AN: I'm going to try and post several chapters today.

Also...I posted the sequel to The Little Pink House today. It's called White Picket Fences.

Finally, there's this contest of silly stories that I might or might not be in. You should check it out, maybe review and when the time comes vote. All the entries are excellent. In author search type in Twific-textmessagelolcontest.

Chapter 82

My head was flat on the table at the prom. It was at the swankiest hotel in Forks, which meant moose heads and hunting rifles were used as decorative touches. The decorating committee seemed to try their best to make it fit the theme with tin foil stars and construction paper planets.

It was, An Out Of This World Night.

I was more inclined to think that the prom committee was out of their minds letting Jacob and Seth DJ the event. The only plus for the not so dynamic duo was that the school provided better recording equipment and gave them more variety of music to play. It wasn't a good variety, but at least it wasn't just a Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift fest of girl whining.

"What's wrong with you, Bella?" I heard chomping in my ear. I looked up to see Trailer Trash Barbie in a slinky fluorescent pink dress and chomping gum. I felt I went into a time warp, back to the eighties. I looked down at my velvet dress. Make that the Renaissance.

"This shindig isn't my thing." I looked up. "Let's go get a pizza."

"It's fun! Look at my Emmie out there on the dance floor!"

Emmett was dancing by himself on the dance floor. It was a strange shuffle in a circle with his arms in the air waving slowly. He looked like an escaped mental patient. Actually, insane mental patients would probably be better dancers.

"Shouldn't you cut a rug with him or something?" I asked, she passed me a cup of punch.

"After a couple of more glasses of this good stuff," Trailer announced. She clicked my glass and poured it down.

I took a sniff it was almost pure liquor and a dash of fruit punch. "This is almost all booze."

"Isn't it grand?" Trailer raised her glass.

Teeny Tiny Dictator took a swig and started choking. Cheech was trying to pat her back it wasn't working at all.

Teeth came up, pulling an embarrassed looking Kate behind him. Hee hee. "You literally look like a beautiful princesses, Bella Swan and Alice Cullen. We should have all dressed in the same time period. Let's have another Olden Times party!"

"I thought you liked my dress, man!" Kate was pissed.

"Kate Hudson, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Teeth cooed. He kissed her hand. If I wasn't so jaded I would have found it charming.

Baseball Boy came up behind me and kissed my neck, placing a bottle of water in front of me. He was feeling frisky. "Bella, you like a vision of loveliness. I wish I got a heads up about her surprise, Garrett. I would have worn a matching outfit, complete with sword."

Oh he had a sword already. It was quite prominent in his pants.

"Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I wish I was your king tonight, not decked out in this monkey suit."

There he goes being adorable again.

I grabbed him behind his head and pulled his face down towards mine. "I like you in a monkey suit, Tarzan. Just call me Jane."

I kissed him. He almost fell into my lap.

"Damn, Swan, get a room!" James Taylor crowed. He held Boob's and hand and was positively jaunty.

I shot him a dirty look. "Why are you so chipper, James Taylor? Getting a new recording contracting to make our ears bleed with your folk mumblings?"

"Can we give the music jokes a rest, Swan?" He glared at me.

"No." Those jokes brought me joy. He must be crazy.

"Not even your snark can bring me down, Swan!" He pointed to Boob's dad drinking the punch. The minister was guzzling it. "He's going to be the worst chaperone ever!"

"James Taylor, did you spike the punch?" Teeth shook his finger at him. That boy was a stickler for following the rules.

James Taylor grinned and hugged Boobs tightly. "I can't take credit for this one."

"It's Mike!" Boobs pointed to a barely standing Mike Newton. He was trying to pour a flask into the punch bowl. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell head first into the cheese plate.

I stood up. "On that note, I'm going to the bathroom."

Teeny Tiny Dictator grabbed my arm. "Let's fix our lipstick!"

Boobs and Trailer squealed in unison, "Me too!"

"Must you come? I need to pee."

Why must girls always go to the bathroom in a posse? Do I look like I want to talk about boys and nail polish?

"I don't want to listen to you pee, girl." Kate was my favorite for a reason.

Of course, the gaggle of giggly girls didn't listen to me at all. They followed me right on in.

To make everything even more annoying, Tanya was primping in front of the bathroom.

She turned to me and smiled. "Hello there, Marie Antoinette. I like the cleavage."

"Wrong time period, evil cheerleader." This school was doing horrible job teaching history.

"Are you going to have sex with Cullen?" Her eyes narrowed.

What?

"Oh my god! Are you?" Boobs exclaimed. "It's going to be so romantic! Unlike Ben and I, you and Edward are soul mates! You are destined to have an amazing sexual awaking that will result in emotional fireworks!"

What?

Trailer Trash Barbie hopped up and sat on the counter of the sink. "Wanna borrow Emmie's new van? He put a mattress in the back. It's very springy!"

She wiggled her eyebrows. Oh they must stop with the talking.

"That's my brother! Gross!" Dictator looked ill. Maybe this would stop all the talking about my evening plans. "Remember to make him wrap it up, Bella."

I wonder if I could curl up under the sink and die now.

"I was planning on being your first time, Bella," Tanya stated. "Want to get it on in a stall?"

"Are you insane?" I asked.

Wait...of course, she is.

I took a deep breath. "Thank you for your concern, ladies. I think. The exception would be you, Tanya. You're demented. Shouldn't you be bothering Jessica?"

"She broke up with me again. Jess thinks I'm needy." Tanya began to pout.

I could see Jessica's point.

"Anyway, this is my decision. Excuse me, but I'm going back out to the horrible music being played by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb."

I walked out the door and right into my kid's arms. He smiled. "Hey beautiful, shall we dance?"

Do we have to?

I still need to pee.