Author's Note: In honor of Tegan and Sara's 32nd birthday, I bring you Chapter 15! Enjoy! Comment challenge of the day: Respond with your favorite line from the story so far! You know you want to… and I like that kind of thing.

Chapter 15: You Look Your Age but You Don't Act the Type

A kiss is a good sensation to awake to. Jamie was deeply asleep, and perhaps for a moment she dreamed someone was kissing her, and perhaps that person was Tegan. And then, gradually, her conscious mind started to tap on her shoulder. Hey, it said, you are not dreaming. Someone is actually kissing you. Her unconscious mind started to realize it, and started the slow process of dragging her to the surface. She could do very little to return the kiss, in the deep sleep haze she was in, but it took only a moment of conscious awareness before she realized that the person kissing her was not Tegan. The lips pressed against hers, soft but insistent, and when she opened her eyes, she met Sara's.

"Oh," Jamie said, startled. "Oh!" Sara lifted her face and looked down at Jamie's, serious, confused. "Sara, what are you. . .?"

"What the. . ." Tegan's voice came from the other side of Jamie as she sat up with a start, and Sara met Tegan's eyes. "Sara, what the fuck are you doing?" Tegan asked. "Are you drunk?" Jamie looked at Sara, who was looking at Tegan, and understood.

"I'm not. . . I don't. . ." Sara whispered, shook her head. She looked pained, conflicted, leaning on one elbow, on Jamie's right side. Tegan, half-asleep, messy-haired, propped herself up on one hand, on Jamie's left side, and they stared at each other. Jamie lay on her back between them, looking up at their faces with a wriggling sensation in her stomach.

"It's okay," Jamie said, not knowing who she was saying it to or what she was saying it about, exactly. An instant later, to her surprise, Sara leaned closer to Tegan and, after a slight pause, Tegan leaned the rest of the way and pressed her lips against Sara's. Sara's free hand lifted and moved to Tegan's cheek, as she pulled Tegan closer and kissed her back, intensely, the weight of days of waiting seeming to overcome her. Jamie lay there with her eyes wide open, on their silhouettes just above her, her body unmoving. Warmth seeped all through her as they kissed for a long moment and then, just as suddenly, Sara released her grip on Tegan and jerked away, looked at her, looked at Jamie. The expression that crossed her face was not one that Jamie could describe in one adjective, but the primary ingredient was fear. She got up off the bed quickly, and left the room.

"Sara," Tegan said after her, and Jamie's mind was quickly flooded with silver moonlight and all that she had seen from the hayloft.

"Go with her," Jamie said to Tegan. Tegan looked at her for a long moment, and then quickly followed Sara, pulling the door closed behind her. She heard muffled voices, and then louder voices. Not loud, but loud enough.

"-in there," she heard, catching just the end. "What are you doing, Sara?" Tegan's voice, strained.

"Come on, keep it down," Sara said, and Jamie slipped out of the bed and crept to the door, pressed her ear to it. I've overheard and accidentally seen so much in the last few months that this time, I'm just listening in and that's all there is to it. She very gingerly, very quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open an inch. The sofa was around the other side of a wall and they wouldn't see her there. She stood silently, next to the crack in the door.

"You don't really know how things have been!" Tegan said.

"But. . . what are you doing? That girl is in love with you and you're fucking with her-"

"I'm not-" Tegan said, her voice tense, and then pausing, and taking a breath. "You don't know what you're talking about! You weren't here!"

"But you are fucking her, yes? Right?" Sara asked.

"Who are you concerned about, here? Jamie, or yourself?" Tegan asked, a note of challenge, with an edge of pain. There was a pause.

"You, actually," Sara said sharply. There was another pause. She heard a deep sigh.

"I mean, I understand if you want to. . . get back at me. . . because of Casey," Sara said, her voice somewhat shaky. "I deserve it and I'm sorry-"

"That's not what happened! And you. . . you remember what you said to me at the airport? You said. . . it's wrong and it has to stop and I. . . what was I supposed to. . ." Tegan's voice faltered.

"Tegan. . ."

"It was so. . . fucked up and. . . I don't. . . I don't know," Tegan's voice was shaking; Jamie could hear her starting to lose control, trying to contain it.

"But it's true, isn't it?" Sara asked. There was a pause.

"I don't know what's true anymore," Tegan choked in a strangled voice.

"Hey, Tee, don't cry," Sara said, and Jamie heard movement, rustling. "Ssshhh, hey," Sara said softly.

