AN: Giggle. This is CullensTwiMistress's fault and it is awesome.

Enjoy.

Chapter 68

They followed me to the boys locker room by the gymnasium. We were lined up like an army. Boobs was sniffling in the rear. I was slightly turned on by this leadership position I had, though I would never admit it.

"Dictator, are you sure this was where they keep the bats?" I questioned. I felt like this was in an authoritative tone.

Dictator rolled those weirdly big Disney deer eyes of hers. "Of course, I do! I was the team water girl."

"Why?"

"I had a crush on Felix Harris that year." Dictator shrugged. "He's gay, but it still looks great on the college transcripts."

"That's positive thinking," Kate said. She was looking at the room apprehensively.

I pointed at the door. "Scared to go in, Mary Jane?"

"What if the boys..."

"They're probably still playing with each other's balls in the outfield," I stated thinking of Baseball Boy tossing his ball on the field. I sighed. What the hell was that?

Trailer started snorting.

"What?"

"Playing with their balls, Bella? The ones attached to their di..." She began to say.

I placed my hands on my ears. "La, la, la...I'm not listening to this."

"She acts so tough, but she's scared of Edward's little snake." Trailer patted my hair and I glared at her.

"It's not little," I disagreed not thinking.

Trailer squealed, "Nice!"

Dictator squeaked, "That's my brother!"

"Exactly. That's Dictator's brother and let's not mention it again." I swung the door to the locker room open and we piled in. Then our mouths all collectively fell open.

There were penises everywhere.

The baseball team were out of the showers and had become a nudist colony.

Dictator squeaked. Her eyes were on Cheech. I was pretty sure he wasn't on the team, but the spacey poet was au natural with one of those freaky Grateful Dead bears tattooed on his right buttocks. Bizarre, but Dictator was obviously digging it.

Kate was ogling Teeth. A very naked Teeth. Whoa, that guy is toned. She grabbed my arm. "I've never seen it before."

"Really, Mary Jane?"

"Oh my God," Kate whispered. "What do I do with that thing?"

I had no answer for her.

That's when I saw him walk in without a care in the world. It was my kid and he was naked as a jay bird.

He was...umm...oh...a...glorious. I wanted to mount him on one of those narrow benches by the lockers. That would be uncomfortable.

"Hello there, boys!" Trailer Park Barbie yelled. Her gum flew out of her mouth and fell on the floor. She picked it off the filth at her feet and put it back in her mouth. That was disgusting.

Baseball Boy threw his mitt over his member. It made me somewhat sad. He stammered, "Hey...sweethea...Bella!"

"Hello, beautiful ladies!" James Taylor exclaimed with his hands in the air. Then he saw a teary eyed Boobs. He, all of a sudden and surprisingly, became shy. "Hi, Ang. Are you okay?"

He really seemed concerned. He had a heart buried deep down in that black soul of his.

James Taylor started to rush towards her and I said, "Don't go near her with that swinging pendulum of horrible manhood, James Taylor."

"What?" He stopped abruptly.

I was still high on a Dictator type power trip. "We have come for your baseball bats. We have retribution to obtain and will not be swayed by those evil man parts. We are women and you will hear us roar."

"That's so hot," my kid said with fluttering eye lids. He almost dropped his mitt.

The giant stumbled out of the shower room in all his huge and tiny glory. It like he stuck a flesh colored crayon on his body. Trailer was ogling him, so it must work properly. "Hey baby, you wanna join your big baby in the shower?"

Like a tractor beam was pulling her, Trailer went towards the giant and I pulled her back.

"Retribution, Trailer."

She fist pumped me. "Hear us roar!"

"There's the bats!" Kate yelled. She winked at Teeth and he blushed. "Hey Garrett."

He was bright red. It was funny.

We grabbed our bats and my kid asked, "What are you doing with those?"

"Teaching Fonzie some Pinky Tuscadero type justice," I explained.

Truth be told, when your mother refused to pay for cable and all you could watch retro television, you become a bit of an expert. I could have explained this fact to alleviate their blank expressions, but I didn't care to. We had a jerk to demolish.

Bats raised in the air we went to battle. Followed by flesh colored flags waving low on our baseball playing audience, this adventure was sure to be making Forks High legend for years to come.

This was legendary.