AN: Hi.

Chapter 61

Jacob and Seth were DJing the Redneck Nuptials of the Century.

This was an epically bad idea, which meant it was brilliant.

"I was thinking that your first jam as old marrieds should be a Justin Bieber and One Direction mash up!" Jacob fist pumped Seth. "Don Juan will free style a rap for you both about your upcoming sexy times."

Oh God. If I liked smiling, I would be beaming right now. It was awful and hilarious. Then I remembered the comment about Bieber and One Direction. I wonder if ear muffs would be an acceptable accessory for my bridesmaids dress?

"I will be saluting the gorgeous booty of the blonde goddess. I have a mastery of beats that make the ladies swoon!" Seth did a series of bizarre hand movements.

"We only ask for a payment of a twelve pack of Coke, five lunches at McDonald's and Emmett being our personal security team until summer vacation," Jacob held out his hand with smile.

I guess those two were finally tired of being crammed in their lockers.

I really didn't care about those two numbskulls, but I saw a flaw in the plan. I was such a damn giver.

"Black, do you have a way to play this music? Actually, do you have the songs Gigantor wants?" I questioned.

"You're so smart, Bella!" My kid exclaimed.

Not really. I was the only one actually using my brain at the moment. The giant was too busy stuffing his face with a calzone to be concerned with the music that would be making my ears bleed at his wedding. There was sauce all over his face. Had he never heard of a napkin?

Jacob pulled out an iPod Nano. "This little piece of magical technology, beautiful Bella!"

I was going to cram my bridesmaid dress in his mouth. That should quiet him and perhaps save me from wearing that monstrosity.

Then I realized a flaw to Jacob's plan. "Are we all sharing your headphones?"

"What the what?" Jacob looked at me in confusion.

"Do you have speakers to hook up to your magical technology?" I knew he didn't. The earphones he had only worked on one side, so I highly doubted he would have sprung for speakers.

"Emmett, my man, have a couple of things to add to my payment! I need you to grab me some sweet speakers from Target and an iTunes card. I would say a hundred bucks should help me get the party jumpin' with some smooth Ke$ha!"

No. He must be stopped.

I gave my best glare at a grinning and nodding giant. He didn't notice. "Giant, you will not give your whole wedding budget over to this yahoo. Black, if you are going to offer to provide entertainment then have the proper equipment."

Seth swaggered over. Swagger was actually an inaccurate description. It looked like he had only one functioning leg and was dragging the other behind him. He was basically a smack talking zombie from The Walking Dead. "Damn, Jake, you my boy and that bitch be trippin'! We have a masterful plan to get the hottie bridesmaids in our Fruit of a Looms! Let me give a sample of my swizzle! Rosie has the boob, a boob, boob..."

"Excuse me, but what did you call me you obnoxious gnat?" I was going to make him cry. It wasn't going to be hard. I've seen him cry before, because it was Sloppy Joe day at the cafeteria.

Baseball Boy stalked over. "Sir, I do believe you need to apologize to my lady love!"

"Kid, I can handle it," I stated. I would say I appreciated the effort, but it had the potential of having me miss out on making Seth Clearwater pee his pants. I had to get my fun somehow. "I know where you live, Clearwater."

He let out a yelp and hide behind Jacob. "I'm so sorry, Miss Swan!"

That's all that it took? Well that was anticlimactic. I could be watching reruns of Real Housewives of...well it really didn't matter, because they were all equally a bunch of over styled train wrecks.

The giant looked up from smearing more tomato sauce all over his face. "Jake! We need some Gangnam Style!"

Please no. At least he didn't say...

"Why not throw in some of those golden oldies that make the ladies get up and wiggle? We can have the Macarena and The Chicken Dance!" Jacob excitedly added.

Why for the love of everything good and sunny in the world would they do this?

"That is fucking awesome, Jake!" The giant grinned and more sauce dripped down on his shirt.

I wonder if there was a nice plague going around?