Sleepy, Sleepy Scythes
Hello Readers!
Thank you for waiting for this late update! The reason for the delay is... I'll tell you later. I don't like opening Author's notes remember? Make sure to comment and leave criticism! Follows and Favorites are awesome as well!
DISCLAIMER: Masaomi Kida's stupidness my wear off onto you if you stay on this page for too long. And I don't own Durarara!
He was alive. That was nice… he guessed.
Shizuo Heiwajima stood up, brushing off his battered bartender suit. Today was a terrible day, but at least he was alive. Taking out a cigarette, he wondered what had actually happened to him. Looking at his watch, he noticed that it was 12:05, or 2 hours or so after he had been scythed.
What was that scythe? Obviously it didn't kill him, hurt him seriously, or knock him out for a significant amount of time. Hell, it didn't hurt him at all. But then again, it could be some alien technology, like memory wiping, or personality changing or something. Nobody would notice if that happened right?
The bodyguard walked away feeling smart. Right, Celty and aliens. Makes total sense right?
At this moment, he saw a few yellow-specked objects flying toward his direction. They looked like… UFO's? His eyes had not adjusted yet and he couldn't tell. All he knew was that they were getting bigger, and making a louder noise as time passed. That meant… it was a flying object getting closer right? Like the Doppler effect! Something from highschool physics actually came in handy!
Shizuo snapped his fingers as he understood. It felt nice to be intellige- OUFGHA! #
The bodyguard's thought train was stopped abruptly as he was crushed by Morisuke and his gang.
Today was a terrible… ouch.
Namie stood still. Did Izaya just…
"Namie-san!"
"Yes! Yes! What was that!?"
The information broker's face suddenly lit up,
"Did you just say yes!? Thank you! Lets go!"
Izaya took the scientist's hand and started running toward Sunshine.
"Wait… Whaaaaa~"
Why was this happening…
10 minutes earlier,
"N-Namie san… um, would you go on a date with me?"
The scientist stood up as well, still dazed from the… embarrassment.
"Huh, what?"
"I-I mean… Today's um. Valentine's Day, and um. We're good friends and… Sunshine's close by!"
"I don't know what you…"
"Come on! I-It won't be awkward. cuz. um. Everybody knows the movie theater. um thing and…"
The informant then stepped toward her and collected himself.
"I'm not saying this as the sly information broker, or the 'god of Ikebukuro', or even the Shizuo Heiwajima fighter. As one man, as Orihara Izaya, would you go on a date with me to Sunshine!"
Namie stood still, in a state of confusion. Did Izaya just… impersonate the marriage proposal scene from that crappy TV drama on last night?
"Namie-san!"
"Yes! Yes! What was that?"
The scientist nodded silently as she realized that she had agreed to go on a date with Izaya. But it did seem that he was different from the man she hated and plotted to kill on a daily basis. Maybe this could work out well… it did on TV yesterday! (Although that show had an angry ex-boyfriend try to kidnap the girl as the main action scene that explained everything...)
Masaomi shrunk back as the Black Rider faced the students again. She typed,
{Where were we? Oh yes, what are your plans today?"}
All three students murmured something unintelligible. Celty became confused,
{What's wrong? Why are you panicking? Do you not have plans?}
Mikado somehow collected the courage to speak,
"Well… you did just send 5 or so gangsters flying over at least two buildings."
The Dullahan stomped,
{Goddam those Yellow scarfed people! Do you guys happen to know who the leader is? I want to deal with him/her personally.}
The students shrunk back further as they violently shook their heads. Masaomi's face turned a very light shade of blue.
{Anyway… I need to search for my boyfriend. Do you guys know where he is?}
Tensions seemed to fall as the conversation returned to the previous topic. All three of the students told her that they didn't have the slightest idea where he could be. Masaomi spoke up, idiotic courage somehow returning.
"But then, if you're searching for your boyfriend, does that mean that you're on a date with him?"
{Yes. got a problem?}
The blond looked straight into the Dullahan's visor and spoke,
"Yeah. your clothes. They look like shit. Not exactly what you wear on a date you know?"
His friends cringed in horror as they thought they saw the outlines of a scythe forming again in the shadows.
"Welcome to our prideful abode!"
"Make yourself comfort able!"
The couple yelled as they kicked the doctor into a very cramped apartment. It was filled with various clothes, costumes, and assorted trinkets that all somehow seemed out of place. There was absolutely no theme to the place, as even the age of the clutter seemed to vary widely. For example, a vintage 70's style stereo system sat next to a shining new MacBook. There were bookshelves packed full of various books as well, with everything from archaic leather-bound Russian masterpieces to light novels, to friggin coloring books all arranged neatly… in absolutely no order.
"What the heck… Who are you guys."
