"Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism."- Sigmund Freud
I felt all the blood rush out of my head as the young man looked up at me. I observed him momentarily before he stood up, a few grains of sand falling off his long coat as he did. I backed away. He was a lot taller than I had first pictured and I could only feel small in comparison. He didn't move, instead, he continued to study me. I could only faintly trace the lines of his face in the darkness. Feeling threatened, I instinctively placed a hand on my gun.
"Is it really you, Serah ?" He questioned, reaching out slightly.
"I... What ?" I mumbled incoherently.
The man took a step closer to me. I tightened my grip on my weapon. He took another and reached out for my face. I felt nauseated as he took one final step in my direction, placing a few gloved fingers on my cheek. And as he did, it became heart-wrenchingly clear what was happening. This was it. How was this it ? I closed my eyes.
I had found him, my target, my killer: the Hero. He was here, standing in front of me, flesh, bones and all the sick thoughts that made him who he was. It seemed inconceivable. I refused to believe it. Things could not have gone this way, it all seemed too easy, too tangible, too real.
Not now. This is not happening ! Please, Maker. I repeated to myself as I sensed his gaze burn my skin. I continued to plead. Feeling his warm breath on my face, I blinked nervously. I inhaled deeply and looked directly into his eyes, which were now only a few inches away from my own.
He dropped his hand and jumped back. "Oh shit ! Oh, geez, I am so sorry. I thought well, I thought you were someone else..."
I could only continue to stare at the man as he rambled on, spouting out apologies from every direction. I wasn't listening in the slightest.I began to analyze him, looking only at his hands, seldom making eye contact. They were large, wide and frankly a weapon in their own respect. I could still feel the heat of his palm on my face, and imagined how easily he could have broken my jaw had I reacted hastily. If he had indeed become violent, I would've only had one option, but it was not one I was willing to concede to just yet. I could have kicked him the chest, at the risk of breaking my foot. I was now staring avidly at his abdominal area, imagining what was hiding behind his blue shirt. I started to compare him to a human shield. I began to wonder how much damage a man of his size could endure before begging for mercy, but stopped as the thought frightened me. Would I have to run if things got too violent ? I thought about how fast he would be able to run, my eyes heading downward toward his thick thighs. If there was such a thing as a one-man army, he was the defintion of it.
"... and then my friend said that I should... Are you okay ?"
I flicked my head up. "I'm fine." I answered, coldly.
"Are you sure ? Before you were, like, white, and now you're kinda' red." He asked. It almost seemed like he was showing genuine concern.
"No, it's nothing. I'm just a little light-headed." I shook my head, lips pursed.
"Oh... Oh ! So you're drunk ?" He grinned at me.
"What ? No, I'm not." I crossed my arms, still avoiding eye contact.
"Nah', don't worry. Truth is..." He approached me and leaned into my ear. "...I'm a little drunk too." He laughed and pulled away.
I was stunned by his sweet scent as he grazed my lobe. My heart fluttered and I could feel myself blush intensely. I restrained myself from punching the egotistical monster.
There was an awkward silence as I searched for something to say. Thankfully, he seemed to notice.
He put a hand behind his head and smiled. "What are you doing out here so late ?" He asked, I presumed, out of courtesy.
" Oh... I..uh..." Lost for words, I sighed and sat down on the sand.
"Are you okay ? If you want, I can walk you back to Bodhum." I could hear him smiling as he mouthed his words, but I couldn't give in. I had a job to do.
"That's okay. I think I'm just going to stay here a while." I lied.
"Sure, sure. Well, I'll see you around... maybe." He knelt down on one knee and threw me a wink. "Get back safe, 'mkay ?" I acquiesced before looking out onto the horizon.
I had to think fast, or I would lose any chance of seeing him again; luck doesn't strike twice.
