Roy thought about it for a moment. I love Riza Hawkeye. That much is known. but I don't know whether she loves me. Better to be safe and not ask, especially with these anti-fraternisation laws. Roy sighed, then started on Edward's report once again, finding a total of ten mistakes, one on every sheet.

"I'll hand it back to Fullmetal then. I can't file it when it contains all these mistakes." He informed, standing up and walking to the door.

"You don't have anymore paperwork to do, sir. So you may do whatever you please." Riza said, and Roy laughed.

"It's true what people say then. You really are my babysitter!" He joked, then exited the room, still smiling.

"Disappointing, Fullmetal." Roy tutted, handing the papers back to him. Edward gave him a nasty look.

"I was tired." Ed shot back. Roy laughed, then tapped him on the head.

"Go to bed early then." He suggested.

"I can't." Ed replied, jutting his chin.

"What time did you go to sleep last night?"

"Five in the morning." Roy's eyes widened considerably.

"Five in the morning?" He exclaimed.

"Yup." Ed confirmed.

"Why?"

"I'm not telling you." Ed replied, looking at him. Roy cocked his head.

"Why not? I'm your superior, Fullmetal. I may be able to help you with your sleeping problem. I have a remedy, you know. It's called warm milk." Roy smirked, earning himself a death glare from Ed.

"I'm NOT drinking something that comes from a cow's udders, Colonel Idiot! No, it's something else." Ed sighed, then looked at Roy again.

"Hey, have you realized that you love Lt. Hawkeye yet?" He asked abruptly, making Roy give a double take.

"N-none of your business, Fullmetal." He stammered, earning a smirk from Ed.

"Thought you did."

"H-HEY! I told you nothing! Keep you mouth zipped, Fullmetal!" Roy ordered. Ed laughed, then looked thoughtful for a good ten seconds, then determined.

"Kneel." He ordered. Roy raised an eyebrow.

"And why would I do that? You're my subordinate- I give you commands. And I don't particularly want to ruin my uniform." Roy responded, but Ed was adamant.

"Kneel." Ed repeated, more forcefully this time.

"No."

"GODDAMN YOU MUSTANG, KNEEL!" Ed yelled, forcibly pushing an unsuspecting Roy down onto his knees.

"FULLMETAL! I'LL HAVE YOU PUNISHED FOR THIS!" He yelled in reply, but Ed paid no attention.

"There, now we're face to face." He said triumphantly.

"Why do I have to be face to face with you? I'd rather look down on you, thank you very much." Roy said.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM ABOVE YOUR BLOODY PAPERWORK, EVEN WHEN HE'S JUMPING ON THE DESK?!" Ed yelled, giving Roy a painful karate chop to the head. Roy winced slightly, giving Ed the epic glare of death.

"Anyway... it's because I have a request, and you'd better damn well not make fun of me, or do anything that will aggravate me. Got it?" Ed warned, and Roy, without thinking, nodded. Ed pulled his head closer to his own, so that his lips were barely touching Roy's ear.

"I need help, Colonel Idiot." He whispered.

"With what?" Roy whispered back, startled. Fullmetal? Asking for MY help?

"Remember what I told you earlier, about Al and Winry? Well, I went back to the hotel afterwards, because I honestly could not be bothered explaining to the higher ups why they could hear you and I yelling in the corridor, and I found Al having an argument with himself. 'I can't like Winry, Brother likes Winry.' 'But I like Winry. I can't help it.' It was... tough to listen to, to say the least." Ed muttered. Roy nodded, indicating for him to continue.

"But I don't like Winry. And I never will. I just don't think I'd ever connect with her. First of all, she's too bubbly and cheerful."

"And Alphonse thinks you'd be a good partner for Winry. Because you're really bubbly and cheerful. The life and soul of the party." Roy teased, making the younger alchemist scowl. But thankfully, he decided to ignore the comment.

"She's like Al. See, they're a perfect match." Ed said, and Roy nodded.

"But do you see what I'm asking you to do?" Ed asked, and Roy shook his head.

"Not a single clue, Fullmetal." Roy responded. Ed threw his hands up in frustration.

"GAH! I'm asking you to help me be that matchmaker guy annoying schoolchildren talk about!" Ed explained, turning a light shade of red as he did so. Roy raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"You, the Fullmetal Alchemist, is wanting to play matchmaker? And you want me to help you?" Roy questioned, his eyebrow going up even pushed him forcefully, and Roy, not expecting the attack, comically wobbled and fell onto the floor.

"Yes! Hey, I helped you. It's equivalent exchange. The basis of alchemy."

