A/N: Wooo, I know it's been forever guys and I'm super duper sorry. I've had a lot of stuff going on lately and I haven't been home alot. I've had a bunch to deal with in school and stuff too, so I've just been uber busy. Plus, I had to update the Advice column a little too. Anyway, I'm back, and we're rolling again. Remember to review, and let me know whatcha think. ;)

It had been a week since Landon's death. A week since I'd watched a boy I considered to be my best friend get staked in the back, and I'd helped. It'd been tough but I'd pushed through, regardless. I started training again. This time, I didn't hold back. I trained harder than I'd ever trained in my life. I was going to make sure before I left here to go back to St. Vladimir's that I was ready for anything, and could take any strigoi out with ease. There wouldn't be another Landon incident. I was making sure of that. I trained harder and longer than I ever had before. Every day, I trained for an extra three hours, leaving me exhausted. Most of my days consisted of waking up, training, eating, showering, and sleeping. I'd become addicted to training. It wasn't necessarily that I enjoyed it, but I knew it had to be done, for the sake of Lissa, and for my own sanity. Dimitri knew I was pushing myself to the limit. He knew I was straining myself and my body during training. I'd never pushed myself so hard in anything… ever. After about four hours of training on Friday, I'd worn myself into the ground. Dimitri called to me before I walked inside.

"Hey Rose, can I talk to you for a second?" He asked. I'd noticed how rigid he'd become. Our relationship had gone back to strictly mentor and student. I didn't think he liked that very much. I turned and nodded.

"Yeah, what's up?" I asked, walking back over to where he was standing. He sat down on the sidewalk and looked up at me.

"What are you doing, Rose?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing?" I asked him. His question confused me.

"Rose, you're going to end up killing yourself if you keep training like this."

"What do you mean, I'm busting my ass. I'm trying to be a good guardian, why would you-."

"Look at yourself Rose, you look horrible. You're covered in bruises from all the training you've been doing. You look like you've lost a lot of weight. You're going to end up hurting yourself." He told me. I rolled my eyes.

"Being a guardian doesn't come without sacrifice." I snapped at him.

"Rose, if you keep this up, you won't make it to being a guardian. You'll be in the hospital." He said. I sighed.

"Dimitri, I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about." I said. He stood up, anger clear on his face. He grabbed my arm and I winced. He moved the sleeves of my long sleeve shirt, to reveal the bruises from the extensive training I'd been forcing myself through. He reached down, and lifted the brim of my shirt revealing my black and blue stomach. He let his fingers trace across the blue patches and frowned. His fingers caused goosebumps to rise on my skin. I laid my hand over his and slowly pulled it away from my skin and pulling my shirt down. He didn't let go of my hand though.

"It's my fault. I knew what you were doing. I should have stopped this." He told me. I shook my head.

"I'm trying to be the best I can be Dimitri." I said.

"No, you're going to run yourself into the ground trying to be something that only comes with time. Rose, you've got almost another month here. I'm not going to let you leave without knowing you're ready. You don't have to put your body through this."

"You don't understand, and I don't expect you to… I just need too-." He cut me off.

"You're being reckless and I can't have you hurt, Rose. I just can't."

"I'm fine, and I'll be fine. I'll heal. It doesn't even hurt." I lied. He reached forward and touched my stomach, causing me to wince.

"Rose…" He said.

"I'm fine. I don't need you to baby me."

"Well, right now you're acting like a child." He said. I felt like he'd hit me.

"Who are you now? My mother? Gonna tell me to grow up? Act my age?" I asked, rage filling me.

"Rose, don't do-."

"No, it's fine. Really." I said, turning to walk away.

"Rose, don't walk away." I didn't say anything, I kept walking. I heard his footfalls like he was running and he stopped in front of me, cutting me off. "Roza, I'm trying to help you. I hate seeing you like this. I know what it is you're trying to do, because I've been here. In the exact some place you are now."

"You have?" I murmured.