People at my company, be it understudies or estranged coworkers, had often praised my ability to lie and think on my feet. But here, with him, it felt different. I was lost and confused. I was so dazed because of everything that had just happened. Under normal circumstances, things didn't pan out in such a manner. In all honesty, my day to day assassinations became tedious. The same targets -most of the time anti-Sanctum democrats who believed theology had no place in the ruling of a people-, the same places, the same hours, the same techniques. It all changed after my first few months at the assassination office. It used to be exiting, every new day brought with it a new adventure. I guess, I morphed along side it, I chose to fit the mold. I became compliant. The highlight of my day, was putting other people down. I no longer felt the need to fight for my place because it was mine and no matter how many children would try to steal it, I rest assured that they would all die off eventually. And I would remain queen, in my empire, in the life that I had grown accustomed to. If a challenge was what I needed to wake up, the mission at hand was definitely what the doctor ordered.
But this wasn't the time to began a self-help session of psychoanalysis, no, I had a job to do. Although apprehensive, there was no way I could let him slip through my fingers. I could hear the sand crackling as he walked away. The darkness became all too threatening. The waves too loud. The breeze, brisk.
"Who's Serah ?" I asked, a little more enthusiastically than I should have, secretly pleased with myself.
I turned my head to look at him. Mr. Villiers had stopped in his tracks and was now staring down at his feet. Had I known less about him, I would have thought he was about to cry. Instead, I was frighteningly worried he was about to decapitate me with his Behemoth hands. He turned around slowly, his head cocked ever so slightly to the side.
He stood there for a while, tracing circles in the sand with his pupils. I, on the other hand, was anticipating my next move should things turn sour. He then proceeded to do something quite unexpected: he began to laugh quietly. I could only look on wide-eyed at his reaction to my question. He slowly moved closer to me, pacing himself, his head in his hands.
"Where to start ?" He said, before placing himself beside me on the sand. He lay his arms over his knees and shook his head as he continued to chuckle at himself.
"What's so funny ?" I replied, interested and afraid. I decided to hide my feelings with a sheepish grin.
"Well, aside from the fact that I basically sexually harassed you on the beach a little under fifteen minutes a-"
"Seventeen minutes ago." I corrected bitterly, stalling.
"Oh, sorry mam'. Well, aside from that, I don't normally... uh... lay out my whole life story for someone I only met, what was it, seventeen minutes ago." He smiled, looking out across the water.
"No offense, but you basically assaulted me back there and I think I deserve to know a little more about my..."
"Attacker ?"
I arched my eyebrows and scoffed. "Tch, exactly."
"Then that would make you my victim ?" He looked at me mischievously. Little did he realize the irony in his statement.
"Another one to add to the list, I'm sure." I played along. I was almost enjoying our banter.
"Ouch. You think I have a list ?" He corrected his posture. "This isn't a daily occurrence for me, you know." He winked again.
"You can't understand how special that makes me feel."
"Anyway, I prefer to be called a Hero if we're really calling each other names."
"Okay Hero. You still haven't answered my question though."
"Oh... right." His expression changed abruptly. He furrowed his brows and seemed to concentrate hard on what he was about to say. "She was my fiance."
"Was...?"
"Yeah." He smiled softly and looked up at me. "I met her was I was eighteen. She was a little younger than me, but we attended the same school. I spent too much of my time sleeping and being a passive little dick to notice her, though. It was only after I dropped out that I really saw her for the first time. I was going through some hard times and decided to visit the orphanage I grew up in."
"You were an orphan ?" I couldn't help but feel a little empathetic towards him.
"Yeah, but... yeah." The man started to play with some sand between his feet, trailing his index finger through the grains. I decided it would be better to change the subject. I needed answers, not an angry, self-loathing criminal to deal with.
"So Serah..." I started the conversation up again.
"That was the first time we spoke. And it all just went from there."
"I'm guessing, love at first sight." I interjected.
He looked up at me. "Damn right." His eyes softened. "Tell me if it gets too depressing, okay ?"
I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. "It's fine, I can handle it, really. Anyway, continue." I hoped my enthusiasm didn't come across fake.
He ignored my comment and continued his narration. "We started dating a little ways down the line and things were going smoothly. She helped me reconnect with some old friends of mine, from the orphanage. Together we created a little civilian protection agency. We would patrol Bodhum at night and help out when people were in trouble. We were still pretty much kids, but we started building a reputation for ourselves. People even started looking up to us." He stopped and balled up his fist. "But the government didn't like that."
My heart sank. If the Sanctum was involved, there was definitely not a happy ending to his story.