"When did you help me? I don't recall ever asking you to help me with my love life."

"I made you realize that you love Lt. Hawkeye, didn't I?" Ed asked, making Roy gape.

"I-I-I never told you that!" Roy stammered, causing Ed to let out a short bark-like laugh.

"Please. I have never heard the famed Colonel Roy Mustang stammer in a situation regarding love." Ed laughed. Roy shot him a look, then sighed.

"Yes. You found me out. Gah. I just hope Hawkeye hasn't deduced it yet." He groaned, putting his hands over his eyes in defeat.

"Deduced what, sir?" A woman asked, and his head whipped around to see his loyal subordinate, Riza Hawkeye, look at him curiously.

"Er... Heh... Heh..." He stammered. What do I say what do I say what do I say?! Roy was at a loss for ideas. But, thankfully, it was none other than Edward Elric who saved the day. In a way.

"Colonel Idiot here wants to tell you that he-" Ed began, but was cut short by a sharp elbow to the side by Roy.

"That I beat Fullmetal in a fight!" Roy finished, grinning sheepishly at his stern lieutenant.

"I would advise you not to have too many fights with Fullmetal in one day, Colonel. The higher ups will find out." Riza advised, then walked away.

"Where are you going Hawkeye?" Roy called after her. She turned around and smiled.

"It's quarter to ten, sir. The building is locked at ten." She told him, then started walking again. Roy just sat there for a moment, then called after her again.

"Hey, Lieutenant! I'll drive you home!"

"No need, Colonel. I brought my car in the morning." She said, then left.

"Wow. For someone who's on a date with a different girl everyday, you're not really all that good with Lt. Hawkeye." Ed commented.

"She's... Not like the others. The others are interested in the typical stuff. The 'How was your day, Vanessa?' and the 'You make me feel the way no other girl can' stuff, all that crap. Hawkeye's not interested in that. And that's why I love her. She's just my type." Roy explained, hoisting himself off the floor and smoothening his clothes out.

"Take her somewhere she'll like then." Ed suggested.

"Like a shooting range?" Roy mused. "But definitely not laser tag. I don't think it'd be fair to all the other players!" He laughed fondly.

"Take her to the shooting range. Her goal is to protect you. So by doing that, you're helping her fulfill her goal. She's honing her skills, and you're learning yours." Ed reasoned, and Roy nodded his head.

"Alright, I'll ask her tomorrow."

"So. I just helped you twice. Now, I think it's fair that you help me and play that dumb matchmaker game with me?" Ed reminded. Roy sighed.

"Fine, Fullmetal. Though you're convincing Winry. I don't think it's right for me to speak to the girl. I killed her parents. I'm not going to do anything with the important things in her life now. I'll convince Alphonse. I haven't done anything to him, and he seems to think I'm quite the gentleman." Roy said. Ed nodded.

"I understand. Winry's okay with you, actually. It wouldn't be right though. Okay, I'll do Winry, and I'll also do Al. But you've got to convince Al too. Over the phone or something." Ed said.

"Fair enough, Fullmetal. Anyway, it's five to ten now. We should go now." Roy informed.

"FIVE TO TEN?! See you later, Colonel Idiot!" Ed yelled, and dashed off in front. Roy smirked, then followed suit.

A/N- Hello again! Let me just say one thing:

I think this is turning into a humour story.

D'oh! I don't want it to be a humour story! But the humour just keep spilling out! Maybe Ed should've stayed on Earth...

Ed: Hey! AA, that was uncalled for!

Me: Sorry! But it's so funny when you're with Roy!

Roy: To you, maybe...

Me: Erk. Anyway, the whole matchmaking business is going to be a side story, fingers crossed! It's not supposed to be the main story! And sorry if Ed appeared OOC!

Ed: I'm alright with it, just as long as I don't suddenly become best friends with Colonel Idiot here.

Me: That was my idea all along! ^_^

Ed: Why you...

Roy: Don't I get a say? Anyway, didn't you have something to say, AA?

Me: Oh yeah! I have no idea why I'm doing this little skit! No, what I actually wanted to say was in answer to the review by...

Serpents cross- I already sent you a PM about this, but just to tell others- CONQUEROR OF SHAMBALLA NEVER HAPPENED. When I started writing this story, I hadn't seen it. But now I have, and this story is pointedly ignoring it. Ed (Spoiler alert. I'll give you time to avert your gaze if you need to)...

Stays in Amestris with Al, and the Gate is destroyed somehow.

Thank you! Oh, and reviews are welcome! I love hearing your views!