Okay, so this chapter is going to wrap up several things so that we can move on to stuff that's plot important, like the Landsmeet! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and this is definitely a reward for you guys that have been hardcore shipping of couples throughout the long story and hiatus. Thanks for sticking it out! I really appreciate all of you, even the lurkers. Also, just as a warning: There's some strong language about half way through the chapter, and I seriously considered turning the rating of this story from T to M. In the end however, I decided that if "X-Men: First Class" could keep a PG13 rating while Wolverine dropped the F-bomb, then I could keep this story T. If you think differently, please send me a message or leave a review and I'll take it under advisement. I seriously don't want to get booted this late in the game, and I doubt you guys want to see this story disappear either. With that in mind, read on and cheers to you all~
"Ah, it's good to see you up and about again."
Solona turned to see Fergus in the doorway wearing a set of dark blue noblemen's finery minus some key items, like he had just walked in the door and was getting ready to turn down for the night. Dressed like the nobility he was, Solona had the sudden intense urge to bow but restrained herself to a polite nod. "You're looking very nice Fergus. If the Landsmeet didn't recognize you before, they're sure to tomorrow." By comparison she felt like an under-dressed peasant, which she was when it all boiled down really. With the Landsmeet looming on the horizon tomorrow, she was starting to feel more and more nervous. It had been enough time since her encounter with the magister that she was steady on her feet, but the abuse she had suffered had left her sensitive to emotions. She didn't even have to prick her finger to feel the thoughts of others brushing up against her mind, so she had been avoiding everyone until she could get everything under control again. Even Fergus' mild sense of indecision was clear as day to her, the feeling radiating from him in waves that she could do little to ignore.
"Unfortunately, half the battle in politics is all about appearances." Fergus replied with an absent smile, seeming to be thinking something over. He took a small step back and gestured down the hall. "Would you walk with me a bit?"
She was curious and slightly wary, but eventually her curiosity won out and she stepped out into the hall with him. "Is something the matter?" He didn't seem to have any deeply buried feeling of malicious intent, though after a few weeks of getting to know him, she would have a hard time believing that the gentle-natured man could wish her any ill will unless she specifically intended to harm Aedan.
"Oh, no." Fergus replied with a smile that was more genuine, his amusement flickering to life. "Nothing dire. I've just had a long time to think about a lot of things. After all I have been through and all of the things my brother has seen and done… Well, there's a lot of ways that tomorrow could go wrong." They were heading for the second floor now and Solona started becoming even more curious, trying to not eavesdrop on Fergus' emotions and instead concentrated on walking up the stairs. "Whatever the outcome is, I hope that you'll remain at my brother's side. I think… that he would be a very different person if you hadn't been there to support him."
Stunned was not a strong enough word. Solona felt she got on amiably enough with Fergus, though she knew that he only tolerated her presence because Aedan was such a staunch protector. To hear him thank her was almost surreal. "I-I don't know what to say…" She knew he was being honest; she could feel it.
They were upstairs now and heading for the family living quarters. Fergus opened a door to a room that Solona had never seen touched in the days she had spent at the estate. It was a bedroom furnished very much like Aedan's, and she realized that it must have been Fergus' room before the betrayal. Despite having been untouched for months, the room was dust-free. Solona guessed that Rebecca had seen to making sure that the place was clean if either of the Cousland brothers saw fit to use it.
"I wanted to thank you for what you've done." Fergus said and walked in the room, quiet sadness clinging to him and playing across his features, though the deep heartache he felt could not be hidden from the mage. Solona hesitated at the door, watching Fergus walk to a large oak wardrobe and open it, looking at whatever was inside then gesturing for Solona to come join him. "I think that after all is said and done, you have earned a place with my house several times over. The Couslands take care of their own, and if you would like, then I would have you continue to stand at my brother's side. Not as an outsider, but as one of us." He stepped aside to let Solona see what was in the wardrobe, and she gasped in surprise.
They were gowns, in all colors and styles and made of very high quality material. She blinked, disbelief plainly on her face and gaped at Fergus. "You want me to wear one?"
He nodded, seeming to get some amusement out of her surprise. "If you are part of the Cousland house, then you must bear the burden with a certain amount of dignity and honor. A proper outfit goes a long way in that direction. The rest… well, you've already proven you're quite capable, I think."
Slowly, Solona reached out to touch one of the dresses, an amber and brown color like the leaves of fall. "I… I don't know what to say. Thank you."