"The government ? Such as...?"
"Well, mainly the heads of the Guardian Corps. You know the G.C, right ? They-"
"Yeah... I know of them..." My gaze drifted to the ocean. Now was not the time for regrets. I composed myself and shot him a smile. I needed to come across affable, not deranged.
He seemed a bit concerned, but didn't pay me any more attention than he needed to. He let out a sigh, fists still tight. "They didn't like that civilians were helping around town. They said it made them look bad and incapable of doing their jobs and that people would think that they needed some prepubescent teens to step in... Their words, not mine." He wiped his hands over his face. "I knew what they were really pissed about. They didn't want their civilians to have too much hope. Having some orphans protect the town showed everyone that humans are capable of taking care of themselves. But that would render the Sanctum useless. It's not like I was looking for anarchy. I just wanted to help, you know ? I wasn't going to comply easily." He exhaled deeply. "They hassled us for a year or two, but I never thought their threats would come to anything."
"Was it... Serah ?"
"Yeah..." He buried his face in his hands and let out a disgruntled moan. I placed a hand on his back, hesitantly.
"What did they do to her ?" I didn't know if my question was inappropriate or not. In any case, the mention of the Guardian Corps had piqued my interest significantly.
"She just kinda'... disappeared. Everyone thought she'd run away somewhere. But I knew. It was them, those bastards, they took her from me."
"Did they... ?" My voice trailed off softy as I backtracked.
He seemed to have read my thoughts anyway. "I have no idea. That, or they have her locked up somewhere." He lay down on the sand. Hands behind his head. "I prefer not to think about it."
"So, why did you think I was Serah ?" I turned my head to look at him. He ignored me and continued to stare up at the night.
"You look a lot like her." He smiled nostalgically. "Plus, this is where I proposed."
"So you thought that if she were to come back... She'd wait for you here ?"
"Yep." He answered before closing his eyes.
It amazed me how one could be so at ease around a person whom they had met merely a fraction of time ago. I, however, was in a state of brooding disquietude. He was either incredibly trusting or as good of an actor as I was. I needed to inquire further if I had any chance of uncovering his true nature.
I took a moment to observe my surroundings. It was dauntingly peaceful. The faint light emanating from Phoenix was enough to set the water alight. Faint little peaks glistened as the waves danced in sync. My hair moved in time with the cool breeze of the shore. Where, at first, I was alarmed by the lack of people, I now admired the openness of the area. It looked untouched. I could have effortlessly let myself be taken away by the hush of the beach. I resisted. All I needed was a little break to arrange my thoughts.
It was evident that the man who was now sleepily resting by my side, was the same person that I had been assigned to terminate. That, at least, was the one aspect I was sure of. It was equally indisputable that, if I wished it, I could kill him here and now, with one simple pull of a trigger. But I couldn't help but remember my rule, the one sacred limitation I had assigned to myself when I took the job : I would never kill a target if I deemed it wrong to do so. Villiers had suffered. And for what reason ? Because he wanted to help others ? He wasn't leading a rebellion. He wasn't creating an uproar. He wasn't a terrorist. He was a human being who had had everything taken away from him. It was only natural that he abhor those who stole from him. However, everyone has been a victim of the state, in one way or another. Does that excuse reckless behavior ?
A heat began to rise to my head, my stomach churned. I was over-thinking everything, passively waiting for a miracle. My reservations were taking over, and I wasn't going to let them consume me without a fight. If this was the life that I had chosen, then there were things I was just going to have to do. I needed to stick to my goals.
I reached for my thigh, where my pistol had been nestled since the beginning of the evening. I clenched my jaw . With bated breath, I unlocked the trigger guard. I held the grip with two hands, attempting to steady them as I unlocked my elbows. My head span and my vision became blurry. I turned slowly, holding the gun down low as not to alarm him too much. And, as time went by painfully slow, my thoughts racing, my breath caught, I raised the gun steadily. I looked up at the sky. The glaze over my orbs started to clear as I pulled the trigger.
And there, lying in front of me, arms behind his head, was the Hero, still alive and half-asleep.
I fired once more, a deadly resolve in my spirit. I heard and small click : nothing.
