Chapter 62

I looked like the sickly sweet cotton candy that gives children cavities at the fair. If anyone tried to take my picture that camera would be smashed in a million pieces.

"You look so pretty!" Boobs exclaimed, as she tried to pin a fake flower into my hair.

I growled at her.

She had the good sense to leave the room.

I started to work on a crossword puzzle that I found in the back of a PEOPLE magazine. It was too damn easy. Whoever said watching television nonstop was a useless activity, was a fool. I bet they couldn't finish one of these.

Trailer Trash Barbie was spraying that giant bouffant of hers with aerosol hairspray to suffocate me. I started hacking. The upside if I couldn't breathe, I couldn't be in the wedding. Of course, she stopped.

"A little much, huh?" She asked, as she chomped her gum.

Trailer put in a new piece of Bubble Yum for her wedding. It truly was a special day.

"No, you're fine." It was fine about fifteen sprays ago, before her chemicals increased the earth's temperature. I was feeling generous, I added, "You... Ahh... Hmm...look...nice?"

She rushed over and hugged me. I awkwardly patted her back. "There, there."

"You're just the sweetest!" She kissed my cheek with her fire engine lipstick.

No. No, I'm not.

That's when the picture of a high society trophy wife burst into the room. "Rosalie Lillian Hale, your father is absolutely beside himself out there with those...those...poor people!"

Oh shit. It was the mother.

"You ain't my momma. Get the hell out of her and go spend Daddy's money. It's what you do best." Trailer started caking on the lipstick again.

I stand corrected. Evil stepmother. Things were starting to make so much sense.

The woman with her pearls and politician wife suit, grabbed my arm. More touching? Come on now. "Young lady, please tell me you've tried to talk some sense into her? Of course not, you live in this town. You're probably pregnant."

"Oh yes, the little monkey is ready to burst out any minute and become the next generation of Fork's unwed mothers," I said sarcastically, pulling my arm away.

"Really, Bella? Can I be her godmother?" Trailer asked excitedly.

I looked at her with a grimace. "It was a joke. A bad one, apparently."

"I get you are trying to get a rise out of us, but hasn't this gone on long enough?" The woman threw her hands in the air. "You've been kicked out of six boarding schools, ran away and now getting married to the dregs of society!"

"I love Emmett!" Trailer cried out. I was worried that all the mascara she wore would run into her eyes and blind her.

I was becoming a damn saint. "Lady, were you invited to the wedding?"

"Of course not! My husband made us come here to collect Rosalie." She raised that plastic surgery crafted nose in the air.

"Trailer, you want her here?" I asked and a sad looking Trailer shook her head. "You need to get off the premise in approximately five minutes."

"What are you going to about it?" The woman sneered.

I walked past her and I called down the hall, "Yo, Chief Charlie."

My dad walked in wearing his full police gear. It was a McCarty occasion after all. "What do you need, daughter?"

"I have the first occupant for the paddy wagon."

Chief Charlie looked her up and down. "You causing trouble, Ma'am?"

"I...I...I..." she stammered as my dad led her out of the room.

Sometimes, it was good having an in with the right side of the law.

Rosalie tackled hugged me and exclaimed, "You're my best friend!"

It never pays being nice.