"It will be thanks enough for me when Aedan sees you in one of these. I've convinced him to leave you well enough alone in your choice of wear for tomorrow's event, though if he could, he would have done this first." He grinned and took Solona's hand in one of his own, brushing a courtly kiss across her knuckles. "Thank you for watching over him when I could not." He patted her hand and left the room, leaving Solona with the wardrobe.
•º•.•º•
The Alienage drew him back like a moth to a flame, and Theron couldn't even begin to understand why. He hated this place. The helplessness of the elves swamped him upon stepping foot over the bridge. The stark squalor of the buildings and streets that stood in rickety rows spoke of the rampant poverty that bred here. Yet Theron could not keep away.
It was dark, the sun having set an hour ago and he was the only soul on the streets. Everyone seemed to be inside, either mourning or celebrating the return of the elves that had been captured and the loss of those that weren't saved. He followed the cobble road to the center of the Alienage where the Vhenadahl stood and approached the ancient tree reverently. He placed his hands on the rough bark, tracing its contours gently, the tiniest of smiles breaking his grim visage.
"The hahren doesn't like it when strangers touch our tree." A voice called from above him and Theron looked around to see who was talking. It took him a moment, but eventually he spotted a figure laying on one of the thick lower branches, a leg dangling over the side casually. "They say that the tree's alive or some such, watches over us elves. Pah!"
His brows furrowing in confusion, Theron stepped back to get a better look at the speaker. "Kallian?"
"Correct ser!" She giggled drunkenly, swinging her legs over the side of the branch to face Theron, a bottle in her hand. "Though I s'pose you'd know more 'bout trees and the like, eh?" She took a pull from her bottle, disappointed when it was empty and jumped down from the branch, tossing the bottle aside. By the way she swayed it was obvious that she was intoxicated. "Oy! Fairy boy! Draw!"
Theron remained puzzled and unsure how to react to that until Kallian drew her blades from her boots and attacked him with a wild ferocity that he would have thought entirely impossible for her to pull off in her intoxicated state. It took all of his skill to not be ripped apart by her daggers, the small biting blades slipping through his defenses with a startling amount of frequency.
As the fight went on however, her precision attacks became broad sloppy ones, her expression had changed from a cocky grin to one filled with anguish and her blade work quickly turned desperate. It didn't take much to disarm her, sending one blade clattering to the dirt when she attempted a reckless overhead swing and Kallian overbalanced without her weapon. Theron swept her legs out from under her and she landed on her backside with a yelp. He kicked her remaining dagger out of her hand for good measure, but the fight had left her. She lay on the ground, staring at the sky from her place on the ground and didn't even so much as twitch when Theron sheathed his swords and knelt next to her.
"What's gotten into you?" He growled, fearing for her sanity. "Have you lost your mind?"
Kallian was silent for a long moment, and finally took a deep inhale of breath. "I just wanted to fight someone who knows what it's like t'lose everythin'."
"Kallian…" Theron sighed and sat down next to her in the dirt, crossing his legs and draping his wrists over his knees. "You haven't lost everything, lethallan."
Her eyes flicked to his face, preparing to be offended. "What did you just call me?"
A smile twitched at the corner of his lips. "Friend."
Kallian was confused for a moment, and then turned to quiet acceptance and her gaze slid back to the skies. "I don't usually condone pity parties." Came her gruff response after a moment of silent contemplation.
"I'm not pitying you." Theron muttered in response. "Grieving for your father is your right. But remember you still have family and friends, and a community that will be there for you. You've saved many of your people, lethallan. Be proud of that."
She guffawed, but it lacked heart. "I couldn't save my da." She said quietly, and Theron was sure that she was on the verge of tears. "This whole time he thought I was dead. They all did. Damnit…" She squeezed her palms over her eyes and bit her lip, the alcohol affecting her ability to keep her stubborn sarcastic mask in place. "And now he's on some boat, a slave. Maker why?ˆ"
Theron was silent. He had no comforting words for her. Eventually Kallian dropped her hands back on the dirt, her eyes watering but no tears fell. "Soris an' Shianni 'ave been pussy footin' 'round me all day. I'm sick of it."
"Do you want to come back to the estate?" He asked before giving himself proper time to think about the offer. Kallian made it easy on him though, shaking her head no.
"I wanna do something." She said and sat up, struggling on wobbly legs to stand. Theron got up and offered her a helping hand, but she still swayed even when gripping his shoulder with both hands. "Lets go rob somebody. I haven't robbed anyone in days."
"You can barely walk a straight line and you want to steal something?" Theron asked, incredulous. How could she possibly think this was a good idea?
"Yeah." Kallian replied, undeterred and let go of Theron, picking up her daggers and re-sheathing them in her boots with surprising surety. "Maybe go knock over a caravan or something. Tip some cows. I dunno, something."
