AN: Hi. Two more. Probably today.

Chapter 99

I had never wanted to go to a graduation party, I still didn't, but here I stood on a beach. It was as obnoxious as I imagined.

Let's point out problem number one. Drunk teenagers are not enjoyable. They're annoying and like to shout stupid things.

"Whoo! Graduation rocks!" I looked at where the screaming came from. It was Mike Newton. A shirtless Mike Newton with Forks's High Grad written on his chest. Exhibit A. The prosecution rests.

I was standing near the keg that was set up by a pathetic bonfire. It was tiny. I was drinking out of a Nantucket Nectars bottle. A vintage ice tea and lemonade mash up. I think it's official title is an Arnold Palmer. Like the golfer, but I digress. There was no way I was getting drunk with these morons.

"Bella, my Bella! How's hanging, Bitch?" Seth. Idiotic Seth. I would not miss that kid. "The Master of Amore is in the hiz house!"

"Think about what you just said, Clearwater." I glared at him. He didn't graduate. Shouldn't he be at home watching the Disney Channel and eating pizza? That actually didn't sound too bad.

"What?"

"What you called me?"

"I called you Bella."

"Yes. And..."

He looked frightened. "Are you going to kill me for calling you a bitch?"

"I'm going to kill you for saying, 'my'." I pulled his ear and made him wince. "I'm nothing to you."

Jacob ran up and pulled Seth away from the grip I had on his ear. "Aww Bella, he didn't mean any ill jizzle! It was his way to say you're a fly hottie."

"Why are you two idiots here?"

"It's a party, babe!" Jacob did some odd raise the roof move that was circa the early nineties.

My kid went towards the keg and I pulled him back towards me. "I want you lucid tonight. Where's your fancy dancy cell?"

"Why?" My kid looked at me with a quizzical look. He should have immediately known I was up to no good. He'll figure it out.

"I need to call Chief Charlie and let him know there are some underage whipper snappers at this shindig," I explained. "I wonder if Billy and Harry know you boys are here. I have a sneaky suspicion they think you are at the other's house painting your nails.

"Bella!" They whined in unison. Those two were peas in a weird little pod.

My kid wrapped an arm around my waist. He did this weird sound in my ear. Did he just purr?

Damn it! He goes off with the giant for one minute and gets sloshed.

"Babe, we're all underage!" He tried to reason with me.

"Oh yes, you all are!" I tapped my chin. "Hmm... I'm the only one sober. I might have to consider bailing you out of the big house, kid. The use of the word babe cannot go unpunished."

"Then we can't leave Forks first thing in the morning." Damn his suddenly lucid reasoning. "Want some of my wine cooler?"

I shot him the evil eye.

"Nope, because somebody has to drive all of you lushes home," I pointed out. "Seth and Jacob. You two numbskulls will sit on that log and not move. Not one big toe will twitch. When kid and I leave, we will deposit you back to your homes and you will give me your allowance. This will buy my silence and I'll consider it a tribute to my benevolent nature."

"Yes, Ma'am," they squeaked.

I live for their fear.

Kid grabbed my hand and started dragging me down the beach. "Look there's Garrett and Kate!"

The were canoodling by a piece of driftwood. Kate was licking Teeth's face and clutching one of those fruity monstrosities that was posing as good liquor.

"Hi guys!" My kid yelled. "We graduated!"

Baseball Boy was an obnoxious drunk. The things you learn.

I grabbed the front of his pants. "You're cut off, because I can make this hose very happy or very sad, depending on your decision."

"Am I getting on your nerves?" He looked at me with wide eyes.

"Extremely."

He gulped. "I'll be good."

"Good boy." I patted his bulge and pinched his ass. I turned to Kate. "Really, Mary Jane?"

"Are we talking about the wine cooler or the PDA?" She asked her eyes glazed.

"Both."

She gave a lazy smile. It reminded me of high Kate. I kind of missed her scary Grateful Dead bear shirts. "I thought you could take us home."

Bella Swan, Taxi Service for the Drunk.

I needed business cards, a white van and a sharp stick to keep them in line.

If one of these idiots throw up in the Grandma Mobile, I will bury them in the woods.

We're taking that thing across country and I refuse to whiff fruity flavored vomit the whole way.

"Oh no! Alice and Jasper are fighting!" Kid grabbed my hand and started dragging me across the sand again. Talking about burying people, Drunk Kid was headed to a burial in the desert outside a ghost town if he keeps this up.

I dug my heels into the sand and Kid landed face first in the sand.

He sputtered and spit out a mouthful of sand. "Why did you do that?"

"Let them break up in peace." I pulled him up. "This is how this going to play out. They will break up tonight. Dictator will pout all summer, while Texas Cheech will meet some cowgirl chick in the Lone Star State. Dictator will start dating that Alec kid who has been obsessed with her. He stares at her at every student council meeting. I think Dictator finds it flattering the way she always has to bring it up. Anyway, Cheech comes back at Christmas break realizing that cowboy chick reeks of manure and tumbleweeds. He will woo Dictator away from the boy dictator version of herself. They will live happily ever after. Blah. Blah. Blah."

"I feel dizzy!" It was from the wine coolers or my speech. I wasn't sure which.

I held him upright. "Let's get you home, Kid. We're leaving early in the morning and I want you ready to go. I'm going to get Dad's paddy wagon to take people home."

I was always a giver.

The Giant and Trailer came over to us. He loudly said, "Where the hell are you going? The night is young!"

"He's going to pass out, Jolly Green Giant." I helped my kid stand upright. "I need to get a bigger vehicle to transport the party animals back to their homes."

"He's only had one wine cooler!" Giant shook his head. "The boy is a light weight."

I had to agree.

Trailer held up keys. "I have our van. I can help."

"Thanks, Rose."

She smiled. "You said my real name!"

"I'm getting soft in my old age," I admitted.

These people were making me soft.

It was time to head East.

"Bella..." My kid asked, as we headed to the car.

"I was thinking pizza."

I groaned. "I'm sure your mom has some personal ones in the freezer."

"She does, but that's not what I was thinking." He sat in the passenger seat, his feet hanging out of the car. My kid wrapped his arms around my legs. The kid was like an octopus. He wouldn't let go. "I was thinking about New Haven pizza."

"Okay. What about New Haven pizza?" I asked with a small smile, as he rested his head on my lower stomach.

He looked up with those green eyes of his, more grass color than mold. "I think we should get Pepe's when we get to campus. I had it with my dad when we visited the campus."

"No. Modern is better. Pepe's sold out when they opened a location at one of the casinos." I take pizza very seriously. I do my research.

"Sally's?" He kissed my stomach.

"We try them all." I bent down and kissed him.

Yale here we come.