You never change things by fighting the existing reality.

To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.

- Buckminster Fuller

CHAPTER SIX

I'm Going Under

"All right, let's start the movie!"

Crystal prepared the ramen and we ate our fill. I was in a confused daze, and I'm not sure my hyper friend noticed. After she asked me what movie I wanted to watch. To her surprise, I asked if we could watch "Final Fantasy".

"That's fine with me!" She'd said. "Yay!"

So that's how we ended up on the sofa, playing the movie which I had no clue was about.

It began with this red cat guy, and he was running through a canyon. He came up to this cliff and started jumping up the side, and when he got to the top he roared in triumph. Before him was this awesome jungle. Then these Japanese words came up, and I ignored them.

The Lifestream…

It was so beautiful, the green flowing energy on the screen. It was almost real. Something in me understood it, as if it was the simplest fact of life. Another part of me couldn't comprehend its life and beauty.

The beginning part of the movie was an explanation. It talked of a company called Shinra, who supported the world "Gaia" with energy. But the energy was taken from the planet.

… we were taking away from the planet's life?

It talked of a group called SOLDIER, and a creature named Jenova. And then…

There was one SOLDIER named Sephiroth, who was better than the rest. But when he learned of the terrible experiments that made him he began to hate Shinra… and slowly, over time… he began to hate everything…

According to the narrator, Sephiroth had been created by scientific experiments, and finding out about them drove him insane.

Experiments? Insanity? SOLDIER, Shinra?

Grasping the remote, I paused the DVD just as the image of Sephiroth was about to disappear into flames.

"Sam, what…?" Crystal began confused.

"Tell me everything" I whispered. "From the beginning"

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We sat in complete silence. I heard the clock tick the seconds by, and each second passed like an eternity. Neither one of us said a word. I was staring numbly at the TV screen, telling myself that everything would be okay. That I would make sense of all the confusion and mystery and shit dumped into my lap. But there was that little voice in the back of my head, telling me that I was already drowning beneath the waves.

"Sam?" Crystal murmured, gently letting her hand touch my shoulder.

"They're at my house" I managed to whisper.

Crystal looked me over, confused and concerned. She'd never seen me like this before; I was always a calm person. "What do you mean?"

"They're at my house, damn it!" I screamed, beginning to sob. "Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo! Sephiroth! They're at my house!"

Crystal stood in shock and horror. She knew I wasn't kidding; it wasn't often I joked about anything, and I certainly never went to such lengths. I refused to cry in front of people too, and I was breaking that rule. I heard Crystal whimper as she took it in. Trembling in surprise and maybe fear, she curled up next to me.

Crystal had told me everything, from the beginning to meteor. I knew the gist of what happen in FFVII, about how Cloud Strife killed… Sephiroth.

"Are you afraid?" Crystal whispered into my hair.

"Of course. B – But I – I'm most afraid because I love them. A lot." I sobbed. "I love them so much."

Soothing me, Crystal let me cry into her chest. She might've cried a few tears herself; tears of joy. Crystal had and always has been in love with Cloud Strife. That's how I knew his name; from listening to Crystal's fanatical rants about him.

"What will you do now?"

Sniffling, I sat up, staring at the TV. "You know what?" I smiled solemnly and turned to my friend. "I think I'm going to watch a movie."

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Three hours after the movie ended and I was still awake. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.

Every thought muscle in my brain hurt. I felt like… I was floating in between, that the night around me was a haven from everything that I wouldn't have to deal with the truth for as long as night reigned.

My poor angels.

I wondered if Sephiroth's life had been as empty as mine. But the difference is, I had fulfillment for a while, and now, I have it back.

My poor angels.

I wondered what Zack was thinking. Did he still care for Sephiroth? He must. Was he here, just beyond my reach? No; I hoped he was with the others.

My life had not been turned upside down. My life had been shattered. But that's fine. It had been a nasty, unclean, gray wall of glass, unreflecting and unmoved. Now it was shattered and reflected thousands of different hues in the awe inspiring light.

My poor, monstrous angels.

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I awoke to two faces hovering above me.