The bartender suited man waltzed over and handed him a glass of water.
"I told you! I'm Isaac Dian,"
"And I'm Miria Harvent!"
"We're professional thieves."
Shinra coughed on his drink. This all made sense… and yet it didn't. Weren't thieves… like… poor, dirty, fat, unpleasant, middle aged… etc.?
"We steal to bring happiness to others see?"
"And to ourselves too!"
"I bet you can't name anything we haven't stolen in our long successful young careers!"
"We're simply non paralleled!"
The doctor looked questioningly at them. They were at most in their early 30's. No way their careers were anything near long… Also, what was with their awkward expressions!? Expressions… expressionism… art… museum…hmm
"Have you stolen… a museum piece of art?"
The girl named Miria dug up an old painting from behind some clutter,
"Original Leonardo Da Vinci fresco of the Virgin Mary and the child Christ! Straight from Italy too ya know?"
It looked surprisingly real, but forging was easy these days. Shinra needed to think of something better…
"Museum… doors!"
The man named Isaac flicked an old Black/White Polaroid photo toward him. It showed the two wrapped in mummy tape carrying… a door. Geez.
"A millionaire's entire inheritance!"
Miria threw a newspaper scrap toward him. It said,
"July 14th 1932. GENOARD FAMILY INHERITANCE STOLEN IN THE NIGHT. Witness tells of 'an eccentric couple'"
Jesus! Wait… that can't be true… Screw it, he was going for the impossible now, something that nobody in the entire world could steal and get away with.
"Heiwajima Shizuo's cell phone and wallet!"
The bartender suited Isaac pulled out the two items and tossed them toward him grinning. The doctor could only stare in disbelief as those items that he knew too well lay solidly on the table.
"I tooooold you son! There's absolutely nothing we haven't stolen! We even took Mr. Heiwajima's style!"
"You can never beat us!"
Holy Crap. This was a BIG deal. Then does that mean that those bartender suits came from… oh no.
Masaomi just stood defiantly,
"I'm not going to sugarcoat it, even if you are the monster who just single handedly pwned 5 of my gang members - not that I want to take responsibility for those delinquent scum anyway - but if you want to go on a date with someone, you need to dress well, and not in friggin Picasso Cubism crap."
Just leave it to this guy to become dead serious about dating huh? Mikado watched in genuine fear to see what the Headless rider would do to him. He had heard exciting things about the treatment of the Red Gloves from Kanra-san on the Internet. Surprisingly though, the Dullahan seemed to take it silently, calming the Dollars leader's concern. Although… there was a small part of him that did want to see Masaomi get what he deserved.
{Okay… I guess I don't have a good sense of fashion. I just picked up all the clothes that I thought were cool from my closet… What should I do?}
The blond kid smiled as he beckoned his friends to help him.
"Now we're talkin'. First I need to know who your boyfriend is."
Where Masaomi's confidence rose from was one of the large wonders of the world… Oh to think that this confidence would probably only lead to another disaster!
{Shinra.}
"Who?"
{Shinra Kishitani. You know. Your doctor.}
"Wait really? Like that labcoat maniac?"
{yes. got a problem?}
The blond student dropped on the ground howling in laughter.
"Hold up! You. the black rider. Are in a relationship with friggin nerdy pervy man! You've got be kidding heeeeeeeEEE!"
His voice suddenly rose a couple octaves as the shadow scythe suddenly landed a hair's width from his throat. Trusting his animal instincts, Masaomi then quickly jumped up and started to run, as his laughter wasn't going to calm down anytime soon.
Thus another chase was started as Celty Sturluson chased down the second stupid blond kid who had ticked her off today.
Heiwajima Shizuo was having a slightly less terrible day.
He had been able to let go his pent up anger on some poser gangster mob, and was now mostly free of stress. He had decided that the best thing for him to do now was to try to apologize to Celty, and then to return home before causing any more trouble. Maybe he would eat some cake and then watch some TV at the Kishitani-house, as the residents would be busy until late at night. They'd let him stay right?
Thus he was formulating his peaceful plan when suddenly he heard explosive laughter approaching his way. Looking left, he saw Masaomi Kida sprint toward him stumbling in glee as a furious ball of shadow chased after him.
In a flash, the gang leader student jumped off some wall and hid neatly behind the bodyguard. Shizuo had no time to react to this as the next second, a scythe blade and PDA were jammed in his face.
{Why are you already awake!? This scythe usually works for 12 hours you know!}
The bodyguard raised his eyebrows in amusement as the Dullahan seemed to care more about him than the mischievous looking student behind him.
"I don't know! Ask Dr. Shinra with his genius scientific crap. But I do want to apologize about what happened—"
{GODDAMMIT STOP INSULTING SHINRA!}
Shizuo's jaw dropped in surprise, as he started to reply,
"That was definitely not an insult! It is by far the best thing I've ever called him!"