"God, what are we going to do?" Tegan asked tearfully, the desperation in her voice piercing Jamie's heart, again. She envisioned Sara's arms around Tegan, Tegan crying into her shoulder.

"I don't know. . ." Sara said quietly. "But we aren't alone here and we need to. . . try to keep it together-"

"She knows," Tegan said abruptly, sniffling. "Jamie." There was a pause. There was a pause long enough for Jamie to breathe in, hold her breath, and wait longer than was comfortable.

"What?" came Sara's voice at last, quiet.

"She knows and. . . it's fine. She's fine," Tegan said. "And, I mean, she was just in. . . she just saw-"

"Oh my God," Sara said hoarsely, much the way Tegan had said it a few days earlier when Jamie revealed that she had known. "But she knows about. . . more. . .? Everything. . .?" Tegan nodded. "Oh, Jesus Christ. . . I think I'm going to be sick. . ."

"Yeah, I got sick when Jamie told me she knew, ha. . ."

"Oh my God, Tegan, this is not funny." Sara said, and Jamie could hear the panic rising in her voice.

"It kind of is, when you think about it," Tegan said, laughing humourlessly. "Hey. . . it's okay-"

"It's not okay! God, Tegan. . . how? How did she find out?" Another pause.

"She saw us. . . in the hotel," Tegan said hesitantly. There was a moaning sound from Sara.

"Hooooooly fuck, Tegan! Oh God. . . oh fuck. . ."

"Hey, take it easy-"

"She saw? She saw us. . . oh my God. Oh God. She's. . . she's part of our crew. . ."

"I trust her," Tegan said simply.

"Well, me too but. . . did you find this out before or after you . . um. . ." Sara's voice sounded weak and tremulous.

"After," Tegan answered, exhaling loudly.

"Wow. Um. . . fuck," Sara said. "And. . . she still wanted to. . . be with you?"

"Ha," Tegan said, bitterly. "Somehow. . ."

A pause.

"Tegan. . . do you love her?" Jamie's heart lurched, and she hoped nobody could hear it. Part of her wanted to close the door, to never hear the answer, but she just stood, immobilized. The pause was long enough to be painful.

"What difference does that make?" Tegan asked at last.

"Tegan, it makes all the difference!"

"Why? It's like asking. . . a panda. . . if it loves. . . coconuts," Tegan said. There was a pause before Sara's perplexed response.

"What?"

"Well, you know? Maybe the fucking panda loves coconuts, you know, and if the panda lived in a different world and had a different life where it even fucking mattered what he loved and he could choose what he loved, he would choose fucking coconuts," Tegan said vehemently. "But the fucking panda doesn't live in that world! He lives in a world where there's only one food for him, where there's only one way he can live because he was, like, genetically designed that way and that food is bamboo and only bamboo and if he can't have bamboo, well. . . he'll fucking die. No matter how much he loves the coconuts, well, he'll die if he doesn't have bamboo and that's just the fucking reality of the situation. So, yeah, maybe I do, you know. . ." Tegan drew a heavy breath. "Maybe I do love her but it just doesn't make a difference." Jamie leaned against the door frame and took a deep breath.

"Tegan. . ." Sara said in a low voice. "I don't- hey, hey, it's okay. . ." Jamie could hear Tegan's quick, shaky breaths. "Come here. . ." She heard Tegan's muffled sobs, Sara's soft voice. Jamie quietly closed the door.

Jamie lay curled up on the bed for a long time without moving, thinking about pandas and bamboo and coconuts and the tight ache in her chest. Which part of the sentence carried more weight? The maybe or the love? She asked herself that for a moment before she realized it didn't make a difference. She thought of the kiss she had just witnessed, thought of its intensity, of its confusion, of the fear in Sara's eyes and the sadness in Tegan's. She wondered how on earth she had ended up in the middle of these two. It was like trying to put one's fingers between two poles of an electromagnet. She couldn't lie there staring at the wall any longer, feeling that sting and wondering if she was an idiot. She needed to go outside and feel that sting and wonder if she was an idiot in a wider space with fresh air.

There was silence from the living room; she opened the door and peered around the corner to see them together on the sofa, their tiny figures taking up less than half of its space. They were asleep, lying stretched out, facing each other. Tegan's hand was clutching the front of Sara's shirt; one of Sara's arms was wrapped around Tegan's waist. Their faces were close together. Jamie thought of every time she had seen them on stage together before she had ever known. . . any of this. Her brain simply could not connect those experiences to the one she was having right now, looking down at their twin tear-stained faces, peaceful in sleep. She stared at them for another moment, and then took the blanket from the back of the sofa and covered them both with it.

