The Wedding: Part II
Right after I was done with the lady and Mr Huttington, I dashed off to the lawn, back to the other caterers. I could smell the frying fish and noises caused because of that. I was aware a total chaos prevailed the insides of the tent, and that it was up to me to settle down the whole situation. To be quite frank, I was wondering where Mr Sosa had fled to. I was sure he got hammered somewhere backstage and curse at the world, but I couldn't really imagine that, although it would be a great sight to see.
Once I entered the tent through the secret hole to not frighten the already confused caterers, I saw a sight I was really hoping to see, but never had the courage to even dare to imagine. The folding tables were already filled with delicious food and drinks, all sorts of desserts and treats in all shapes and colours. I was surprised at the organisation and the whole energy in the tent, because I never would've figured they'd take my orders this seriously. Or were they even mine?
My eyes searched for Tanya all over the place, but she seemed to be outside somewhere. To make sure, I asked one of my colleagues and he said she just went down the driveway to pick some things up. I took his word for it and ran to the said direction. While I was on my way to the driveway, I was hoping I would not see the confused guests all over the place, not knowing where to sit for the guest seats were not yet placed all over the lawn. Even though the lady was lately acting rather unpredictable and irrational, I would give anything to prevent her from being this humiliated and ashamed of hosting such terrible wedding. I suppose she is under great pressure because of dealing with her children, the estate and last, but not least, her career, of course. The media often forgot she was only human, too.
Instead of finding Tanya struggling with some big heavy box I'd help her with, I saw a familiar figure standing in front of the main entrance. It was no other than my dear friend Mr Huttington himself. I felt my cheeks turning ridiculously red and I had to turn away to save myself from this disaster. Since turning other the way was not an option (I still had to find Tanya), I bravely confronted Mr Huttington who now had a proud grin all over his stupid face.
"Well, well. What a surprise, wouldn't you agree?" he laughed from distance. I looked right and left to see if anyone has heard this outrageous comment. This man was impossible to keep from making such moronic remarks.
"Oh I really would, actually," I replied nonchalantly and stepped closer. He was now dressed in a well-tailored black suit with black waistcoat and white shirt and bow tie underneath. "I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."
It wasn't really a question, but the man already took a deep breath to answer me in his full arrogant and sassy way only he managed. I successfully interrupted him and said, "It wasn't a question. At least not the one requiring an answer."
"It's called rhetorical question," he smirked and fixed his bow tie. "But thank you for the definition."
'It has begun,' I thought sarcastically and rolled my eyes as I entered the gates. This view was a lot different than the one from the servants' entrance. On my left I could see a passage to the saloon, decorated with long oriental carpet. On each side of the hall there was a small table that held either a large lamp (surely collected from somewhere at the Middle East) or black-and-white photos, which I presumed were family generations photos. When I looked in front of me, I saw the familiar staircase welcoming me at the middle of the room and two more corridors on the each side of the stairs. They both led to the dining room, though they both possessed a few other doors leading to another rooms. It was a giant foyer and at some points I could see it's been renovated many times, but still held its primary glory.
Mr Huttington must've caught me staring at the grand entrance in amazement due to his quiet but still totally audible chuckle.
"Did I do something funny?"
"No, not at all. I just love how you seemed to be lost in all this beauty. I don't blame you, though," he replied and stepped to my side. "I was just as amazed as you are when I first came here."
"About that-"
"First, let me escort you to your friend you're looking for," he cut me off and held my back again in his annoying way.
"Could you please stop doing that," I snapped and stared in his astonished eyes. I guess he never experienced rejection.
We continued to walk or rather, I continued to follow him.
"How do you know who I'm looking for?" I asked after a while.
"Your friend happened to ran into me and introduced herself as your work colleague. She told me she had to pick something up from the lady's room."
"Oh did she?" I said with pompous voice.
He just gave me an odd look and continued with his elegant walk. Now that I could observe him a bit in silence and without him staring back at me, I noticed he changed his hair to dark brown. It was nicer in a way; more mature and professional. Though I was certain he'd give anything to have his boyish golden curls back. I didn't say anything and we kept walking in silence.
