Author's Note: Merry Christmas, guys! Working on wrapping this up late into the night so that you all will wake up with a surprise beneath your tree. Enjoy! ;) After this I think you're going to want to know how the next chapters pan out, trust me... but in the meantime, leave a little present for me and tell me your favorite line/part of this chapter! ;)
Chapter 7: To Figure Out a Plan
Some time later, I can't even tell how long. They're up ahead in the darkness, and I'm hanging back, a little, uncertain. There's a kind of heavy numbness in my limbs, a tingling in my extremities, and I follow them as they meander back to the bus. I hear laughter from somewhere, and I laugh a little, too. My body has never felt like this before and I feel like later I won't be able to describe it.
"Come on, Jamie!" Sara calls to me. Others are heading back to the buses, too, and some are going in search of a dance club. Sara and Tegan seem to have no interest in socializing with anyone else. Tegan puts an arm around Sara's shoulders and leans in, says something, and they both laugh.
Ted comes up behind me, and I jump.
"Oh! Ted. . ."
"You okay, Jamie?" he asks with a grin. "It seems you've been tainted. . ." I feel like laughing because that's exactly what I thought.
"Yeah, fuck. . ." We catch up to the girls, who give me a grin.
"It's like you guys like, raped Jamie's brain," Ted says with a laugh, and they give me twin looks of surprised amusement.
"Uh oh," Tegan says. "Jamie, are you okay? You feel okay?" I nod. My head feels like it's on a boom, like a microphone on a movie set.
"Mmmhmmm, yep, sure, yeah," I hear myself say, laughing.
"Jesus. You've like, never, nothing, no drugs at all?" Sara asks, as though it's the most stupefying thing she's ever heard.
"Nope. You've broken my clean streak," I say, not really caring but wondering if I'll care later when my fingers aren't tingling anymore.
"Aww, well, if it makes you feel better, Ted's still a virgin!" Sara says, and Ted laughs.
"Totally," he says, mock-serious. "Want to be my first?" I laugh too, remembering the yogurt shop.
"I've already got your cherry, remember?" He laughs again. We all keep laughing.
"Oh yeah!" he cries.
"Jamie, are you a gold star?" Sara asks suddenly, intensely interested.
"Jesus, Sara! Boundaries!" Tegan protests as Ted heads off to join Johnny and Shaun on the guys' bus.
"Come on, what's the big deal? Tegan fucked Jeremy. It happens," Sara says.
"Oh, do you really want to open the door on that topic?" Tegan asks her as she unlocks the door to the small bus and we all pile inside. "Man, I need to lie down!" Sara says, kicking off her shoes, and follows Tegan to the back of the bus as I throw my jacket into my bunk.
"Hey, Jamie! Come back here!" Sara laughs, and I follow them. Tegan flops down on the huge bed and Sara dives on after her, landing with her head on Tegan's stomach.
"Oooof," Tegan says as they shift a little so Tegan is lying on her back, with her hands behind her head, and Sara on her side, leaning her head on one hand. I lie down on the bed, near the edge, giving them some space. The room tilts a little and I'm happy to be lying down.
"So? Are you?" Sara persists, but I've forgotten the question. I look at the pink text on Tegan's sleeveless t-shirt and try to read it. Why have I never tried to read it before? I can't.
"Am I what?" I ask.
"A gold star," Sara repeats. "Come on! Don't think about it! Just answer!" She's shifted again so that her head is resting on the crook of Tegan's elbow. Tegan turns her head towards Sara, and while I'm trying to formulate an answer to this question, Tegan's lips make contact with Sara's earlobe.
"Ummmmmmmmmm," I say, losing my train of thought as the warmth starts building in my lower abdomen.
"What do you mean, 'ummmmm?'" Tegan laughs, teasing me. "It's like, 'Let me think. Have I or have I not had a penis inside my-'" This time it's Sara who thinks it's too far; she slaps Tegan's leg and sits up. Tegan sits up too so they are sitting side by side. I can't be bothered to sit up; I look up at them from where I am laying.
"Okay, then, yes. If I have to choose an answer, then yes," I say cryptically, but it's the most honest answer I can give. Tegan gives me a grin.
"Well good. Boys are smelly anyway," she says.
"Jeremy wasn't smelly though, I'm sure," Sara says and Tegan chuckles.
