AN: I had a rough day yesterday, but writing Curve Ball makes me happy. (Though my stories are thought of as being immature. Well...if the shoe fits, I'll wear it. They kids like my immaturity and hopefully some of you like it too.)
Thank you for reading.
Chapter 75
"Where the hell did you get the bird, Bella?" Chief Charlie was not a happy camper.
I stroked my Annie and shrugged. "It was destined by the heavens that this would be my bird. Annie Oakley flew down from the sky and landed on my shoulder, just as God intended."
"You're an atheist."
"Details. Details." I looked at Annie. "Mike Newton smells like stinky cheese. Say it, Annie. Mike Newton smells like stinky cheese."
My dear old dad plopped down into his recliner and turned on Sports Center. "Stop teaching that bird to insult people."
"I feel this is the most compassionate way to insult. Wouldn't they rather the insults come from the cute beak of Annie Oakley instead of a human mouth. It softens the blow, me thinks." I gave Annie a cracker.
"You're a weird child," Chief Charlie stated. He looked at the TV. "Damn Lakers."
"It's genetic, old timer. You're an odd man, too." I said to Annie, "Tanya is a dirty slut. You can say it, Annie."
He looked towards the kitchen. "Why do you need the bird? You have the monkeys."
"They just swim around and mate making more creepy sea monkeys. Annie Oakley says horrible things. Which of these do you think makes the better pet?" I questioned. I think Annie Oakley looked sad at that Chief Charlie was not admiring her special skills. "Annie Oakley is my friend and you should be nicer to her. You wanted me to make a friend."
"You do realize that your friend is a bird!" He opened a can of beer and started guzzling. I was driving him to drink again.
I shrugged. "When you wished upon that star, old man, perhaps you should have been more specific on what type of friend you wanted for me."
"More like your crazy mother everyday," he muttered.
The phone rang.
Like a standoff in the Wild West, we just stared at each other from our seats.
"You gonna get that?" He asked, eyes narrowed.
I narrowed mine right back at him. "Go right ahead, Father. Annie Oakley is comfortable."
The phone kept ringing. We kept staring.
"Fine," he huffed and stood. He shuffled over to the phone and barked into it, "What?"
He was quiet for a minute and tossed the phone at me almost hitting my bird. "Angela wants to talk to you."
Boobs.
"What?" I barked into the phone.
She giggled on the other end. "Hi! I thought you weren't home. It rang for an awfully long time!"
"We didn't want to get up to answer it."
Can I point out that I hate talking on the phone? It wastes valuable television watching time. My dad put on his favorite Starsky and Hutch. It was seventies television programming at it's finest and jabber jaws was making me miss it.
"...it would only be a couple of hours."
Huh?
"What would be only be a couple of hours?" I wasn't listening to her at all.
"The double date. James asked me yesterday. My dad said I could only go on double dates after what happened with Ben," she stated sadly and sniffed. Oh no. Boobs was crying.
Why must she use the water works?
"I brought a parrot home and I think Chief Charlie is a bit sore about it. I doubt he'll be willing to babysit Annie Oakley," I said, trying to let her down easy.
"It's a damn bird, Bella," Charlie muttered.
A damn bird who squawked, "Fuck, Edward Cullen! Fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck, Edward Cullen!"
Damn it.
Chief Charlie grabbed the phone from me. "Angela, Bella Marie will be overjoyed to double date with you. It will get her lazy butt off my couch."
I glared at him, as he turned off the phone.
He looked at the bird. "Do you think it was funny to teach the bird to say that?"
"Annie Oakley did that one on her own," I explained. "It is hilarious, Chief Charlie. My parrot is a genius."
"Great. It will be easier for me to teach her some new things when you're on your date." Chief Charlie smiled evilly.
No.
I looked at Annie Oakley and shook my head sadly. "That was between us, Annie."
Kids these days.