Tempted Fate side scene of chapter 44. Edward talks to Bianca after Nessie confronts her at Christmas

I lead her down the steps outside into the cold air. I couldn't believe that she had the nerves to show up out of the blue with no warning. My family is still on edge with what I've done and Renesmee doesn't need any additional stress. She had a crazed look in her eyes. I know my daughter is pissed. Shit this is all my fucking fault.

"What in the world were you thinking… coming here without asking me. You know my daughter would have been here. I put my family through enough."

"But Edward… I didn't mean to be vindictive. I missed you. It's Christmas and… and I love you," she cried.

What a fucking mess I'm in. Her tears spilled over and I felt so fucking guilty for doing this to her yet I knew her plan was to be vindictive. We haven't even worked out what we are to each other yet. It was freezing and I wanted to talk to her so I lead her to my car. Her red Honda Civic was parked behind Jacob's truck. I opened the doors to my Volvo with my alarm pad and she got in and slammed my door. I turned the car on and put the heat on full blast. I knew half of my family was probably watching us from the windows so I just decided to drive off. This was my mess… and I needed to handle it without the world watching and judging me. I feel like shit as it is. I drove off and parked down the road. There were no houses around… just trees.

"I'm sorry Edward. But do you have any idea of what I'm going through? Yes… I'm sorry that we slept together. I should have used better judgment. But I also thought you wanted me too. What's done is done. We can't change the past. I am having your baby."

"I know we can't change the past."

"So… we have to figure this out. I know you don't love me like I love you; that kills me each day. But if Bella doesn't take you back… I wouldn't mind being your second choice. I love you Edward. I've always loved you really. I just didn't know it. I thought it was just adoration." She pulled me closer to her and kissed my lips. "I understand that you love Bella. But if it doesn't work out… we could be a family."

She took my hand and led it to her stomach. God my head felt so clouded.

"I'm only seven weeks. But this is your child Edward. As long as you love it… I will be happy. Even if you're not with me."

"Bianca… of course I will love our child. How could I not. And I will take care of you both. But… um you're making it seem like we have to be together. I don't even have myself together right now and it's like you're giving me ultimatums or building this fantasy in your head for us. I can be a good father without being with you. I need you to understand that. "

She looked down and more tears fell from her eyes.

"Bianca," I breathed. I didn't want to upset her more but she had to see that stopping by like that was very manipulative.

"So you don't even want to try?"

"Can we just get through this one step at a time? I explained to you before that I love Bella and if she would take me back I would go. I destroyed my marriage. I'm fully aware of my actions. I want you to take some comfort in knowing that no matter what I will be there for you and our child… as a co parent. This fantasy of us being in love… um... Bianca. I need you to understand. And you shouldn't want to be any ones back up. You should want someone to be with you as their first choice… you deserve that."

"I don't want to do this alone."

"And you won't. I told you numerous of times you will not have to want for anything."

Bianca covered her head with her hands and started shaking her head no back and forth.

"Your daughter looked like she wanted to hit me." she said as she uncovered her face. "I can understand her anger. I don't wanna cause any problems with her. I know she's having a rough pregnancy. I wonder if she would ever forgive me. She will be my child's sister… just as she said."

"Yes… Renesmee has been through a lot. Everything should get better in time. Um… it's best if for now you give her her space. It's gonna take a while for my family to accept all of this."

"Ok." She murmured.

She started to cry and I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her. I couldn't help but to cry myself. This is so complicated. She looked up at me and wiped my tears from my face with her thumbs.

"I don't feel so good... I wanna go home."

"You don't want to go to your parent's house for dinner?"

"No… I wouldn't be so… I don't know… sociable. The way I feel right now… I just wanna go home and cry."

"But it's Christmas… I'm sure your family wants to see you."

"Edward… can you take me back to my car please."

Bianca looked so sad with her eyes puffy and red. I had an urge to take care of her... but knew I should be with my family. I also knew this was my doing. She's young… impressionable. Maybe even romanticizing the night that I hold as one of my biggest mistakes.

