Well, my friends helped me out again, so here's hoping no one gets offended, and I'm sorry if you do.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Silent Hill.
Chapter Three
They had managed to sit there without any further talking for about three hours. (Shocking!) Then, to their relief, Kakashi walked up, and looked at each of them, before his gaze stopped at Naruto.
Kakashi: Naruto, why are your eyes red?
Naruto stood up and looked at him.
Kakashi: Also, you've grown taller, by about four inches. Are taking drugs?
Naruto: Nope, no drugs. I just had, a growth spurt, of sorts. (Fueled by a pedophile demon, but if I told you that, I'd be sent off in a straitjacket.)
Kakashi: Hmm.
Sakura, finally getting the courage to stand up and walk over to Kakashi, voiced her complaint.
Sakura: You're late!
Kakashi: Sorry, I was distracted by a beautiful bush in a dress dancing the can-can.
Naruto burst out laughing while Sakura and Sasuke gave Kakashi a look of pure annoyance.
" Odd, isn't he?"
Naruto: Well at least he's not a stick in the mud!
" So true!"
Kakashi: All that aside, let's get on to the test.
Kakashi pulled two bells out of one pocket and an alarm out of the other.
Kakashi: I'm going to set this timer to go off at noon, meaning you have three hours for you to get one of these bells. Whoever doesn't have a bell, will be sent back to the academy.
Sakura: But, sensei, there are only two bells!
Kakashi: Very good, Sakura! That means one of you is automatically going to fail!
Sakura looked horrified, Sasuke tensed up, and Naruto... Naruto was picking something out of his teeth.
Kakashi: (... Are those fangs?) Now, whoever doesn't get a bell will not only be sent back, but tied to a log and forced to watch me eat my lunch.
Sasuke's stomach growled, Sakura's stomach growled, and Naruto, well Naruto just grinned.
Kakashi: Naruto, did you eat?
Naruto: I was force-fed co- food! (Oh. My. Gawd! I cannot believe, I nearly said that!)
Kakashi eyed Naruto warily.
Kakashi: (Did he just say... Naw.)
Kakashi walked over to a stump and sat the timer on it.
Kakashi: One last piece of advice. If you hope to win this, come at me with the intent to kill!
Sakura: But, won't we hurt you sensei?
Naruto: Delusional, much? As if normal genin could hurt a jounin.
Kakashi: Just do it. Ready?
Sasuke and Sakura tensed up, while Naruto continued to sit on the ground.
Kakashi: Go!
Everything around Kakashi warped and changed, leaving him and a forest with trees made from rotten, twisted flesh. The trees had no leaves or branches, but arms and hands. There was no grass, and there were piles of rotten organs here and there that were covered in maggots.
Kakashi: What in the world?!
Naruto: That's right, my world.
Kakashi turned around to see Naruto standing behind him.
Kakashi: What is this?!
Naruto: I guess you'd call it, genjutsu. Genjutsu that you can't break out of. Now, time slows down here. Now, I have six hours before the timer goes off.
Kakashi: There has to be some way to break out of this!
Naruto: There is. You have to find and defeat me. Simple enough?
Kakashi: Its supposed to be the other way around!
Naruto: That's what makes it so much fun! You wanna know what else is fun about this?
Before Kakashi could answer, Naruto was on his back with his legs clamped around his stomach and his arms around his shoulders. Kakashi for some reason couldn't move, and then his whole body twitched as Naruto licked his right ear and blew on it. Naruto whispered into Kakashi's ear, his lips moving against the sensitive skin.
Naruto: Your body is here too, so no one can find you and interrupt us. (God, strike me down! I'm sexually assaulting my sensei! I'm as good as dead!)
Naruto vanished and Kakashi was able to move again. He looked around, thinking about what he should do.
Kakashi: I could just stay here for six hours, and then they would fail-
Kakashi's musings were cut short as he heard something move behind him. He turned around fully to see three Face-less Faces coming right at him, their inhuman sounds and movement making him cringe.
Kakashi: But that doesn't seem like a good idea.
Kakashi threw a kunai at one of them, and it stuck into its blank forehead, but didn't even slow it down or cause it to pause.
Kakashi: Well, it definitely looks like I won't be having an wet-dreams this week. Both relieving and terrifying, seeing as I'll be having nightmares instead.
Kakashi turned around and started running. He quickly dodged all of the deformed hands of the trees as they tried to snag him as he ran by. He was running for hours, running past trees and Face-less faces, when he stopped as realization sunk in. He looked at the three that he had just passed, and sure enough, there was his kunai.
Kakashi: S***! I ran around in a circle for five hours! Where in the hell is Naruto?!
