WARNING: If you do not current have tissues in your hand, you will need them. I did.

I know at lunch this time around Glimmer is going to freak the fuck out on me and I bet she's going to try to fight me, but I am way too strong for her dumbass to come at me.

But when I walk into the cafeteria, I know things are going to be way different. She's using words, not physical. "I hate you." She says. "You're so ugly. You are a skank. You are a whore and a cunt and a prick and a fuckard and the only reason you are so fucking skinny is because you starve yourself because you have an eating disorder. You were that damn sweatshirt to cover up the cuts on your wrists because you are way too weak to handle your emotions."

Oh my god I feel like I've been stabbed fifty times over. I sit down at my table and put my head down and fight the tears, because she's right about everything except me throwing up my meals. "Ladies and gentlemen." The principle says over the intercom. "I would like to announce the people that made the teams. Let's start with the football team." I don't move my head, but I hear the cafeteria call silent except for the few people whispering about who they hope wins. "Okay." He says. He starts listing people and pauses for at least a minute for everyone to celebrate. "Defense," he pauses. "Finnick Odair."

One of Finnick's best friends, Johanna Mason gets up on the table and starts screaming fuck yeah!

I look up. "Quarterback…" I hear a long pause and I think it' because the principle is in shock. "Peeta Mellark."

"FUCK PEET!" Marvel starts clapping Peeta on the back. He has been quarterback for the past three years, but this time he isn't, and he isn't being a sore loser about it.

"And lastly, offense, Marvel Richardson."

Cheers again. "Now for the cheerleaders." He starts listing a bunch of girls. Johanna Mason always makes the team and her name doesn't get mentioned. Glimmer though, she's always the captain but her name gets mentioned.

And she isn't the captain.

Johanna looks bored, picking at her meatloaf next to Finn's girlfriend, Annie Cresta. "And lastly, our captain is Johanna Mason."

Johanna Mason looks up in susprise. "The fuck?" she asks, and then she starts laughing and she gets on the table and opens her arms wide. "That's fright! Gimme love bitches!"

"But we have a problem." The principle says. "We are short one member for the cheerleading team. If anyone has someone to recommend, please come and see me. Everyone recommended will be pulled out of the crowd in seventh period today when the football and cheerleading teams are practicing so they can try out. No exceptions." He gets off the intercom.

Peeta looks at me and elbows Marvel and says something, who elbows Finn, who taps Annie, who elbows Johanna, who looks at me. I see her eyes narrow slightly. Then she stands up.

Fuck, she better not be coming over here. I look down at my book quickly.

Sure enough, she sits down loudly next to me. "Your brother says your pretty kick ass at gymnastics."

"Eh…" I shrug.

"He said your instructor said you could be in the Olympics."

"Yeah…"

She gets up and walks away without a word. "Katniss Everdeen." The principle says. I look up at the sound of my name. "You have been nominated to join the team."

Johanna looks at me and takes her seat across the cafeteria again. Peeta stands up suddenly and says something.

Gosh, why do I keep looking over there?

I look down at my book, and a minute later, Peeta sits down on my left and Finn sits on my right and then everyone in the football team and the cheerleading team are sitting at my loner table, except for Glimmer. I look up at Peeta. "I'm going to make you come out of your shell." He says.

"I'm not joining the cheerleading team."

"You won't have a choice if I choose you." Johanna says. "Stop being a pussy."

I'm sick and tired of people saying shit at me. I slam my hand down on the table and stand up. "Stop being a bitch!"

She stands up too, and slams her hand down on the table, and then she narrows her eyes and smirks. "You're pretty awesome Everdeen." She takes her seat again, and I look at her in confusion. "But I have to ask." She looks at me. "Do you wear that sweatshirt because you like it or because Glimmer's a cunt?"

"She wears it because Glimmers a cunt!" Finn says, and he said it loud enough to grab Glimmer's attention.

"Do you have clothes for tryouts?" Johanna asks, changing the subject. "I can lend you some."

"I've got some in my gym locker." I reply.

….a….

When there is football practice and cheerleading practice during school, it's considered a prep rally and everyone in the whole school goes. It's always during seventh period. I was instructed by Mrs. Hannaford, the cheerleading coach, to get ready for tryouts, so I'm in a white tank top and black spandex and my blue and green Nikes. This is the first time anyone has seen me. I put in the contacts so I don't destroy my glasses.

So far, all the girls are terrible.

"Last up, Katniss Everdeen," Mrs. H says into her megaphone, and he looks annoyed like she knows she will never get someone for the team that is good enough to get them to championships. I walk out onto the field, and everyone looks at me. "Put your hair up." she says. I band over and put it up in a high bun like how I wear it when I'm in gymnastics. She looks at me for a moment. "Just try and impress me." She runs her hands over her face. The football team is watch us, sitting in the field.

I look around. The whole stadium is staring at me in shock.

All I have is the ground. I don't have a beam or a vault.

