AN: Howdy.

Chapter 95 (EPOV)

"I'm going naked as a jay bird underneath this thing!" Emmett held up his blue graduation gown.

I felt my own gown. It was a slippery, fake polyester satin that felt like it would cause an allergic reaction. I wouldn't want that up against my bare skin. I really didn't want it up against my clothed skin either.

We were picking up our gowns for graduation the next day. It was already steaming hot and it was supposed to worse tomorrow. I could imagine the sweat stains on the shiny fabric. We all were going to reek.

"Emmett, everyone's seen you naked as it is. Give it a break." I wanted graduation to be a perfect last hurrah for my lady. She would be giving the speech of the century and I wasn't going to let my unhinged, large friend ruin it.

The big oaf refused to listen to my sage advice. "I think we should all do it together, boys! A last knightly quest for greatness!"

"I'm in, man!" Jasper giggled. His face quickly got serious, which I had never seen before. "Never mind, Alice will kill me."

"Bunch of damn women ruining everything!" Emmett complained. "A quest is more important than getting your groove on!"

"A quest for what, Emmett McCarty? Getting thrown in jail by Chief Swan? Literally, the worst plan ever." Garrett threw his hands in the air. "You're going to be a father!"

"Stop being a stick in the mud!" Emmett grabbed a lollipop from his pocket and started sucking it. "A quest for Fork's High infamy!"

"We're not exposing ourselves to my future in-laws!" I exclaimed. I had already exposed myself accidentally to Bella's mother and she's been licking her lips at me ever since. It was frightening.

"I've exposed myself to the Chief several times. I've only got arrested once, so that mustached porn star and I are cool," Emmett pointed out.

Chief Swan and porn star. I wanted that image in my head to disappear.

"You know, little Bella had to get her skills somewhere..."

I tackled him to the ground. "Don't you ever talk about her that way!"

"Look who finally found his balls! I thought they were permanently in Bella's frilly purse, if you ever had them in the first place!" Emmett yelled in my ear.

I pulled his hair. "If you even got to know Bella in the first place, then you would know she hates purses!"

"This is awesome!" James cheered. "Swan, you crazy beast, you want me to film this for you? Edward will never be this cool again."

"James Taylor, go pen a love song to your lady. Edward's rare aggressive hotness is now seared into my brain. I'll have that image to keep my going into my eighties." Bella stomped over, picked me up to move me towards Jasper and put Emmett into a headlock.

It was the sexiest thing I had ever witnessed.

"What's the problem, Fie Fi Fo Fum?"

"What?" Emmett asked in confusion, as he struggled to free himself. It didn't work, because my lady is freakishly strong.

"You're a giant, like Jack and the Beanstalk. You bred so learn your fairy tales, Giant," Bella stated. I was starting to feel jealous of Emmett and they way her arms were around him. Until he started whimpering in pain. I wouldn't want her to be twisting my arm like that. "I'll repeat myself. What is your problem?"

"You made Edward a pussy and you're taking him away this summer!" Emmett shrieked. "We were going to go cow tipping."

"We were never going to go cow tipping!" I retorted. Was he crazy? Cows had dead eyes. They would come get revenge.

Bella let him go. He stumbled over to me. "We were going to go tubing down a river like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer!"

"I think you mean raft, Emmett McCarty," Garrett corrected.

"Shut up, dude! Ed, I was going to take you to Fork's Ice Cream Emporium for double dips and to check out girls!" My large friend started to weep.

I patted his back. "Emmett, you're my best friend. It's time for me to go away. I'll call you all the time and we'll visit. You can come visit us!"

Bella grabbed Emmett's ear and tugged it. Hard. "Giant, you have a wife and a baby on the way. Your wife is over there looking upset, because you're being a dumb ass. I didn't make you get a girl pregnant, so you had to get married. You made that adult decisions, so deal with it and stop putting it on me."

I looked at Rosalie who was looking unimpressed and chewing her gum. It was sweet, that my Bella was thinking about her welfare.

Emmett sniffed. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay, Paul Bunyan." She pulled him aside. "Listen, if you really want to expose yourself to all the family and friends of the Fork's graduating class, I have the perfect moment."

I took her hand and pulled her away from Emmett. "No, Bella."

She pointed at Emmett. "I'll chat with you later."

"No, Bella."

"I just think of nothing better for a graduation speech than a giant doofus who is allergic to clothes." She gave a tiny smile.

"Kiss me, Bella."

"Fine. So demanding," Bella half-heartedly complained, before our lips touched.

Her mouth was amazing.

That's when our intimacy was thwarted by a dragon. A dragon lady.

"Bella, baby! Where are you?" Renee Swan was frightening. "Oh baby, you have that cute piece of man meat with you!"

I wondered if Bella would mind moving to a deserted island, just to hide from her mother.

"Give Momma Renee a kiss, sugar!" Bella's mother and her bright, red lips latched onto me.

That was going to be my mother-in-law. Somebody save me.