AN: Hee Hee.

Chapter 51

Trailer Trash Barbie wanted a bachelorette party.

She wanted me to plan it.

This was an epically stupid decision on her part.

I plopped down a bag of Doritos, a box of Teddy Grahams and a bottle of RC Cola onto the patio table. Only the best for Trailer and the rest of the gang.

At least I wiped off the old patio table and chairs. Somewhat. There was some green mold that wouldn't rub off. I'm sure it wasn't toxic.

"Are you kidding me? Bella, this is all you did?" Teeny Tiny Dictator was on a rampage.

"Yup." Was she seriously thinking I would do more than this? I thought I pulled out all the stops. Those Teddy Grahams weren't on sale.

She had the audacity to stomp those little feet of hers. The were abnormally tiny. Hmm. How did she stay upright?

"I'm so happy I thought to bring decorations and food. I made finger sandwiches."

Of course, she did.

"I though everybody could chip in for a pizza." I opened up the Teddy Grahams and tossed the little bastards down to their death in my stomach. It was kind of gross if you really thought about it. It was also delicious.

I watched as she pulled out wine bottles. "Teeny Tiny Dictator, you do know that the Chief of the esteemed Fork Police Department is sitting inside nursing a beer with his hand down his pants watching ESPN? The booze isn't the brightest idea."

She grinned. "It's sparkling cider!"

Of course it is.

"I have music." I went over to my dad's old boombox and put on his copy of MTV's Party To Go. It was from 1995. I had no idea why he owned it and I was too afraid to ask. Shaggy's odd Jamaican rapping came on.

"This is terrific!" Dictator exclaimed.

No.

Trailer Trash Barbie came in followed by a giggly Boobs and a annoyed looking Kate.

Between chomps of that gum of hers, Trailer Trash Barbie cried, "Bring on the penises!"

Oh my god.

"What?" The Teeny Tiny Dictator was confused.

Kate said, "She's been talking about penis straws, penis napkins, penis hats, penis pencils and other penis objects from the minute I picked her up. Angela won't stop giggling. I swear if I never hear about a penis again, I'll be just fine, girl."

"You mean Garrett's penis, Mary Jane? You should probably give him a heads up," I stated.

Kate blushed. "Cut it out, Bella."

I could be funny sometimes.

"Where's the alcohol!" Trailer Trash Barbie called out. She was shaking her hips to the horrible old school dance jams.

"I..." Dictator began to say. I put my hand over her mouth.

"We have wine right here." I pointed to the table. I whispered to the Dictator, "She'll never know."

She didn't and neither did Boobs.

It had been a few minutes, but felt like a decade when Trailer Trash Barbie stood up wobbling from her non alcoholic sparkling cider. "I...I...got...us a present, girls..."

Were we going cow tipping?

"I got us a stripper!"

Oh shit.

Walking in with a swagger and wearing a construction uniform was Fonzie.

Boobs swooned and fainted.

I wonder if Chief Charlie would let us borrow his handcuffs?