idea of Morgan killing Eric for him held a savage kind of eroticism, which for the moment drowned out the voice of morality. Morgan saw and felt this change in his lover at the prospect of vengeance and it excited him too. At this moment he recognised a strange desire in himself to be Reid's guard dog. To be by his side for the rest of his life, able to prove his loyalty again and again, to live collared and chained at his feet, guarding him while he slept.
Reid touched his fingertips to Morgan's mouth, his fingers slightly apart, slowly tracing down towards his chin. Morgan leaned into the touch, closed his eyes briefly, and kissed his fingertips, hearing each breath Reid took magnified in the silence. Reid's fingertips pulled slightly at his lower lip and then he clamped his open mouth over Morgan's, holding his chin between his thumb and fingers. It wasn't exactly a kiss because they never closed their mouths, it wasn't about affection as much as desperation to be physically joined. They rolled their heads around each other, chasing, let their tongues collide and wrestle as they breathed into the vacuum of their joined mouths.
With a small groan Reid let his lips fall from Morgan's, licking first his left nipple, then his right, before taking his penis in his mouth. Everything about Morgan's body felt different, the smells and textures and tastes which had put him off before became what was most erotic for him now. He was aroused by the way his penis and testicles hung like ripe fruit between his legs, and how the patch of fuzz above them was soft against his forehead and held the most addictive, heavily sexual scent which already felt strangely familiar to him.
Before he could get going properly Morgan pushed his shoulders back and got him to lie down on his side. Morgan lay down to sixty-nine with him, still tangled up in the shower curtain. Reid barely registered the change in position, he was so hungry for his mouth to be filled again. He opened his mouth and ducked forwards but his eyes were half-closed and he was too far away so he missed a couple of times, lips closing on thin air like a fish at the surface. It was like when a drinking straw moved as you tried to take a sip except a thousand times more frustrating and embarrassing. Morgan was already giving him head, grabbing and kneading at his butt like it was dough. Reid slapped his right hand onto the floor to shift himself closer, hooked his left arm around the small of Morgan's back and choked down every inch of him.
Sixty-nineing felt strangely to Reid like he was giving himself head, especially when he and Morgan got in sync with each other. Other than that, this didn't feel as strange as sex usually did.
For the first time he felt kind of in tune with his natural desires, not uncomfortable, guilty or grossed out. The sensual combination was erotic as hell; the tang of Morgan's body scent, the gentle way Morgan handled him despite the incredible power stored in his muscles, the full feeling in his throat and the weak, giddy ball of pleasure in his tummy as a result of what Morgan was doing. He started having to fight back the urge to orgasm worryingly quickly (particularly since trying to put it off never worked very well anyway). He tried to focus on keeping up on his own end so Morgan wouldn't know how embarrassingly quick he was going to finish, but it felt too good, he didn't want to focus on anything except the feeling of Morgan's teasing mouth working up and down between his legs.
He curled his face into Morgan's hip and clenched his butt as a pleasurable spasm hit his core muscles...and just about managed to keep his mouth shut.
This was the first indication Morgan was given that Reid was already close. This wouldn't do. He would have to train this habit of silence out of him. He knew Reid was still embarrassed to let him see him lose composure but he couldn't imagine what a struggle it must be for Reid to hold everything back all the time. No wonder he was always exhausted after sex.
To see if he could 'help' Reid find his voice he started to tug lazily at Reid's balls with his thumb and fingers, smiling inwardly when Reid's whole body jerked, and a second later Reid just gave this tiny little grunt. Who did he think he was fooling? Morgan had been swallowing down his precum for the past two minutes for crying out loud.
Feeling playful Morgan reached over and spanked his backside as a punishment for muffling his moans. He was expecting Reid to cry out or tell him off, but he wasn't expecting Reid to immediately scream out "Morgan!" and blow his whole load in one go, quaking and jerking and gasping as he was milked dry.
Feeling dazed, Reid took a moment to catch his breath. Just as Morgan was about to check he was okay, he felt him slide his painfully erect cock back into his mouth and get to work on him with all the concentration he gave to an interesting book. Leaning back on one hand Morgan had a pleasing view of Reid's face, his eyes were closed, mouth stretched around his cock, the tendons in his neck sliding over one another as his head bobbed back and forth and the just-visible outline of his cock down Reid's throat.
Morgan stroked the back of Reid's neck with his free hand, needing a physical outlet for the feelings of love which were growing inside him, choking him up and hurting his chest. He allowed himself to wind his fingers into Reid's hair, even though that made it tempting to try to control his head. As he got closer to his orgasm it was even harder not to let himself fuck Reid's mouth. He ended up doing it anyway, but he kept himself to shallow, unfulfilling thrusts. He was a moaning gasping wreck and he didn't give a fuck. He had Reid's mouth on his dick, everything was fucking beautiful. He was the luckiest guy in the world.
