The next few days passed in a dull haze. Dimitri said it was probably better off that we practice in the gym now. He said I needed to be around people, instead of secluding myself. In reality, Landon and Dimitri were the only two people I really ever saw. Except for the occasional Glenn, who normally left bleeding or screaming. Now, we practiced in a room full of people, but even then… I'd never felt so alone. Everyone around me seemed oblivious to the dark shadow that seemed to be hanging over my head. Dimitri saw it, but that was only because he knew me better than the rest of them did. My performance was horrible in training now. It was like every move I made, everything I did… all I kept thinking was 'that wasn't a good enough move to save him'. Dimitri noticed how horrible I'd gotten, but he never said anything. He'd just take me down, and get right back up, and we'd start all over again. It was Friday, that Dimitri called me to his room a few hours after practice for a phone call I didn't want to receive. I walked into his room, expecting a heart to heart about how I needed to pull through this for Lissa, but that wasn't what I got. When I walked in, he had a somber look on his face.

"Hey… you wanted to see me?" I asked.

"There's someone that would like to talk to you." He motioned to the cell phone in his hand.

"Who?" He looked down, and back up at me.

"Landon's grandparents."

"What? Why would they-." He shook his head.

"Rose, they just want to talk to you. I think it'll be good for you." He told me.

"There you go, thinking what is and isn't good for me again."I muttered. He sighed.

"It'll be good for them too, and think of how it'd make Landon feel." He told me. He would pull that card on me. It made me want to punch him in the face. I finally took the phone and hit the unmute button.

"Hello?"

"Rosemarie?" I heard from the other end. The person sounded like they'd been crying, and automatically my body stiffened.

"I go by Rose, but yes ma'am, that's me."

"Hello darling, my names Valerie. I'm Landon's grandmother." She murmured.

"How are you doing, ma'am?"

"We're…. we're pushing through. It's all we can do. How are you darling? I know you're going through a tough time with this." She said.

"Yes ma'am." I told her.

"Sweetheart, it isn't your fault that this happened to him. I hope you know that." She said. I heard her take a deep shaky breath.

"I can't help but feel like it was. I feel like I could have done more, I could have given myself up. I wouldn't ever wish this on him. He was an amazing person, and he didn't deserve this." I told her.

"Honey, I would never ask that of you, and you know Landon wouldn't have either." She said.

"I know he wouldn't have. If he just would have listened to me. I could have handled it, and none of this would have happened. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Valerie." I told her.

"Honey… it'll be okay. I don't blame you for this, and he wouldn't either." She said.

"I know." I murmured.

"The reason I called, is I wanted to ask you if you would like to come to the ceremony we're having for him. Guardian Belikov said he could get you here if you wanted to come…. And it would mean a lot to him, and to us. We'd like to meet you. We've heard a lot about you."

"Really? Landon told you about me?" I asked, tears were filling my eyes now.

"He did. He really liked you."

"I know he did." I murmured, choking back the tears.

"So will you come? Please?" She asked. I knew I couldn't turn her down, no matter how bad I wanted too.

"I'll be there… when is it?" I asked.

"Sunday afternoon." She told me. I took a deep breath.

"I'll be there. Thank you for inviting me." I said.

"We'll see you then, darling." She said, before hanging up. I removed the phone from my ear, and stood there.

"Rose, you alright?" I sat down on the side of his bed.

"How am I supposed to get through something like that?" I asked him.

"You're strong… You can do it." He assured me. "You said you wouldn't be able to make it through the darkness either, but look at you. You're doing fine."

"This is different." I snapped at him. "These people… they're his family. I was someone who just stumbled into his life, but these people… they've watched him grow up, knew him from childhood. How am I supposed to go here, and remember him when I'm the reason-."

"You are not the reason for anything, Rose. Stop it… Even his grandmother said it wasn't your fault." He told me.

"It's never my fault." I screamed. "That's all I ever hear, from you, from Lissa, from Adrian, from everyone. 'It isn't your fault, Rose. You didn't want him to die. You didn't mean to do it'. That's all I ever hear from any of you, and you're wrong. When are you ever going to let me take the blame for something?"

"Rose… I just-." I shook my head.

"I was the last one to see him. The last one he spoke to. How am I supposed to go to this, where these people haven't seen him, heard from him in months, maybe years when I was the last one?" I asked, tears finally streaming down my face. He closed the distance between us, and pulled me into his arms. I buried my head into his chest, and squeezed him tight. He ran his hands through my hair, and just held me, murmuring little things in my ear, about how strong I was, and how amazing, and how I could make it through anything. When I pulled away from him, I frowned.