"Ah!" I screeched, not being in a good mood first thing in the morning.

"Morning sister!" Loz greeted. Yazoo nodded to me and helped me stand.

"That's the second time you've done that!" I huffed, stumbling on my feet. Yazoo helped steady me.

I looked over Yazoo's shoulder to look at Crystal. She mouthed to me: "You're so lucky!"

Smiling, I greeted her. "Good morning, Chris!"

"Morning!" For a person who hates waking up, she was rather happy and alert. But I knew why of course.

Yawning, I rubbed my eyes and walked over to Crystal, and she promptly threw my bag at me.

"Get dressed" She grinned. "Let's get going!"

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I was dressed in a flash. Eagerly, I wanted to go out and have fun, and forget all the pain and confusion. I wanted to hang with Crystal and Yazoo and Loz, and I wanted to forget for a little. Sure, it wouldn't be real, but would it really be fake?

So, in ten minutes, we were out the door.

"What is this place?" Loz murmured.

I grinned. "Welcome to Atlanta, Georgia!"

Our Fun Day Part One!

Crystal and I dragged Yazoo and Loz to the mall department stores.

"Tell me, dear Loz" Yazoo murmured. "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Loz looked Yazoo's black gown over, as he stood in his yellow gown. "Maybe."

Yazoo huffed sarcastically. "Bitch"

"Meanie!" Loz sniffed.

"Here, this one compliments your eyes!" Crystal giggled. Yazoo took the green dress from her, thanked her, and awkwardly hobbled into the dressing room. He wasn't use to walking in heels.

I giggled as he left and took a picture of his awkward hobble with my camera.

Next, we all put our own clothes on and went into the nail salon.

We were all leaning back, having our nails painted. My colleagues all chose black, but I decided to be different and chose green, like Sephiroth's eyes.

"… And I, like, walked in into the party, and she like, totally stole my dress!" Yazoo flagrantly spat out.

"OMG, whore!" Loz gawked.

The spectacle was so fake, it was hilarious. The salon girls laughed their heads off as Yazoo and Loz flirted with them and acted stupid and made total fools of themselves.

Later, we all began throwing pillows at each other in the back room. I hit Loz really hard on the arm, and he pretended to gasp.

"I broke a nail!" He gawked.

Moving on, we decided to check out music.

I scanned the CD racks absentmindedly. Once in a while, I pick something up that I thought the guys might like. Those two were practically glued to the headphones.

Yazoo was at the moment holding the headphones on his ears and bobbing his head, dancing to the music. I looked at the screen and unplugged the headphones.

"I am Feeling Fine!"

Crystal squeaked. "L'ArcenCiel!"

Loz began bouncing up and down the aisles, dodging two customers as he pretended to play guitar.

Crystal grinned and ran to the panel. Alice Nine's "Jelly fish" began to play.

Yazoo began spinning, flashing peace signs. Giggling, I ran over to him, and we took hands, and began bouncing in circles.

You know that move guitarists do, when the slide across the floor? Loz attempted to do so, but he ran into Yazoo's legs and mine. We toppled over each other as Crystals' hyena laughter met our ears and customers ducked for cover.

We were kicked out very quickly. As we walked over, Crystal seething, Yazoo grinned evilly and unzipped his jacket. I looked at him. His jacket was full of CDs.

"Arc the Love!" Yazoo grinned.

"Let's play the mannequin game!" Crystal cheered.

Both Yazoo and Loz were lost. So was I.

"Enlighten us, oh strange one" I joked.

"Okay, the game is, we do crazy stuff in a department store, and whenever anybody walks by, we freeze like mannequins!"

I blinked. What the hell kind of game was that? It sounded like something Crystal would make up. I glared at her.

Loz and Yazoo looked at one another. "Okay!" They cheered. I groaned.

"Okay, let's start!" Crystal cheered. We stood in the Macy's clothing department.

"Um, Okay!" Loz turned to Yazoo immediately. "Cluck like a chicken!"

Yazoo blinked. "Are you kidding me?"

"Come on, please?" Crystal begged. Huffing, Yazoo obliged.

