Guilt

- June, 2186

Miranda sat in a darkened room, back on Omega. Everyone had left. She had dropped Mordin off at the port, where he assured her he could make it safely to Sur'Kesh. His protege, Padok Wiks, had arrived on time and Mordin was barely out in the open for a second or two.

Liara had called to inform her Heather was dead.

They had miscalculated on her chances, and her heart had broke.

"I'm sorry... Heather." Miranda whispered to herself. She had forgotten to switch off the terminal, and the room was filled with buzzing noises that, allegedly, caught the noise from the Big Bang.

Liara had been worried that perhaps Alliance Intelligence, now out of options, would now proceed to interrogate Shepard with similar methods. Or did she think that? Miranda wasn't sure. She determined that it hadn't been Liara, but just another part of her mind that had remained functioning. The rest of her had shut down into a numbed silence.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered again.

Henry Lawson's Cerberus goons had invaded and burned her hideout on Ilium. He was closing in. Miranda knew she couldn't stay on Omega much longer. But she still couldn't move a muscle.

"How are things going... Mother?" Liara winked at Hannah sheepishly.

Hannah had bought bagels on her way to her offices. Milque, proving to be totally inept in helping her with her data, busily began toasting and buttering them. The smell of melting butter filled her offices. A small scale model replicated from the actual materials indicated in the ancient alien blue-prints sat on the desk.

"I'll send you some writings that I need deciphering, honey." Hannah received a cup of coffee from Milque, nodding to thank him. "I've sent you the power schematics, last night. Did you take a look?"

"Yes, Mother." Liara replied.

"'Mom'." Hannah corrected. "'Mother' is what Mess would call me when she was angry."

"Yes, Mom." Liara laughed. "I've already looked over the schematics. But the power is enormous. Nothing has ever been built like that."

Hannah indicated her surroundings, waving a hand around her. "Citadel, honey. The Citadel produces that much power. I think the design implies that the damned thing docks with the Citadel. It'll drain the power from it, as well, but augmenting it into quantum cycles to exponential levels."

Liara gasped at the implications.

"But the output would be enormous!" Liara figured the numbers in her head. "The energy alone is greater than a supernova."

"I may be a bit off on the actual numbers." Hannah shrugged. "But that's the vicinity of energy we're talking about. The form of energy, is what's curious. It's not exactly a beam cannon, you know."

Liara nodded, absorbing her words.

"I have a suspicion that even the Protheans were not sure of what it would do. There is little in the writings that actually refers to its purpose."

"Another thing is," Hannah continued. "You can't aim the damned thing. It funnels energy through the Citadel, but all I can say is that it'll randomly transmit to another receiver source of the same form of energy. Can't say what that is yet until I can identify what sings to its tune."

Liara hurriedly finished taking notes.

"How do you like it on Mars, honey?" Hannah asked.

"It's red." Liara sighed, which elicited a laugh from Hannah.

"I remember it being... a bit reddish." Hannah nodded. "I hope the food's gotten better. Messalina used to train on Mars during her N2 rotation. She wasn't very fond of the food, either."

"Everyone has been very helpful, Mom." Liara chirped happily. "It has been a more cooperative than what I have yet to experience from the Alliance until now."

"That's a relief." Hannah smiled. "I bet they're falling over themselves having the pre-eminent Prothean expert in their midst."

"Almost everyone." A look of concern passed over Liara's face. "There's been a new member recently arrived from Earth. A Doctor Eva Core. I haven't been able to find her credentials in academia. My other ... sources... have also failed to uncover anything."

Hannah furrowed her brows.

"Eva Core... The name is ... familiar." she replied faintly. "I've heard of it before."

Hannah's memory failed to grasp the significance immediately, remaining quiet. It was a distant name, something from a conversation reaching as far back to when John was still alive. She had buried most of the memories from back then, and now it was so safely hidden away that she found it difficult retrieving them.

"I'll try looking into it." Hannah assured Liara. "But I don't think it's anything good. Be careful, honey."

"Yes, Mom."

"Any news from Mess?" Hannah asked finally, hopefully. But Liara's eyes were sad, and both knew they needed no words. "Okay, honey. Take care of yourself."