"I got tears on your shirt." He chuckled.

"It'll live, I'm sure." He said. I smiled slightly, as he wiped the tears from my face. "You're not going to be alone, Roza. I'm going with you and so is Guardian Young. We'll get you through it."

"Thank you." I said. I looked up at him, meeting his deep brown eyes full of concern for me. I quickly looked away, and stepped back. "I should probably go. I'll see you later." I told him.

"Wait… I was just-."

"What?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Nothing… I forgot what I was going to say." He murmured. I just nodded.

"Okay." I said, before I walked out of his room. I started towards the stairs, when I looked down the hallway. I frowned, remembering all the times I'd be walking towards the stairs as he was coming down the hallway. I turned and walked down the hallway and to his room. I opened the door to find everything exactly the way it was the last time I was in here. I frowned, as his familiar smell hit me. I walked over, and sat down on his bed. I ran my fingers over the comforter, remembering the nights I'd stayed in here to take care of him, or stayed in here to keep my mind off something else. I sighed knowing that I'd never have that luxury again. It was a hard thing to come to terms with. I looked around, fighting back the tears threatening to leave my eyes. It was then on his nightstand I saw a large leather book. I walked over and picked it up to realize it was his journal. I wanted to open it, but knew it was an invasion of privacy. Plus, I was scared of what I might find. He's dead Rose, what does it matter anymore? My heart lurched at the thought, but regardless, I opened it. The first line of the first page broke my heart. 'Mom and dad have been dead for three weeks now, and I don't know what the fuck to do.' I read it, and I almost broke down.

"You're with them now." I whispered to myself. That soothed me enough to turn the page. I flipped to the back, knowing all of the front would be heart wrenching memories of losing his parents. When I saw my name for the first time, I stopped. 'I remember seeing her get on the bus thinking, god… she's beautiful. I talked to her today, and she's amazing. I guessed she would be. Her names Rose. Gorgeous name, of course. I think I could get used to talking to her.' I sat there, staring at the page. I didn't know how to continue reading. He thought so much of me from the moment he laid eyes on me, and in the beginning, I'd barely given him a second glance. I closed the book and laid it back on his nightstand and laid back on his bed, closing my eyes. I'd done some pretty shitty things in my 17 years of living, but I'd never felt more horrible about myself then I did in this moment. It wasn't long before I realized, I'd fallen asleep. I'd been woken up by the sound of footsteps coming towards the room. I sat up, and saw the door open, and found Dimitri standing there.

"I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I've been here." I said, my voice thick with sleep. I cleared my throat, and winced at the pain.

"I was worried. I thought you'd left." I shook my head. "Are you okay? What are you doing in here?"

"Hoping for some guidance of some sort." I murmured.

"You look really rough, Rose."

"I'll be fine. I just need some sleep. I'm gonna go shower, and head to bed." I said, standing up. He nodded.

"If you need me, you know where I am." He said, before giving me one last look. He finally turned and left. I looked around the room, knowing they'd clean everything out and give it to his grandparents. I scooped up his journal, and took it to my room. There wasn't any telling how long they'd take to get this stuff to them. I wanted to give this to her personally. I took it with me as I went upstairs to my own room. I laid it on my nightstand, and laid down. I thought about reading it, but decided against it. It wasn't mine to read. I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.

I felt like the next day passed in a haze, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to get ready for a funeral. I found my only black dress, and put it on with some leggings to make it look less slutty. It was my little black dress, what could I say? I did my hair and make-up, and grabbed his journal. I walked downstairs, to find Dimitri standing in the main room. I smiled.

"Hey…" I said. He was dressed in solid black as well. He looked amazing, not that I'd ever admit that out loud. He had his hair gelled back, and pulled into a pony tail like normal.

"You look nice." He said. I nodded once.

"Thanks." I told him. Guardian Young came out a few minutes later, nodding at both of us.

"You ready? We have a good drive ahead of us." Guardian Young said.

"Yeah, we're ready." Dimitri said, as I nodded. I followed them out to the van, and got in. Not much was said on the ride there. We stopped a few times, to use the restroom or to get something to snack on. Guardian Young wasn't lying when he said it was a long drive. When we finally arrived, the parking lot was filled with cars. Automatically my heart broke out into a sprint, and I wanted to dive out of the van, and run. We all unloaded, and I stood there, staring at the door. Guardian Young went on in, while I stood outside by the van.

