When we arrived at the airport, I took my sweet time getting the van. I stopped in the airport to use the bathroom, and freshen up. I grabbed something to eat, and slowly made my way to where I knew Dimitri would be waiting. I wasn't in any hurry to get into a van… alone… with him. When we finally reached the parking garage, he unlocked the door and opened it for me. I threw my stuff in the back and settled in the passenger's seat as he walked around and got in. We hadn't spoken anymore since we got off the plane, so the silence between us was really awkward. Finally, he spoke.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No." I answered simply. He turned to me, before looking back at the road.

"Are you lying to me?" He asked.

"I'm not mad at you, Dimitri." I told him. I honestly wasn't. I was just in a mood now, where I didn't want to listen to any kind of reason, or logic. I wanted to feel the way I felt, because I needed to feel like myself. I needed to feel normal, and with what seems to be all the darkness stirring within me, I haven't really felt like me. I knew being stubborn and not listening to reason was the most quick and easy way for me to feel like myself…since, well… I was stubborn.

"Are you alright?" He finally asked.

"I'm fine." I answered simply. He just nodded. The van fell silent once again; as he turned the radio on to drown out the awkwardness the silence was screaming at us.

"We need to talk." He finally said.

"What about?" I asked, never looking at him. I kept my eyes out the window.

"What happened last night." I knew instantly what he was talking about. The kiss. My blood ran cold. This wasn't something I ever wanted to discuss with him. This was truly taking a turn for the worst. It was bad enough that I felt this way about him, but having to discuss an awkward and drunken-well, drunken for me-kiss wasn't something I wanted to do.

"Why do we need to talk about it?" I murmured, hoping I could get him off this topic quick.

"Because Rose… you know that-."

"Don't start explaining how we can't have anything like that, Dimitri. Do you think I'm not aware of that, do you think I don't know that we couldn't ever have a relationship?" I said.

"Rose… you have to understand that I want-." I shook my head.

"I don't want to talk about this." I said, cutting him off.

"Roza… just-."

"Stop… Dimitri, don't make it worse than it is. Don't make it harder than it already is." I said. I felt his eyes on me, but I wouldn't look at him. "All of this… has been a mistake."

"Rose, don't say that." He said. I knew the only way to get this out of the way was to make it seem like I didn't want to deal with it anymore, like even trying, or giving in to those feelings was wrong, a mistake. He was seven years older than me… I mean, that was reason enough for this to be wrong, wasn't it.

"Let it go… Dimitri."

"I won't. I can't pretend that I don't-." He started. I finally turned to him, and looked him dead in the eye, knowing I could end it with only a few words.

"This was a mistake. Trying… or even letting this happen was stupid. We were stupid. Let it go." I said, simply. He fell silent for a few seconds, completely stunned by my words. I didn't know what to say, so I remained staring out the window. We pulled over to get gas, so I jumped out, going into the store to get a drink. Before I could even get away from the van, Dimitri grabbed me and pinned me to the van, his body pressed to mine. I knew what he was trying to do, and I knew it would work if I let myself want him.

"Look me in the eye right now, and tell me that you don't want me. That you don't… feel something, anything for me." He said. I knew this was the moment, this was where I could really end this. I knew I didn't want too. I knew I wanted to curl myself up in his arms, and never leave. He meant more to me than I ever really expected him too, although I'd never admit that to anyone. I looked up and met his eyes, not sure if I could do it. My heart dropped into my stomach when I opened my mouth to speak.

"I don't feel anything for you." I said, my voice hard. His hands slid off my shoulders and fell limply at his sides. "I'm sorry." I stepped away from him and went into the store to get a drink and some chips. When I walked back out, he was already back in the van waiting for me. To be quite honest, I sort of expected him to leave me here after what just happened. I knew better though. I got into the van, and he sped off, heading towards the estate. I could tell he was antsy and ready to get out of the van. So was I, because the awkward silence that hung in the van. I gave up trying to make conversation, because I knew he wouldn't talk to me if I tried, so instead… I closed my eyes and carefully and cautiously slipped into Lissa's head. She was in class, doodling on a piece of paper. I knew I owed her a phone call when I got home, due to the fact that one: she'd had sex with Ozera, and two: I wanted to ask how the medicine was working for her. I didn't really want the details on the first one seeing as how I pretty much experienced it for myself. I shivered as I remember. She looked and felt pretty content which was definitely a good time. I wished I could say the same, but everything I was dealing with now, I'd brought on myself, and I knew that. When I opened my eyes, we were pulling into the estates driveway. Thank God. When he stopped the van, we grabbed our stuff out of the back, and started towards the door, Dimitri ahead of me.

"Dimitri…. Wait—." I started. He turned to me, but wouldn't look at me. He knew I'd be able to see whatever it was he was feeling, and I knew it was some sort of pain, anguish, or anger.

"I'm tired, Rose… I just want to go shower and sleep." He said, turning away from me. I started to speak, but knew he wasn't going to acknowledge or answer. Instead, I picked up my bags and followed him inside. When I walked in, Landon was standing in the main room, smiling.

"Hey there, Hathaway. I've missed you." I smiled at him the best I could.

"I've missed you too." I said, hugging him.

"How was your trip? I heard you had to accompany Adrian back to court."

"It was… interesting to say the least." I said, not really sure how to describe it.

