AN: Enjoy.

Chapter 81

I didn't think I could feel more uncomfortable after my Dungeons & Dragons first date, but no, getting ready from prom with the Cullen matriarch was a million times worse.

"Can't I just wear a ponytail?"

I was trying to compromise. I would have just been happy to wear my hair down and pull it all over my face like Cousin It.

The deranged woman was stringing beads in my hair and using a box of pins to make curls stay affixed to my head. It hurt. This was ridiculous. I was going to pull it all out.

"You're such a pretty girl! Edward is going to love all of this," the mama bear cooed.

She just had to throw in a remark about Baseball Boy. Damn it. I would suffer for him. Stupid love.

"Fine," I huffed.

Teeny Tiny Dictator sat on my bed applying her mascara. "I don't see why I had to dress like Bella, Mother."

The one bonus was the my maniacal dictator friend was forced to suffer along with me.

"You look beautiful, Alice. Next year, you can be boring and traditional. This year rise up in solidarity with Bella." She jabbed me with a bobby pin making me wince. "Sorry, sweetheart. We're almost done."

"Ow!" I think she knew I was going to seduce her son. Esme Cullen was torturing me on purpose.

tried to fix the torture device. "You have such lovely hair, but it just doesn't want to stay put."

I felt like a human voodoo doll.

"Mom, I think she looks great. No more pins!" My savior was a renaissance princess named Alice.

"One more, sweetheart!" She jabbed me again. My poor scalp was on fire. "I'll tell you what I told Edward, Bella. I'll see you both tomorrow morning. I'll make pancakes."

Mrs. Cullen winked at me. What?

She looked at Alice. "I expect you home right after the dance. Oh Bella, sweetheart, I put a little something in your purse."

I looked into the velvet clutch and saw condoms. Oh my.

She winked at me again. "Your father thinks your spending the night with Alice."

I pinched myself. Not a dream.

Dictator came up and put her arm around me. "You look pretty."

"You look like a Disney princess," I told her. "Very Snow White."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Dictator said with a grin.

There was a knock at the door. Chief Charlie peeked his head in. "Well ladies, your dates are here. You look...umm...yep...you'll do."

"You and your compliments, old timer. No wonder I'm so vain." I gave a tiny smile.

My dad snickered.

Mrs. Cullen looked at us and sighed, "She takes after you, Charlie."

Chief Charlie just grinned.

I gathered my big skirts and headed towards the stairs. I felt unusually nervous. I was Anne Boleyn about to be beheaded by Henry the Eighth. Everything could change, because of this one night.

That's when saw my kid waiting for me. For the first time ever, I found that a tuxedo looked good. My kid was attractive and I wanted to make out with him in front of my dad. Awkward.

Baseball Boy looked at me and he held out his hand. "You're a dream come true."

Annie Oakley squawked, "Fuck Edward Cullen! Fuck Edward Cullen!"

I certainly shall.