"God, I love you so much." He murmured breathlessly. The words just slipped out of him like his tongue was coated in Vaseline and his insides seized up with fear when he realised.
Reid did pause and open his eyes, but since Morgan gave no physical reaction himself, he seemed to assume it was a lust-clouded mistake and carried on giving him head. Morgan didn't know if he was more relieved or sad about that.
He came about twenty seconds later. He told Reid through ecstatic moans that he wouldn't be offended if he spat or used his hand to get him off. Reid didn't take his mouth away, which made him happy. He spat afterwards, in the toilet, then looked down at him.
Morgan's muscular chest was heaving up and down as he caught his breath, he was lying on his back, covered in a sheen of sweat. He tilted his head and smiled at Reid. He wanted to say something cute and funny, but he was too distracted by Reid's body.
Reid slid up beside him and collapsed onto his back weakly, clutching his hair and panting wheezily, a pink flush spreading right down to his chest. Morgan sat up, trying not to let his amusement show. He bent forward and kissed Reid passionately, letting him taste himself.
"You okay?" he asked.
Reid nodded, a little shell-shocked.
Morgan stroked his chest and smiled. After kicking away the shower curtain he saw blood spots on the floor tiles. The sight of blood in the bathroom had become so familiar to him since Reid left that it took him a moment to realise it wasn't his own. It was Reid who had cut the sole of his right foot, probably from a shard of the broken toothbrush mug. Following Morgan's eye line Reid sat up and picked up his foot to look at it. It was a small cut but the blood had pooled under his foot and his toes were covered in red.
"Oh." He said, looking at Morgan with mixed amusement and embarrassment.
Morgan moved round and held his foot up for inspection. "Must be quite deep, but there's nothing stuck in there...not really wide enough to need stitches unless you plan on doing any foot modelling in the near future." He planted a kiss on a clean part of his foot.
Reid smiled. He picked up his boxer shorts and put them back on carefully over his bloody foot.
"You're making a habit of injuring yourself when we have sex." Morgan remarked with a grin, holding Reid's hand. "Maybe I'm being too rough with you." He twitched his eyebrows suggestively.
Reid snorted. "I could hurt myself in a padded room. You've barely raised my average."
Morgan kissed him. "Where's your first-aid kit?"
"Umm I think I got some band-aids in the kitchen, in the cupboard above the sink."
"Okay, wait here."
Morgan went and found some band-aids, antiseptic cream and a bowl of warm water to sponge the blood off. When he walked back into the bathroom he was confronted with the image of Reid doing a bizarre one-legged hopping dance over the sink, clutching his bleeding foot and trying to get it under the tap.
He tutted, "Whut in the name o' Jesus is this damn foolery I'm seein'?! Getcho foot outta that sink boy, you wanna injure yo-self even more?"
Reid obeyed sheepishly, seeing that Morgan had thought of a better solution.
(And also because he always just found himself obeying when Morgan went all sassy ghetto black guy on him.)
"Siddown baby." Morgan gestured to the edge of the bath with an affectionate smile. "Seems I gotta do this my damn self."
Morgan knelt down and started sponging the blood off Reid's foot, paying more attention to detail than was necessary, acquainting himself with the space between each of his toes and the curve of the arch.
Reid quite enjoyed the attention. If he was a cat he would have purred.
Then Morgan took his foot out of the bowl and wrapped it in a clean towel, patting it dry. He took a large band-aid out of the packet and looked at it.
"Uh why do you have Hello-Kitty band-aids?"
Reid shrugged. "They were cheap."
Morgan smiled and shook his head as he peeled the paper off. "Very cute. I suppose you gotta economise when you hurt yourself as often as you do."
Reid poked him in the chest with his toe and gave a wry smile. Morgan smoothed Hello-Kitty's face over the hole in Reid's foot.
"Done. You need some Tylenol or something?"
"Naw. Doesn't hurt much." Reid said.
Morgan pretended to look serious, "Now this is no time to play the hero. You got all them hormones and adrenalin blocking your pain senses now, but in ten minutes time it's gonna hurt, it's a deep cut."
"Adrenalin is a hormone. Man you're so cute when you try to science." Reid smirked. "I'm okay, really."
Morgan stood up, surveyed the trashed bathroom then thought 'ahh fuck that.' He bent forward, got Reid's arm around his neck and then scooped the younger man up in his arms. Morgan had to exit the bathroom sideways so Reid's lanky limbs would fit through the door without bumping his head or feet. Reid pulled the cord for the light as they passed.
Morgan laid him out lightly on the bed and climbed on top of him for a greedy kiss. It turned into quite a heavy make-out session. Morgan was still naked and Reid could feel him getting excited.
"Really?" he laughed, letting his head fall back. "You're still...?"
Morgan smiled and shrugged. "Hey I'm probably good for two more."
"Woah. I don't think I have the stamina." Reid chuckled, hiding the new insecurities that information brought.
"That's okay." Morgan smiled, stroking his hair back over his ears. "It's not a request."