"Dimitri, I can't do this."

"Rose, you can do this. I'm gonna be right beside you. I'll get you through this." He took my hand and squeezed it in his own.

"You promise?" I whispered, feebly. He nodded.

"I promise." He said. I nodded. He offered me his arm, and I took it as he escorted me in. There were people everywhere, all faces I didn't know, but faces that seemed vaguely familiar. I realized they all had a similar feature to Landon, because they were all his family. I frowned. It was then, I saw someone spot me from across the room. She was old, and looked frail, but there was a brightness about her. Even in these hard times, she smiled as she approached me. I knew this would be my breaking point. I thought I was prepared for it, but I wasn't.

"From what I've heard, you must be Rose." I nodded once. She pulled me in for a hug. "It's so nice to meet you. I see why Landon took such a liking to you. You're beautiful."

"Thank you." I said, my voice breaking. She took my hand.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm hanging in there, and you?" I asked her.

"Same… it's all I can do, I suppose." She said. She turned and spotted someone and grabbed them. He was an old man, who it was easy to see was her husband, Landon's grandfather.

"Darling, this is Rosemarie." He stared at me for a second, as if he didn't know what to do. I wouldn't either if I knew someone was the last person to see my grandson or daughter before they died.

"I'm so happy you could make it." He said, shaking my hand. I smiled.

"Thank you for having me."

"If you'll excuse me." He said, walking off. I would never admit it, but having him walk away like that stung more than it should have. If anything, I knew he blamed me. That was good. Someone believed the way I did. She paraded me around, and introduced me to everyone as Landon's girlfriend. At one point, I would have cared and rejected it, but now… I knew it didn't matter, so I let everyone go with it. Plus, if anything… I was pretty close to being his girlfriend. It would have been a lie, but nonetheless. Dimitri stayed close in tow. Finally she asked why he was following us. I told her he was my mentor, and my moral support. I did nothing but cry all day for the most part. People I didn't know came up and hugged me, and told me how sorry they were. People who were related to him, people who'd known him longer than I had, and they were treating me like his widow. I felt like I couldn't breathe, so when no one was looking, I slipped out the back door. I stared up into the sky, taking deep shallow breaths. I felt like I was dying. I heard the back door open, and turned to find Dimitri. He smiled.

"I was wondering where you went."

"Running, like always." I whispered. He shook his head.

"Stop it, Roza. You aren't always running."

"I want to leave." I said.

"We can't leave yet. The ceremony hasn't even begun."

"Dimitri, they're going to ask me to speak, and I'm not going to be able to do it. Not with how guilty I feel, I wouldn't be able to make it through that." I told him.

"You can make it through anything. I believe in you."

"You have too much faith in me." I said. He shook his head.

"The faith I have in you is well deserved. I've seen you at your worst and best, and I know you can get through this." He told me. I looked down, and realized he was right. I'd come all this way, and I had to finish this. I told him I had something in the van I wanted to give to her and walked out front to grab it. When I spotted her inside, she smiled.

"I was wondering where you ran off." She told me.

"I was in Landon's room last night, and I found this. I know that they're going to get all of his stuff to you, but I figured I should bring this to you. It's his journal." I said. She looked down at it in my hands, and I watched a tear roll down her withered face. She shook her head.

"No… If anything, you should have it. Landon's been through a lot and I'm sure there's a lot he didn't tell you about. This way, you'll know. Plus, I know there's a lot more about you in there then there is about me. I think you should take it." I just stared at her.

"You… you're sure?"

"I'm positive. I insist." She said. I just nodded and held it to my chest. I couldn't explain how bad I didn't want to part with it, so it was a relief when she said I could have it.

"Thank you." I whispered. She nodded. I put the journal safely back in the van, and went back inside. The ceremony started not long after that and everyone got up and spoke. Finally, it was my turn, but I honestly didn't know what to say. I wasn't ever good with crowd speeches. Those were Lissa.

