It was hard to stay there. Cat shifted repeatedly. Why had she called Tara? Tara was at the heart of all of her problems. Not to mention she'd told Cat that "we" would be right over. "We" had to mean Faith was coming, too. Cat couldn't handle that. She couldn't handle Faith seeing her like this. That thought got her partially upright.
No. Tara had said to kneel and wait. Cat had reached out to her. Didn't that mean Cat had made Tara her Domme for the night? Like going to the bar and picking a Dominant. Cat had given Tara the right to give that command, tonight and during their conversation earlier in the week.
She was so confused. Cat closed her eyes and tried to will her mind and emotions back under control. This was crazy. She was better than this.
"I hate it here, Faith," Cat complained. Throwing herself on her bed, she glared at the ceiling. "Why can't I come live with you?"
She didn't even need to read Faith's emotions through their bond to know that wouldn't go over well. "Little cat..." There was a wealth of impatience in Faith's mental voice. "What's got you all twisted up now? Grounded again?"
"No." Yes. Cat picked up a stuffed animal and heaved it across the room. "You just don't want to be with me," she accused, completely side stepping the real issue.
"Knock it off. Now." Faith wasn't giving an inch, and that wasn't what Cat wanted to hear. Tears burned her eyes as Faith continued. "Stop actin' like you don't know what you shoulda done at school today. You knew. And you didn't do it, did you?"
Cat rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. The tears flowed faster.
Faith's thoughts softened. "Stop with the waterworks. It ain't the end of the world. You screwed up, that's all."
"Why's everyone so mad if it isn't a big deal?" Cat hated it when Faith was mad. Which didn't make much sense considering she was always testing her boundaries with her bondmate.
"You don't need to ask, little cat. You got the answer," Faith said.
Cat wanted to lie again, but she didn't. It was far nicer to have Faith hold her close through the link than to feel her crushing disappointment. "Yeah," she mumbled. She didn't have to like knowing (or telling) the truth. "You're mad 'cause you think I know what I'm supposed to do and I don't."
God, that memory… It was one of the last Cat had before the bond broke. Fifteen years later, she still hated to disappoint Faith. And just like the day in her bedroom, Cat started to cry. Tears slipped down her cheeks and dropped onto the collar of her jacket or splashed onto her chest. She didn't bother to wipe them away. Her posture altered, shoulders dropping forward and chin settling close to her chest. The living embodiment of Cat's tangled emotions.
She was still huddled in that position when the apartment door slid open.
"I'm sorry," Cat choked out when two pairs of feet stopped just inside her field of vision.
Tara dropped to one knee and gently raised Cat's chin with her fingers. "What are you apologizing for, sweetie?" Her smile did funny things to Cat's stomach. "When you called, what did I tell you?"
Unable to hold Tara's intense gaze, Cat focused on a spot just to the left of Tara's eyes. "To come back into the apartment and kneel down. To…To wait for you."
"Exactly." One word. It was one stupid word. Yet it had Cat straightening and flushing with a sudden rush of happiness. "Cat, needing help, reaching out, following orders – there's nothing wrong with that."
It didn't feel like that. Cat had learned to stand on her own two feet. Because she had no bondmate, no Dominant, she'd never had the opportunity to lean on anyone for help. And now it grated on her pride. The happiness leeched away, replaced with sullen anger and resentment. If Faith and Tara had never come to Boston –
The thought cut off when a hand tangled in Cat's hair and wrenched her head back. Wide-eyed, she stared up at Faith, the owner of that hand. "Looks like you think T's lying, tiger. You want to tell your Dominant she don't know what she's talking about?"
Was that what Cat was doing? She was soconfused and so tired of riding an emotional rollercoaster. "No, Faith," she said softly.
Cat's tears started up again, and Faith brushed them away. "Don't, Cat. Don't cry. Let Tara help. She's real good at taking care of people. Tell her what you need." Crouching next to Tara, she examined Cat closely. "Stubborn little shit."