Soon we arrived to the room that held special significance to the both of us. It was, after all, a place where we met after months. It was rather awkward stepping into that room again with all the memories coming back. I did not know the nature of Mr Huttington's feelings, but I was much aware of mine. And I also knew they were way too harmful to keep them.
I saw Tanya talking to the lady, and once Mr Huttington and I stepped inside, they both turned to see the intruder's face and were quite frankly surprised at what they saw. I was more worried about Mrs Patmore's face, which was, surprisingly, filled with odd enjoyment.
"Sam, I've brought you another one," he said with a smirk on his face, mostly waiting for my reaction. I wouldn't give him that pleasure.
"I-I'm sorry for the intrusion, Mrs Patmore, but I was searching for my friend Tanya," I said and my eyes flew to hers. I wore a dangerous look and was not holding it back; to be honest, she was responsible for Mr Huttington and I meeting again. "I need to speak to her about the matter I told you about earlier."
"Of course, of course. We were just discussing the last details for the wedding. Darling," she turned to Mr Huttington who was leaning against the jamb, his arms crossed on this chest, carefully following the conversation, "please make sure Grace is okay. I don't want her worrying about the whole misunderstanding. You must let her know it was not her fault. The poor girl might blame herself, as is her wont."
He nodded, but didn't move. He waited for something and since I was really annoyed with him at the moment, I turned to give him a please-leave-now look in the most graceful way possibly. But I found out the joke was on me, since he only waited for my reaction the whole time.
"No problem, Sam," he straightened, gave me a playful look and slammed the door. This man was playing silly games here.
"Oh, Thomas. He is indeed a special case," the lady spoke the same second the door was closed.
"How do you mean special?" Tanya interfered. Once she caught my angry look, she simply shrugged with her shoulders and gave her whole attention to the lady who started speaking without restraint.
"The two of them, Thomas and Grace, met at one of my art exhibitions three months ago. I saw them chatting and giggling and I knew right there they would be a perfect match. Couldn't have turned out better, though. He's a great influence on Grace, to be honest she needed someone to put her on the ground again. She's been reckless and immature for far too long now. She's twenty-six, for Christ's sake, she should worry about lots of other things rather than partying out with Prince Harry."
"Your daughter partied with Prince Harry?" Tanya asked with eyes wide open.
"Well, there are certain privileges of being one of the most influential people in the city," Mrs Patmore replied with a wide grin and we all shared a laugh.
It was good hearing her saying this like that, getting to know her like that. I was starting to get used to all that "celebrity attention" I was being involved in, and quite frankly, I didn't mind it at all. It has always been my policy to work well with the famous people, but I've only worked with well-known locals on the other part of the planet, while this... let me just say it's a whole new thing for me. Not necessarily bad, but extraordinary and definitely worth exploring.
When Tanya wanted to go on with the lovely chat, I had to interrupt. "Tanya, may I speak with you for a moment?"
Tanya glanced down to the bride-to-be, that was comfortably seated in her white leather chair, and waited for her response, which was a silent nod. Then she let go of Mrs Patmore's veil and we both exited the room. The moment we stepped outside, I grabbed her hand and stopped her from making any more steps.
"How did you manage to get all of that in order?" I asked without hesitation.
"I have my ways," she smirked, but I knew she wasn't telling the truth.
"Come on. You couldn't possibly make this happen on your own. Did you trick me in some way?"
"Okay, I did have some help with it," she eventually gave in. "But I'll never tell you."
I didn't like the idea of not knowing who was responsible for the excellent organisation which was my job while I was busy with completely ridiculous things getting in the way, distracting me. To be precise, that thing was actually a living human being.
While we were walking down the stairs to the main gates, we could see beams of shifting and turning light leaking through the glass part of the door. We gave each other looks and then rushed to the back entrance through the garden to see what's going on. Once we arrived to the driveway, we could see at least twenty people already lining up to be escorted and seated on their marked seats down the aisle.
Since none of this was happening as it was planned, Tanya and I had to count on our improvisation skills, which I did not possess at all. I actually hated when things went out of order and everybody's running mad and it turns out you have to make it all stop. It's always eventually up to you whether this thing was going to be a total disaster or the greatest thing ever. Surely, none like this has ever happened to me personally, but I knew this was going to be a whole lot more complicated than I first thought.