"Landon was probably one of the sweetest people I'd ever met. When I got to the estate, everyone resented me because of my past. I'll admit, I was a little bit of a trouble maker, but he didn't care. He befriended me regardless of the things I'd done. He was pretty much all I've had throughout the last month and a half. I knew if I ever needed a friend or someone to talk to, he was just right down the hall." My eyes landed on Dimitri, who was staring at me intently. I found courage in him, and kept my eyes on him as I spoke. "If there was something, anything I could do to take back what happened, or change it. I would. I would have given myself up in exchange to have him safe and alive. He was great, and had so much potential. He didn't deserve this, and after meeting all of you, none of you deserved to lose him. I'm so sorry this happened to him, and there was nothing I could do. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened, but he was one of my favorite people, and he will always be." Tears were streaming down my face, and I was having trouble breathing. "I'm sorry." I murmured, before running for the front door. I saw Valerie get up, but I heard Dimitri say he'd go after me. She must have sat down, because I didn't hear anyone else approach. I ran out the front door, and kept running. I didn't stop when I got outside. I kept running. I heard Dimitri calling my name, but I didn't stop. He finally caught up to me, and grabbed my arm, yanking me to a stop.

"Roza…" He said, out of breath.

"Just let me go… please. I don't want to be here… I didn't want to come here, because I knew this would happen. I was perfectly content loathing myself in the safety of my room at the estate. Then I had to come here, and share how much I hated myself for what happened to all of his family.

"You're right. I shouldn't have made you come to this." He said, softly. He reached up and touched my cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. "Look at me." I looked up and met his gaze, getting lost in the soft pools of chocolate that were his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked this of you. I knew you'd feel obligated to come." I shook my head.

"I… I didn't mean that. I just-." I took a deep breath. He pressed his lips against my forehead, and left them there for a few moments. It calmed me enough to where I could talk. "I needed to be here for this. I was the last one to see him. It was my obligation to be here."

"You didn't have to come though. I went about making decisions for you, when I know you hate that." He told me.

"It's not a big deal." I murmured. "I'm just glad it's over."

"I know… it's over now. You don't have to talk anymore, or worry about it anymore." He pulled me into his arms, and held me close. I reveled in being close to him. When we pulled away, we remained only inches apart.

"Thank you for everything… for being here for me." I murmured.

"It's part of my job." He said.

"Even if it wasn't, you'd still do it." I said, without a hint of doubt in my voice.

"You're right… I would." He said.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You're strong… you'd manage." He told me. I shook my head.

"I don't think I would."

"You would… You're strong enough to do anything you set your mind too. It makes you fierce. It's also one of the reasons I love you." He said. The moment the words left his mouth, I was positive I hadn't heard him right. He automatically looked away from me, knowing what he'd said might or might not upset me.

"I'm sorry… what?" He took a deep breath.

"It's one of the reasons I love you." He repeated, fear in his voice this time. I stood there, not sure what to say. This weird silence fell over us, but finally he broke it. "Now, would be the time to say something."

"I… I don't know what to say." I murmured.

"I can deny up and down that I feel something for you, but I do. I can pretend that seeing you in pain or upset doesn't bother me, but it does. I can pretend that I don't love you, but I do. I can't deny it anymore. Regardless of how you feel about me, I love you Rose. I just needed you to know that." I coughed a laugh through the steady stream of tears.

"And you felt now was a good time to tell me?"

"Now was good a time as any." He said. I sighed. I looked down and back up to meet his eyes. I realized now why lying to Landon hurt so bad. I was letting him distract me from things I didn't want to feel for Dimitri. When our eyes met for the second time, he cupped my face in his hands, his fingers like feathers on my skin. "Rose…" He murmured. I knew where this was going. He was warning me, letting me know if this wasn't something I wanted, that I had the opportunity to say no. My brain was screaming at me to move, but my heart was screaming at me not to, so I didn't. When his lips met mine, I realized I'd made the better decision. No matter how shitty I felt about Landon's death, and about me using him as a distraction… Dimitri was always where I wanted to be. My heart had already figured out what my head didn't want to accept. I reached up and cupped his face, pulling away. We stood there, staring into each other's eyes for along moment, before he frowned.

"That was un-."

"Called for? Yes… but it made me feel better." I said. He smiled slightly, as I stepped back.

"We should probably be getting back. They're probably worried." I nodded, and followed him back towards the building the ceremony was taking place in. Before we got there, I called after him.

"Yes?" He asked, turning back to me. I started to say that I loved him too. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I did what Dimitri normally did.

"Nevermind… I forgot what I was going to say." I murmured. He smiled slightly, and nodded. I think he knew where I wanted to go with that, but I didn't.