She walked out into the damp night, and after taking a couple of aimless turns, crossed under a red Chinese gate and into Chinatown. The shops were all closed; she peered in windows of Chinese dry goods shops with big barrels of tiny shrimp and jars of powdered everything, passed the shop that proudly sold damaged appliances, and was asked for change three times. She wandered through Sun Yat Sen Park and spent a few minutes with the doctor's statue. In the 7-11 across the street, she bought some iced tea, and completed her wide circle back to Tegan's building. When she approached, she saw Sara sitting on a bench in the grassy area to the side of the building. She looked small, sitting there alone under the lamppost in her black hoody. She saw Jamie approach and waved. Jamie waved back, somewhat uncertainly, and hesitantly walked over. She would much rather have escaped but didn't know how she could possibly avoid a conversation with Sara, if Sara wanted one. She apprehensively wondered how the rest of Sara's conversation with Tegan had gone once she had closed the bedroom door.

"Hey. . ." she said awkwardly to Sara. Sara slid down a little on the bench, indicating that Jamie should sit, and she did. There was a concrete fountain a little ways off, and a slim woman in yoga gear and flip flops was walking along the edge of the square, shallow pool with a French bulldog.

"Nice walk?" Sara asked as they both idly watched the woman with her dog.

"Yeah. Kind of damp," Jamie said. Sara laughed.

"Uh huh. I start to feel moldy when I stay here for too long. I don't know why Tegan likes it so much. . ." Jamie felt the weight of Tegan's name in the air between them, and she swallowed. "So, um, Jamie, actually, I didn't bring you here to talk about the shitty Vancouver weather," she went on in a forced serious voice that made them both laugh, although somewhat nervously. Jamie looked at her cuticles and went to pick at them, but stopped herself. Sara turned a little to face her more directly on the bench. Jamie suddenly felt the urge to apologize to Sara, or to run away, or maybe to cry. She did none of those things, but waited for a moment with her heart in her throat. "This is awkward, isn't it? Let's not have it be awkward, though. Let's just talk. Okay? We're friends. So let's talk."

"I think that's a good idea," Jamie said nervously, not totally believing it. Sara drew a deep breath.

"Yeah. So I talked to Tegan and. . . I really feel like there are a lot of things I want to say to you. . . to explain to you maybe. . . to ask you. . . but I feel like first I want to apologize to you." Jamie looked at her earnest brown eyes in surprise.

"I don't think you have anything to apologize to me for," Jamie replied doubtfully, and got a slight deja-vu shiver up her spine from a time when she was much more innocent in the situation Sara was apologizing for. Sara bent down and plucked a dandelion from the grass at her feet and held it, fiddling with it, pulling at its petals.

"No, I mean, I feel like I came here and made things very uncomfortable and. . ."

"No, if anyone should apologize, it's me," Jamie said. "This is. . . kind of. . . your home," she continued, hesitant because what she meant was Tegan is your home but couldn't say that.

"No, it's Tegan's house and. . . no! I mean, you shouldn't feel bad for being here, it's. . . God, how do I start. . ." Sara rambled anxiously. Jamie leaned back and put her hands in the pockets of her hoody as Sara pulled petals off of the dandelion one by one.

"Well maybe just. . . I mean, don't worry about. . ." Jamie struggled with the words, lost her courage.

"Okay," Sara said and took a moment. "I guess. . . I mean, Tegan told me that. . ." Her voice started to falter; she leaned forward, hunched, with her elbows on her knees. "Tegan said that you. . . know. . .uh. . . " She stared at her shoes and failed to finish her sentence, her face quickly reddening.

Jamie paused, trying to think of the way to answer that would upset Sara the least. "Yeah," she finally said. And then, tentatively, "I guess I've. . . known for a few months." Sara looked like she would speak, but stopped, reformulated, stopped again.

"Wow, uh. . ." She exhaled slowly. "It must seem really fucked up and twisted to you, I just can't even imagine. . . what you must. . . but. . . uh. . ." Jamie watched her profile, heard the tremor in her voice as she refused to meet Jamie's eyes.