That's when everything turned to darkness, and suddenly, he saw a bloody Naruto with his entrails spilling out of him and onto the floor, being held by a man with eight black wings, whose mouth was covered in blood. The man suddenly let out a jet of gory vomit out of his mouth and all over Kakashi.
Sin: ...Hmm, his flesh soured. I hope you are fresher. Come over here and let me have a bite!
Que Kakashi's mind exploding into mind paste.
In the real World
Naruto brought the unconscious Kakashi out of the realm in-between, and laid him on the ground.
Naruto: I think you went too far when you showed him that image.
" He's supposed to be an ninja, for Pete's sake! I'm sure he's probably seen something like that hundreds of times!"
Naruto: Still, you could have been a little less horrifying.
" Just grab the bells and give them to your teammates."
Naruto: Oh, yeah! Hey, thanks for looking into Kakashi's mind for me and finding that out.
" You're welcome, shape-shifter."
Naruto walked over to where Sakura and Sasuke had come out of their hiding spots.
Sasuke: Dobe, what did you do?
Naruto: Trapped Kakashi sensei in mind hell. What did you do?
Sasuke: I was coming up with a plan to take him down.
Naruto: You were sitting in a tree with your thumb up your a**.
Sakura: You can't talk-
Naruto: To Sasuke kun like that! I can too! Watch what else I can do to Sasuke kun!
Naruto walked up to Sasuke, and licked his face. Sasuke looked completely mortified. Sakura wasn't much better.
Naruto: Your face tastes just like your hair-cut suggests! (Eeeeewwwwwwwww! I just licked the Uchiha! Vomit!)
Sasuke: D-dobe!
Naruto: Huh? What's the matter, Sasuke? Did you want me to lick you somewhere else, lower? (Please, oh please, just stop!)
Sasuke was now supporting a bright blush while Sakura snapped out of it and went to screech. Well, she tried to, but Naruto shoved a bell in her mouth and she nearly choked.
Naruto: I told you I was going to stick something in it. Though at the time had something long and hot in mind. (Ah! Stop making me into a pervert, you pervert!)
Naruto threw the other bell to Sasuke.
Naruto: There, now we'll pass!
Sakura: Naruto, you baka! You don't have a bell!
Naruto: ...How can some one be smart and stupid at the same time? There are no teams in the history of Konaha that have not had three genin and on jounin. Do you think they'd bend the rules for one man? He was testing our teamwork!
Sakura: But, we didn't do anything as a team!
Naruto: Just leave that to me! I'll tell Kakashi some bogus story.
They sat down and waited for Kakashi to wake up, which he did once he heard the timer go off. Groggy as hell, Kakashi slowly got up and looked at the genin, in which they all smiled, two each producing a bell.
Naruto: Teamwork! We totally got you, Kakashi sensei!
Kakashi: How, how so?
Naruto: Though I could, I really didn't trap your body into the genjutsu too! Nope, I kept you still while Sasuke and Sakura came and got the bells!
Kakashi: I-I see. Naruto, about that genjutsu... Where did you learn such a thing?
Naruto: My scroll.
Kakashi: Ah, well, you pass. Meet me here tomorrow at the same time. Now if you'll excuse me, I need therapy.
Kakashi left to go get his mental health evaluated and then to the Hokage's office, while Naruto went home. Let me rephrase that. Naruto went to the red-light district and secretly sacrificed three hookers to Sin, and then started home.
" The souls you have offered have made the Nexus point stronger. I wonder if mother dearest will have some one else waiting to help you develope."
Naruto: Oh, great! Why didn't you tell me more pedophiles would come after me!?
" Oh hush! It's not like you still have a cherry to pop!"
Naruto: Don't remind me...
" Anyway, the stronger the nexus point, the stronger the monster. Not saying Valtiel was weak, but he did have the power to help shift worlds, so he was able to expand the nexus point so it would be large enough for him to fit through."
Naruto: Great, that's just fan-freaking-tastic!
" Don't worry, the nexus point isn't big enough for the more sex-craved beings, in fact, including Valtiel, there is only one other monster that could now expand the nexus point to allow himself to fit through."
Naruto had finally arrived home as they talked and opened the door.
Naruto: And who would that be?
Naruto stepped into his room and was grabbed harshly by the throat and slammed down on his bed.
" The Bogeyman."
Naruto looked up at the gas mask of the Bogeyman, startled as hell.
Naruto: Of course the Bogeyman's real! I mean, the one thing parents scare their kids with, and turns out to be f***ing real!
The Bogeyman put a finger to the mouth of his mask in a shushing manner.
" He wants you to be quiet."
Naruto: (Of course he does...)
The Bogeyman then stopped making the gesture, and with his left hand still holding Naruto down by the throat, tore of Naruto's shirt with his free one.