The man looked so incredibly innocent. A faint smile painted on his lips, a black bandanna slipping off of his blond locks, his chest raising every now and then to allow a delicate breath escape his thin lips. I recalled the first time I saw his face, in my boss' office. I thought of the photo of a serial killer that I had held between my digits. I could still see his threatening gaze in my mind, that look that seemed to jump out from the paper.
I composed myself and checked the magazine. It was empty. My round had disappeared.
"What the... Did he..." I whispered to myself carelessly, staring at the weapon's empty body.
I heard a rustling. Hastily, I snuck the gun back into the pouch on my thigh. I stared on wide-eyed as he removed his bandanna and ran a hand through his untamed hair.
"Geez... it's getting late, huh ?" He sat up, turning his head around, inspecting himself and his surroundings.
I nodded, still having trouble breathing, and got up from where I was sitting.
"Oh..." He hissed a little as he stood. "Oh man, you must think a lot of me." He chuckled, in a gregarious manner.
A gave him a quick, unnatural smile.
"Boy, I feel old." He yawned and stretched out his arms. "Let me walk you back home. And before you say anything, I'm not taking no for an answer." He took my hand. Before he could press his lips upon it, I snatched it away, earning myself a rather curious glare.
"You can't. I don't live around here. I came from the station." I lied once more, taken aback by his flirtatious ways.
He cocked his head in incredulity. "Okay... At least let me drive you there. I can't face the thought of a pretty girl out in the dark all on her own."
"I can manage, but I guess a ride would be nice." I couldn't refuse a second time.
"Then it's settled." He gestured for me to follow him as he strolled off.
I cursed under my breath as we walked away, perplex and paying close attention to my target as we continued to converse.
As Snow drove down the sleepy streets of Bodhum, my heart raced.
He had offered to take me on his motorcycle, however we both knew from my earlier reservations that I was in no way prepared to sit on that death-trap. I thought I'd offended him, but he shook it off, putting my rejection down to nerves. I played along. He then remembered his car, that he had left at Lebreau's for safe keeping. Thankfully, I didn't recognize anyone there from my previous visit. A new girl was tending to the drunks and getting a little over-friendly with Villiers when he asked her for his keys. I stood in the background, anxiously tapping my foot against the floor, avoiding eye contact with anyone with whom I crossed paths.
The place definitely seemed more inviting than the first time I had visited it. People were laughing and drinking. Everyone seemed pretty happy and relaxed. There must have been something in the air that night. Although I'm certain that the cheap cocktails had something to do with the jocular atmosphere.
My phone started to vibrate. I picked it up quickly. It was Fang.
"Hey Light. How's the hunt going ? Ya' found him yet ?"
"Fang, I don't have time for this ! I'll call you later."
"Awe, c'mon Light, don't be such a tight a-"
I shut my cell when I saw Villiers heading my way, keys in hand. He dangled them in front of me before heading out of the backdoor. I followed suit.
He swiftly pulled a large sheet off of what I could only assume was his car. Suddenly, I found myself in front of one of the most beautiful machines I had ever laid my eyes upon : silver exterior, pristine alloy rims, black-tinted windows, curvaceous body. This was clearly not the kind of vehicle that just anyone could afford to drive around in, that's for sure. My target clearly picked up on my admiration as he ran a hand across the frame.
"A beauty, ain't she ?" He knocked on the car's roof and opened the bonnet, peering inside in excitement. "Three thousand pounds of pure power."
"I bet that's what you say to all the girls." I quipped sarcastically.
He snickered without raising his head. "You know a little about cars ?"
"I know how to drive one, if that's what you're asking." I could hear him laugh and mutter something to himself from under the hood.
"Rear wheel drive, a mainly aluminum composition, a pretty impressive 201 miles per hour max' speed and..." He held up his hand, rushed around to the side I was standing by and opened the door in one fluid motion.
"Leather seats." I added with a smile. "Nice."
I climbed in. He shut the door for me and walked around before entering the car himself.
"You're not into the whole flying car thing then ?" I questioned.
He held the wheel and smiled, letting out a soft moan. "I like to feel the ground beneath my feet." For some reason, that last comment surprised me.