"No," Jamie said quietly, shaking her head. "I mean, at first, I was. . ." - she chose her words carefully - "shocked, I guess. It took time to. . . reconcile things in my mind. I just think. . . I mean, whose place is it to judge who a person loves. . . how a person feels or. . . what two adults do. . . um. . . it's nobody's business." Sara swallowed, nodded, didn't turn her head.

"But if you had known when you. . . all those years you supported us, uh. . . what. . ." Sara's voice trembled again, "what would you have thought of us?"

"I. . ." Jamie paused, thinking, and then continued, "I think I. . . I would have thought the same. . ." Sara listened quietly and nodded again.

"I think it's. . . I think you're a very, unusually. . . um. . . understanding person and, well, if the broader world knew about, um. . . we would lose everything. Our family would be. . . they would just never recover. . ." Sara's voice dropped off to a whisper.

"I. . . yeah. . . yeah, I know," Jamie said quietly. "But. . . the broader world is never going to learn about it from me. I hope you can find a way to, like. . . not worry about that. There's nothing I've ever cared about more than, um. . . than you guys feeling like you could trust me." Jamie could not recall ever wanting to bite her nails more than she did at that moment, but the tension in Sara's jaw slackened, a little. The lines in her forehead smoothed out a little, too. She leaned back.

"Well, Tegan trusts you and I. . . I just mean, she knows you, uh, better than I do and um. . . she's completely not, like, she's not worried at all about you knowing and so, that's good enough for me." Jamie gave it a moment and then gave a very brief laugh.

"She threw up when I told her, though," Jamie said.

"Oh God. . ." Sara said with a slightly anxious laugh. "I think you've had, uh, quite a time of it with Tegan. I mean, just like, she said she's been uh. . . kind of a mess." Jamie felt for Sara and her obvious difficulty in getting across what she wanted to say, but there was no easy bridge from where she was to where she was going.

"Yeah, she's had a rough time," Jamie said.

"And I think you've really. . . you've really helped her. I mean, God, that sounds wrong-"

"It's okay," Jamie said, Sara's anxiety magnifying her own.

"I just mean like, I think she really needed someone and I'm really glad. . . holy fuck, everything sounds wrong."

"Maybe that's because, um. . . well. . . it's kind of. . . hard to say."

"That's a fucking fact," Sara laughed, and Jamie smiled at her, a little awkwardly.

"Well, maybe. . . maybe like, just. . . say what you want and like. . . don't worry. . ." Jamie said, uncertain. Sara thought about that.

"I don't even know if that's easier. I guess, I mean, like, um. . . I never. . . I can't believe I'm even talking. . . um. . . about this. To you. Or. . . anyone. I never thought I would ever talk to anyone about this. . . ever. But we are really. . . Tegan and I are, we're, like, we're stuck. . ." Jamie could feel the frustration of trying to express something that was too big to cram into an English sentence. Sara shook her head. "I feel like I really want you to understand. Like, I care what you think of us and you've known us for a long time and it matters what you think about us. So even though you said. . . what you said about how we're adults and all that, it's like, I really want to tell you. . . ah. . . fuck," Sara rambled, not daring to even meet Jamie's look.

"Okay. Tell me," Jamie said gently.

"Tegan is. . . it's like we're. . . we're the same. And I don't mean like, we have the same personality or the same, like, face, or whatever. . ." Sara started, uncertainty. " I mean we're the same. We're the same thing. We're the same stuff. She's my. . . she's me. And I'm her. We're each other's. And we're each other. She's me and she's. . . mine." Sara raised her hands in front of her and interlocked her fingers, her hands clenching each other tightly. "I can't. . . it's not like, I just feel like language can't, like, encompass what I mean. It's not like. . . uh. . . being in love with someone. It's like being. . . part of each other. Being half of each other. Being. . . fuck," she said, and shook her head. "Words are so useless." She flushed deeply and looked down. Jamie was moved, for a moment, to think that Sara's need to make Jamie understand was stronger than her embarrassment over telling it. And, more powerful still, her need to make Jamie understand it was more powerful than her shame over feeling it. And for a moment, it felt deeply sad to Jamie that someone would feel so much shame over something that seemed, just then, really quite beautiful.

"You're doing fine," Jamie said. She paused. "I mean, you were supposed to be one thing. But you're two. Maybe you're. . . trying to put yourselves back together. . ." Jamie mused, and Sara bit her lip, nodded. Jamie glanced over at her, out of the corner of her eye. She saw Sara's hands tremble as she played with the now-mutilated dandelion.