Tip cows? This was definitely the alcohol talking now. Kallian was going to turn into a walking menace if he left her to her own devices. "Let's start with a walk and see if you can hold your feet."
She cocked a befuddled look at him. "Why would I hold my feet?" She asked, completely serious. "I mean, s'not like I can't. I'm pretty bendy. But it's hard to walk all bent over like this-" Kallian proceeded to reach down and grab the toes of her boots in demonstration.
Theron did his best not to sigh in exasperation. This was exactly why he didn't drink. But Kallian was on to bigger and better things and started walking down the street with a slight wobble in her walk. "Need to pave these damn roads!" She shouted to no one in particular after tripping over thin air. "Crooked as the Void! Blast, who put this Maker forsaken barrel in the middle of the road? Sodding Blighters!" The barrel was not in fact in the middle of the road, but she kicked it anyway to teach it a lesson and continued on her warpath through the Alienage.
Theron caught up to spot her just within arm's reach, afraid that she would fall over at this rate. Howe she had fought so well before was now completely beyond him. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To the bloody Chantry!" Kallian replied much louder than was necessary. "This is all their damn fault!"
Though Theron had to agree that the Chantry didn't seem much good for anything, he wasn't seeing the immediate connection. "Their fault for what?"
"All of this!" She shouted, gesturing wildly with her arms flailing in the air unhelpfully. "Bloody Arl's fucking son comes in here screwing everyone over! But does the Maker do anythin' 'bout it? Noooooo! No he sodding DOESN'T! Too busy screwing Holy damn mother bloody Andraste in his pretty little Fade palace. Well SCREW THAT! I'm gonna go give those holy mothers a piece of my damn mind. Right. NOW. And their stupid Templars in their stupid shiny armor can shove their gloves up their asses if they think they can stop me!"
He was certain that Kallian would have woken up most of the Alienage by this point, yelling at the top of her lungs like this. But the elves seemed too entrenched in their own dealings to give any notice to a lone ranting elf on the street raising a ruckus. They were already at the bridge, Kallian apparently intent on stomping her way over to the closed gates as fast as her inebriated state would allow. "You're really planning on knocking down the Chantry doors in the middle of the night?"
"Damn straight I am." Kallian snarled and tried unsuccessfully to shove the gates open. When that didn't work she rolled her shoulders and leapt, grabbing one of the reinforcing horizontal wooden beams and started climbing.
Theron only had a couple of seconds to worry about her falling down and breaking her neck when she slipped and fell backwards, nearly taking him down with her. Theron barely caught her before she hit the cobblestones, and once she'd recovered from the shock of falling Kalian started weakly struggling to get out of his arms. "Leggo!"
"Not if you're just going to try and get yourself killed again." Theron replied, holding her down with his greater strength. "Just stop a minute!"
"I can't!" Kallian wailed and gave one last pull before slumping with her back to Theron's chest, limp. "If I stop, I think." Her voice was tight and bordering on a sob. She shuddered in his arms, the emotions threatening to break through. "I can't-"
He never saw the tears that Kallian shed; he only felt the wet drops on his forearm. "Let's get you home, lethellan." He said quietly and released her.
Kallian nodded silently, keeping her face averted and started walking back the way she'd come but stumbled again and nearly pitched face first into the ground. With a concerned frown Theron walked in front of her. "I'll carry you back." Apparently she was too beside herself to argue and climbed on, burying her face between her arm and Theron's neck, silently shuddering with sobs as the Warden carried her home and turned her over to a pair of worried cousins that quickly saw her to bed.
•º•.•º•
Solona stared at the knapsack on her bed, half full of clothes. Next to it were a couple of small bottles with liquid lyrim in them, an empty water skin and a couple of extra pairs of shoes. It was all she owned in the world, and she was trying to decide how best to carry it all. Or did she want to carry it at all? The debate had been raging in her head for the better part of the day.
To stay, or to go?
Her head told her to flee. Denerim was crawling with Templars. It made no sense to stay here, broken phylactery or otherwise. Plus, she was putting everyone else in danger by remaining here. Surely the deadly goose chase she had cut across Ferelden had earned her a spot on the top of the Templar's wanted list. If she stayed in place for too long, rumors and hearsay would eventually lead them straight to her. The Mage's Collective might be able to get her passage out of Ferelden, or at least started in the right direction.
Her heart, on the other hand, was strongly rebelling at the very thought of even so much as leaving the city. Everything she had worked for was here. Kallian would be devastated if she suddenly went missing without even saying goodbye, and Solona didn't even want to contemplate Aedan's reaction. Even Fergus seemed to have accepted her role here and had welcomed her into the fold. Her head tried to tell her heart that the price of her freedom was to constantly be on the run, but her heart wasn't going to be hearing any of it and the two sides stubbornly continued to tear her in opposite directions.
