Lissa was just sitting in her room, so I didn't understand what was happening. It was then the darkness hit me. It was hers, not mine. I didn't understand. The medicine should have been controlling this. Then, I felt this sense of relief wash over her. Automatically, my eyes flew to her hands and wrists, but there were no bloody cuts or marks on her. She hadn't resorted back to that. I searched through her head, looking for what might be causing this, and that's when I found it. She'd stopped taking the medicine and thrown the rest of them away. God damn it. I tried screaming loud enough for her to hear me, but I knew it wouldn't work. That's when Landon pulled me abruptly out of her head.

"Rose, what's wrong? What is it?" He asked. I shook my head, violently, becoming my own person again.

"Nothing… nothing. I need to go."

"Wait… Where are you going?" He called after me. I sighed, remembering he didn't know about Lissa and I.

"I'll tell you later. I promise." I said. I ran inside to Dimitri's room, and beat on his door. When he opened it, his guardian mask slid over his face.

"I need you to take me to the academy. It's Lissa…" I said. He stood there for a second, staring at me, before he spoke.

"We'll call the academy and have them deal with it." He said.

"No, Dimitri… She needs me."

"You're here, they are all there. It's not your problem." I could see what he was doing here. I could see what he was doing to me.

"No… You're going to take me to her." I said.

"I'm not."

"Dimitri, stop this. I know you're upset with me, but don't let that affect Lissa. Be upset with me; don't let her suffer for it. You can't let this get in the way of your duty. She's being reckless and stupid. If you don't take me, I'll go by myself."

"You're going to walk?" He asked.

"I'll drive." I said, simply.

"With what keys?" I pulled the spare he'd given me on our trip out of my pocket.

"I don't have time for this. It's easy to see I can't depend on you anymore. It's funny I had more faith in you than you deserve. I'm going." I said, turning away from him. I was already out the front door when he called after me. I kept walking, not stopping. I didn't have time for him and his childish games. Wasn't he the older one? Shouldn't I be the one throwing fits and acting like I was five?

"Rose, wait?" He asked, running out the door after me. I wasn't going to lie. It hurt me that he wasn't going to help me. He was going to let not just me, but Lissa suffer.

"No, I don't have time for waiting." I snapped at him.

"I'm going with you."

"How heroic of you to change your mind." I muttered, walking to the passenger's side of the van and getting in. I didn't say another word to him as he drove. When we reached the gates, and the guardians opened them, I started for her dorm room where I knew she was. The sun was peaking over the horizon, so most people should be asleep. Lissa wasn't. When I reached her door, I busted in, not caring about knocking.

"Rose?" She said, when she looked up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?" She asked. I walked over to the garbage can and reached in about the time Dimitri walked through the door, pulling out the bottle of pills.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you want to go back to cutting? Bleeding all over the place, feeling like you're crazy?" I demanded. I was screaming at her at this point, but I knew it wasn't completely her I was mad at. It was Dimitri. It was myself. It was Landon. It was everyone.

"You don't understand, Rose."

"No, Lissa… I don't understand. Please, make me understand, because I'm not here to protect you. I can't come running every time something is wrong. You stop taking these, and you're going to hurt yourself again, or worse." I said.

"You don't know what it's like being blocked from my magic. It would be like telling a human not to breathe. It's hard. Whether I use it all the time or not is irrelevant. I can't feel it anymore. I feel too human. I feel like I'm nothing without it, Rose. I can't take being bottled up on those things anymore." She said. I could tell by her face she was upset I'd yelled at her, but I continued in on her, regardless… taking all of my frustration out on her.

"You're being childish, and stupid. You're not letting me take care of you. This is what's best for you, Lissa." I said, holding up the bottle.

"It's not, even Adrian agree-." I cut her off.

"Who?"

"Adrian Ivashkov came to see me. He told me a lot about spirit, and convinced me that there were other ways I could deal besides those dreadful things." She said, motioning to the bottle. I should have known that boy was up to no good.

"Damn it, Lissa." I groaned. "He's impulsive and an alcoholic and he doesn't know what's good for you. He's an idiot."

"He understands." She snapped at me. I threw the bottle of pills against the wall, breaking the bottle and pills flying everywhere. I started towards her, not with the intent to hurt her, but the intent to knock some sense into her when Dimitri wrapped a strong arm around my waist and pulled me back.

"No… Let me go." I yelled.

"Dimitri, what's wrong with her?"

"She'll be fine, Princess. Just give her a minute to cool down." He said, trying to lead my outside. I kept trying to break away, but I knew it wouldn't do me any good. He was stronger than me, and I knew that. When he got me outside into the crisp morning air, I shook my head.

"She's being an idiot. Why doesn't anyone see that I'm trying to do what's best for them? Why doesn't anybody fucking listen?" I snapped, talking mostly to myself. I turned and smashed my fist against the brick building. It hurt, but it felt good all at the same time.