"Good bye, Mom." Liara waved before signing off.

"Messalina Shepard."

Shepard had been keeping herself occupied by reading. She had been an avid reader when she was young, before she left home for the Marines. Naturally the rigorous work of the marine grunt never allowed for her to catch up on her literature, and it was only until Ashley had started quoting Tennyson like an infatuated little girl that Messalina thought of returning to her books. James had carted over stacks of reading material which Messalina had hungrily devoured. She had expected it was James with a fresh cart of books, when Admiral Emily Hayes entered the room.

Messalina got up, excitedly and embraced her warmly.

"Em!" Shepard, hungry for any company other than James, let the Admiral over to her table. "How have you been? How long have you been on Earth?"

"I just got here from Arcturus, Mess." Hayes lied, smiling warmly as she seated herself.

"How's the Second?" Messalina asked, reaching for the coffee pot which she had dripping cold Dutch Coffee. She offered the rare essence to Hayes. "Try this."

Hayes tasted the stark bitterness of the cup and set it down. "Change of taste, Mess?"

Messalina grinned, dog-earing her book before setting it down.

"I've began to enjoy the bitterness in life." Messalina shrugged, with a mischievous grin.

"Huh," Hayes snorted. "I've heard the Citadel released a formal statement." Hayes informed her, "they said, quote, Spectre Messalina Shepard is an operative of the Council and acted in authority to its intergalactic laws, end quote."

"That's it?" Messalina arched her eyebrows.

Hayes shrugged. "We've repeatedly asked them to state their position on the Bahak incident, but they simply replied with that same message again. I'm not sure if they're defending you or not."

Messalina poured herself a cup.

"Any word from Mom?"

Hayes shook her head. "Hannah's been taking research seriously. Hadn't been responding to my calls, lately. Frankly, I deserve it. I've tried to calm her down after your whole trial started catching flames. She seemed upset about your actions. If you'd like, I'd pass on a letter if you want to talk to her."

Messalina's face froze in her smile for a fraction of a second. Hayes, set down her cup, only to turn to see Messalina's face had suddenly turned frigidly cold.

"Indeed." Messalina replied. Her voice had changed. It was deep and husky, slightly dripping of dark bitterness.

"Mess?" Hayes prodded cautiously.

"I've hated my mother all my life, Hayes." Messalina kicked back, folding her arms. "But I assure you, I know her better than anyone else. Especially more than an old woman who's never had a family before. Blood runs thick, you know?"

"Commander Shepard-" Hayes glared, provoked by the sudden disrespect.

"It's just Shepard, Hayes." Messalina replied, coolly. "I've been discharged, remember? Or did you forget that you were the one who petitioned for it."

"How-?"

"I worked Intel all my life, Hayes." Messalina interrupted. "You think you have me cornered in a cage, segregated from life. You forget that I have a Window. I've seen you coming in and out of this building for weeks. I've seen you talking to Ashley Williams. Do you think for a moment that I'm your average little rank-whipped subordinate?"

Hayes was suddenly aware at how different Messalina seemed. She had never seen her like this before. Briefly, she wondered if this was the face that her enemies had looked at before they died. Indeed, Messalina had carried the six months of solitary confinement like no one else. While Hayes had been distracted by drilling the investigation, she had forgot that Messalina had not crumbled for a moment under the isolation. A fearful thought entered her mind; had Messalina been grinding her knife all through the six months, never relaxing for an instance? The person before her seemed like a captive, not harrowed through months of isolation, but freshly caught in the wild. The eyes shown with predatory hunger.

"I've pieced together the problem, Hayes." Messalina continued. "The problem is you. Council pardon, Hackett's vouching, Anderson's pleas all fall short. Mikhailovich is an idiot. He could never orchestrate anything. But you. You're different. You're the Master of the Second. The hero of Shanxi. But you're more than that aren't you, grandmother?"

Hayes felt her heart almost stop, freezing in place. Her skin seemed to shrink, pilar muscles contracting to goose bumps.

"You... you knew?" Hayes stammered.