"No," she says. Sara turns to Tegan and they look at each other for a long moment as I lie there, enjoying the smooth turning of the bed, of the room. Their faces are close together and I wonder if and when someone will speak when Sara leans in and kisses Tegan's mouth, their twin lips soft and moist together, and I watch them because they are right above me and they don't care and what else can I possibly look at? I'm warm all over now as they kiss again, and Sara places one hand on Tegan's chest and slowly starts pushing her down onto her back, on the bed, next to me. They don't stop kissing, and Tegan's hands move up to Sara's thighs as Sara straddles Tegan's hips, and for a moment, I see, Tegan opens an eye and looks at me to see my reaction and I feel like all the blood in my body has converged in one place. I've never seen it like this, right next to me, and they aren't shy and they don't care as Tegan's tongue passes over Sara's lips and a moment later, Sara bites a little on Tegan's lower lip. Sara lifts her face a little and looks into Tegan's eyes and they both breathe a little more deeply and I think I breathe more deeply too and I'm suddenly conscious that I'm tensing up all over. Their faces are so close together and Sara shifts over, her hand slides down, and she kisses Tegan again, slowly, and her hand tugs a little at the button on Tegan's jeans. Jesus fuck, my foggy brain is telling me as I feel things start to pulsate in my jeans. Her hand is going. . . The button is open and Sara unzips Tegan's pants and I hear a soft moan from Tegan, whose hand has moved up the outside of Sara's sweater, over her breast, her thumb sliding over a nipple, and my brain can't fathom what I'm seeing. Because it's a moment later and Sara's hand slides up under Tegan's t-shirt and I can see the fabric moving under the image of a pegasus on it as her hand moves beneath it, over Tegan's belly, her breasts, as the kiss intensifies.
I can hardly feel my legs when I ask myself if I should maybe leave but then Sara is kissing Tegan's neck and, as Sara's hand softly moves down Tegan's body, slowly, Tegan turns her head towards me, opens her eyes, meeting mine again, watching me, knowing, her face flushed, her lips parted as if to speak to me, but as Sara's hand slides down into her pants, she bites her lower lip, her head goes back, and her eyes close.
There's a deep intake of breath from Tegan and I see Sara's hand disappear into Tegan's boyish underwear, beneath her unzipped pants, and then slide and press against her there. I don't know how many seconds have passed since I've taken a breath because suddenly I feel lightheaded, and take a deep breath with Tegan. One of Tegan's thighs is between Sara's legs, and she presses her hips against Tegan's thigh as her fingers slide against Tegan in the exact place where all the blood in my body has collected and I don't believe it, I think that this can't be real, that it must be the drugs, but the room keeps shifting as my eyes move from Sara's working hand up to Tegan's damp face. Her eyes are closed as Sara continues stroking with her fingers, kissing and licking a little at Tegan's collar bone, her neck, and then her ear, as she slides up and finally kisses Tegan's lips again and Tegan is moaning now and a second later, while my fingers tingle and there is throbbing in all the tenderest places in my body, Sara breaks this intense kiss and Tegan whispers.
"Sara," she says, in a voice that is almost enough to send me over the edge even though my name is not Sara. "please. . . inside. . ."
Maybe that sigh was mine, I don't know. Sara's face, flushed with arousal, so close to Tegan's, their eyes on each other as Sara presses her hand lower, deeper down into Tegan's open pants and even Sara moans slightly as she pushes into Tegan. I almost feel it too as Tegan's eyes roll back, a little, before her eyelids flutter closed, her back arching as she presses against Sara's hand. Sara increases her rhythm, pressing into Tegan, rocking against her body as they kiss, Tegan's hands grasping Sara's back. I remember the sensation of Tegan's nails against my skin as she grips Sara more tightly and I can almost feel them on my back. Tegan's hips are moving now against Sara's hand as her breaths get quicker and maybe I moan too a little bit as Tegan's moans get a little higher, a little faster, and finally, with a trembling cry that I still hear when I'm alone at night, she comes, squeezing Sara to her, tugging at the shoulder of Sara's shirt as though she were sixteen and there was a tiger's face on it. "Oh. . . God. . . oh," she moans, gasping against Sara's shoulder, and the heat radiates off of both of them, their pink damp faces, their heavy breaths. I feel their warmth on my face. I can even smell them. . .
Tegan is still breathing fast and hard when Sara slowly withdraws her hand from Tegan's pants, kisses her breathless lips and, to my complete shock, looks down at me for a moment, considering, and then, shifting down so that she is lying next to Tegan, Sara reaches over and takes hold of my arm, the wetness on her fingers still warm, pulling me forward.
"Come on," she murmurs to me, and I'd forgotten they could see me there, watching, and I've never seen that look in Sara's eyes but I've seen it in Tegan's, and Tegan looks at me too and I follow the pull from Sara's tugging at me and suddenly I'm on top of Tegan. Her heavy breaths pulse below me, against my belly, her breasts against mine. It gives me a jolt, this feeling of her against me when I never expected it to happen again. She looks at me and whispers, "Please kiss me," and Sara is right there, right next to her, her eyes on me and I want to kiss her so badly, and so I do it, I press down against Tegan's hot body and her arms wrap around me as I kiss her again, for the first time in three months. The feelings I get from her arms around me, her body pressed against mine, her mouth, are feelings I'd been remembering since Vancouver and thought were forever past, and they all give me another jolt through my guts and my heart. Now her lips press back against mine and I can feel that she isn't finished because she presses her hips up against mine as well. I'm already so worked up that this motion makes me gasp and I remember the times in Vancouver when Tegan came beneath me and moments later, pulled at me urgently and said more. . .
