AN: Enjoy.

Chapter 96

My mother kissed my boyfriend and I just had to trip her. That maneuver sent her flying. She landed face first in the bushes by the gymnasium. They were full of prickly thorns. Oops.

Phil gave me a thumbs up. I always liked old, whipped Phil. Poor guy.

I didn't lose a bit of sleep over the incident.

The woman was still livid the next morning when I was trying to get ready. It made my head pound.

"I can't understand how you could make me fall like that! Look at the marks on my face!" My mother complained. I did notice that she was covered in red marks from the thorns. It look liked she had chicken pox. It served her right. "The bible says to honor your mother!"

"It does. It also says don't try to cram your tongue down your daughter's boyfriend's throat." I lied. She had no clue what the bible says. She was, however, an expert on paperbacks that pictured heaving bosoms and Fabio.

"It does?" She asked.

See?

"Go away, Mom." I threw open one of my boxes and started throwing clothing around. I had to have at least one dress in there. Preferably unstained and hopefully unwrinkled. I don't even think we own an iron.

My mother did this audible sigh that made me want to throw her into the box and mail her to Alaska. "I didn't tongue Edward, Isabella Marie. I was giving him a motherly peck."

I gagged when she used tongue and Edward in the same sentence.

"Motherly peck, my ass. My young and perky ass and not your flabby and headed south ass, Mother." I stuck my finger in her face. I hoped she wouldn't bite it. Renee seems the type that would bite her young. I seem to have a vague memory of this happening to me at the tender age of two. "You dove right in used you mouth to try to suck out his beautiful youth, you crazy old cougar. Let me clue you in...you're ancient and dress like a street walker in the seventies. My nubile and very flexible future husband will never think of you as a sexual option, unless he has a thing about breasts that can touch the floor. Back off!"

"You're going to marry him! Are you pregnant?" My mother threw her hands up in the air like she was at a Baptist revival. "My baby is ruining her life."

"Get a grip, woman. After college I will be...be...be...getting hitched to the Edward Cullen wagon. I am not, nor will I be getting pregnant anytime soon. If I time it correctly, science will catch up and I can let my kid be pregnant. He seems to be the more nurturing between the two of us."

My mother plopped on my bed. "You frighten me."

"It's good to live in fear." I started throwing clothing around again. "Will you please leave me in peace? I need to find something to wear for this gathering of grads."

"I brought you a dress." My mother looked at me worriedly.

Damn it.

"Does it have leopard, tiger, giraffe or peacock print?"

"All of them and dalmatian for pizzazz." My mother held up the ugliest thing I ever saw in my life.

"Burn it. I'm not joking. Build a bonfire in the backyard and we can use it to roast marshmallows for s'mores." I went through my box again.

"Bells? You descent?" My dad peeked his head in. "Renee, go harass poor Phil. I have something for my favorite girl."

Renee strolled past Chief Charlie and hissed, "Hate you!"

"You're a beast from hell, ex-wife," Dad retorted and handed me a bag from the mall. "I thought you might need this today."

Not him, too.

I pulled out a light yellow dress the color of spring daffodils. It was perfect.

"Dad..."

"I know you don't like dresses, but I got you some yellow sneakers to wear with them so your feet won't hurt. They're in the bottom of the bag. It's...ahh...going to be a long day, so you'll need comfortable foot wear." He rubbed the back of neck. "You look real nice in yellow and the girl was about your dress size, so..."

I ran up and hugged him. He was in shock.

"Thank you, Dad. For everything."

Absolutely everything.