It was enough to get a reluctant laugh from Cat and a giggle from Tara.
"I told you to come to me if you needed anything. In fact, I made you promise not to go back to that bar," it was amazing how much loathing Tara could put into one word, "when we had our discussion. I'm so proud of you for calling tonight. I know it wasn't easy."
No. No, it hadn't been easy. It still wasn't. Cat looked at Tara helplessly.
As if sensing Cat's mental struggles, Tara leaned in and pressed a kiss to Cat's forehead. "We'll figure it out together. Your safeword is 'red,' Cat. If you say it, we stop. If you just need a break or to talk about something we do, you may use 'yellow'."
Basic words. The same words used in every club Cat had ever visited. "Yes, Ma'am," she said, falling back on habit and protocol.
"Mmm, very nice, sweetie, but don't tell me. Tell Faith. She's your Domme for tonight." Tara stood up and stepped away as Cat (and Faith) stared at her in shock. "Is there a problem, girls?" Damn it. Tara was smirking.
When Faith's hand dropped from Cat's face, Cat risked a look at her. Faith was pale and clearly uneasy. "T, I know you mentioned me switchin', but…"
Tara's answer was an imperiously raised eyebrow and a lethally quiet, "Are you deliberately questioning my order?"
Shaking her head, Faith choked out a "No, Tara."
"Then there's no problem," Tara said with a beatific smile.
"I ain't ready to do this!" Faith pointed at Cat. "You told her to call you. Not me. You're the Domme. "
This looked like a domestic dispute in the making. Cat regretted making that call more with every passing second. "I don't want to cause trouble between…"
"I'm not speaking to you at this time," Tara stated quietly. With Tara glaring at her, Cat pressed her lips together and stared at the floor. "Take care of Cat, Faith. She needs you."
More than Tara would ever know. Yet Cat didn't want Tara to push Faith too far. Faith didn't trust herself to Dominate. She'd told Cat she was afraid of what might happen. This was all wrong. "I'm sorry," she said despite Tara's previous statement. "Look, why don't I just…"
This time, it was Faith who didn't let her finish. "You got hard limits, tiger? Better tell me now." Although she spoke to Cat, her gaze never left Tara's. She'd picked up whatever gauntlet Tara had thrown.
"No. Faith, you don't have to do this. I'll be fine," Cat protested. She started to stand. It was time to end this before things got further out of hand. Her body felt leaden, and her heart… Well, that had been ripped out a long time ago. What she felt now must be the phantom ache amputees suffered. She'd send Faith and Tara back to the hotel and stick with her original plan. The bar would take care of her immediate need, and Cat would schedule an appointment with Doctor Blaylock in the morning – before Tara had a chance to report her.
A callused hand gripped her shoulder before Cat managed to get all the way upright. "You suck at followin' orders." Faith stepped into Cat's personal space as she pushed her back down to her knees. "You stay until I tell you to get up. Got it?"
There was more confidence in Faith's bearing, and Cat responded to it. "Yes, Ma'am."
That earned her a small smile. "Ma'am is sitting over there laughing at us. I'm never gonna be more than Faith."
"Yes, Faith," Cat acknowledged and then proved that she'd been paying attention. "My hard limits include watersports, blood play, or humiliation." Being stuck in a sanitarium had been enough of that for one lifetime. "And nothing that leaves permanent marks."
"Good girl, tiger." Faith's hand stroked Cat's neck in approval. "I knew you could do it."
The words and Faith's praise soaked into Cat. She dropped her eyes and felt something deep inside settle. Her attention focused solely on Faith. Faith was her Domme; she would expect Cat to please her.
Seconds passed. Faith watched Cat; Cat felt it.
Cat nearly vibrated with a desperate need to shift or look up or ask what she should do.
"Let's take this into the bedroom." Slipping one arm behind Cat's shoulders and wedging the other between Cat's thighs and butt, Faith lifted Cat into her arms.