I watched him intently as he entered the keys into the ignition. Pacing himself he messed around with a few buttons on the dashboard
"Are you ever planning on driving this thing, or are we going to sit here all night ?"
He laughed sarcastically. "Sarcasm your strong point, is it ?"
I ignored his comment, which stirred me a tad, and shot him a dirty look.
"I'm getting to it. You've got to give a car time to warm up. She'll get there in her own time."
"Your telling me." I grinned at him.
We made our way down the street leading to the peer. It felt nice to be away from the crowds. Bodhum can be a busy place during the day. It was only in the brief, early hours of the morning that the city calmed down and became truly beautiful. A few lamp-posts lit up the roads. Houses, each one identical to the last, dotted the sides of the streets. Nature had it's place in the urban paradise as well. Little red and yellow flowers grew on vines, a number of light green plants were scattered around in little wooden boxes and a few Magnolia trees provided shelter on the especially sunny days beside the shore.
I envied those who lived in Bodhum's suburbia. As it was closer to work, I had chosen to live in a small apartment overlooking the town's commercial area, on the far end of Bodhum's main beach. At that point, my social life became non-existent. I don't think I'd ever spoken to my neighbors. It wasn't the friendliest of places. But that was how I preferred to live. Solitude had been my sole roommate for a while. Fang and I had spoken about living together, but company was something I could only take in small doses and I had no intention of alienating one of my only friends with my foul moods.
I came back to reality as we halted in front of a stop sign. Villiers was humming along to a song on the radio, tapping his hand on the wheel.
"You're awful quiet." He looked at me, his orbs enigmatic.
"Sorry, I was just... thinking." I refocused my eyes and we started moving again.
"You know, I never got your name." He threw me a quick smile, eyebrows arched.
At that point, I was far too tired to come up with anything creative.
"Claire." I spat out without thinking, resting my head against the back of the seat.
"I'm Snow, for what it's worth."
"Pleased to meet you, Snow." I answered drowsily, a hint of sarcasm in my response. I closed my eyes and crossed my arms.
I could hear him place his arm behind my headrest and exhale. I felt strangely safe in his vehicle, despite him being lightly intoxicated. I'd searched the car during the few seconds he was outside, and found nothing but a few cigarettes in the glove box. There were also a couple of maps thrown onto the backseat; no sign of my missing cartridges. Overall, nothing to spark my interest. If he was hiding a weapon, he was hiding it well.
"I'm sorry if I bummed you out earlier."
I looked over to him and sat up. "You don't need to apologize."
"Still, I didn't mean to go on and on about.. well, you know." He replied, hands tightening around the wheel.
"It's understandable. If anything, I found it admirable." Although I had a hard time accepting it, I meant what I said.
"What do you mean ?"
"To be able to open up like that to a stranger, Snow, it's... refreshing."
I could see him smile. "Thanks. I am pretty fresh."
"You ruined it." I scoffed and returned back to my original position.
It took us another quarter of an hour to finally reach the station. The time flew by and conversation seemed to flow naturally.
He got out first and opened my door for me. I took note of how polite he was.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd been to Bodhum's main train station for leisure. The big, circular entrance loomed over us in the darkness. On the rare occasions that I would pass by, it would always be busy, full of tourists and vacationers. The sound of an announcement or two would boom out of the speakers and taxis would be lined outside, blocking the roads and hogging the sidewalks. But in the middle of the night, the building had suffered from a severe case of desertification.
As I entered, I counted the number of heads inside: there were around twenty people. Most of them looked like drunks, or people who had gotten lost on their way back from the city. Either way, the place I was now stood in, normally clean and airy, smelt like kerosene and looked like death.
"Ew..." I looked at Snow who was casually lingering behind me.
"I know." I said, before waltzing off towards one of the blue screens.
I had no idea where I was going. I decided to grab the cheapest ticket I could and then send Snow back home. That way, I would avoid a three hour train ride and still cover my tracks. I placed a finger on the buttons as they appeared, barely paying any attention to my choices. I scanned my card over the screen when it requested payment, took my ticket from the dispenser next to it, and turned around to find myself solitary and deserted in an unfamiliar place.
