AN: Heading towards the last inning in this story, gang. I might be coming up with something else silly for you!

Chapter 89

I did not, in fact, turn into a sex manic.

Things happen like studying for finals and graduation preparations that can put a damper on what the rappers call it, the bump and grind.

Also, Baseball Boy was getting on my last damn nerve with the wedding talk. It makes this girl less likely to want to get touchy feely.

"It doesn't have to be a big wedding!" He explained, as we headed to the locker room at the end of the day. It was one of the last practices of the season, being that we would be all heading in to the great big world soon enough. "Dad can barbecue in the backyard and Jacob can DJ!"

"Jacob will do no such thing!" I have been subjected enough to Black's questionable skills at trying to play music. "There will be no wedding for years, kid. Get that idea out of your skull right this instant!"

I almost yelled it. I have rarely showed so much emotion, since I was three and wanted that stuffed, realistic octopus from the aquarium. Renee thought it wasn't girly enough and bought me a pink penguin.

Let us just say, the temper tantrum I threw lives in aquarium lore. I was banned for ten years for scaring the sea lions. I'm slightly proud of this fact. It really was the pink penguin's fault for being so ugly.

"I think we need to think how perfect a wedding would be before we leave for school..."

"I'm not losing my scholarships, because you want to pull a Billy Idol and have a White Wedding." My kid, not surprisingly, looked confused. He was not a fan of the eighties. I grabbed my backpack off his back. It would be considered sweet the way he was so chivalrous, but today it was annoying. "We still need to pick a damn school."

"Harvard?"

"Hells no. James Taylor is my arch enemy and I refuse to hang around him in Bean Town." I glared at the thought.

My kid shook his head condescendingly. "He's not that bad! He's quite perfect for Angela."

"I'm only being civil to him for Boob's sake. But I tell you what, kid, my eyes are on him. He will screw up and when he does, I will bring down the thunder!" I exclaimed. I felt so cranky. I think my blood sugar is low. "No Boston."

"New York?" He asked.

That's when the squabbling Teeth and Kate walked up. Things had been tense between the dynamic duo, since Teeth's poor playing at the last baseball game.

"With those two?" Teeth was headed to NYU and Kate to Pratt. "I'd rather visit them. Thank you very much."

Kate was fuming. "Cutting me off from all contact will not help your pitching average, Garrett!"

"Kate Hudson, Coach says..."

"Your coach is an asshole, man!" Kate yelled. "We can kiss! I'm not telling you to put your hand down my pants."

Oh. Well. Umm. I really didn't need that visual.

"Mary Jane, let's let the idiot boys change for practice and we can draw pictures of them being maimed in horrific ways. That would be fun," I suggested. She was quite the talented artist. "That way you can pour out your anger visually and not beat Teeth to death with your backpack."

She glared at her boyfriend. "I guess he wants to break up. Is that what you want, Garrett?"

Teeth looked like he was ready to cry. "I love you, Kate Hudson."

This melodrama was annoying. This was Fork's High School, not Days of Our Lives. If I wanted to watch a soap opera, I would have skipped school and watched from the comfort of my couch.

I grabbed Kate's arm. "Mary Jane and I are going to the bleachers. Kid talk some sense into Teeth."

James Taylor sauntered up. I hate his face. "Swan."

"Bad folk singer." I added, "How goes it?"

"I find you to be a horrible example of womanhood." He winked.

"Good, because I think you are one step up from pond algae." I stuck my tongue out at him. "All is right with the world when we can insult each other."

He nodded in agreement. "Indeed it is."

Kate and I left our men without a good-bye and found Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and the lone African American kid of Fork's High sitting in our seats.

"What are you all doing here?" Didn't they know it was our spot?

Jacob threw his hands in the air. "He won't admit he knows Diddy!"

"You can't tell me that you honestly think, because I'm black I have an in with all rappers!" Larry exclaimed.

"How about Jay Z?" Jacob pulled out a binder of pictures he cut out of magazines. "I want to recreate his look!"

"My ni..." I threw my hand over Seth's mouth. He mumbled into my hand.

"You don't say that, idiot." I felt something wet against my hand. He licked me. Gross. I pulled my hand away. "I'm going to kill you now."

"Aww girl, you taste like strawberries and love making!" I wonder where I could hide Seth's decomposing body. The idiot didn't stop talking, "I was going to say, that the Fork's Romeo, which is me, does a nighttime ritual just like Jay Z. Lotions and love potions, baby! Hey Laurent, can you score me some FUBU?"

I think their mother's might have been on drugs during conception.

"Isn't it Larry?" Kate asked in confusion.

"I was, you fine honey, until I saw that cheerleading vision." He pointed to Tanya doing her cheers and trying to flash me. That delusional red head was annoying. "I think I can seduce her better as a French man!"

This could be hilarious. I need this to make my week complete.

"I think you're correct, Larry." I came up with so many possibilities to make Tanya's week horrible. "I'll help you. The one thing said about Isabella Marie Swan is that I'm a giver."

Kate snickered. "No one says that."

"Hush, Mary Jane." I looked at Larry. "We have plans to make."

That's when Jacob yelled, "No fucking way!"

The Giant was streaking down the baseball fields naked. He was tiny. Maybe his large size dwarfed his penis.

He screamed, "I'm King of Forks!"

Distracted my kid lowered his baseball bat. "I am, Emmett!"

Teeth hit my kid in the leg with a baseball.

Kate jumped up. "I told you my body wasn't distracting you, Garrett!"

I wandered over to console my kid.

Ahh yes, senioritis has begun.