Criminals!
Shakespeare used "The Fool" the point out the truth. Ryhogo Narita used "The Fools" to bring out laughs. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on other copyrighted fiction that I don't know. Durarara! is owned by Aniplex, Brains base, and Ryho-chan.
Even in modern Japan, thieves can ruin the fortunes and lives of innocent men. Their pitiless greed taints the city with suffering. Even worse, these ruthless criminals know no holiday, and will even try to crash the day dedicated to love and peace. Well, most thieves would.
On Valentine's Day today, a notorious duo of thieves invaded Ikebukuro, Japan. Wanted in 15 different countries, their skill in robbery was simply unparalleled. What kind of misery and havoc were they planning to release today?
"Yo Isaac!" shouted an American lady wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants.
"Waddup Miria!" responded an elegant British man walking beside her wearing similar gangster clothes.
"I've been thinking. If today's Valentine's Day, we shouldn't be going around stealing from the couples should we?" continued the lady, giving up her gangster voice.
The British man followed by returning to his classy voice as well, "That's right! There's no good in spoiling the love is there?"
"But Isaac, if all the rich people have dates today, how do we find people to rob?"
"Don't worry Miria! I've already spotted the rich single man we seek!"
"Rich and single!? The man must be evil!"
"You've hit it spot on Miria! The lonely fellow's always walking about in spot clean suits, only to bully some poor biker girls and pick fights with sushi chefs! Which makes him rich, single, and evil!"
"Oh my!"
"Since its Valentine's day, I say we rob him, Miria. Take the wealth he probably got illegitimately anyway, and give it to the couples!"
"We'd practically be Saints!"
"Speaking of Saints, do you know how Valentine's Day started?"
"Nope! Not a clue!"
"There was once a man named Valentinus who was born in Rome on Feb 19 sometime during the time of Christ. He was a rich man, and he married a lady by the name of Valentina, who was also rich and born on Feb 19. But, since they were Saints, they gave their riches away to couples around the world! Later, the Roman citizens made a holiday in their honor, and called it Valentine's day since they was too lazy to write down both of their names!"
"Wow! Where did you learn that?"
"A smart phone told me yesterday! I think her name was Siri. She knows everything and works at that big silver apple store that's always out of apples."
"Then it must be telling the truth!"
"Exactly Miria! And since mommy told us to be like Saints, we should follow the Valentines' example and give to the couples!"
"And the only way we can do that is to steal from that rich guy!"
"Let's go!"
Shizuo Heiwajima was heading to the movies right after his conversation with Shinra, and was in a terrible mood. He swore to himself to destroy the next person who tried to bother him. It would give him some good stress relief. But nobody would be stupid enough to approach him in this state.
However, just as he thought that, an unusually classy thug came swaggering towards him, saying something along the lines of, "Yo, yo, yo. Waddup bro! Why don't you have a date today dog? Lemme fight you son!" Perfect, thought the bodyguard, a chance to brighten up. Grinning, he charged at the man, still swaggering about, and aimed a perfect punch straight up his gut.
But the thug avoided this punch with unbelievable skill, causing Shizuo to lose his balance and fall flat on his face, breaking his sunglasses in the process. The blond man recovered immediately and looked back, only to see another thug, a woman actually, throw something at him. Before he could figure out what it was though, the object exploded in his face, clouding his vision and stifling his breath. Using this distraction, the merry thugs ran away, congratulating each other enthusiastically.
Shizuo Heiwajima was in a terrible mood. In the last 24 hours he had lost 3 fights to a love crazed girl, a pacifist sushi chef, and a classy pair of thugs, broken his favorite pair of sunglasses, scratched up his bartender suit, been disgraced by a pale nerdy underground doctor, and learned that his least favorite person in the world was here to bother him.
"See Miria? That bartender would pick a fight with anyone! Did you see how fast that punch was?"
"Didn't we sort of talk mean to him to piss him off though? "
"What do you mean Miria? All modern kids talk like that! At least they did in New York…"
"Oh yes! How silly of me! By the way, what was in the man's pockets?"
"These!"
The Englishman flashed a skinny wallet and a cell phone.
"Is there a lot of money?"
"Noooope. This wallet only contains 42 yen, a train pass, and a movie ticket to "Love Train 1931"!"
"Then does that mean he has yakuza contacts on his cell?"
"Nope. Only to his doctor, his boss, and some girl named Celty."
"Is that his girlfriend? I thought that he was single!"
"What!? How can such a terrible person have a girlfriend?"
"Maybe he has pictures of her!"
The American girl snatched up the phone, but immediately dropped it after opening the camera app. It contained 5 pictures of Kasuka and 3 of Celty.
"Oh lord! Isaac! These pictures are blackmail quality!"
"5 not so good looking pictures of a popular actor and 3 of that biker chick he was beating up last night! Miria, we need to report this to the police immediately!"
"Isaac! Don't you remember that we're on the Interpol 10 most wanted list? We can't go to the police!"
"Don't you worry my dear! When was the last time my costumes failed to trick them cops, eh!?"
"Last week in Shanghai…"
"Umm… This can only mean that the man keeps his stash o' cash in his home! Lets go!"
"Oh, Isaac. You are so smart!"
To be Continued
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