"Sure… I'll take you to your car. "

I did a U-turn and drove in silence back to my parent's house. I parked my car and got out to open the door for her and help her out. He eyes were still blood shoot red. I felt sick to my stomach about all of this. Bianca held her mouth and started gagging at the side of my car and threw up. Damn It reminded me of Bella when she was always sick with Rensesmee. How eerie and ironic this situation is.

"Bianca… are you ok?" I asked wearily.

"I'll be fine. I have a throw up bag in my car if I get sick while I'm driving."

She gagged again but nothing came up.

"Uuhh… well… I'll drive you home. I don't want you throwing up while you're trying to drive."

"No… no that's ok. Stay here with your famil…." She started gaging again. This time something came up.

"Come on give me your keys. I'm not taking no for an answer."

She went in her pocket book and handed me over the keys. I looked up at the house knowing that my daughter was probably crying or mad as hell. Jacob's truck was still here… so I knew she had to be with him. Hopefully he will be able to comfort her. He's been a good husband to her and I can see that he loves her. I haven't been such a good father lately… and I will have to live with that knowledge of hurting my kids.

I helped Bianca in her car then walked over to the passenger side to get in. Her car is tiny compared to my Volvo. I adjusted the seat so that I would be comfortable driving adjusted the mirrors and took off. I wanted to make sure that she got home safely… and I also wanted to get back to Renesmee to make sure that she was ok. The way Alice looked at me when I came in the door let me know I'm still on her shit list. The drive to her apartment wasn't that long yet it felt like it was hours because we didn't speak. She had her eyes closed for most of the ride resting. And when she wasn't resting she stared out her window deep in thought. I parked her car in the apartment's garage and got out first to help her out of the car. She looked really tired and I was hoping that she would change her mind and want to go spend Christmas with her family. I would hate for her to spend it alone. When we got in her apartment she dashed to the bathroom and threw up again. Fuck… I really don't wanna leave her.

"Thanks for taking me home," she groaned from the bathroom. Her voice sounded weird because of the acoustics. "You can go now."

"You sure you're gonna be ok?"

"Yeah I'm…" Gag!

Damn… she's really sick. I guess it's because she's upset. I walked to her bathroom and found her knelled on the floor grabbing the side of the toilet.

"Oh Bianca…"

"I'll be ok," she said as she started to get up. I reached out to her and helped her stand to her feet.

"Thanks," she murmured. Bianca brushed her teeth and picked up a bottle of mouth wash and let it fill me mouth. I felt almost numb standing there watching her. So many thoughts were running through my mind simultaneously. She spit out the mouth wash and walked pass me out the door looking like she was furious. I followed her as she walked to her bedroom. She kicked off her shoes and laid down on top of the covers.

"Oh… my phone… it's in my purse in the living room. I have to tell my mom that I'm not coming over."

"I'll get it."

I walked down the hall way back into her living room and picked up her purse that she threw on the floor. When I came back into the room she had more tears in her eyes.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said sadly.

All of this was like a bad dream. Bianca searched her purse and took out her cell phone. I thought she was going to call her mom… but she just sent a text and buried her head in the pillow crying. I sat down on the bed next to her and started rubbing her back.

"I don't want you to miss Christmas dinner with them. Maybe you'll start to feel better soon? I really don't wanna leave you alone."

She turned her body slightly to face me. The way she was laying made her breast almost pour over.

"I… I'll be ok," she said with her voice quivering. I moved a lock of her blonde hair from her face. It was sticking to the side of her cheek from the wetness of her tears. She gently smiled at me.

"Some Christmas… huh?"

"I wish you felt better. Can I do anything for you while I'm here? Do you need something like water… food? I can order you something."

"No… what I need I can't have," she said barely audible.

"You don't need me Bianca. You need someone who's emotionally stable." Bianca sat up. "Someone that loves only you. someone that - ." My thought was cut short when she touched my face.

"You can't tell me what I need. You have no idea of how much I need you Edward. I love you… I'm sorry… but I do," she breathed. I lifted my hand and put it on top of hers to slowly pull it away. But I remained frozen as I looked in her grey eyes. She moved closer to me until her face was a few inches from mine. I could feel the heat of her breath on my lips.

"Stay with me Edward."

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