Dark Paradise

Chapter 16 – Mirror

"I look in the mirror, and I try to see myself. My head full of terror, from the games I played so well. I try to see clearer, I try to forget the fires I started. I try to be nearer to where you are. To where you are."

He could hear Sakura trailing behind him. When he'd started kissing her it was with extreme difficulty that he finally managed to pull away. She'd stared up at him, green eyes shining with wonder, face flushed with heat despite the cold and lips swollen from his kisses. The sight of her was enough to make him fall right back in again, but he knew he needed to get them out of the snow. Sasuke wondered what she expected from him now. To return to Konoha? Was that even a possibility? To be honest, Sasuke hadn't even seriously considered it. There was nothing left there for him. An empty compound with bloodstains that he never quite stopped seeing even long after they'd been cleaned, screams he'd never even heard haunted him. No. Returning to Konoha wasn't an option, so what did Sakura want? Sasuke could see her in the corner of his vision trailing a little behind him. Her mind spinning with thoughts that he could see was going no where. Where were they even headed now? Right - out of the snow. Sasuke knew the area well enough, there was an inn close by on the road, he turned a little, changing course - Sakura followed swiftly, despite her distracted thoughts. He wondered, again, what he was doing with her. Sasuke, in his heart, he hated her but his body refused to comply with what his heart was feeling. He hated her touch, but his body craved it. She haunted him, her very presence. And yet, no matter how much he hated her, Sasuke wasn't a liar. He couldn't let her go. Even if she turned away from him when he'd told her...he wouldn't have let her go. Sasuke had an addictive personality. He'd been addicted to his revenge, his goals...and when those didnt matter anymore, he'd become addicted to her. Sasuke craved something to hold on to. Something to keep him going. He'd known she would follow and he had purposefully slowed down for her, so she would catch up. Sasuke had known how she would hesitate to give him his space and how Naruto would probably convince Sakura to follow him anyway. He hated her, he did. Truly. But letting her go wasn't an option anymore. He couldn't stand someone walking away from him, disappearing from his life ever again. And despite his hate for Sakura, he wouldn't be able to lose her. Maybe he even loved her. But he would never say that out loud. Nothing good could come from him admitting that.

The inn came into view, the windows were lit up with a warm glow and Sakura sped up, ready to feel the heat. She entered first and an old lady looked up from behind the reception.

"Room for two?" she asked giving them sympathetic looks as she eyed their wet clothes.

Sakura hesitated and Sasuke stepped forward. "Aa."

The lady lifted a book and handed them a pen. Sasuke scrawled his name followed by Sakura's and left the number of night's they were staying out. Who knew? Maybe he could still convince himself to get away from her, convince himself that he hated her more than he loved her. Maybe he could do that. The lady handed them room key 10 and Sasuke headed down the hall, Sakura's footsteps behind him. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. There was a small fire going in the room, embracing them as they entered.

"You shower first." Sasuke commanded and Sakura slid her bag from her shoulders and without giving him a look, she stepping into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly but not locking it. Sasuke sat down on the bed in front of the fire, dark eyes staring into the flames. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, keeping his mind blissfully empty, but sometime later, Sakura was in front of him, a hand on his knee. Belatedly, he realized that his first reaction wasn't to pull away from her.

Sakura cleared her throat. "I'm done."

Sasuke nodded stiffly, stood and stilled, looking down at her, unable to speak.

"You don't have to say it, Sasuke-kun. Don't even think about it anymore. I know."

"What do you know?"

Sakura stood and she looked incredibly sad. "That you hate me, but somewhere…somewhere in here." Her hand found the center of his chest and pressed. "There's this pain that you can't identify. And it hurts, it really does. But not in an entirely bad way, you know? Sometimes, it's kind of nice. To know it's there."

Sasuke stared down at her, not wanting to admit she was right, so he stepped away, watching as her hand fell to her side and then he entered the steam-filled bathroom.

x-x-x-x-

Sakura sat in the very spot that Sasuke occupied not a moment before. She had no idea what to do from then on. Sure, she'd come with Sasuke because he'd told her but what now? They couldn't just travel around forever. Maybe Sasuke had a plan...he always did. But would Sakura just be able to fall in with whatever he wanted? If it meant being with him, the obvious answer was yes. For now, being with him and making up for what she had to do, was enough for her. Sakura crawled into bed, a bed she would undoubtedly be sharing with him soon. Sure, she'd shared a bed with him many times...but this was real. Here, she was a virgin. The only kisses she'd ever really had were the few she'd shared with him. The bathroom door opened and Sasuke emerged. Sakura could just make out his silhouette as he got dressed and climbed into bed next to her, mirroring her position by laying on his back. They didnt touch. The air between them was thick and loaded but neither one of them had the nerve to speak. Sakura turned her head to look at him. His hair was still wet and his eyes were shut but she knew he was awake. His fingers that were splayed out on his chest, shifted slightly. Sakura turned on her side, away from him. She was tired but there was a fear in her, it came every night as she climbed in bed. A fear of never waking up, the fear of being trapped again. It sent a shiver through her and Sakura wound her arms around herself and suddenly, Sasuke was there. His arm slipped around her waist, pulling her against him.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Go to sleep, Sakura." He ordered, his voice right next to her ear and with his arm around her, Sakura finally dozed off into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