Naruto: (Help! Ra- Oh, what's the use? Kami, I just hope he doesn't wear the rubber gloves the entire time!)
The Next Day
Naruto was walking to the training ground, slightly taller, more muscled, and grumbling.
" Oh, come now. It wasn't that bad!"
Naruto: Next time, why don't you bend over and take a rubber-covered finger up the a**? Then you can tell me if it was bad or not!
" I'm already super powerful! The same way your stomach is super full again!"
Naruto: Baah, da, da, da, dah! I don't want to hear it! You sick, nasty, nasty, whatever you are, you!
" ...You're so upset your brain quit working all together."
Naruto: Well, duh! His package was as big as my f***ing arm! You saw when I started walking I waddled! Waddled!
" It was actually kind of cute! *Imagenary little heart*"
Naruto: Cute?! It was not cute, it was painful! I was just thankful he left so he didn't see me! It was already emberrasing enough!
" Hush, waddles! We are arriving at the training ground."
Naruto: Never call me that again!
Naruto went and sat down under what he now called his personal tree. It wasn't long before Sasuke and Sakura showed up, and then three more hours before Kakashi decided to arive.
Naruto: Ah, here to grace us mortals with your godly visage?
Kakashi: Of course! How could the world live on without beautiful me?
Naruto: Jacka**. So, what's the excuse today?
Kakashi: I was on my way here, when a man in pink spandex and a rainbow afro ran out in the middle of the street, started dancing swan lake while singing "It's Raining Men", and then bursting into flames.
Naruto laughed so hard he fell over, but Sasuke and Sakura, were not amused, as usual.
" My, now that was odd!"
Kakashi: Now, why don't we go and retrieve our assignment for today, hm?
Naruto got up and they all followed Kakashi to the missions room, where they were given the task of catching a cat named Tora. They went to a spot in the woods where the cat had last been spotted, and started searching. It wasn't long before a furry, brown blur ran pass Sakura. The brown, furry blur was stopped, however, when Naruto shoved his sword into the ground mere centimeters away from its face. The blur turned out to be the cat, Tora. A very terrified cat. Naruto loomed over the feline, his head hung down as he looked at it, and then gave a sinister smile full of jagged teeth.
Naruto: Who's a good kitty? A kitty that I skin alive if it ever runs away again!
The cat fainted, which was a feet because no one had ever seen a cat faint before. Tora was brought back, where Naruto snickered with glee as the owner smothered it to death. The rest of the day was un-eventful. Pulling weeds, picking up garbage, walking dogs, it was just boring. These same missions went on for weeks, however, the cat never tried to escape again, so they at least didn't have to do that. One night, Kakashi made an appearance at Naruto's house. There was a knock on the door, and Naruto reluctantly got up and answered it. Opening the door, he sent a sleepy glare to his sensei.
Naruto: Sensei, not that I don't absolutely 'love' the fact that you're here, but why are you here at-
Naruto leans back and looks at the clock.
Naruto: Two-thirty in the morning? Normal people are usually asleep at this time. (Even though I'm hardly normal anymore...)
Kakashi: Naruto, how is that you rip up into tiny pieces every time you walk through your door?
Naruto: Strong genjutsu. Its all through my house.
Kakashi: Hmm, fair enough.
Kakashi turned and started walking away.
Naruto ...Wait, you woke me up for that?! Why in the hell couldn't this have waited for when I was up and doing those stupid missions?!
Kakashi: Because, it slipped my mind, and when I remembered it, I didn't want to forget it again.
Naruto: I hate you so much. Can you at least do one thing for me before you leave?
Kakashi turned around to look at his student.
Kakashi: And, what would that be?
In a movement Kakashi didn't see, Naruto had wrapped his arms around Kakashi's shoulders, hooked his legs around his torso, pulled down his mask and was kissing him.
Naruto: ...*Brain goes crack* (Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! I'm KISSING my sensei! Need, mouth, soap! Why isn't he pushing back?!)
Kakashi frowned at bit, noticing a familiar smell, and then stuck his tongue out and licked Naruto's lips that parted eagerly and took it in.
Naruto: *Sound of mental health completely shattering* ( #9X#$$%3$/X%^&X#X#5$#2!?)
Kakashi shoved Naruto off of him and Naruto fell to the ground, before he yanked up his mask.
Naruto: What's wrong sensei? I just wanted a good night kiss.
Kakashi: Y-You taste like rotten meat, and smell like, kami, Naruto, have you been eating human flesh?
A sinister grin was on Naruto's face, before everything went dark for Kakashi.
Chapter Three
End
Well, there we go! I'll start writing on chapter four, and I'll post it as soon as possible!