Keran trotted by the door, pausing at Solona's room and made his way in, brushing past the partially closed door. He came to her side, putting his paws up on the bed and gave a soft woof.
She smiled, patting the dog's broad head. "I don't suppose that you could tell me what to do, could you boy?" The mabari grumbled, his tail wagging once. She smiled sadly and then started packing in the vials of lyrium. "Go on boy, get yourself a squirrel or something." Keran grumbled at her disapprovingly, then got his paws off the bed and trotted back out into the hall, leaving her alone once more.
With a sigh Solona unpacked her stuff again, her heart winning out briefly in the silent argument she was having with herself before her brain rallied and she stared packing again, arranging it differently to try and make the lyrium accessible but less likely to break. She repeated this process several times, completely absorbed in the task while she turned over her options in her head, planning escapes, what she would say if anyone saw her leaving.
"Taking a trip?"
Solona whirled around, finding Aedan in her doorway, leaning against the frame with a neutral look on his face. He seemed unbothered by what he was seeing, though she felt her heart sink, knowing it was probably just a cover. Sensitive as she was to emotions, she couldn't feel his, indicating that he probably had a tight reign on his feelings lest they get the better of him. She winced, sitting down on her bed among a pile of half-folded clothes. "I don't know." Keran appeared at the door, looking guilty, and Solona hoped that the mabari could read her mind when she called the dog a traitor.
"I see." His eyes flicked over the gear piled on her bed then invited himself in, standing just over the threshold. "I don't suppose I could make any suggestions to sway you to stay."
A pained smiled crossed Solona's face, and she picked up one of the lyrium bottles, tracing the waxed top with her fingers. "I don't even know if I want to leave." She admitted quietly, picking absently at a piece of the melted wax. "But I don't know if it would be right to stay."
Aedan crossed the short distance between them, moved aside some of her stuff and sat next to her on the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees. "You know I want you to stay."
"I do." She whispered back and then set the bottle on the floor, picking up the second one and placing it by the first. "But that's also part of the reason I think I should go. We can't… I don't think you want me to stay for…the right reason."
Aedan frowned at that, threading his fingers together. "I actually thought there were several good reasons that I wanted you to stay." He replied, for the first time letting his annoyance show throw his carefully neutral tone. The tight wall he had around his emotions cracked enough for her to sense the anger broiling just beneath the surface, though it was gone as quickly as it came. "For one, you're damn good to have around in a pinch. Secondly, Kallian would gut me if you left. And third," he reached over and took her hand gently, his voice dropping low. "I love you. All of you." His thumb rested on the crest of a particularly vivid scar, a recent one on her wrist she had been unable to completely erase after her brief time as a prisoner.
Her heart hammered in her chest, a flurry of butterflies suddenly deciding to take flight in her stomach. She knew she was blushing but couldn't help it and looked down, gently drawing back her hand. "That's what I was afraid of."
Aedan stared at the side of her face for a few moments, then stood and closed the door, taking to pacing the length of the bed. "Would it make you feel better if I said that I was a monster too?"
Solona looked up sharply, obviously confused. "What are you talking about?" She couldn't get a read on him, try as though she might.
A bitter grin tugged at the corner of his lips in response. "I'm just like him." He gestured vaguely in the general direction of the wall. "Like Howe. A murderer. I was so happy to see him dead, I enjoyed killing him." He turned away from her, resuming his pacing and the cork began to leak, the bitter regret of his actions only just a few days ago warring with the dark satisfaction of having claimed brutal justice. "I've done exactly what Howe did. Murdered any bastards in my way for his title. He had three children; all of them were my friends. What will they think now, their father lying dead in the dungeon where I left that swine to rot? They'll come after me, I'm sure. When does the cycle end? When all of our heirs lie dead? Or does it go past that?"
Solona was left speechless. Her encounter with the magister had left her sensitive to the emotions of others even without drawing blood, and the more Aedan talked the more vivid they became, turning from a small trickle to a full flood. She felt like she was drowning, swallowed by the soul-consuming guilt that had been unleashed on Aedan with the downfall of his greatest foe. Tears fell unbidden from her eyes and she wiped them away quickly, standing and stopped Aedan mid-step, touching his face gently, surprising him with the action. He stood still, letting her press her palms lightly to his jaw and held him so that he would look at her. "You are nothing like him." She whispered, her tone indicating a steadfast resolve that elicited the smallest of smiles from Aedan.
