Chapter 46
The Salvation Army had slim pickings. I wrinkled my nose at the garish formal wear Trailer Trash Barbie pulled out. They were ghastly.
Instead of offending my eyes, dove into my cart of cheap goods. I had no need for a scrapped up fry pan, but it might be needed to fend off the Cheerleader of Evil.
Teeny Tiny Dictator went into my cart. She pulled out the oversized bowling shirt that I found on aisle 6. She sniffed it and looked ill. "Why do you need a XXXL bowling shirt?"
"It says Big Al and its the Twin Peaks Adult Emporium team. How can I not buy this and wear it to school tomorrow?" I stroked the blue and silver polyester shirt. It was hideous brilliance. "Actually, do you want it? It says Al. It can be your name tag shirt. I'm sure Bob Marley needs help remembering your name."
"He can't even remember his own, girl." Kate was snickering in the corner. "This is great!"
She held up an apron. It had a plate of brownies covered in illustrated pot leaves on it and the tag line read, The High Life. It was, of course, tie-dyed.
"I'm sure Teeth will love it, Mary Jane," I stated and wiggled my eyebrows.
"Damn," she muttered and put it back. Truth be told, Teeth would just smile and hug her if she wore it. Like Baseball Boy acted towards me, Teeth thought Kate walked on water. She was trying to be good for him. See him through clear eyes. Sucker.
I wonder if my kid wanted me to get him this Forks Junior League baseball cap? I threw it the cart.
"I see some wonderful dresses!" Boobs announced. She was so positive that I wanted to put her in a polyester grandma sweatshirt with kittens all over it. If she could find something nice to say about it I would cut her some slack. Actually, I wouldn't. I hated her around my kid.
Dictator looked at the light pink taffeta in horror. I had a similar thought, but refused to make a disgusted face. That would take effort. She looked at Trailer Trash Barbie. "Are you sure we can't go to the bridal mall, Rose?"
"Nope." The girl chomped on her gum. "I think it's classy."
Yes. It was classy on prom night in 1986, when the big banged girl who wore it lost her virginity to Lionel Richie's Hello. I couldn't stop a shudder.
"Look there's enough for everybody! Boobs called out happily. "They only cost a dollar!"
Damn you, Boobs.
"I also found you a dress, Rosie!" She shouted, pulling out a lace and bead monstrosity. There were some questionable yellow stains on the white fabric.
Trailer Trash clapped in glee and I watched in amusement.
This might be fun after all.