"It's taken some time." Messalina nodded. "I've suspected it for some time. I was curious why you would take such an interest in me. I always thought it was because you were such a loner, and Hannah was such a bright and endearing person, eh? But Hannah's never been anything but frigid to almost everyone. I've seen closely what sort of people are easy on you. They're the usual loud mouthed brash and charismatic bunch... like Ashley. Not anything like the Shepard girls, right? So, what sort of person, being a superior officer, would take such a personal liking to her subordinate, beyond anyone else? Your attachment to Hannah was extraordinary. You fluttered about her like, what else? A mother."

"That's flimsy-"

"You confirmed it, Hayes. So shut up." Messalina smiled, calmly. "What sort of mother would dance around her daughter like that? Hannah has never been like that to me. You of all people should know that Hannah always regarded me with a mix of dismay at my ingratitude. But not you. You never seemed to be shaken even when Hannah was at her worst towards you. What else than a guilty mother?"

Hayes buried her face in her hands.

"Hannah was an orphan, Hayes." Shepard sipped her coffee. "You abandoned her. Then you tried to work off your guilt. But a leopard never changes its spots, do they? When matters got worse, with me causing trouble, you turned back to your old habits. You discarded her. Again."

Hayes remained silent; Messalina savored the moment, relishing.

"A friend of mine told me a tale, of how his father tried to kill him." Messalina shrugged. "At first, I related to him. I replaced his father with Hannah, and easily slipped into his shoes. But Wrex is a good old soul, nothing as vicious as me. His father was an estranged power hungry old man. My mother, while cynical and silly, was still my mother. My mother would never do anything to harm me. So, you slipped, Hayes."

Messalina sat up, poking at Hayes who kept her face buried.

"We're not like you, Hayes." Messalina teased. "We'd never abandon each other. Hate her or love her, she's still my Mother. Something, I believe, you will never understand."

Hayes glared up at Shepard, her makeup blurred with the torrent of tears.

"You don't understand, Messalina!" Hayes implored. "You don't know how difficult it is, to be a Mother."

Messalina laughed, genuinely amused. "That's the most ludicrous piece of crap I've heard all year. Go shove it up your ass where it belongs with the rest of your shitty lies."

"I have a fleet to care for! I had men and women of the service under my command!"

"I know a woman," Messalina's face hardened. "who could do it all."

"And what have you to speak of for your atrocities?" Hayes shot back. "Your vile war crimes. You are pushing us to the brink of war. What can you say of a mother who birthed a Murderer?"

Messalina shrugged. "You're becoming boring, Hayes. A one-note song. I've done explaining myself to you. Go off and delude yourself, as much as you want."

"You're the one deluding yourself, Messlina!" Hayes slammed her fist down, angrily. "Ancient robots, by God! You're crazy. Cycles of destruction! If you could only hear yourself."

"I'm tired of convincing you and your cronies, Hayes." Messalina turned away, picking up her book.

Hayes, seeing that Messalina had begun to act as if she was no longer in the room, warily got up.

"I'm sorry about Hannah... I'm sorry, Messalina, grand-daughter."

"No you aren't." Messalina replied.

"Eva Core... Eva Core... " Hannah muttered to herself.

The face that appeared on her screen was different from the one Liara had sent her.

"This is probably the Eva Core you remember, Mom." Liara was on the screen again. "She was an associate of the person suspected to have started Cerberus. The Cerberus Manifesto also credits her name as one of the authors."

Hannah nodded. "John... Messalina's father, served as a Marine for General Williams. He mentioned them to me. General Williams believed that the Turians had executed the writers, but with the Cerberus Manifesto, later listing their names, John believed that one of them was alive. I don't think that one is Eva Core, though."

"The Alias reeks of Cerberus involvemen-" alarms began blaring over behind Liara.

"What's that!" Hannah jumped from her seat. "Liara!"

Liara hurriedly glanced behind her. "I have to go, Mom."

"No!" Hannah cried. A feeling of dread overwhelmed her as Liara echoed Messalina's own words as she had begged her daughter to return home to her. The screen was replaced by static.

Milque hurried over to her, placing a calming hand on her shoulders.

"Everything alright, Ma'am?"

"Call Admiral Hackett, Milque." Hannah tried to calm herself. "I think something terrible has happened on Mars."