"I'm glad to have you back. Guardian Young said that sometime in the next week, we're going to be starting to fight and work with the other novices, and I really wanna work with you. I know how good you are, and it would be an honor to train with you." He said. I felt my face flush a little.

"That's really sweet, Landon. I'd love to train with you. I just have to see if Guardian Belikov is planning on doing the same thing for me. He might have something different planned."

"I hope not." He said. I sighed, knowing that practice was going to be really weird now.

"Me too." I murmured. "I'm gonna go put my stuff up in my room. I'll see you around, Landon." He nodded.

"Later Rose." He said, as I walked up the stairs. I threw my bag on the floor and plopped down face first on my bed. I'd screwed up really bad. I'd lied to Dimitri over and over again… but I couldn't, we couldn't, and we both knew that. Even here, away from the rest of the moroi and dhampir world, there couldn't be anything between us, no matter how much either of us wished otherwise. I wanted him, and there wasn't any denying. He'd been here for me when I thought I was alone. He is gorgeous, and moral, and amazing and everything I wished I was, but… we were from two separate worlds, and that meant something in our society. There wasn't anything we could do to fight it. We couldn't ever be together, no matter how much we really wanted one another. I got a quick shower, and headed downstairs to get something to eat. I sat down at the table with a sandwich, and ate. I heard the door open, and looked up to find Dimitri walk in, covered in sweat. He took one look at me, and kept walking. When he reached for the doorknob of his door, I saw that his hands were all bloody and mangled. I stood up.

"Dimitri… what did you-?" He turned back to me once, and looked back down, walked into his room, closing the door behind him. I stood there, debating on busting his door down, but it was then I realized that I was probably the reason for whatever he'd done, and then… I thoroughly felt like shit. I sat back down and ran my hands through my hair. It wasn't long before Guardian Castille came in.

"Hey… Rose, have you seen Dimitri?" He asked. I debated on telling him he was in his room, but from the looks of Dimitri when I'd seen him, he didn't want to be disturbed.

"No, I haven't seen him since we got back, why?"

"I need to talk to him about some things the other guardians and I want to do, so I need to talk to him." He said. I shrugged.

"Haven't seen him… Sorry." I told him. He nodded and walked out. I stared at Dimitri's door, debating for the longest time, whether I should go check on him or not. There weren't words to describe how bad I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. I'd lost my appetite, so half my sandwich remained on my plate. I didn't know what to do at this point, so I threw my plate and uneaten sandwich away. A few minutes later, Landon came around the corner all smiles. He obviously caught onto my mood, and frowned.

"Hey… you look… angry?" He said, but asking it like a question.

"I'm fine."

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked, walking over and sitting down across from me. I shook my head.

"I can't." I finally said.

"You can trust me, you know." He told me, letting his soft green eyes fall on me. He reached across the table and laid his hand over mine. "I'm here for you, you know that." I gave him a smile, and nodded.

"I do trust you, and I know… it's just not something I wanna talk about." I told him.

"Okay. I understand." He said, slowly removing his hand from mine.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, getting up to look through the cabinets. I shook my head.

"No, I already ate. Thanks." He nodded and grabbed a pack of crackers and sat down.

"Did you train at Court at all?" He asked.

"A little… not much though." I said, remembering my mother interrupting. I must have had a change in facial features, because he gave me a look.

"What?"

"Nothing… just remembering something from court." I told him.

"Something upsetting obviously by the look on your face." He said, shoving another cracker into his mouth.

"It was just my mother. It isn't a big deal. She's-. I just haven't seen her in a long time." I said, shaking my head. He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm guessing it didn't go too well?" He asked.

"Not exactly."

"That bad huh?" He asked. I nodded. He frowned. "I'm sorry, hun." He said.

"Not your fault. Look… I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and mope a little bit. I'll see you around." I said.

"Hey… Why don't you come back to my room with me, and hang out? We'll watch movies or something. I don't wanna think of you hulled up in your room all mopey and depressed." He said.

"You don't have to do that… I'm just gonna-." He cut me off.

"No… I want too. Come on." He said, standing up. I nodded and allowed him to lead me to his room. When we got inside, he smiled. "Make yourself at home, of course." I plopped down on his bed, and curled up in the corner. He smiled.

"So, Ms. Hathaway, what would you like to watch?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I don't care. Whatever is fine." I told him. He nodded and picked up Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I laughed at his choice of movie, but he put it in regardless. We curled up in his bed, and laughed. I felt myself getting sleepy after being with Dimitri all day, and having to deal with everything on top of it, I was just drained. I scooted over to Landon and laid down beside him, laying my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me.

"You alright?" He murmured.

"I'm fine." I assured him. I sighed. "This doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Not at all." He promised, chuckling. I smiled. Before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep in his arms, and to be quite honest, it was the best sleep I'd gotten in awhile. It wasn't long before I felt Adrian invading my dream. When he became visible, I sighed.

"I shouldn't have expected anything less."

"What, I missed you Hathaway." He said. I rolled my eyes. "How was the flight and ride home without me?"

"It was great." I muttered. He raised an eyebrow.

"That didn't sound sarcastic at all." He said. I smiled.

"When are you coming back?"

"Awe, do you miss me too?" He asked.

"No… I need to know when to hide." I told him, snarkily. He sighed. I chuckled at his face.

"I'll be back tomorrow." He muttered.

"Thanks for the heads up." He ended the dream, allowing me to fall back into my own. I snuggled up closer to Landon and fell deeper into my own dreams.