It was a natural move for Cat to tuck her head beneath Faith's chin and nuzzle the soft skin of her throat. She was home. Bond or not, Faith's memory of Cat or not, this was home. Cat sucked in a shuddering breath and slipped deeper into subspace. She felt warm and a little fuzzy, safe and cherished.
Faith cradled her close, and Cat relished the rise and fall of Faith's chest against her side. "Where to, tiger?"
"Door on the left," Cat answered immediately.
Muscles bunched and released as Faith strode smoothly down the short hallway. Cat listened to her firm steps and Tara's lighter tread on the hardwoods. Although there were no lights on the in the room, Faith didn't hesitate. She continued to the bed and gently sat Cat down on the mattress.
"Someone's got way too many clothes on." Deft hands unlaced and removed Cat's boots and unbuttoned Cat's leather pants.
Light flared on the other side of the bed. Cat blinked against the muted glare before searching the room. Tara sat across the room in Cat's tattered recliner while Faith… Faith stood only inches away from Cat. When she saw Cat watching, Faith bent close. Closer, until she could drag her lips across Cat's. With one swift tug, Faith yanked Cat's pants over her hips and out from beneath her butt. They slid down her legs more slowly. Faith followed their movement with nips and kisses, and Cat forgot how to breathe.
So good. It felt so good. Cat lifted one leg and wrapped it partially around Faith's hip.
The kisses stopped immediately, and Faith lifted her head to calmly stare at Cat.
The message was crystal clear. "Sorry, Faith." Cat dropped her foot back to the floor and shivered as Faith rewarded her obedience with a sharp nip on the inside of her right thigh. Cat jerked and gripped the comforter tight enough to possibly shred it.
When Cat's pants were all the way off, Faith made quick work of Cat's vest. The way her eyes turned dark chocolate when she saw Cat's desire-hardened nipples drove Cat's arousal higher.
She squirmed and arched her back more. Pushing her breasts out, Cat taunted Faith.
The plan didn't turn out the way she'd planned. Faith stepped back and crossed her arms. "You sure you want to play tonight, tiger?"
Cat flushed. Busted. "Yes, Faith. I'm sorry." She sounded like a broken record. Why couldn't she let go? Simply enjoy the moment? She'd never had a problem finding the right headspace until…until Faith had shown up. Cat's emotions didn't make sense. This was Faith. At eight, she'd known she belonged to Faith; she'd accepted Faith's control (with more grace on some days than others). Now, though, Cat realized she didn't know how to truly submit any more.
"You think too much." Faith had moved closer without Cat noticing. "We're gonna help you turn your brain off. This ain't about thinking. It's about feeling. That's it. That's all you got to do. My job is to make sure what you feel is what you need." She ran her hands up and down Cat's arms lightly. So lightly that Cat was torn between laughing at the almost-tickle and sighing in pleasure. Faith watched for her reaction and then moved her hands with startling speed to Cat's breasts. Her callused fingers suddenly pinched and twisted Cat's nipples until she cried out. "Felt that, didn't you?" Her smile was all cocky Dominant.
Panting, Cat managed a nod. Hell, yes, she'd felt that. Her nipples throbbed in time with her heart. So did her clit.
"Time to teach you a few more things, tiger. Scoot up closer to the headboard," Faith ordered. As Cat scrambled gracelessly backward, Faith retrieved a backpack that Tara had been carrying. She rummaged around and finally pulled out a leather pony blinder. "Maybe not bein' able to see will keep you from worrying about what's comin' next."
The fleece-lined leather blindfold slipped over Cat's head. It was a tight fit, thanks to the elastic strap – and it completely cut off Cat's sight. Not even a hint of light slipped underneath.
Cat froze, her heart rate kicking up. She strained to hear Faith. At first, she couldn't hear anything except her own panting breaths. After a minute, though, she picked out more rustling nearby. The rip of Velcro separating.