"I'm going to find Mr Sosa," Tanya said after a while and I gave her a nod.
She disappeared among the cheerful and colourful people which, I now noticed, happened to be whole lot more than just twenty. They seemed to be multiplying like freaking flies. Out of nowhere there was a hand behind me that shoved me behind the wall to hide from the guests.
"Excuse me?" I said as I turned to the person still gripping my forearm.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the person said and once I took a full view of that person, I could recognize Mrs Grace.
"Mrs Grace?"
"Yeah, I know, it was a little unexpected," she apologized but quickly cut to the chase. "You see, I need you to do me a small favour."
This woman actually asked me for a favour? Was she not aware of who I was? She obviously took my silence as a 'yes', so she continued.
"First, I need you to find Mr Sosa. It's very important."
"I thought you said one favour," I replied indifferently. "Anyway, my friend already went looking for him. I don't think she'll find him any time soon, though."
"Okay, 'find Sosa', checked," she mumbled to herself, but loud enough for me to hear her.
Were there people plotting something? Something I didn't know of? I knew from the start that avoiding trouble was going to be very hard, but constantly being involved in some sort of scheme was getting tiring. I wasn't sure if I was still in the game. I can't even remember when I entered. Maybe I needed this job to help me realize that the only way I could escape from it all is to literally run away from it. I wouldn't exactly be running away from it, just sort of force myself to cut this part from my life. It had to happen sooner or later anyway, it might as well be done at the right time. And the right time, for me, is when I feel the need to get away from her. And that feeling was definitely hitting me right now.
"So, the second part of the favour is that you have to go to Mr Huttington. He told me he needs you for some business thing although he could've nicely just hand the matter to me since he's sort of in the middle of something, more precisely he's trying to stop the guests from arriving."
Grace's stunning eyes were locked at mine and I wasn't sure how to react to her favour. It wouldn't cost me that much time, though the time spent with Mr Huttington always seemed to be such a waste to me. But did I not see the man only five minutes ago? Why was she doing this? Didn't it all seem a bit too suspicious to just let it slide and see what's going to happen next? None of it was any of my business anymore, so I was aware that I could refuse Mrs Grace's favour any time I wanted. But did she really deserve that? Now that was a question that made me doubt all the other ones before.
"Sure," I simply replied and slid pass her. When I turned back behind me shoulder, I still saw Grace locked on the ground, watching me slowly approaching the man standing in the middle of the driveway. I surprised myself as well, but since I'm probably never going to meet this woman again I might as well do as she says for I don't want another stain tarnishing my so-called career.
As I was drawing nearer to Mr Huttington I could see he's really gotten into this thing. I knew he was a good man and that he wanted no harm to anyone, so I imagined I would find him in a position similar to this. But once I was starting to cross the gravel he turned his head to me and I could saw a spark flashing his eyes once they met mine. I felt a strange tingling down my spine and tried to ignore it at my best. He greeted me with his perfect smile and then devoted his attention back to the confused guests.
"Following me, are you?" he smirked, still looking towards the guests and directing them to the lawn with his hands.
"Unfortunately no. Your girlfriend has sent me. She said you needed me for something."
"Girlfriend?" he said facing me now. "If I remember correctly, I haven't been involved in a long time. Who told you this?"
I was shocked at his reaction, his curious yet danger eyes centred in mine. He was, however, right in a way; nobody truly said that she was his girlfriend, only a partner of some sort. But who knew? It could have possibly been true.
"Um, Grace's mother told me you're a perfect match for each other, so I figured you two are... Exclusive," I replied quietly. "I'm sorry if I crossed the line, Mr Huttington, I know this is your private life I have no right to disturb. Please pardon me."
"It's quite all right, don't worry. And please, call me Tom," he comforted me with his smooth voice. His daring blue eyes were travelling from my eyes down to my lips and back up again. I felt really strange, but somehow his gaze was the only thing worth giving attention at the moment.