"She's grown. She can make her own decisions, Rose. You've got to let her."

"Her decisions are going to drive her to kill herself, Dimitri. I cannot and I will not have that. I can't lose her." I said, sharply. I threw my fist against the wall again, trying to calm myself. Dimitri finally grabbed me before I could do it again.

"Stop, Rose." He said.

"No… Just let me-." He cut me off by placing a hand over my mouth.

"You know it's not her your really angry at. It's not her you're yelling at." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"It's me. You're yelling at me. You're angry with me."

"She's just-." I started again, but he took my face in his hands and held me still.

"Rose, listen to me… You need to calm yourself."

"She's going to hurt herself again, Dimitri. She's being reckless." I snapped.

"You're being reckless. You need to get yourself back in control, Roza." He said.

"I am in control." I said, pushing him away. The best thing for him was to not be so close.

"Yes, because you pushing and screaming is completely in control." He muttered.

"Do not mock me, Dimitri."

"I'm not doing anything but stating facts." He said.

"Damn it, stop it." I screamed. I knew I wasn't in control. I started to throw another punch at the wall, when he grabbed me, and stopped me, pinning me against it.

"Stop." I screamed. I pushed him away. "I'm in control, and I don't give a fuck that you say otherwise."

"Roza…. Calm down. It's not good for people to see you like this, especially Lissa." He said.

"Don't tell me what is and isn't good. I've made a scene and a name for myself here since I was dropped off by my mother that you so buoyantly think I need to have a relationship with. No, I could really care less what anyone else here thinks. It's that simple." I snapped. I turned to go back to Lissa when he grabbed me, pulling my face to his. Not to kiss me, or anything like that, but to make his words more affective, and to let me know he meant it.

"I felt you needed a relationship with your mother, because you have no guidance in your life, other than me, Rose. I didn't want to have to feel that pressure, but it looks like now I have no choice. Rose… I did it for you, not to piss you off. I want you to listen to me… okay. It's me your mad at. Not Lissa, not your mother, not Adrian, not any of them. It's me, alright. I need you to bring yourself out of this. It's the darkness."

"It's not." I snapped.

"Roza." He said, softly, moving a piece of hair out of my face. With that one word full of so much emotion, it took all the fight from my body. I watched as his eyes traveled down my face to my lips, and back up to meet my eyes.

"Dimitri?" I murmured.

"Hey… you're okay. It's over now." He said.

"I… I lost it again, didn't I?"

"You're fine now." He said, moving a piece of hair out of my face. I just nodded. He released me, when Lissa walked out.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Nothing… I was just having a moment. I'm fine." I assured her, never taking my eyes off Dimitri.

"Rose… are you sure-." She started. I finally forced myself to turn to her.

"I'm fine… Lissa, you need to start taking that medicine again."

"I can't, Rose. I wish you understood. I really do… but nothing you can say is gonna change my mind. Being blocked from my magic is driving me insane. I'll live without it." I turned my body towards her, and took a couple steps forward. Dimitri stepped with me, but I turned to him and shook my head. He understood then that I was in control and myself again. I reached up and took her face in my hands.

"If you even think about harming yourself again… I will come here every day and shove a pill down your throat if I have too." I told her. I looked down and back up to meet her eyes. "You're all I have; Lissa… and I can't take losing you too."

"Rose, I'm not going anywhere." She promised.

"If you feel like that one more time, Lissa… I mean it." I told her. She nodded.

"Rose, I'll be fine. I can do this. I know I can do this now. I've been through it once, and I know what it's like now, and I can overcome it. I need you to believe in me." She said.

"I do. I believe in you a hundred and ten percent, Liss…. But I can't take the chance on losing you."

"I'll be fine. I promise you if I start feeling… like I did before I will start taking the medicine again. You have my word." I turned to Dimitri.

"You heard it. She gave me her word. She can't get out of it now." He nodded once.

"Rose, we probably need to be heading back." He said.

"I know." I muttered. I turned and hugged her. "You gave me your word. Remember that."

"I will, I promise."

"Make sure Christian takes care of you." I said. Her mouth fell open, causing Dimitri to cough a laugh.

"How'd you know?" She asked. I tapped my temple.

"Unfortunately, I know more than I want to know." I murmured. I kissed her forehead. "Good night Lissa."

"Bye guys." She said, as we walked away. When we got into the van, I turned to him.

"Thank you." I muttered.

"For what?"

"For bringing me and for helping me through that, back there." I said, staring out the window as the academy and Lissa disappeared from behind us.

"It wasn't a problem." He murmured. We drove in silence the rest of the way. We were about two miles from the estate, before he turned to me.

"Do you really believe that Lissa is all you have?" He asked.

"Yes."

"You're wrong. You have me…" He said. Not the way I want you. I didn't respond. The van lapsed into silence until we got back to the estate. When we walked in, I started for the stairs, sparing him one last look before he walked into his bedroom.