x-x-x-x-

Sasuke's dreams weren't so dreamless. Of course, his subconscious would try to smother him, just as it had done his entire life. With his mother, not the vision of perfection from the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but his real mother. Caring, stern Mikoto. And his father, the one who never paid any attention but couldn't stop talking about him with his mother. Later, Sasuke would wonder if the person he was now wasn't so much the product of years of torture, but more of him unconsciously trying to be more like his father.

The dream ended, or so he thought, with Itachi. His kind eyes urging Sasuke, always, to do the right thing, but loving him regardless. He felt a pang of loneliness. And just when Sasuke wanted to wake up, Sakura was there. She was kissing him, much like she was in the snow - but this time, he was kissing her back. But it wasn't him kissing her, he was watching himself kissing her - if that made any sense. There was something slow in the way they kissed, like they were in no rush to take each other's clothes off. Weird. Sasuke had assumed kissing was a pre-sexual ritual. He watched himself pull away and place a kiss to the side of Sakura's neck. The same place that he so loved kissing himself - or had, in the "other world". Sakura had the most content look on her face. She had her back to his chest. His arms were firmly around her.

"I forgive you," he murmured into her neck and Sasuke's heart twisted. "No!" he yelled. "No! I don't." but they didnt seem to hear him. Sakura's face twisted in sadness, her ethereal white dress blowing in the breeze, the only sound was the plop-pop of the little fountain that...Sasuke realized where they were. The Uchiha Garden.

"I'll never leave you," she told him, her hand on his cheek with an intense tenderness.

"You can't promise that." Sasuke told her but still, they didnt hear him. Everyone dies. With him left alone and by himself.

Again, he watched himself kiss her. "I love you."

"We'll stay by your side forever." she said and his hands tightened around her. We?

The dream faded and Sasuke's eyes snapped open. His arms weren't around Sakura anymore, instead his head was in her lap and her fingertips glided through his hair.

"Morning." Sakura whispered, beaming down at him. Sasuke blinked and pushed himself up. Sakura let him go easily and he retreated into the bathroom before returning a while later.

"I can't forgive you. I cant." he told her, almost as if he wanted to shatter the dream to pieces. He shook his head from side to side.

Sakura moved so she was standing in front of him. "I know."

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to." But he'd decided to stay with her, not because of the dream, but because he couldn't stand losing her.

"I know." Sakura whispered, her hand brushing his hair back.

"Why are you so calm?" he demanded suddenly, pushing away from her. "Why are you so easy to accept it?"

"Do you want me to fight it, Sasuke-kun? What shall I say? That you have no right to feel that way? That you're an idiot for blaming me?" Sakura fell silent. "Do you want me to make you admit that the Infinite Tsukuyomi wasn't real?"

"I know it wasn't real." he said, out loud, for the first time. "I didn't care. I don't."

"This is real." Sakura told him, giving him the relentless tone he seeked. "Accept it. Because you're not going back."

"And I'll never forgive you for that."

"You don't have to forgive me for me to love you."

Sasuke glared down at her and Sakura glared up and him and in the next moment, her face was in his hands, his lips moving against her's. Sakura made a surprised sound, her fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. Kissing him, having him touch her...she knew his touch, but it was like her skin was just learning it. His hands slipped down to her neck, her shoulders and down her bare arms. Sakura shivered, goosebumps rising on her skin.

Sasuke pulled away just a little. "Maybe you shouldn't."

Sakura smiled slowly, opening her eyes to look at him. "Love you?"

Sasuke nodded once. She swallowed. "Everyone dies, Sakura."

She didnt expect a confession of love and she didnt get it, instead he kissed her again. Really kissed her. The kind of kiss that she felt all the way down to her toes, and up to the very crown of her head, electric enough to make her hair static. When he pulled away, his voice was rough and uneven but very pleasing to her ears.

"Sakura."

"Hmm?" she hummed, too breathless to speak.

"What do you want from me?"

And looking up at him in that moment, the answer came to her and she knew. She knew. This was what Sasuke needed. The final push. She believed it would be the thing to finally heal him. Her hands tightened in his hair at the nape of his neck and she was suddenly tight with anticipation. The words stuck in her throat and unable to come out just yet. Sakura took a deep breath. "Come home, Sasuke."

x-x-x-x-

One more chapter left, probably. Eek! So excited!

And, the first chapter of my next story will be up this week some time, I think.

Thanks for all the congratulations on the magazine and my novel! It means a lot! Love you guys!

Reviews are loved and they really make my day, even if it's just two or three words!

Zana-Lee

xoxo