"So what was you needed me for?" I said rapidly, trying to break the awkward silence.
"Oh, nothing so important. We can speak after the ceremony," he finished and then turned his whole body back to the arriving guests. Did he do this on purpose? Just making an excuse to see if I'll obey him with every small thing he says? I didn't like this a bit, but he was truly an influential man, so I didn't feel like rejecting him either.
"Very well. I'll leave you to it then."
"In the back garden at seven?" he yelled a bit behind me.
I turned to catch his gaze and caught him smiling wildly. It made my heart jump a bit and my stomach twirl in inhumane ways. I gave him an equally wide smile and then returned to the path leading to the backyard.
I wasn't sure how to process this whole thing. I was sure Grace was watching us and, speaking of Grace, I didn't have a clue what sort of "business" partner she could be. I don't believe she could be his publicist since him and Luke were practically inseparable. I tried to think of other jobs this girl could have applied to, yet none important enough came to my mind. I was getting slightly more distracted every minute with images of Mr Huttingt- Tom and his gorgeous smile. I will not even try to deny the relief I felt when he said Grace and he weren't involved. It was strange to think that way about a celebrity. I mean, it's nothing new, but to actually get to know someone this famous and developing some sort of emotions towards them... It was crazy. And probably unhealthy.
Suddenly I was crossing the large green lawn now and once looked on my right, were empty tables and chairs used to be, I saw enormous number of people crowding to find their seats. I was starting to panic. Where was Mrs Patmore? Is the food prepared? Where's the chorus? Although the latter wasn't truly on my list of things to take care of, I was starting to worry this is going to be a huge disaster. I was comforting myself with saying to myself that maybe life had this planned for Mrs Patmore for this shall be nothing but another failure pinned on the list of her marriages. Only one managed to work, until the poor guy, Sir Malcolm Stein, succumbed the pains of lung cancer. He was the father of all her children today. I believe she only tried to escape the angst bubbling inside of her, not knowing how to face the loss of the love of her life. She didn't deserve it, I knew this. No one did. But still, I hoped this marriage (which will fail in, say, five years) will open her eyes that the only way successfully dealing with Mr Stein's death and moving on was to accept it. I couldn't blame her for trying to find love in her life, though. We sure all deprive from that.
And although the day was more sunny and warm then ever this spring, I didn't feel as cheerful as I could. Something was bothering me; a gut feeling was telling me this wasn't going to end well. But once I saw the joy on people's faces I couldn't let anything ruin it. It was, after all, my job to be there for people and give them what they want. Mostly, it was boiled beef, but if they want happiness and fine champagne, I can also deliver them that as well.
Now I was entering the biggest white tent at the backyard and I saw Tanya running up and down it to make sure every employee is doing what they are told to. Since I, as a main caterer, was absent, Tanya happily obliged to take my place, although it seemed quite a difficult task to keep up with.
"Finally!" she half-panted half-shouted and ran towards me.
She grabbed my shoulder to rest and then spoke with rusty voice once she caught her breath again.
"It's been a total mayhem, where have you been?"
"By the word 'mayhem', do you mean in good or bad sense?"
"I asked you first," Tanya said with a smirk.
"Which is totally irrelevant since now I am here and you need to answer my question first," I defended myself.
She seemed too tired to continue fighting me so she started with a short report.
"Well, once you took off somewhere 'irrelevant', I took care of the business since Mr Sosa is nowhere to be found as well. I heard someone saying he got lost in the woods, but who cares really. I won't go chasing him all over freaking England, you know," she said with her eyes rolling. "Anyway, I told them to do exactly what Mr Sosa told us at the start of the day, so everything's almost finished."
I stared at her eyes for a moment meanwhile hers were flying around the place, checking every little detail from her current spot. I could see true passion in her eyes; passion for people and making them happy. For order and discipline. You wouldn't actually say that about Tanya when you'd first meet her, but people are full of surprises.
"Thank you, Tanya," I said to catch her attention. "I really appreciate everything you've done for me here. I don't think anyone has ever done anything this nice for me before."
She smiled widely with her exposing perfectly aligned teeth and then hugged me like a momma bear. I sensed her smell mixed with a cheap sweet perfume and working sweat, but it was her. It was my second best friend I would literally do anything for.