Reid smiled and nodded once.
Morgan shifted over and lay beside him on the bed, a hand resting lightly on Reid's stomach.
Reid propped himself up on his elbow.
"Would you really kill him for me if I asked you to?" he asked quietly, remembering their earlier talk.
"Yeah. Absolutely I would." Morgan said calmly.
"Killing a person though...I mean, wouldn't it...? I mean we've shot killers when we had to, when they were trying to kill us or someone else, but...in cold blood...it would kill you inside, literally taking someone's life, deciding to do it, and actually..."
Morgan was quiet for a few moments, looking into Reid's eyes and playing with his hair. "It could do, no matter what he's done. I don't know if I could ever see myself as a good person again. That's...kind of...why I would do it. Cause at least I'd be sparing you that."
Reid blinked tears away and pulled him into a hug. "I never thought anyone would do something like that for me." He whispered.
"Baby you have a whole team of friends behind you who'd do the same. Well...maybe Garcia wouldn't have the stomach for it but she'd give him one hell of a computer virus." He laughed.
Reid chuckled. "How are they?"
"They're okay. They miss you though, and they still feel guilty as hell."
Reid smiled. "Mmm."
"So...you forgiven them for that at all? Little bit?" he asked cautiously.
Reid thought about it. "I guess. I'm tired of being angry, I just want to move on and forget about it."
Morgan didn't know how to take that. It sounded like Reid wanted to literally move on from them, when Morgan still secretly hoped he'd come back to the FBI.
"It must be busy for them since you and me aren't there." Reid remarked, to break the pause.
"Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about girl genius," Morgan smiled. "We got a new baby profiler in our team now. Her name's Lauren Sparrow. She's like the lovechild of you, Garcia and a bird."
Reid looked disturbed. "Huh. I really don't want to think about the circumstances leading to a child like that being conceived."
Morgan laughed.
Reid shook his head and smiled. "So what's she like, my replacement?" he asked, unsure how he felt about a new team member. Even though he wasn't technically part of that team anymore.
He hoped she wasn't smarter than him.
"It ain't like that." Morgan assured him. "No one could replace you."
Reid forced a smile and looked down. He realised he was fiddling with the edge of the sheets and made himself stop.
"But she's nice I guess. Quiet. A little quirky. I wanted to hate her, just cause she wasn't you I guess. It felt like everyone was just accepting that you were gone." Morgan frowned. "I was a bit of an asshole to her at first actually."
Reid tried not to be massively cheered up by that. "You were a bit of an asshole to me when I first joined." He teased. "It all makes sense now. You just couldn't handle your feelings for me."
Morgan laughed. Slightly uneasily, since Reid had unwittingly hit pretty close to the truth. "Yeah if we'd had a sandpit I probably would have pushed you over in it. Maybe licked my finger and stuck it in your ear." He licked his finger and reached for Reid's ear with a grin.
Reid slapped his hand away, laughing. "Eww no thanks. Got enough of that in middle school." He shifted so his head was resting on Morgan's shoulder. "Is she smart?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'd say smarter than me but not genius-smart like you."
Reid nodded, satisfied. Then several seconds later he piped up again. "She prettier than me?"
Morgan chuckled. "You trippin' pretty boy? Course she ain't. You my shawty."
Reid lifted his head, "Your what?" he asked, puzzled, thinking Morgan was calling him short.
"My piece of ass." Morgan grinned, dodging Reid's sleepy attempt to whack him on the head.
"Yo calm down pretty boy, I was kidding." He laughed. "I meant to say: 'my amazing boyfriend whom I value very much for his mind as well as his perfect ass.'"
"Oh." Reid mock-preened. "Well why didn't you just say that then?"
"Well see I got my reputation to think of baby." Morgan smiled and kissed him.
Reid had to break the kiss for a sudden yawn. Morgan kissed his hair instead.
"Sweet dreams pretty boy."
"Nunnite." Reid mumbled.
...
Nyaaaww.
I'm sure you're all just as frustrated by Morgan's delaying as me xD unfortunately my urge to torture them both is currently winning over my desire for them to...y'know. Buttsex. Fun fact: I already wrote the 'Reid is Deflowered' chapter like months in advance (because I have no patience. All you authors out there don't tell me you've never skipped ahead to the fun parts before ;D) Anyway that was the easy bit. Joining that scene coherently to the rest of the story is proving to be a bitch. xD
It gets very confusing for Reid and Morgan when they're acting scenes in my head. They're like hey 'I swear we've already done anal at this point' 'yeah me too, also have I mentioned *spoiler spoiler* to Morgan yet?' 'Oh great she's just ignoring our questions and making us bone again. Oh and we're in a corn field. And suddenly we're both wearing stetsons. I AM A PROFESSIONAL YOU KNOW! I WORKED IN SHAKESPEARIAN THEATRE FOR SIX YEARS!'
*This has been your overly-intimate insight into my mind for this update.*