This long, slow kiss is drowning me, her tongue against mine, her hand at the back of my neck now, pulling me into her. My head is spinning, disbelief swirling together with overwhelming arousal to the point that I'm not sure where the drugs end and the rest of it begins. I can't think, don't know what is next until Sara suddenly takes hold of my wrist, and, to my stunned disbelief, pushes my hand down into Tegan's pants. I quickly look at Tegan's face, looking for hesitation, for a sign. Her eyes meet mine, her pupils wide and dark, her face flushed, hot, her hair stuck to her damp forehead.
She's still breathing hard as my hand slides down and finds the state of her, hot and wet and everything swollen still after Sara's touch, and I press against her, sliding my fingers there, feeling her, her voice low in my ears, catching in her throat with each stroke of my hand. She has taken hold of my hips, insistently pulling me to her, so I shift my position, moving my body so that I am lying on top of her with my hips between her thighs, and my hand between us, pressing and rubbing against her as I slowly begin to push my hips against hers. She moans, grinding against me as, suddenly, Sara moves down to Tegan's ankles and starts pulling on the legs of her jeans. I lift up, and Tegan lifts too and after a moment of tugging and struggling, her jeans are off, so I quickly peel off her underwear, dark green boys' shorts, and return to my previous position between her thighs and this time she wraps her legs around me. I press against her, rhythmically, and after a few moments, when she whimpers into my mouth, I push two fingers inside of her. She gasps, moans, and Sara is lying next to us again, eyes on my hips as I press against Tegan, stroking with my fingers as her hips thrust against my hand, against my body. Sara watches, her face pink, her lips parted as I lower my face to Tegan's again and kiss her, slowly, deeply. Tegan's hands slide up my body, under my shirt, over my breasts, making me want her so badly that it's painful. When her moans start sounding urgent, I press harder, faster, and after a few moments, the inside of her is spasming around my fingers again, her head back.
"Oh, fuck!" she gasps, squeezing me with her legs, her arms, and the inside of her, all at once. She shudders beneath me, and I slow my movements down, kiss her neck, kiss her lips again, so close to coming myself, aching to feel what she's feeling as she shudders against me again. I know I'm as wet as she is and the fabric of our shirts between us is hot and damp. I look quickly at Sara, whose eyes are on Tegan's face in a way that I can't describe but I gently pull my fingers out and slide off of Tegan because Sara looks desperate.
"Tegan. . . Tegan, please. . ." Sara murmurs, pulling on Tegan's arm, pulling her forward. Tegan is still trying to catch her breath as struggles to push herself up, and she rolls halfway onto Sara as I watch them both struggle with Sara's zipper, their breathing laboured, and as soon as her zipper is down, Sara grabs Tegan's hand and thrusts it down the front of her pants. I see Tegan's hand moving under Sara's underwear, sliding against her, slowly. Too slowly, it seems, as Sara presses up against Tegan's hand, her face tense, flushed. She grasps Tegan's wrist, pulls it into her harder, over and over, as her eyes shut tight. I'm right there, seeing it, feeling it, the heat of it moving through me, and the throbbing between my legs is enough to make me consider doing something about it myself but I'm frozen, watching Tegan's hand sliding, stroking inside of Sara's pants as Sara's hands grasp at Tegan frantically, pulling at her hips, her ass. Tegan moves faster, rocking with her, her mouth on Sara's neck, her tongue tasting Sara's salty skin as they grind and breathe together. Tegan's hand doesn't cease its rhythmic stroking of Sara as she supports herself with one elbow and, with her other hand, slides Sara's t-shirt up her body, exposing more of Sara to me than I've seen yet. Sara is moaning now without restraint, her hips grinding in time to Tegan's hand, and Tegan's teeth pull at her bra. She pulls it down, her mouth finding Sara's exposed breast, her tongue sliding over one firm nipple, her lips closing over it. Sara's hands are in Tegan's hair in response to this, pulling her closer, then sliding around the back of her neck. I see Sara's chest rise and fall, her belly spasming as her breathing escalates along with the intensity of her voice. Tegan's hand slides faster and if Sara is as hot and wet as I am, my mind can imagine how that feels against Tegan's fingers.
"Ooooooh God," Sara whimpers, a kind of anguish I've heard in her voice before. "Oh. .."