"I've been in love, you know? I was in love with Emy. I really was, for a long time. But in the end it's just. . . like it doesn't matter because, like, my heart isn't even. . . mine to, like. . . give. To another person. Tegan owns it, all of it. . ." Sara's voice dropped down to a quiet murmur with those last few words, as Jamie swallowed the swelling sensation in her throat.

"Well, that's a pretty good way to put it. . ." she said. "And Tegan is like. . . totally lost without you. I mean, really, really lost." Sara nodded and closed her eyes, looking pained. Jamie wished she could do something to alleviate some of her intense mortification, but didn't see how. "God, it's. . . I can't even like. . . believe. . . that this all doesn't, um. . . make you want to, just, get as far away from us as possible. . ." She tried to laugh a little, at the suggestion, but the edge in her voice betrayed her; there was no humour in it. There was disbelief, and fear, and so much self-loathing that it made Jamie's heart ache.

"Well, it doesn't. Even when. . . in the beginning, when it was shocking, I, um. . . I never felt that way," Jamie said, looking at Sara's profile, the tension in her jaw as she pressed her lips together, the flush from her cheeks, down her neck and into her chest. Sara didn't look back.

"Wow. But I think, like. . . I guess everyone else in the world would be like. . . ill," Sara murmured, her eyes on her shaking hands as she turned and twisted the unfortunate dandelion.

"I don't think that anyone could. . . um. . . talk to you like this, and hear what you're saying and. . . still feel that way." Jamie saw the ripple of surprise pass over Sara's face, but she still didn't look at Jamie, but brushed the dandelion across her lips as she blinked away the shininess that Jamie's words were bringing to her eyes.

"Why. . . it's. . . why do you think that?" Sara asked, trying to look like she wasn't choking back tears. "I think most people. . . like. . . it's fucked. It's disgusting. . . we're. . . disgusting." She closed her eyes, shook her head a little. Her lips twisted in her continued effort not to cry, and it pinched Jamie's heart.

"No. It's. . . I mean it's still. . . love. You know? There's nothing disgusting about that." Jamie said.

"Yeah, but, she's my. . . we're. . . " Sara couldn't summon the word.

"But it's still love. And I don't even know. . . I don't even think I've ever, um. . . like, even seen anything. . . I mean, really, I'm kind of. . . jealous," Jamie admitted. "I'm not jealous of the, um. . . the situation you guys are in and the way that you 're. . . suffering over it. Obviously. . . but I don't think I. . . I don't think most people will ever be loved the way that you love Tegan, and the way she loves you. So. . . you know? That kind of thing. . . can't be. . . disgusting." Jamie struggled over her words, not wanting to lose it right there with Sara, but the truth of all of it was striking her and she felt the sting of it. Sara sighed.

"Wow. I think you're. . . just. . . maybe if you think other people feel like that, I wonder if you're a bit. . . naive." Jamie gave a short laugh.

"Maybe I am," she shrugged. Sara laughed too, very shortly. There was a pause where neither of them spoke, or looked at each other.

"And, um. . . the other thing I guess I wanted to talk to you about was, um, Casey," Sara said. Jamie gave Sara a look of surprise.

"Okay," she said.

"Because, like, I think you must really think I'm. . . like a really terrible person," Sara started, looking away and leaning down to pluck a new dandelion to torture.

"That's really none of my business," Jamie said. "And I can't possibly. . . judge, I mean. . . um. . ." She stopped, embarrassed to say outright the thing that made her feel the most like apologizing to Sara.

"Well. . . that's. . . not really the same thing," Sara said, awkward, her brow furrowed. "I mean, the fact is, Casey was dating Tegan when I slept with her." Jamie nodded, rubbing her sweaty palms on her pant legs. Yeah, and Tegan was your soul mate when I slept with her.

"But. . . it's kind of worse, I think," Jamie went on, feeling the nerves start in her stomach and flutter up through her chest. "Like, I knew, and. . . Tegan was a complete mess because of. . . the situation and because she just. . . needed you but still, I. . ." she stopped, flustered.

"Tegan's not. . . married, or something," Sara said with a short, nervous laugh. "I mean, nobody will say. . . like, nobody could blame you for, um. . . for getting together with someone who has a. . . um. . . sister." They both held their breath until the sound of that word floated away on the breeze. "But like, I got drunk and slept with Tegan's girlfriend. I was pretty devastated and it was after everything with Emy and that's not an excuse but that's what happened. Tegan and Casey were like, fighting and Tegan was talking about breaking up with her but that's not an excuse either. Shit," Sara said, shaking her head. "I wish I could find a good excuse."

