Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 3 The Waitress

SPOV

I made it this far, up to and through today, on sheer will power alone. And now it's over I'm a clock work toy that's wound down, there's nothing left. Not even Bill's silent presence beside me, nor his cool hand resting over mine on the swing seat between us, is doing anything to help.

Though I long for my bed and a deep dreamless sleep I can't tear my eyes away from the trees at the edge of the yard. Not that I'm seeing anything in the darkness, they're just there.

So much has happened.

I'm not human. Somehow that isn't as much of a shock as I wish it could have been. I have never fitted in, been 'normal'. The explanation for why can hardly be that surprising. After all if vampires are real why not fairies, werewolves, witches and trolls? I can't pretend I understand the specifics of it all, as unnaturally comfortable as I felt with Niall, my Great Grandfather, he didn't seem like the sort of person who had much patience for questions. But as I understand it being fairy, or fae as he called it, is not just a question of your lineage and genetic makeup, just a little bit of fae is all it takes to make a fairy if you have something called the essential spark. I do it seems, but my brother Jason and cousin Hadley do not.

I am apparently a bona fide member of a wider supernatural community I didn't even know existed.

He was honest, he said, about the things he wasn't telling me and his reasons why. And I tried to take it all on board I really did, but while my eyes watched his lips moving my mind kept dragging me back to the reason I'm not human.

His youngest son, Fintan Brigant. And Gran. My Gran.

Since Niall's revelation things between Gran and I have been strained. I know we'd have righted ourselves eventually, we're a family and that's what families do, but now we can't. She'll never get the chance to help me understand why she did it, at least twice, I had a father and and an aunt, and I'm afraid I'll never reach that point on my own. I can't help feeling that all the values she taught me were based on a lie and that it somehow makes a mockery of my whole life. Of me.

I know that's harsh and untrue but I've been robbed of the opportunity to work that through with her.

But far worse is that she died, because of me, knowing I was mad at her. And I'll never get the chance to apologise or make it right.

I knew Jason hadn't murdered those girls. He's a selfish idiot, not a monster, and besides I'd have seen it in his mind with my little disability. Or as I now know, inherited trait. But by the time I'd worked it out it was too late, the real monster that was punishing women for their relationships with vampires had targeted me. Because of Bill. But he didn't get me on his first attempt, he got Gran. He didn't get me on his second attempt either. And I killed him. With a shovel no less. I still haven't entirely come to terms with that and in a way I hope I never will. Always better him than me, I'm not a fool, but nevertheless I took a life. Something I would never in my wildest dreams have imagined doing.

Huh. Turns out my wildest dreams were pretty tame and way wide of the mark.

I've lived and struggled all my life with my disability. Reading minds. My wildest dreams all revolved around not being able to do it and being accepted as normal. It's got better as I've gotten older and learnt to block out people's thoughts, but here in Bon Temps I'm still Crazy Sookie Stackhouse, the freak who occasionally answers the question no one's asked out loud. It's caused a lot of pain over the years, not just for me but for people I care about too but with Gran's help, especially after my parents died, I've learnt to live with it. And the consequences.

I was as curious as the next person when vampires came out of the coffin, never thought I'd meet one here in my little corner of Louisiana though. So I was as curious as all get out when Bill walked into the bar where I work. It wasn't surprising that curiosity morphed into something else when I realised I couldn't hear him. His mind was a blank space, a void, an oasis of tranquillity in the chaos I'd become accustomed to.

That wasn't the reason I saved him from the drainers. He's a person, no one deserves to die that way, though there's an irony there a less charitable person would see.

I can see how I fell for him. The silence was soothing. It also meant when he was nice to me there were no stray thoughts to break the spell. He was tall dark and handsome. He saved my life, albeit from the drainers I thwarted. For a twenty something virgin with only a few sporadic dates under her belt that was quite a heady mix. I was pretty sure I was falling in love with him and I was perfectly relaxed about it.

I'm not sure what stopped it dead in its tracks.

His former nestmates? Their visit was unpleasant. The Fangtasia vampires? All of them so much less human than him, so much less apologetic for what they are.

Niall? He certainly made quite the entrance, which is more than Bill got to do, he doesn't even remember what happened though the memory of it still makes me cringe.

There was something portentous about it, the timing of his appearance, and I can't shake off the idea that there was a reason we were stopped at that very moment. Leastwise a reason better than simply mortifying me half to death. Only I could meet family I didn't know I had at the very moment I was about to have sex for the first time. Which is probably another reason why I've been reluctant to give it another go, though to be honest, with everything else that's been going on in my life, I can hardly be faulted for feeling less than 'frisky' as Arlene always puts it.