I looked around frantically for Snow, checking behind every bleak corner and inspecting every bench to make sure he wasn't waiting somewhere. I grew uneasy. It was dark, I was cold and surrounded by people who I assumed would have no qualms about mugging me. I investigated the restrooms, the food stands, the gift shops and the tourism and help center that were all conveniently barren. I began to make my way back to the entrance.
"Has he actually ditched me ?" I mumbled a little too loudly as I stormed off.
A hand grabbed my shoulder. "Claire !"
My heart leaped from my chest. "You almost gave me a heart attack ! What are you playing at !" I took a while to compose myself between breaths, not noticing that my ticket had fallen out of my hand.
He reached down to pick it up.
"Where did you even go ?" I inquired.
He rose, ticket between his index and middle finger. "Huh ? Oh !" He pointed towards a homeless man siting on the steps leading up to the station. "An old friend."
I shook my head faintly. "What do you m-"
-Train to Nautilus departing from platform 4 in five minutes-
The computer's voice rang out from the speakers.
"That's yours right ?" He pointed out cheerfully, changing the subject and holding up my ticket, obviously pleased with himself.
"I guess..." I took the thin piece of paper from him and thanked him. "I guess I'll be going then. You should too, it'll be morning soon." I insisted, uncertain of what else to say at this point.
"Don't be silly ! I'll wait with you." He placed a hand on my back and led me towards the platforms.
"What ?!" I dug my heels in the ground. "Honestly I'll be fine from here." I stared up at him with a cold glare, my voice sounding sharp.
"Claire, I took you this far. It's only a five minute wait."
I could not seem to shake this guy. His stubbornness grated me.
"F-Fine."
We arrived on the platform swiftly. I sat down on one of the metal benches available and crossed my arms, attempting to come up with a plan. I would of shot myself, had I had a choice. I discerned Villiers from the corner of my eye, studying a map on the wall.
He came and sat next to me, his leg brushing against mine. I flinched slightly at his touch.
"So you're a Nautilus girl then, huh ?"
"Apparently." I retorted, indifferently, still angered that he had scuppered my plan.
A startling gust of wind came from the tunnel. I shivered and wrapped my arms tighter around my body. I turned my head when I heard the sound of cloth.
"Take this." Snow said, placing his coat over my shoulders.
"What, no ! You can't just give people your clothes, Hero." I declared, releasing my arms and using them to take the garment off. He stopped me by grabbing my hands in his.
"You can borrow it." He smiled and swept his fingers over mine.
He was dangerously close to me. I looked into his eyes, giving up entirely as I felt his digits continue to caress my skin.
"Sane people don't do that kind of thing." I murmured, weakly.
"Well then I must be crazy." I noticed the beam on his face as he let go of me and stood up. "Five, four, three, two,..."
Before he could finish his countdown, the train hurtled into the station. He offered me his hand and I welcomed it, too tired and drained to fight back. Noticing my compliance, he took hold of my waist gently, finger by finger, until our chests met. He began to circle me, taking small steps around my body, his palms never leaving my skin. I was slowly becoming his prey.
"Stunning." He uttered softly, now facing me. "My coat suits you." His hands continued to graze my waist. His gaze drifted up my figure to meet my eyes.
Finally, he slipped a hand under my newly acquired attire and ushered me onto the train.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Beautiful."
Before I had time to process his words he threw my cell through the closing doorway.
"How did you even...?" I was mostly talking to myself at this point as the opening shut abruptly.
I saw him salute me through the glass as my transportation began to move.
My little heart broke as I became savagely aware of my solitude. I opened my cell and dialed Fang's number. Waiting for her to answer, my anxiety grew with abundance. She ultimately picked up.
"Geez, Light. What time is it ?" Her voice was groggy. I must have woken her.
"Fang. I'm in trouble."
"Are ya' hurt ? What did he do to you ?"
"No, I'm fine. Fang, I'm on a train to Nautilus." I sat down, exasperated, and sighed.
"What... why ?" The connection was getting worse.
"It's a long story. Look, I don't have much time." I glanced over at a map of the train lines. "The train stops at The Vault Station in half an hour. It looks like it's near the Euride Gorge. I know it's a lot to ask but..."
"Got it. I'll be there."