Once she let go I felt sort of void travelling through my body, but I couldn't let my feelings overcome me now. There were way too many important things to be done. Like saving this unfortunate wedding.
It was almost three o'clock now and possibly every person in England showed up today. It was more crowded than we thought, but all the seats have found their perfect asses. Nothing must go unplanned from now on. From now on, we must show our real strengths and what we are truly capable of. No mocking around anymore.
Mr Sosa still didn't show up anywhere and I could already feel the lady's anger bursting inside of her once she learns her main caterer isn't present. And to find him lying around possibly with a Dom Perignon bottle in his hand, would make her even more furious so now I only prayed for Mr Sosa to show up any time now if he still loved his life.
Our team was now well hidden in the main tent, observing the whole slow ceremony beginning. Everything was on its place so now it was up to us that when the after-wedding-part celebration starts, we carry it out as planned and flawlessly. Except we could use a hand with the whole process because if your boss is kinda missing it's not easy to just go with your instinct. Thank god we sort of already made a somehow-solid friendship with the lady in case anything goes wrong she won't release her wrath upon us first.
"I'm willing to bet 10₤ it won't last more than a year," I heard Tanya whispering behind my shoulder while I watched the guests natter and put on fake smiles, fixing their enormous pink fluffy hats and holding each other's hands in comfort of some sort. People are strange, I now thought.
"And I am betting on her happiness," I replied, giving her a winning look.
"Who softened your heart today, princess?" she jested and now I was giving her a I'm-going-to-kill-you kind of look which didn't scare the shit out of her as planned.
I turned back to the colourful horde of annoying old people. "What makes you state that, annoying little court jester?"
"Playing along, I see. Well something must have put you in a better mood; something of which I am obviously not informed of."
"You don't always need to know everything to justify the label of being my best friend," I curt back in just enough sharp voice.
I could feel her soft chuckle behind my back but I didn't care enough what she thought to see her reaction for myself. To be honest, I didn't need anyone's confirmation to feel what I feel about certain things. Or people.
"All right, all right, I get it now. You act all innocent as if I didn't know what's obviously on," she said after a while, a little bit more confident.
I put my head on the side, not making any eye contact, just letting her know I heard that and that there are going to be consequences.
"What you might think you know doesn't necessarily mean it's true."
"And where's the proof for that?"
"Where's the proof for your silly theory?"
Tanya stepped to my side and waited impatiently so long until I finally gave in and turned to face her. She didn't seem pleased with me not telling the 'truth' of which I myself wasn't entirely sure I was aware of. Sometimes this woman could play dangerous tricks on you, staring at your eyes with her rainbow ones for so long until you almost lose your mind. It's not like a manipulative sort of tactics, it's more like... You just have to obey or else you don't want to mess with her. And that can sometimes count as inconvenient and unpleasant, feeling as if she's invading your privacy which she completely is.
"I'm not going to fall for your stupid little conspiracy, you know. I've known you too well for too long to not know what you're hiding behind that innocent-looking face of yours," I said after she obviously implied I engage in the conversation, the one excluding all the sarcasm.
"And what is that? Please do enlighten me," Tanya answered with annoying voice.
"Look, I don't think you realize, but you being so freaking nosy about this whole thing is really getting out hand. You can't always get what you want."
"So you admit there is the thing?" her eyes jumped out of her eye sack.
"Oh for god's sake, just give me a break. Where's your compassionate side now? Has my Tanya just somehow vanished now that I need her?" I said with me eyes rolling back, turning my body away from her for a bit.
"What you need right now is the 'love guru' Tanya and she is ready to get some shit done, do you understand?" She took my silence as a 'no' so she just kept going. "I'm not going to just sit here and watch as you two flirt like a fucking sixteen-year-olds, probably not even having your first kiss yet."
"What's wrong with not having your first kiss at sixteen?"
"That's not the right question. What's wrong with you for not having a first kiss by the time you reach sixteen," she said with impeccably high-pitch voice. She probably thought that might make me mark her words more vividly. How wrong she was.