Bill is trying to be understanding but I know his patience is wearing thin. He says he loves me and he longs to love me physically, that's sweet I guess but the longer it goes on the less likely it seems that it will actually happen. I like Bill, I care about him and I consider him a friend, but I don't love him. I was raised by a good Christian woman . . . .

Oh Gran.

. . . . but though I'm also a modern woman I'm just not comfortable with losing my virginity to someone I know I'm already not planning to stay with. I'm a late starter with extremely limited options but I'm not desperate.

Poor Bill, he tries so hard to fit into the role of human boyfriend, but it's doomed to failure.

I feel bad. Bill's saved my life once and nearly met his true death trying a second time, none of this is his fault.

A tear rolls silently down my cheek and instinctively Bill leans over to capture it with his finger, touching it to his lips and savouring the taste.

I'd forgotten he was still here.

"Bill, you should go now. I'm ready for bed."

"Are you sure Sookie? We've been able to spend so little time together lately . . . ."

Oh please, Bill, not the puppy dog eyes.

"I only want to take care of you." He murmurs, gathering me to his side and dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just need to sleep."

He rises and I look up at him.

"I will see you at first dark tomorrow."

I nod and he blurs away.

Wearily I drag myself inside and head for the shower, trying to wash everything away.

It doesn't work and once I'm dressed in my comfiest PJs I wander back out to the swing to watch the trees again, the seat not even moving as Niall appears beside me. My Great Grandfather looks like a Calvin Klein underwear model, talks like Methuselah and exudes power like a President.

"I am sorry." He says softly after a few minutes of oddly companionable silence.

"She was one of the few things I could rely on in my life." I whisper as another tear starts down my cheek.

"There will be others."

"Will there?" I sound like a small, scared, child. Which is, of course, exactly what I am.

"I could take you away from all this, to a place of peace and harmony, somewhere you will always be loved."

He's told me much about Faery.

"That sounds a lot like running away." I snort.

"It is." He responds calmly.

I wonder if visiting for a while is an option?

"I'm not a quitter." I huff.

"No. You are not."

The minutes tick by, there's a definite chill in the air and I shiver.

"You have dispensed with the oily little specimen." He observes finally.

Dispensed? What kind of word is that? And can he not just call him Bill?

"Not yet. I've never broken up with anybody before." I hesitate, and then plough on. "I'm not really sure what to say to him. He saved my life . . . ."

"Technically your life has been saved by every passing motorist who has ever failed to run you over. Would you wish to tie yourself to them?"

"That's . . . . silly." I can't help but smile.

"It is still true."

A bit more companionable silence.

"He will not give up so easily."

"Bill? What do you mean?" The cold has me shivering again.

"Vampires are possessive by nature and he has other motivations."

Another shiver.

"He won't hurt me will he?" I find that difficult to imagine but still, I know a lot more about vampires now than I did when I met my first.

"Probably."

I gasp, turning toward him for the first time. His handsome face is focussed on the trees.

"Not physically, at least not of his own volition. He genuinely does love you. But he will hurt you."

"Can I do anything to stop it?"

"You could stay with him. Give yourself to him in the way he wants."

"No."

Niall smiles and turns to face me, his large hand gently cupping my face.

"You are strong Sookie Stackhouse Brigant. A born survivor."

"I don't feel very strong at the moment." I mutter, dropping my eyes to the hands still twisting obsessively in my lap.

"Well buck up then Great Granddaughter. Your stalker is coming."

And he's gone.

And I really can't face Bill again right now. I want to pull a Scarlett and worry about him 'tomorrow'.

I close my eyes praying for strength and when I open them Eric, Vampire Sheriff of Area 5, is towering over me.

"Damn it Eric!" I shriek. "Do you have to creep up on a body like that?"

"No."

Always the apparently straight answer.

"Can I help you?"

I wince, poor choice of words where Eric is concerned, but it turns out he's not in the mood to taunt me with his desire for my body.

"I require your gift. You will be compensated."

"Eric, I'm kind of busy right now . . . ."

He looks around, raising an eyebrow at the obvious lack of anything for me to be busy with around here at this time of night.

I like Eric, grudgingly, though he brings out complex and often conflicting emotions in me. The first thing I always feel when I see him is breathless, he's a vision of blonde male perfection and it would be stupid not to give yourself a moment to appreciate it. He is also selfish, rude, offensively superior, egotistical, high handed, occasionally funny, sometimes terrifying, often lewd and right now, unwelcome.

"Eric, I buried my Gran today . . . ."

"Will she be rising vampire?" He interrupts.

"No."

"Then she has no further need of you. I, on the other hand, have great need of you. Are you going to help me or not?"

I should spit in his face but there are a couple of things that stop me, other than simple good manners. This is the first time he's approached me directly instead of going through Bill, I've never heard him use the words need and help to a mere human before and I could really do with a distraction at this point . . . .