AN: When I'm feeling blue, the reviews make me smile and laugh.

I have a one shot I just posted tonight called, Seeing Stars. I would love it if you all could check it out.

More to come. Enjoy.

Chapter 74

"Are you wearing eyeliner?" I grabbed my kid's face and pulled it close to mine.

The parrot squawked loudly in his ear, "Henry is a bastard!"

I think I loved that bird.

"Stop it, Polly!" My kid jumped. He then said to me, "Lass, it is the way of the pirates!"

"Did you steal it from your mom or Alice?" I tried to rub it off with some spit and my thumb.

He stared at my lips like he was going to lick them. How pirate of him, I guessed. I had no clue about men who sailed and wore pantaloons. I just made the thing about pirates up, because Baseball Boy hated them. What I didn't count on was my kid's insane desire to wear a bow tie and a boutonniere.

"I bought my own eyeliner! Don't you know that germs that can be introduced in tear ducts?" He admonished. He quickly went back into swashbuckler mode. "They call me Captain Bones, because..."

I raised my eyebrows. "You want to jump my bones?"

"Yes! Wait...be serious here, Bella!" He got all flustered. There was no way, I could ever be serious with him in that pirate get up. The parrot climbed onto his pirate hat. "I'm the scourge of the seven seas and I shall be taking ye to..."

"To the ye olde inn? To walk the plank? To hunt for buried treasure? Is that buried treasure in my pants? I hear you pirates like to dig right in." He blushed bright red and had to adjust his pantaloons. I bet he wanted to find my treasure that blushing pirate.

"To prom," he squeaked. The parrot pooped on his hat.

Kate looked at me and snickered.

That bird was fantastic.

"Are you going to throw me over you shoulder and force me to accompany you to the ball?" I moved closer. "Pillage my feminine virtue next to the punch bowl, while I nibble on some crackers?"

"Oh, shiver me timbers!" He squeaked.

I touched the tip of his nose gently. "I'll shiver your timber, kid."

"Oh, Bella!" He swooned.

This was fun.

"Henry is a bastard! Henry is a Bastard!" Polly was on a roll.

I moved back from my clearly uncomfortable boyfriend. He had a pokey sword in his breeches and it was happy to see me. I looked at Polly. "Where did you get the foul mouthed bird?"

"Mr. Johnson at the pet store. It belonged to his ex-wife. He gave me Polly for ten dollars." My kid added. "I'm returning her."

I looked at the bird. It looked at me. We were both snarly and irritable. It was if I found my kindred spirit.

"Give me the bird, kid," I stated, as I gently let the bird walk onto my arm.

He looked surprised. "Why?"

"I want it. Her new name is Annie Oakley," I announced. "Annie, you are coming home with me."

My kid looked at me like I had two heads. "Why?"

"Why not?" I said back to him. Annie Oakley was the quickest draw in the West. Annie Oakley, the bird, would be quickest insult deliverer in Washington state. It was my dream come true.

"If you go to prom with me!" Baseball Boy announced loudly.

"Sure," I said dismissively. I would promise to marry him, if it would give me my bird. He obviously had asked the wrong question.

"Yes!" My kid tried to kiss me.

"Hold up." I held his face back. I didn't think Annie Oakley liked him very much. They would just have to learn to coexist. "Annie, I want you to say that Tanya is a dirty whore."

My kid said to Teeth as I gazed at my bird and taught her more words, "My Bella is going to be a wonderful mother!"

"Edward Cullen, she is literally teaching that bird to say curse words and insults," Teeth pointed out.

"I know isn't she wonderful?" My kid asked with a bright smile. "We're going to prom!"

Oh fuck.

"Annie, say fuckety, fuck, fuck," I suggested. It illustrated my mood.

She squawked, "Fuckety, fuck, fuck, Edward Cullen."

That will do, bird. That will do.