"When Ivan died, who do you think I blamed? Myself… if I'd have been there, I could have protected him. I then launched myself into the most hardcore training sessions I'd ever witnessed because I wanted to be better. I didn't want to take the chance of someone else dying on my account. I didn't need more blood on my hands. I ran myself into the ground, Rose. I'm not going to let the same thing happen to you. I blamed myself for Ivan's death even though everyone said it wasn't my fault, and you're doing the same with Landon. You've got to let go, and move on… but not like this. I won't let you do this to yourself."

"I don't know what else to do anymore." I said, looking away. He pulled my face back to look at him.

"All this energy and all this guilt that's driving you to do this…. You have to put it into something else, something that isn't going to wear you down like this, or hurt you."

"What am I going to do? Write a book? Knit? This is all I know Dimitri." I said, motioning to the mats and the track.

"But you don't have to do it like this. Rose, go look in the mirror and tell me what you honestly see. A guardian, or a broken girl?"

"I am not… nor will I ever be broken, Dimitri. No one can break me… I'm a Hathaway. It doesn't work that way." I said.

"You can only stay together so long, and endure so much before you break…. Remember that." He said. I growled and narrowed my eyes at him before I turned around and walked away. I walked upstairs and into my room slamming the door hard. It helped ease some of the anger I was feeling. I went into the bathroom, and got a shower and threw my hair up. As I walked past the mirror, I stopped… Dimitri words echoed through my head. Do I really see a broken girl, or a guardian? The broken look I'd seen in my eyes after Landon's death had faded, but now… it was back. It was different this time though. It was more haunting than it was guilt. It was sadness, a feeling of being so alone that I've never seen in anyone's eyes before. It was scary. I suddenly felt horrible for the way I'd acted to Dimitri. He'd been right about everything, like he so often was. I sighed. I put on a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top, and headed downstairs. When I reached his room, I knocked softly. It was possible he was asleep, because the house was silent. He opened the door wearing nothing but a pair of cotton sleep pants.

"Rose? What is it?" He asked. The moment he spoke, a tear leaked down my cheek.

"You were right." I whispered.

"About what?"

"I am broken." I murmured. I then stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me into his room, and shut the door behind him. He walked me over to the chair in the corner and sat me down, knelling down in front of me.

"What are you talking about?"

"You asked me earlier, when I looked in the mirror if I saw a guardian, or just a broken girl. I am the broken girl, Dimitri. You were right. I've lost all connection to what I once was. I was strong, beautiful. I was fierce and didn't back down from anything…. But now… now I'm nothing. I'm useless." I said, shaking my head.

"No… no, you're not useless. Roza, you are amazing." He told me.

"I'm not. I was once so confident, and so proud of myself. I was the girl to beat, always. Now, I've just let life beat me." I whispered, defeated. He took my face in his hands, and met my eyes.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, you are perfect. You are beautiful and strong-willed. Sometimes you drive me insane with how hard-headed you are, but you are so amazing. You really have no idea how strong you are. How strong you keep me." He told me. I shook my head and stood up, walking away from him. I couldn't bare him telling me all these things when I didn't believe any of them.

"You're wrong. You have too much faith in me. I'm not any of those things." I said. I stood with my back to him, facing his window. I heard his foot falls slowly close in behind me. With each step he took, the tension grew more and more until he was right behind me. I felt his breathing get closer and closer to my skin until his lips lingered on the side of my neck. He pressed a kiss to the side of my neck, moving his lips down my neck to my collar bone, pressing another kiss there.

"No, you're wrong. You're beautiful, Roza. You're so beautiful it hurts me. It makes my body ache knowing how much I want you and can't have you, because you are strong, you are beautiful, and you're an incredible woman who I'd do anything for." He murmured.