A second later, Faith picked up Cat's left wrist and wrapped it with something stiff yet soft. Cat's jerk was instinctive. Being blind left her vulnerable; she didn't like not knowing. Without thinking, she reached for Faith though their bond. She needed to know Faith was there. What she was feeling.
There was nothing there!
Now Cat yanked against Faith's grip on her arm; except, Faith had already released Cat's wrist and was stroking her arm and shoulder. "Easy, tiger. You didn't mention bondage was a trigger."
It wasn't. "I'm fine," Cat said. She couldn't really admit that she'd freaked because she couldn't feel Faith in their bond.
"Don't lie." A sharp slap on Cat's thigh punished the untruth.
The spot burned for a moment then settled into a mild tingle. "I'm not. I mean I won't," Cat stuttered. "Cuffs," she'd known what Faith had wrapped around her wrist once she stopped panicking, "don't bother me. I like them." Absolutely true.
She felt Faith move away. Imagined her standing at the side of the bed observing
The minutes passed.
What was Faith doing? Was she going to call this off? Did she think Cat was still lying? Why wasn't Faith doing anything?
And suddenly, Cat realized what was happening.
"You didn't hurt me, Faith." Faith had told her the other night that she was afraid of losing control. That she didn't have what it took to be a Dominant. "I didn't…I couldn't…" Damn it. Cat couldn't very well say she'd tried to reach for Faith through their bond. "You stopped talking, and I didn't know where you were. I need to hear you, Faith. Please just talk to me. Please, Faith." With the blindfold cutting off her sight, hearing Faith's voice in the darkness would be just like listening to Faith through the bond. Cat could pretend they were still linked.
But that wouldn't happen if Faith was too afraid. "I know you won't hurt me, Faith," she repeated. "I trust you to take care of me."
"I'm a Slayer." It must mean something to Faith, but Cat didn't understand. "I wouldn't mean to hurt you…"
Ah. Cat put the pieces together. "You wouldn't hurt me unless that's what I needed." This Faith was so different than the strong, impatient, completely controlling Faith she'd once known. "I trust you to take care of me," she said one more time before relaxing back on the bed and holding out her right wrist.
Faith took the proffered wrist, already cuffed thanks to the Red Cuff Cat wore, and clipped it to its mate on Cat's other wrist. "You're beautiful, tiger." Cat's bound hands were carefully placed on the bed above her head. "Noticed you right away, when you ran into the conference room and almost threw the coffee on the floor." Adding cuffs to Cat's ankles took less time even though Faith changed the final step and clipped them to the metal rings in the footboard of Cat's bed.
"And tonight…tonight you're mine, aren't you?" Faith asked.
"Yes, Faith." Tonight. Tomorrow. Always. Cat knew she'd never be able to walk away from her broken bond with Faith now.
She heard something heavy drop to the floor. Then the sound of a zipper. More things hitting the floor. Probably Faith's clothing. The bed dipped near Cat's left side and then Faith ran her mouth and hands slowly over Cat's body. Licking, tasting, nipping.
Fifteen years of fantasies, and yet Cat could never have imagined feeling like she did right now as Faith caressed her so gently and lovingly. The heat and intensity were unbearable and wonderful. That it was Faith behind the kisses… Cat floated on sensation.
Her skin grew sensitive. She shuddered with each new touch.
Without warning, something cold and sharp prickled her stomach. Cat cried out and tensed. Just as quickly as it appeared, the pain was gone. Different hands, more confident and less callused, massaged Cat's calves and feet.
"New rules, tiger." Faith had straddled Cat's stomach, leaning forward so that they were pressed tightly together. Her breath heated Cat's ear as she whispered, "You want me to talk to you, I got you covered. But I want you to give up something in return. My price? Your voice. Not," her teeth raked the skin below Cat's ear, "one sound unless you safeword."
There was no way. Cat knew she'd never be able to stay quiet. Not with Faith and Tara touching her.
"Nod if you understand," Faith ordered.