"Well, you were in a pretty. . . confusing situation," Jamie offered sympathetically.

"Yeah, that's an understatement," Sara said heavily. "Jamie, do you love Tegan?" Sara asked abruptly, without opening her eyes. Her forehead furrowed a little with the effort, the effort of asking, of waiting for the answer, and maybe of hearing it.

Jamie froze, startled by the question, completely uncertain of how to answer it. What answer was Sara even looking for? And which one would it hurt the least to hear? She sighed, deciding there was no point in saying anything other than the truth. "Yes," Jamie said reluctantly, realizing with a flash of anxiety that it was the first time she had admitted it to anyone, other than Tegan. "I've loved her. . . all along. Since the very beginning." Jamie started biting at her thumb nail. Sara exhaled, pulled a cluster of petals off the dandelion, twirled it anxiously between her hands.

"I always kind of knew that, you know," Sara said. "I don't think that Tegan realized it until. . . recently." Jamie felt something twist in her stomach. "So, you know, the thing is, um. . ." Sara's started, with a quiver in her voice. "I think you and Tegan should be together." Jamie sat in stunned silence for a moment, collecting herself. "I mean, that way Tegan could have a normal life, a normal relationship. . . go out on dates. . . you know. . . be happy." She nearly choked on the word happy, and almost seemed startled by her tears as they erupted suddenly and she pressed both hands to her eyes. Jamie drew in a shaky breath, finding herself dangerously close to joining Sara. Although she tried to swallow the feeling, the tears came anyway. Memories raced through her mind of kissing Tegan, of holding her, of touching her skin and lying in bed next to her, and the tears came faster. She had been sleeping, and dreaming a dream that she would never have believed if it were real. And then, as soon as she had started to believe it really could be real, she started to wake up. So she tried to keep her eyes closed and go back to sleep, but it was like someone was pulling her, dragging her out of it, and throwing her into icy water, and her heart couldn't take it.

"Ha," she said, feeling the constriction in her chest, the shallowness of her breath. "I wish. I mean, except for the fact that Tegan belongs to you in like. . ." In a way that nobody else could ever possibly compete with she wanted to say around the lump in her throat and the tears now streaming down her face. She tried to take a deep breath, to settle herself as Sara turned her watery eyes to her in sympathy. She looked at Jamie's face for a moment, as Jamie slowly rubbed the sleeve of her hoody across her eyes and took a breath. "She's just. . . yours." She tried to shrug, but she had started to shiver a little. After a moment, Sara took hold of one of Jamie's hands and squeezed it. She shook her head, sighed. They were both silent for a moment, Sara's tears flowing unchecked, while Jamie struggled with hers.

"God, I'm sorry. You must wish you'd never met us," she said, joking and not, wiping the wetness from her face with one sleeve and holding onto Jamie's hand. Jamie laughed shortly.

"Ha. No. Well, kind of. Sometimes. . ." she said, a sob cutting her off. Sara looked pained.

"Hey, Jamie, don't cry. . ." she said, rubbing Jamie's shoulder while her own tears still spilled over.

"I'm not," Jamie said as Sara put her arms around her and gave her a warm hug.

"You are," Sara said.

"So are you," Jamie mumbled against Sara's shoulder, submitting to the unexpected embrace.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are," Jamie said.

"God, we're a mess," Sara laughed a little. "I think I just got snot on your hoody."

"That's fine. There's still some of Tegan's snot on it," Jamie managed to say despite the tightness in her throat.

"Well, my snot is like, literally identical to hers, genetically, so. . ."

"Does mucus contain genetic material, even?" Jamie asked rhetorically, as, to her surprise, Sara released her from the hug and reached over to wipe Jamie's cheeks with the cuff of her own hoody.

"I have no idea but here, you get some of your snot on my sleeve and then we're even."

"I think we should go and wipe snot on Tegan instead since this is all her fault," Jamie said, sniffling.

"Fucking right. Awesome idea," Sara said as she finished drying Jamie's face with her sleeve. "God, Tegan. She's always fucking shit up."

"Such a bitch," Jamie said.

"Seriously."

They sat there on the bench for a while, until their tears stopped. The woman in the yoga pants tied a little plastic baggie, dropped it in the garbage bin by the door, and went inside. When Jamie's eyes, and Sara's, were finally dry, they got up quietly and returned to Tegan.