Chapter 26
I felt a tickle under my nose. It started wiggling uncontrollably. Normally, I slept like the dead. Chief Charlie had been know to douse me with water to wake me up for school, but this morning was eerily different and my room stunk.
My face was twitching like crazy, as the stinky object kept attacking my nostril. I refused to open my eyes. That would be admitting defeat. That's when I felt soft skin kiss the tip of my nose.
"What the hell!" I sat up immediately, the sheets unwinding from my body, and I head butted the kid.
He clutched his head and held out a red rose. With a look of pain, he forced a smile. "Good morning, beautiful lady."
I sneezed. "What are you doing here?"
"Your dad let me in to surprise you!" He waved his arm to the florist shop that now took up residence in my bedroom. "Do you like it?"
I scowled and sneezed again. "My allergies are overjoyed."
I sneezed again and Baseball Boy started to stare in awe. I looked down in a panic. He was seeing me in my usual sleeping attire.
Sure my daily uniform is covering. I'm one step away from Nanook of the North. Except at night. I was prone to sweating profusely when I slept, so tank top and underwear it is. Unfortunately, I was so tired from the kid's ill planned musical declaration, I didn't wear my full coverage Granny panties. Instead, I was wearing some skimpy, polka dotted torture device my clueless mother sent me for Easter.
The kid liked them too much.
"Oh sweet mother of fuck, Ed! Little Swan has a fine body!" The giant stood with a grin that I wanted to punch. "Hey Ed, you might want to send Woody back to Toy Story before Officer Daddy sends it to the wood chipper."
I dove under the covers. In a muffled voice, I demanded, "Go away."
"I lo...adore you!" The kid announced.
"Go away."
I was sure this day was going to get worse. It was already off to a spectacularly awful start.