But he was not going to be swayed so easily. Not until his point was thoroughly made. "How?" He asked with a hint of bitterness, rising to his full height and pulling his face from her hands with the motion. "Tell me how I'm not like him. I slaughtered him in his own home. You saw it. It wasn't a quick death. I wanted him to suffer. I enjoyed watching him die. I hope he finds no peace in the Void, that some demon will find his soul before he reaches the Maker and it rips him apart. How am I so different?"
Solona let her hands drop, but she still stood strong, refusing to be cowed. She hurt to see him this way, tearing himself apart with guilt. If she had not been trying so desperately not to be overwhelmed she might have noticed that he was holding something back, but as it was it was all she could do to keep her head above water. Howe's death had not been a graceful one, she couldn't deny that. The way Aedan had dispatched him was a painful and slow way to die, but now the vengeance was done. She took a breath to steady herself and straightened her shoulders. "He wouldn't have felt guilty afterwards." She said quietly, trying to catch his eyes. "He was a coward, and what he did to your family was slaughter. You faced him fairly with no tricks or pretenses of friendship. He knew exactly what was happening when you broke through that door, there was never any question about it. By all accounts, he got what he deserved. Never doubt that you are the better man Aedan."
"He was a hero once." Aedan replied, his voice deceptively quiet though it cracked slightly with wavering emotion. "He was a good man once, then time changed him and now look at what he's become. Traitor to his country, betrayer of his friends, his reputation ruined and life put to end at the blade of someone he hated most. How long is it until I do that? Until I decide that his children need to die as well?"
"Stop!" She reached out and touched his arm, Aedan very nearly jumping out of his skin at the contact and looked at her hand like it was some strange alien thing. With a deep breath she had to get control of herself, realizing that she had let some of her control of her magic slip, enough that he would have noticed the touch of the Fade. "Stop it! Aedan, you'll never turn into him. Never. You're so much stronger, so much better and honest and… and I won't let you."
"Won't let me?" He asked, touching Solona's hand. "Like I won't let you give up on yourself? It's going to be hard to stop me if you're on the other side of Thedas."
Belatedly, Solona realized that he had her beat there, her own compassion working against her. He had maneuvered her right into the corner that she needed to be in. Her hesitation to come up with a witty reply gave Aedan the opportunity to pull Solona into the cradle of his chest and brush a kiss against the mage's lips. She stiffened in surprise but did not resist, letting him have his moment before pushing away enough to look him in the eye.
"Aedan, don't." Her voice was barely a thread of a whisper.
"Why?"
She had been afraid that one day he would return her feelings, but as much as she had feared it she had craved it, ached to feel in real life what the demons of the Fade had promised her. Now here he was, setting aside who they were for the chance of a moment's happiness. That ache she had buried firmly under layers of restraint reserved for resisting Fade demons had come roaring to the forefront of her mind, almost becoming a physical need. "Because-" Her eyes flicked to the door briefly. She knew that she could run. He was honorable enough not to chase her down. But as her eyes wandered his face and took in all the emotions present on the surface, displayed so readily, she couldn't leave him. Not like this.
"Because," Her breath hitched in her throat. "-there's stuff all over my bed. I've got to move it off before you wrinkle all my clothes."
Aedan was so surprised that he actually chuckled, planting a wild kiss on Solona's lips. "Can't have wrinkled clothes. Whatever would you do?"
"Cry, I'm sure." She replied with a giggle of her own, relieved beyond words that the tension had been broken. She could feel it in his chest when she ran her hands over the front of his shirt, reaching up the play with the fringes of his hair at the back of his neck. Slowly she pulled his head down, initiating the kiss this time.
The dam broke then, all of the carefully cultured restraint that Aedan had honed finally broke and he pushed Solona against the wall. She gasped at his sudden ferocity but didn't resist, her back pressed solidly against the stone and she traded a fiery kiss for one of his, stealing her breath away. His emotions went wild, and tears pricked the back of her eyes at what she felt, the overwhelming love and lust radiating from him quickly overtaking her conscious train of thought until there was very little left but answering desire.
Her hands splayed against the thick muscles of his shoulders, standing on tip toe and arching into his kisses. He tugged at her bodice and she was quick to do away with the interfering piece of clothing, the tips of her fingers burning hot enough to sear through the lacing in back. Aedan's calloused hands made short work of her dress and it joined the bodice on the floor, leaving her in a thin slip that was hardly any protection from their shared heat.
Her last coherent thought as Aedan stripped off the slip was that Kallian had better not be on the other side of the door listening, or there would be hell to pay in the morning.