"Tanya, I don't know what's gotten in your head, but this is just too much. When have you become this bitchy? In like, what, fifteen minutes?" I said with a worried look in my eyes.
She took a few moments to let that sink in, but I felt no regret saying that. I always had low tolerance towards people with narrow mind. It's simply stupid and old fashioned. A woman can do whatever she wants to, we're not in the freaking 18th century. I was just sad it was Tanya this time.
"You know what, I was just trying to help. I thought love would make your life a bit brighter, but I guess not. I don't know what's wrong if I give you some support," she defended herself.
"What's wrong? You even ask that? Maybe you should consider your words before they leave your mouth," I snapped back.
It was quiet after that. If you don't count the chorus and the freaking trumpet trio. We stood there and watched as they finished their third composition and everybody held their breath for they knew 'the wedding song' is up next. I literally do not know what all the fuss is about at weddings. I mean, it's about love of two people who are ready to sign a goddamn paper, I get that. But why the crying and whining about life and all of a sudden they go on about kids and sharing the house and the financial support and everything there is possibly to discuss on a wedding day. The freaking meaning of life. Why ruin a perfectly normal day?
I explained that theory of mine one time to Sarah when a famous couple from London was getting married and all the news-stands in the city were flooded with papers filled with titles like "Finally tying the knot!" or "No way back – it is actually happening!" People tend to complicate things so much they often forget why they were doing it at the first place.
I wasn't mistaken – the good old Mendelssohn's wedding march did start playing and the chorus sang in light tones, accompanying the melody. It wasn't corny, the lady had style for those things. If there was anyone for whom I'd say they have taste in this sort of stuff I'd be her, that's why I actually enjoy the whole pomp. Mrs Autenberry-to-be was being escorted by one of her closest friends whose name was not familiar to me. He was a lot taller than the lady, even though she was wearing high heels. She was wearing a beautiful all-white gown with small glittery pearls here and there. Her back was a bit exposed, but in a tasteful way. And when I saw her like that, happily approaching the man she loved, I couldn't help but smile. It was a very beautiful sight to see. Attending weddings wasn't really my thing, so experiencing one that was very infamous as well was a fresh thing for me. Pleasant, but new.
"Oh come on darling, come and DANCE!" I heard Mrs Autenberry shouting already half intoxicated at Grace while dancing swing with her new husband (since it was their favourite dance), but with each shout her daughter shook her head with more shame. Until after a few moments a gentleman approached to her, but not confronted her immediately. I was sitting behind the tables filled with awesome food (not to mention I haven't eaten all day) and was able to observe in quiet the whole thing; the young man fixed his white bow tie and dark grey jacket, looked at the ceiling of the cream-white tent and cleaned his throat like three times before Grace finally turned her ocean-blue eyes to the poor lad, standing there with his red cheeks. She smiled and happily agreed to his, apparently, magical offer. She held out a hand and he took it and the next minute they were dancing and gazing in each other's eyes like they were magnets.
It was special; the whole ceremony. People dancing and shouting and having fun. I believed in having a good time with people you love most and making each other happy. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Seeing each other smile while holding hands, jumping around the place on some crazy 50's music. In that moment I wished I could just teleport myself back in the time of this music. Life seemed so less complicated and I'd give anything right then to disappear and finally taste some joy myself.
As if someone from above heard my thoughts, a hand slipped down my shoulder. I quickly turned around with my heart beating like crazy, and it did not stop once I saw the owner of the hand still gripping my shoulder.
"I didn't mean to frighten you, Mrs Grady," Mr Huttington said with a low voice.
"You didn't actually," I replied. "It's just- I didn't really expect to see you here, Mr Huttington."
"Now, what did we say about addressing me?" he said with his head turning on the left side so he was able to deepen into my eyes.
"I really didn't expect to see you here, Tom."
"That's better. You still remember our little meeting?" Mr Huttington asked with an annoying high-pitched voice.
"I do. But I probably won't make it because I have to rush home if I want to eat anything at all today," I replied.
Mr Huttington suddenly sat beside me on one of the folding grey chairs and turned his head towards the dancing crowd.