"Come for me, Sara. . ." Tegan murmurs, and then whispers, "come for me. . ." in a soft voice as Sara's face tenses and she holds her breath, her eyes shut tight and her head back and, as she comes, she grasps the pillow on either side of her head, pulling it forward around her face and shaking, the spasms rocking her body. She puts one forearm over her face as the contractions come again. She moans against her own sleeve, hiding her face, taking deep, quick breaths for several moments. "Fuck," she breathes at last, and Tegan gently pulls Sara's arm away from her face. Tegan kisses her lips, tastes her tongue as Sara breathes heavily into her mouth. A moment later, there are more low sounds from Sara's throat; she draws in a sharp breath, and squeezes Tegan in her arms. Tegan moans a little too as she kisses her. The effects of the cupcakes have intensified over the last few minutes, and they're at least partly to blame for the tingling all over my body. Partly. I'm dizzy as I watch them kiss, tenderly now that the pain of needing to come has passed, but it hasn't passed for me and watching them is the hottest thing I've ever experienced outside of having sex with Tegan. Between the nerves fluttering in my chest and my heartbeat thumping throughout my body, I'm so overwhelmed I really think I might black out. After a few more slow kisses, her hands moving gently over Tegan's face and through her hair, Sara looks over at me. They are both catching their breath, and so am I.
"Look at Jamie," Sara whispers, and Tegan does. Her eyes, a little puffy, rest on me warmly. "She's so high. . ." Sara says, with a tired, affectionate smile. Tegan looks at me with different eyes, still on top of Sara, her damp hair falling over one eye.
"Yeah," she says, breathy.
"She wants you too," Sara says, kissing Tegan and then, almost tenderly, pushing her to me.
And then Tegan slides off of Sara and on top of me, her face so close, and it's so sudden that I take a quick breath, my body responding with a jolt again to the feeling of her weight on top of me. I didn't think it was possible for me to get any wetter, but her pressing down onto me has proven that wrong.
"Do you want me to touch you?" she asks me in a low, husky voice that reminds me of her earliest songs. I nod breathlessly, unable to say anything, but she is already unzipping my pants. Sara is watching us closely again, heavy-lidded but still intense, and my face and everything else is burning as Tegan slides her damp hand down, slowly, inside my underwear where everything is already so hot and so swollen that I think I might come immediately.
"Jesus," Tegan whispers as her fingers find how wet I am after all of that, and I whimper before I can stop it. She kisses me while her fingers press and stroke and slide against me, and the need inside my body is so intense that every touch is almost painful but God I don't want her to stop. Sara is next to us, and I can only imagine she is watching, because my eyes close as Tegan's fingers slide all the way down, all the way back up, and down again, slowly, her palm pressing against me, hot and swollen and inflamed, every inch of me so sensitive to her touch. "Do you want me inside?" she asks in a whisper, her face close to mine and I meet her eyes for a second before closing mine again with a nod, which is all I can manage because I can't remember ever wanting anything more and I don't know if I'll even last that long but her fingers move down and press inside of me at the same moment that her tongue slides into my mouth and presses against mine. I grip her, my fingers pressing into her waist, as she pushes her fingers into me again and again, stroking every aching place inside of me. It doesn't take long at all and her lips are on mine and then the wave starts and I feel it flood through me, up through my throat, through my limbs, and the inside of me clenches, tight, around her fingers, and the spasms shake me against Tegan's body. She is hot, her weight on top of me, her breath in my ear as I come, and I hear myself moan and I hear a soft, breathy laugh from her mouth next to my ear.
"Oh fuck," I think I say and the muscles in my belly spasm too as Tegan slows the movement of her fingers and lays there inside of me, still, as I breathe heavily against her. I finally open my eyes and see her watching me with the trace of a smile on her face, her eyes warm, and I swear they smile too. Her eyes still on mine, she gently slides her fingers out of me, and slips them out of my pants, slowly up my belly and under my shirt. They're still wet, but now with me instead of Sara. Or maybe both. Her hand comes to rest in the centre of my chest, reminding me, knowingly reminding me of our first time in Vancouver, and I shiver, despite the heat all through me, as she kisses me again, her mouth warm and soft.
"Holy shit," she says with a soft laugh, and I hold her face between both of my hands, kissing her again while I can.
"Oh man," Sara says, laying on her back on the bed, with a little laugh. "That was fucking hot." Tegan slides off of me and falls down between us. I'm still trembling a little as she lays one hand on my thigh and Sara turns towards her on the other side, putting one hand on Tegan's belly. "God, the room is. . . spinning."
"Yeah," Tegan says, taking a breath. My head feels so heavy I don't even want to try to lift it.
"Jamie, are you okay?" Sara asks with a laugh; we're all so high everything is surreal, even more surreal than this situation would have been already.
"Yeah, haha," I say, shy now despite the drugs, now that the urgency has passed. I close my eyes and feel the shifting, swirling of the bed. I don't know who passes out first but I guess it's me because the last thing I remember hearing is Sara's voice.
"Happy birthday."