Of course, Cat nodded. She did understand Faith's politely worded command. She just didn't agree with it. Taking a deep breath and clenching her jaw, Cat vowed to do her very best to meet Faith's expectations. No noise. Period.
Faith noticed her brace and chuckled. "You get all tense like that when you go to the bar?"
"No, Faith," Cat answered immediately and then flushed in shame. She managed to bite back the automatic apology for breaking the rules within half a second of hearing them.
"Still not following orders," Faith didn't sound surprised, only disappointed.
Cat's head turned away in response.
Rustling, probably from Tara's backpack, filled the room. Cat's breathing quickened. What was Faith going to do? What had she brought? A tendril of fear tightened Cat's muscles and prodded her to pull on the ties binding her ankles to the bed. Faith's lack of comment wasn't helping with her frame of mind.
A light jingle prefaced Faith's return. "Tonight's goal was to help you feel, tiger. Feel instead of think. Stop thinking." She pinched and tugged on Cat's left nipple until it grew hard from the attention. "From now on, you're going to feel." A clamp closed on the same nipple and Cat risked destroying her molars holding in a cry of pain and surprise. Faith played with the nipple clamp and the pressure backed off slightly.
Cat panted and enjoyed the balloon of arousal as it merged with and then eclipsed the pain. She was still basking in the glow when Faith treated her right nipple to the same treatment. The bed seemed to drop away, and Faith's voice echoed strangely in Cat's consciousness when she began talking again.
"There you go. Now you got the idea." Faith flicked one of the clamps and waited until Cat stopped writhing in response. "Long as you keep following the rules, all the 'feeling' will be good." Cat felt her shift on the bed. "Where were we?" More pinpricks of pain ran along Cat's arm. Her chest. More lightly over her breasts just above the clamps. "Mmm, much better, tiger."
Faith's voice whispered encouragement and praise as the pinpricks were replaced with the slap and burn of leather on Cat's chest. The blows stung more than hurt. They marched from beneath her collarbone to the crest of Cat's breasts, avoiding the clamped nipples, on both sides. The tops of Cat's thighs were targets, too. Her skin heated to the level of a mild sunburn.
Cat, though, heated more. Her mind fell away as the leather completed its first pass and started over. Smooth, rhythmic. It pulled Cat with it into a new place in her head.
When slender fingers stroked through the slick folds of Cat's labia, it was an extension of the burgeoning warmth. Her hips rose to follow the fingers as they played a counterpoint to the leather. Stroke, up into the leather. Down, stroke, up into the leather. Through it all, Faith's voice was there in the background providing an anchor for Cat to cling to. As long as Faith's voice was there, Cat would be safe in her subspace. That voice praised and teased, encouraged and taunted.
By the time Faith started the fourth circuit with the leather, Cat hovered on the edge. Her body shook with fine tremors and her head tossed restlessly. She did not, however, utter a sound. Locked into a world where only feelings mattered, she felt free to let go. To let the now-sharper blows push her closer and closer to explosive pleasure.
Each strike of the leather increased in force and the fingers delved deeper and faster. Now the need for silence was a struggle. Cat arched and twisted in her bonds. Her hands fisted until her biceps burned. She couldn't... With a wordless shout, Cat broke under the bubble of pleasure. The leather was replaced with tender hands and kisses, and a kiss caressed her swollen and tender clit. Aided by those hands and lips, Cat collapsed back onto the bed and sucked in much-needed oxygen.
"Beautiful, tiger. So fucking beautiful," Faith whispered in a tight, rough voice. She and Tara removed the cuffs on Cat's wrists and ankles as well as the blindfold. Then Faith lifted Cat off the bed so Tara could pull down the comforter and sheets.
Cat was so tired, emotionally and physically drained. Her mind was blissfully blank. Closing her eyes, she let a strong pair of arms pull her close as a body snuggled up to her back. Another body slipped in front of her and arranged Cat's head onto a soft chest.