"Maybe dancing will make you forget about your hunger?" His inevitable smirk following.
"No, I am sure it won't. It's not my thing."
"Dancing's everybody's thing. Come one, it'll be fun," he tried to convince me with his eyes full of hope. That man had some serious issues.
"A. Don't you think it would be a little bit inappropriate to dance with one of the waiters serving at your "business partner's" mom's wedding for B. people might get wrong impressions of 'things'?"
"I'm sure she wouldn't mind because A. she loves when the staff is participating in her events and B. who the hell cares what people think?" Smirk not leaving his mouth.
"I do. And now if you'll excuse me, like I said, I need to go home," I cut him off without pardon.
"Please don't go, Julia," he said after me standing up once I stood up myself, untying my apron and throwing it on the chair were I used to sit three seconds ago.
"Why? What is so urgent that you need me to stay?"
I knew this may sounded very personal and cliché and over-the-line, but I needed to set things straight. I deserved it and so did he. We both needed to see things on solid ground, without any embellishments, because this was the real world. And there were no fairy-tale endings here.
"I just wanted you to stay a little while longer. You probably won't get another chance like this in a long time," he winked in joke.
"I never said I'm going to stay for a long time," I replied.
He just stood there and I could see the last bits of hope in his daring blue eyes. His dark curls were tousled by now and his shirt a bit loosen up. I liked that look of him; him being this comfortable and relaxed, not caring a bit about what he might look like. That was the only trait so far I liked about this man – his endless optimism. It just never seems to run out and he has nothing against sharing it with people around him and that's a rare thing. He is the only person I know for spreading his love for life totally selflessly and modestly. But putting that aside, I had to take care of my feelings as well. I needed to put myself first here.
"Then there's no way I'm going to change your mind?" he said softly with puppy-dog eyes that made me smile.
"Give me one good reason why I should stay on this silly event when everyone's having fun and I don't even want to be a part of it?"
That made him think, I could see. But also the will to not give up, too.
"Food on my expense. You can eat anything your stomach desires," he said opening his arms towards me.
"Like I need a permission," I answered, mocking.
"In fact, you do."
"Oh, just stop it," I said and the next minute I found myself rolling in his arms, laughing and slightly intoxicated, but I liked it.
Even though I've sworn to myself never ever to take a sip of alcohol again in my life, this man has made me feel so secure that I could practically do all the reckless things on the planet and he'd be there to catch me. He'd be there to look after me, although I wasn't the to-look-after kind of girl. I liked myself as I were now; independent and safe. But at the same time, when I want to stay safe in his embrace, I also want to lose myself with him. And that's freaky because that is so not me. I haven't thought about a man like this in... Never, actually.
I didn't even try to comprehend the feelings I was feeling neither the curled smile on my lips or wrinkles around my eyes I hated so much every time I laughed my heart out or the collywobbles in my stomach. It all felt too perfect to ruin it now. But despite all these semi-comfortable feelings and emotions, all along I knew all of this was going to end sooner or later. This is the curse I was born with – not being able to enjoy any damn thing until the end because the thinking of its own ending ruins it for me. The whole idea of losing someone causes me so much pain at the beginning I'm never sure I can handle it until the very end comes.
While we danced and did some swings I was never even aware I was capable of, I looked around for a quick moment to check on the whole thing. The lights were symmetrically lined on the ceiling in a long line and they never seemed to fade. They were like substitutes for the real stars out there actually shining above our heads and now that I was aware of the time, I had this urgent need to go outside and smell the fresh summer air.
"Hey, do you mind if I rest a little?" I yelled in Tom's ear. He nodded in reply.
He led me to the table where we met, and I took a sip of an orange juice that felt like a fluid sent by god himself in that moment.
When I finished with my drink, I beckoned him to step outside for a moment. He didn't show any signs of complaint. It was, after all, a date I promised him, I now remembered. Give or take a few hours.
The second we stepped outside, I took my shoes off, even though it wasn't really the most romantic thing to do. The whole time we walked on the soft, carefully cut green grass, I tried to avoid walking side-by-side with him for only one reason. I didn't want him to suddenly grab my hand and then we'd walk around like some hopeless romantic couple who came to stargaze long into the night. I didn't believe in love, at least not at the moment, and the last thing I desired were some old ladies going out for a cigarette spotting us and then plotting all sorts of gossip. You never know with these ladies, they can really take you by surprise.
