AN: Fun fact...I was a theater major in college.

Chapter 50

The two groups faced off in the school parking lot. I felt like I was in a bad community theater production of West Side Story. I couldn't figure if our side was The Sharks or The Jets. Unfortunately, I had the starring role of Maria and my singing voice was as melodic as a dying mongoose.

Tanya, that megalomaniacal cheerleader was surrounded by the cheer squad and the ice hockey team. It seems they had a beef with the boys who played baseball.

Baseball Boy was running his hand through his hair and tightly holding his foam finger. An assortment baseball players, chess club members and the drama production cast of Hello Dolly wandered around him in a tizzy.

I stood whistling the score to America.

I noticed James Taylor sitting on the hood of his car on the sidelines. "I'm surprised you don't want to be in the middle of this, James Taylor. Serenade us with your mad harmonica skills."

"Swan, this is the best entertainment Forks had all year." James Taylor started to eat a lollipop.

Random.

Tanya started to tap her bright pink foam finger on her hand. "Winner gets Bella Swan."

"I won't fight you, Tanya. I don't hit girls." My kid tried to smile kindly. "This is so silly. Bella is my girlfriend. Let's just all be friends! We can go to the diner and have milkshakes. They make the best chocolate milkshakes! It will be fun!"

He was so sweet. It was sickening. It made me want to kiss him.

"I will beat the pretty out of you, Edward Cullen," Tanya announced with a sneer.

That was taking things way too far. No one smacks the pretty out of my man.

"Denali, Mistress of all that is delusional, I will never be your woman. You aren't a nice person. If you were a nice lesbian and I didn't have my kid around, then you might be an option. Unfortunately, you're a bossy, horrible individual that makes it her mission to terrorize the school. Get it through your thick skull that I will never like you in any way."

I hated making speeches and speaking more than one word. She was making me make an effort. It was a pain.

Her face twisted in rage. It wasn't her most attractive look. She screamed, "This is your fault, Cullen! You poisoned her against me!"

I swear that girl never listens to a word that comes out of my mouth.

With an Amazonian battle cry that could be most closely described as ear splitting, Tanya and her foam finger of fury started banging my poor kid.

He let out a decidedly feminine squeal and tried to run away. He dropped his foam finger and tried to hide behind Emmett who was laughing so hard that he fell to the ground.

The rest of the crowd watched dumbfounded. I don't think they knew what to expect exactly. I grabbed my kid's discarded finger and stood in front of him to protect him from Tanya.

"Get out of the way! You better listen to me!" She screamed. My ears started ringing.

I started to sing, The Jet Song.

"You are a terrible singer!" Tanya shouted. "Never mind, your singing voice isn't worth the effort. Jessica, come! At least, you can hold a damn tune."

Tanya's love affair with me was over with a song.

"I think you sing like the angels," My kid stated.

"The Angels baseball team?" I wondered. "I think they might make a much better chorus."

"You saved me!" Baseball Boy went down on one knee. In front of half of Fork's High School. "Will you marry me?"

"No."

"I'll wear you down."

"I'm sure." I pulled him up. "Let's get those milkshakes."

The next day, my singing was on YouTube. Damn you, Tanya Denali.