AN: I'm having too much fun writing this nonsense.

Chapter 67

After the wedding shenanigans, school was almost blissful. Almost being the operative word, since a moony Teeny Tiny Dictator was following me around reading the poetry that Cheech kept writing her and leaving in her locker.

My stomach was growling and it made a cranky Bella Swan. Which wasn't a stretch from my usual disposition.

"It's so beautiful, Bella!" She was dancing through the halls. It was distracting and she was bound to crash into a poor passerby. I was positive she had a cheesy Britney Spears or whatever the newest Disney Channel future train wreck's song in her head. "Do you want to hear it again?"

"No. I want lunch. There's chicken nuggets and tater tots. Stop the blabbing and get to the walking." I walked quicker. Maybe I could lose her in the crowd of lacrosse players. They were one step away from being coherent and had nicknamed themselves after pieces of meat. I was hoping she would run into them and in their confusion they would create a wall and block her and allow my escape.

I'm not that lucky and she's way too limber. Dictator nimbly sidestepped the clueless jocks and read, "You are the prettiest thing. I ever did see. You make me sing. About pretty things."

"What pretty things is Cheech referring to? Bongs shaped like flowers? The colors he sees making rainbows after a particularly fatty doobie? Does he write these love letters to the members of Phish too? Writes odes and tapes them on the grave of Jerry Garcia?"

"Be serious, Bella!" Dictator admonished. "He's professing his love!"

"Indeed. He talks really slow, so I wonder how many hours it took him to write that little ditty. Two hours?" Dictator was starting to look angry. I sighed. "Calm down. I joke. This is what I do. You know this, Dictator. It's...umm...a...nice?"

I was trying here.

Dictator hugged me. Why, oh God, why with the touching? She said, "You act all tough, but are just a squishy teddy bear inside!"

Eww. A sharp cactus maybe.

We entered the cafeteria we found a bawling Boobs at the table being comforted, awkwardly, by Kate.

"Mary Jane, why is Boobs flooding the table?" I didn't want her tears to get on my nuggets. It makes them soggy.

"The Fonz is an ass," Kate explained sadly. "I don't know how to get her to stop! Before I started dating Garrett, I would just roll her a blunt. That gets the giggles started."

Poor Kate and Cheech were now living in a clear headed world. It was a confusing place for them to be.

Dictator took over and hugged Boobs. "Angela, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding!"

"We... We...I...I...we did it!" Boobs cried.

Huh?

"Did what? Did Fonzie take you to Arnold's for a burger and a shake? Did he make you pay?" It was Boobs, so it had be something simple.

Dictator glared at me. "They had sex, Bella!"

Oh. Oh.

"Bummer?" This was bad? Shouldn't she be dancing and exclaiming she was a woman now? "Is he tiny? He looks the type. Overcompensating with the bike."

Boobs sniffed. "It was weird and...and...he doesn't want to go out anymore!"

The tears came back. It reminded me of the rain at the giant's wedding. I shivered at the memory.

"He didn't mean it," Dictator stated, rubbing Boobs back.

Bull shit.

Boobs looked up her mascara leaving black streaks down her face. She looked like a Marilyn Manson fan. "He said I didn't look into it! That this wasn't working for him! I tried to tell him sex hurts!"

I was going to kill Fonzie. Rip off his head and stick it up his ass.

Trailer Trash Barbie came up with her cherry red lipstick smeared all over her face. She was fornicating with the giant in the library again. Why must they defile my favorite nap time place?

"Why the sad faces, hookers?" She asked. Always so classy.

"Ben took Angela's virginity and broke up with her," Dictator explained. "We need payback."

"I'll kick his ass," Trailer growled.

I held up my hand. "Simmer down, Rizzo. The Pink Ladies here need to bring retribution swiftly and have it be debilitating."

"Rizzo? I really want to watch Grease 2," Trailer looked wistful.

"That's just blasphemy, Trailer. The original is the only good one." I had a concrete viewpoint about old movies that were still a staple of teenage girls slumber parties. The originals are the only ones worth while to watch. This also applies to Dirty Dancing.

Kate hit the table. "Focus, ladies! It's payback time!"

She was correct and my tater tots could wait.

"It's time for Fonzie to not jump the shark, but have it chomp off his dick," I said. I thought this was a rational idea.

Boobs cried out, "Don't hurt him! I love him!"

"No."

"I don't?"

"You don't. It's the hormones talking." I looked at my posse. We were going to take down a leather jacket wearing tool. "I made James Taylor sing, Carolina In My Mind in falsetto and together we can make things worse for Fonzie. Do you except the challenge?"

Everyone, but the crying Boobs, yelled, "Yes!"

It was kick ass time.