But as we walked, he didn't seem to keep up pace as well. He was just casually following me, and I had this feeling he wasn't even staring at my butt as probably most men would. I had a strange feeling he was looking at the sky full of stars and just thinking. I didn't yet know what about.
"Are you still here?" I jested.
"Of course, right behind you."
After that another long, uncomfortable pause followed, although I wasn't quite sure he felt the same. Besides knowing he was a man who loved to dance, laugh and be himself, I was sure there was his quiet Shakespear-y side of him hidden behind his wide smile. And then something crazy hit my mind.
"Do you think they are wondering where we are by now? I mean, at least about you, they must be," I said to fill the awkward dead calm.
"I don't think so. Samantha is probably taking off her dress by now, Grace is dancing with that lad and we're here. And nothing else matters."
With his last words I turned to him and we both stopped. We knew what followed, but we were both chickens to say or do anything. We just stood there like frozen, gazing into each other's eyes and it felt so damn right. It felt like our eyes were made for each other's. I didn't have the guts to state anything more daring than that, but so far things seemed to be quite intense and I had no intentions in breaking that moment.
The music played softly in the distance, the sweet summer-night breeze was stroking our exposed skin, the night was still young. I felt him move a little bit, but not more than an inch. I think we both felt this feeling in that moment when you're so excited about what might follow that you choose just to stay still and enjoy it while you can. Neither did blink the entire time, until Tom finally spoke.
"You look ravishing."
"I don't like compliments, but thank you," I replied quietly like I didn't even want him to hear me. Which was true in a way.
"Why not?" Turns out he did.
"I feel like I'm being lied to. It's nothing personal, it's just my thing."
We went dead silent from then on again, but without me knowing, we were suddenly really close. I could feel his warm breath nearer and I could see his bright blue eyes closer to me, gazing into my soul. I wasn't sure if I was ready to analyse those feelings because they were both good and bad and I wasn't sure which will, in the end, prevail. You could in some way say I was afraid of him. Of him getting closer and me exposing myself to him.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this," I finally said it.
He looked hurt.
"What?"
"It's really not your fault, actually. It's entirely on me. I just don't think I'm ready," I replied, sort of shocked at his reaction.
"I don't understand," he muttered after a few seconds.
"And you don't need to. I said from the start this wasn't a good idea and look where it got us."
"I thought you agreed on this," he said more loudly now, stretching his shoulders with his head turned towards me.
"Firstly, I never said that. Second, even if I did, I do remember saying it was a bad idea which makes me partly agreeing on this. But let's just not complicate things. It was fun tonight, but I think it must end now and here."
He needed a few moments to process that and I understood. I was used to rejecting guys, more often than any girl probably was. I just had this self-defense mechanism within me that prevented me any kind of contact with any man ever again. I did blame myself for becoming this way, but partly I was okay with it. It was more of a plus than a minus for me, anyway.
But that look in Tom's eyes just couldn't get out of my head. I was suddenly aware of all the rejections I've made, all the hearts I've broken, all the texts I've sent in order to keep myself from hurting again. And I've realized I've kept myself away for so long I was hurting others.
"I'm so sorry, Tom, it's just my nature-"
"Please, don't apologize. Please, don't act like you care, okay? I get tons of that every day, I the least needed it from you. If you excuse me..." he said and started walking away from me.
As he walked I could feel my heartbeat rise up to subnormal and there was something inside me saying I should stop him and tell him I didn't mean that. That I should yell after him that I want this. But there was too much to risk. And I know I'd fail.
A/N: Hey, guys! I'm so sorry this one took so long, but as you all know - May is the month of the finals and I just didn't find the time to finish this in time, although here it is! Things are getting a bit angst-ish, but I hope you enjoy it either way.
I'd love to hear any kind of opinion from you; reviews, follows, favorites, ... I'd really appreciate it, because I'd help me improve the story and all :)
Till the next time...