I guess I'm doing a floor routine.

How the hell does she want me to do this? What does she want me to do?

"Are you going to do something?" she snaps.

"I don't know what you want me to do."

"Can you do a cartwheel?"

"Yes."

"Do it." I do it.

"Do a handstand." She looks bored to death. I do it. "Is that all you can do?"

"No."

Finn comes walking over and whispers something and Mrs. H's ear, and her eyes get all wide. "You are a level ten in gymnastics?"

"Yes."

"Well, do a floor routine or something! An aerial. Do something to impress me."

"Like what?"

She pinches the bridge of her nose. "Alright, let's say you are a competition, and the school is the audience, but the cheerleading team is your judges. You are on the floor. Do a floor routine."

"Um…" I pause. "Okay."

I don't know what she wants me to do.

"Or…" she pauses. "Are you better on beam?"

"Um…it doesn't really matter, actually."

"Okay well do something. I'm getting bored." Johanna says.

"Okay."

"Do you need me to spot you?" Johanna asks.

I laugh actually. "No."

"Okay."

So I turn towards the empty part of the football field and take my shoes off. I shut my eyes for a moment. I break into a run with my eyes still shut, and open them just as my hands hit the grass and I start doing round off backhand spring double full twist. I hear gasps from everyone and then they all start cheering, and then I do backward aerials all the way back to the cheerleading team.

Glimmer looks furious. She's standing next to Coach H, who looks overjoyed. Johanna is staring at me in shock.

"You look like you are just getting warmed up." She says.

I shrug. "That's because I am." I reply.

"She can't be on the team! She's a skank!" Glimmer says, and Coach H looks at her.

"Glimmer I've had it with you and the bullying! You are off the team!"

….s….

I had cheerleading practice afterschool, and Peeta and Finn had to stay last, so I have to walk to twenty miles home, in the dark, by myself.

And I think I'm being followed.

Sure enough, I look over my shoulder and see Glimmer.

"You are such a skank. I hate you. You're a whore. You are a fucking asshole. You deserve to die. You need to die. I want you to die. Go kill yourself. Go cut yourself so deep that you bleed to death. I hope you burn in hell."

Oh my god, I think I'm going to cry. Why is she saying these things?

"You need to die. I fucking hate you so damn much. You should DIE!" she pushes me into the street, and I almost get hit by a car, but I scramble out of the way and keep walking.

Ignore her. "I fucking HATE YOU! You made my boyfriend turn against me! You are worthless! I want to watch you die. You are so fucking ugly that you make someone ugly look radiant. You need to DIE!" she shoves me into the street again and I scramble out of the way from the car. "You are the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I would give anything to watch you die. I would pay any amount of money. When you kill yourself, I'm going to feel so proud, because I will know it will be because of me. I want you to fucking die. I hate you and everything about you. Your Mom killed herself to get away from you. Your stepmom left because she hates you. Finnick doesn't talk to you because he hates you. Marvel and Peeta only go near you to be by Finnick. Your Dad hates you, and I bet one day he will put you up for adoption. You aren't loved by anyone and I can't wait until the day that you die because the days I don't have to see your slutty face are the best day of my life!" I'm crying now, but my head is down and my hood is up so she can't tell. "When you aren't at school tomorrow, I am going to be so thankful; you whore, because I'll know you ended it!"

She turns around and walks away just as I start up my driveway. The house is dark.

Maybe I will end it. It's the perfect time to do it.

I am worthless and ugly and I know I'm not loved by anyone. I hear sirens off in the distance and they get louder, and for some reason, I panic and grab a knife from the kitchen and a bottle of sleeping pill from the bathroom. Peeta and Finn pulling into the driveway with Dad behind them, and Marvel is here and Peeta's family, and there are cops swarming outside.

Maybe someone saw Glimmer and knew something was going to happen to me, and that's why there is police here.

I open my window and manage to shut it and run out back forest just as people start coming in the house. I unplug the extension cord and run away with it, so nobody can find me.

Nobody knows about my secret hiding place, so this is where my body will stay, and I won't be found, and I won't be missed. I'm just a burden, and Dad doesn't love me. Mom killed herself because of me, and Finn doesn't talk to me because he doesn't love me, and nobody loves me and I'm just unwanted. I'm invisible. I'm not noticed unless it's so someone can be mean to me. My feelings are invisible. Nobody understands my pain. I've been trying to find my place for so long, but I'm different, and nobody likes different.

Nobody loves me. Nobody understands. There's nobody I can trust.

I can't trust anyone because nobody understands.

I'm afraid of myself and of being different.

I wish, god, I wish it was just sticks and stones, but it's not, because words are like knifes.

I'm tired of the labels.

I will never feel happiness. I will never feel pleased. I will never feel myself.

Even if I did get help, I wouldn't be better.

This life is a joke. I'm a joke.

I'm going to do it this time, and I know I won't stop. I've thought about it before, but I never brought myself to do it.

But this time is different.