Which was true.
But that didn't matter since the response was cut off as the scythe hit his head... again.
Nope, Heiwajima Shizuo's day still sucked.
The Headless Dullahan then faced Masaomi, hid her scythe, and started to punch him ruthlessly. The student objected loudly,
"Whoa, whoa! Why does the violent adult get the silent spell of slumber while I, the innocent child, get superhuman lashings!? Shouldn't it be the opposite!?"
He then muttered under his breath,
"Well that is unless you have a secret violent fetish for said child~."
The scene practically exploded with the Dullahan's indescribable surge of anger. If this all landed on Masaomi alone, it would have definitely finished him for good.
However, a stronger force prevented her from carrying through with her deed. A strange feeling of icy coldness and sharp pain pricked at Celty's back. Looking back, the Dullahan saw 5 red-eyed figures pointing various blades onto her. The center figure, Anri, spoke coldly,
"I'm sorry Celty-san, but I need you to get off my friend. Although you can say that he deserves the punishment you will upon him, we will not allow you to attack him like this. And you do know that we have the power to hurt you… right?"
The mellow student's eyes suddenly opened up into wide scarlet rings as her katana seemed to shimmer in cruel laughter.
"Heeeeeeyyyyyy Dotachiiiiiiiiin! Did ya see the Dollars' admin message today?"
Erika groaned in boredom as she flipped through her iPhone messages. The gang leader responded as he also checked his mail on his (insert name of 2 generation old bulky smartphone).
"Yeah, just now. The one about slashers right?"
Walker joined in while flashing his Sanyo flip phone. (Japanese flip phones are very capable…)
"Hundreds are saying that they're keeping an eye out. Should we?"
Kyohei responded,
"We'll do the best we can… Let's mind our own business first though."
"Like whaaaaat? Do we have a job todaaaaaay?"
"Yeah, -ish. Dr. Kishitani lost his girlfriend and he asked us to look for her."
"Kay! Who is she again?"
"The headless rider."
A small silence filled the van… similar to the calm before a bomb blast.
"Oh yeah… WAIT REALLY!?"
"Haven't I told you already…"
"Oh… yes. Yes you did… Just Karisawa-san and I were too preoccupied in switching our ringtones to—"
"SHUDDUP!"
The noisy van kept swerving about Ikebukuro in this way for a while. Suddenly, Saburo yelped, triggering reactions from the rest,
"Togusacchi! Did you see it? The Black Rider?"
"Togusa! What did you see? Dangerous stuff?"
"Is it the slashers!?"
A few tense seconds of silence followed before Saburo breathed his response,
"T-That's Ruri Hijiribe!"
In a dark and private corner of Shibuya, Tokyo, a dark mannered man stared intently at his matte black smartphone, a dark grin floating delicately on his dark face. He seemed to be satisfied at whatever he was doing, and proceeded to put his phone away while humming a peaceful tune.
Suddenly though, all equilibrium was shattered as the man slapped his thigh and started to laugh in a loud sloppy voice. This man, Ran Izumii, was in a crazy good mood.
"Hehehehe! Everything is playing RIGHT into my hands! Just change a few colors, and no one blinks an eye… Think up some random reason, and even that informant's on my side! Ha! Now there's really only one thing left to do, huh."
"And what would that be?"
"Glad that you asked! It is to recruit Heiwajima Shizu… wait… who am I talking to?"
The gangster wheeled around to face a cute teenage girl. Normally, this should mean that there was a minor inconvenience and no real danger. However, this girl happened to have a prominent scar on her neck… and a Glock pistol in her hand.
"N-Nobody should know about-"
"That's right Mr. Izumii. There is no one here. No one except you… and me!"
A menacing click echoed through the area as Harima Mika let out a joyful giggle.
To Be Continued.
Major shout out to JamMan265 for PMing me and thus making me update sooner. If you readers whine, I will update sooner.
Another major shout out to Misaki Haninozuka for steering my story back on track. Out Of Character-ness was starting to creep in. And that is never good. (Original Characters exist for that purpose)
As for the delay, major workload increases and Quality Control prevent me from frequent updates. I know it is annoying, but it is far better than rushed, story breaking, boring updates right? Quality over Speed... or something like that. I'll keep up as much as I can though. This is my most popular work by far! Which makes me curious why nobody reads my other Medical stuff. I like those over this story personally. Anyway!
So, how did you like this update? Too many art references? Too little? Masaomi is too stupid? Leave comments and wait for the next update~~ (Which would be more focused on one epic event, rather than blinking chaos)
I really like comments you know? If you are a regular please comment. Even if it is just 'cool' or 'sucks' or other monosyllable.