"Dimitri…" I almost moaned. I turned slowly to face him. I knew it was a bad move, but right now… I needed this, and more than anything, I needed him. The moment his eyes met mine, he placed a hand on my neck, playing with my hair. I leaned forward, and the moment our lips met… everything else melted away. All the pain I was in, all the suffering I'd been going through, it just vanished, like everything had been perfect from the very start. He turned me, and pushed me back a step, causing me to fall back on his bed. I knew where this was going, but I needed this. I needed him. He fell over me, so I grabbed him, scooting back on his bed and pulled him with me. He knotted his fingers into my hair, as his lips moved perfectly in sync with mine. Any other night I would have objected to this, but tonight… I needed him. I needed to feel some kind of emotion other than the brokenness I was feeling, and this was it. I ran my hands through his long thick hair, clutching it in my hands. He ran his hand underneath my shirt, letting his fingers trace my skin where the bruising was. He ran his hands up my body, pushing the shirt up along with it, until he pulled it off over my head. He looked down at the bruises, and frowned.

"Roza…" He whispered. I shook my head.

"I'm okay. It'll heal. I'm strong, remember?" I said, before touching his face. He moved down my body, before his face lingered over my stomach. I knew where this was going, and I knew it was going to end badly, but I couldn't force myself to make him stop. He leaned down, never taking his eyes off mine, and pressed a kiss to the darkest set of bruises. I strangled a slight moan, before he pressed more lush kisses to my skin. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed him, pulling him back up to me, pressing my lips to his again, knotting one hand into his hair, running the other down the smooth skin of his chest. I could see where this was going, but I couldn't force myself to stop. I knew how wrong this was, I knew how much trouble I could get into, how much trouble I could get him into. That was like a cold bucket of water being thrown on me. If anyone ever found out about this, I'd never become a guardian, and Dimitri would be put in jail, his guardian status revoked, and all for what? A fling with a novice who was a few months shy of being eighteen. I pushed him away, and sat up, dazed and confused from the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

"What? Did I?"

"We shouldn't be doing this." I murmured, my voice very monotone. What we should be doing, and what I wanted were two opposite things.

"What are you-? I thought-." He started, but didn't know how to finish. He finally gave up.

"It isn't you… It's…Dimitri; I can't do this and take the risk of you getting into trouble."

"I'm not worried about getting-." He started, moving back towards me as if to kiss me again. I placed my hand against his lips, shaking my head.

"If anyone finds out about us, about this… I'll never become a guardian, and your guardianship will be evoked and you'll be put in jail. Dimitri, that isn't something I want for you."

"It's a chance I'm willing to take." He said, defiantly.

"But I'm not… I'll never forgive myself if I get you into that kind of trouble." I murmured, trying to get out of his bed. "This was wrong of me… and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, please. Don't pretend like this isn't what you want." He said, grabbing my hand as my feet hit the floor.

"What I want and what I should do are two different things, Dimitri. You need to realize that too."

"I know the difference between right and wrong, Rose. I've just spent far too long doing what was right, and not listening to my heart. I'm listening now, and all it wants is you." He told me.

"We can't do this. We can't be anymore than mentor and student. I was stupid to come here, to let this happen again. I'm only making this harder for you, and I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." He yelled at me. I jumped as his voice boomed off his bedroom walls. I'd never heard him yell like that before. "I love you, Rosemarie Hathaway. I don't care what other people see as right and wrong. I've never felt this way about anyone ever, and if they could honestly understand… they'd know that this was right. What we have is something special, Roza. It's something that no one can take away."

"Dimitri, don't do this… just let it go." I begged. He made it harder for me than he'd ever realize.

"I won't. I've told you before… I won't let this go."

"And I'll tell you again… you'll only end up being disappointed." I whispered. His hand fell from my arm, as he sat on his bed. The look of hurt in his eyes broke my heart. I knew if I didn't leave now, I'd curl myself up in his bed by his side and never leave him. I had to be strong. I had to do what was right, and I knew this was it…. Was it? I didn't really know anymore. My perception of right and wrong were a little foggy these days. With each step I took towards his door, I felt another piece of my heart break. By the time I took two steps out the door, there was nothing left.