Chapter Four

A/N:

Tori: Hey guys, I'm back. This chapter was of course done by the amazing Neon, but alas, school has wrenched her away from me. *sighs* Anyhow, I hope you'll enjoy.

Feliks was bored. They had been riding in the train for only thirty minutes, but he already felt like he was going to claw out his eyes from the tedium. "Toris, I'm so totally bored. Entertain me."

"Mistress, I don't believe-"

"Oh shut up Toris. We have our own car; don't give me that Miss Łukasiewicz bull. Tell me a story or something. I have nothing to do!" Feliks whined, laying out on his seat. Toris was sitting on the seat across from him, a large guidebook in his lap. "Don't read that dull thing, broski. Entertain me!"

Toris sighed and closed the book. "You wanted a story, right? There once was a young girl named... Felicia. She was an elf with blonde hair, and though she was a girl, she always wore boys clothes on request of her family. She also always got what she wanted. This made young Felicia into a spoiled brat who did nothing but complain and-"

"Hey! Toris, you're my brownie, don't be rude to me!"

"I wasn't doing anything Miss, I was only telling a story as you requested," said Toris innocently.

"That is totally not what I meant, and you know it. Tell me a better one."

"How about some Blue Blood history? You need to brush up on that and your manners... We don't want you accidentally offending Lord Braginski... Do you even know his sister's names?"

"No, but like, I figure we will be introduced and everything, so it totally doesn't matter."

"Feliks! It is common courtesy! How do you not even know this! Their names are Natalia and Yekatrina. Natalia is younger by- Are you even listening to me?"

Feliks was making a 'blah blah blah' gesture with his hand and staring out of the window. Toris restrained his impulse to hit the boy with his guidebook. "You better be good at improvising... Seriously Feliks, I don't want you to get caught or something. I mean, once you're married, it will be fine because Ivan won't be able to divorce you... But if he catches the fraud before the marriage... We'll all have our heads chopped off. And I am not exaggerating. You know the laws."

"But he wouldn't do something like that, right?"

"Feliks, have you listened to anything? You know what they say about Lord Braginski..."

"Yeah, but those are rumors Toris. Totally fun to spread, but they aren't really true, right? I mean, Braginski doesn't bathe in the blood of a thousand virgin elves every full moon in order to keep his power, does he?"

This time Toris actually smacked Feliks on the head with the book. "Those aren't the rumors I meant, you-" He sighed. Feliks was already inspecting his makeup with a pocket mirror and was not listening. "Feliks, seriously. Pay attention to me!"

"What did you say Toris? Did I hear you starting my story? It should like, totally have princesses. And pink."

"Ahem. The History of the Three Kingdoms and the City-State of Nasseau- Elongated version written by Mono, Tony. The first of the kingdoms, the High Elvish Kingdom of-"

"Not Listening!"

"Was created by the Elf Perdeth. There were no last names in these days, only titles and-"

"Ooh, look at that gorgeous landscape! Like, totes pretty. Look outside the train Toris!"

"Perdeth was attempting to find land for his peoples to settle upon, and so they asked the head of a friendly tribe of mountain brownies. Mountain brownies, unlike forest brownies and house brownies, are not actually brownies. They are in fact a species of troll, and-"

"How long till we get there? Like, I am so totally antsy right now. I mean, do we at least have rest stops or something? Like, seriously."

Toris gave up. Feliks was not listening. Checking his watch, he replied, "There are four hours left Feliks. It's barely been thirty minutes. And there are not going to be any rest stops. If you are feeling antsy, why don't you take a walk around the train?"

"And like, have to end up socializing with my parents? And like, what if I end breaking a nail or something? Like, have you seen the handles on these doors?

Toris sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. "Yes, I have in fact. You see Feliks, we got in this train together. That means, you know, in case I have to slow down this for you, that we saw the exact same train and the exact same door handles. I don't know about you, but I don't think door handles change in a few seconds."

Feliks gave him a smug look, "Ah, but what if a skilled Kitsune illusionist messed with your perception of the door handles so you don't in fact know?"

Toris gave him a look, causing Feliks to crow, "Ha! I totally got you there Toris! Nothing you can say to that, huh?"

"Magic and illusion work on low fae and humans is illegal in all of Zemlya except for Jedonse. This is what you'd have to know in order to talk to the Braginskis. Now listen, please."

Feliks gaped, "No! I refuse! You can't do that! Why do you have to be so smart Toris? Not cool broski, not cool."

"You know, if you actually listened in your lessons, you would know this." Toris sighed, "You better be glad that I'm going to be with you and helping with this. I don't even want to know what kind of destruction you would cause if left alone..."

"I don't destroy anything! I like, make things more fashionable. Duh."

"Lady Marguerette's Stuffed Bear?"

"Like, how was I supposed to know that was one of her hunting trophies? That thing was totally hideous! I had very good reason!"

Toris looked at Feliks skeptically. "Sure you did."

"So when are we going to get there?"

Toris wondered how hard he would have to hit Feliks with the book to knock him out for the rest of the trip. "Feliks, it hasn't even been thirty minutes since you last asked."

"Your point being? I just want to know how long we have left?"

Toris sighed. It was going to be a long trip.