We all laughed, and almost immediately someone headed our way. All of us froze, Yazoo in mid cluck, and the three of us in mid laugh.

The man eyed us with confusion and distaste before scurrying away like a rat.

As soon as he was gone, we all laughed. "Did you see the look on his face?" I guffawed.

Turning to Crystal, I asked her for a sharpie. She always had one. Grinning, she handed me one and took a blue one for herself.

Both of us grinned evilly and uncapped the markers turning to Yazoo and Loz.

Scribbling madly, we covered both of their faces. We stopped is mid scribe, when a group of gaggling girls scurried by.

"Done!" Crystal backed up to view our work.

Yazoo had a mustache and goatee along with football markings under his eyes, and a uni brow. His eyebrows curled up evilly.

As for Loz, he had an eye patch, curly q's on his cheeks, and his forehead read "LOSER". The two of us giggled.

(Before anyone sends the authoress hate mail, let me say that Loz is my favorite of the trio and I have had LOSER written on my forehead before. In gym class at school. By my friends coughmeaniescough)

"Good work!" We complimented each other. Loz and Yazoo turned to see each other.

"Loser! Ha!" Yazoo laughed. Loz gave him the finger, and the two brothers began arguing. They had to stop when an old lady began hobbling by. Let me tell you, that's the longest I've ever stood in one position before. When they resumed a fist fight broke out but the fight paused when two teenage boys walked by.

"Sweet!" They chimed, giving us thumbs ups.

"Nice breasts" One nodded, looking at Crystal with a dumb grin. Crystal looked ready to maim something.

When they left, Crystal decided it was time to move on.

Dundundundun, dun dun, dundundun!

Crystal giggled as Loz reached for his cell phone.

Dundundundun, dun dun – Click

"Yeah?" Loz looked at me. "Uh huh, we got it. When? Okay, we'll go. Meet us…"

Crystal looked back. Loz explained that Kadaj was going to met them somewhere so we could eat, since he was bored stiff hanging out with that bundle of fun, Sephiroth.

"How about… Arby's?"

Loz told Kadaj to meet us in ten minutes at Arby's, which isn't my favorite place, but it did have good ice cream.

So, there we were in ten minutes. Kadaj came up through the crowd and gave me an enormous bear hug. "You don't know how bored I was!"

"Well, you could've come with us in the first place" Yazoo taunted.

Kadaj pouted. "I was sleepy!" I had to giggle at that one.

We all piled into the restaurant, each shoveling out our money. Kadaj had the foresight to raid my piggy bank at home, but Yazoo and Loz didn't have any money. I paid for Loz, and Crystal said she'd pay for Yazoo.

Luckily for her, Yazoo only wanted some fries and a drink. As for me…

"Um, a number five, and…" I looked to Loz.

I don't think I've ever seen ANYONE order so much. That boy ordered chicken strips, a sandwich, curly fries, a fruit cup, ice cream, and a soda! I barely had enough for me, but luckily I only wanted ice cream.

Loz lumbered out the door with his order. Crystal guffawed. "What are you doing? Feeding an army?" Loz just grinned.

We all went out onto the grass and sat down to eat and talk. I pulled out my camera phone.

Photographs. I think we might've taken thousands of them. Different hues and shades and colors and designs of our lives, formed into the shape of memories.

The corner of Kadaj's face as Crystal tripped with the camera.

My hand as I attempted to cover the screen.

Yazoo and Loz throwing fries at each other; one of them got stuck in Yazoo's hair.

All of us beneath the tree, eating and laughing.

Me with ice cream all over my shirt.

"Aren't they cute?" Crystal cooed as I scrolled through the pictures. She was leaning over my shoulder to look at them.

"I look like a dork" I chuckled.

Yazoo laughed when I turned the camera so everyone could see. "I didn't know that was humanely possible." I threw a French fry at him.

"That must've hurt" Loz added. He got a French fry in the face.

As we finished our late lunch (it was almost five thirty by the time we were done) and packed up, Kadaj and Loz put their arms around my shoulders.

"Sister!" Kadaj sang. "We have a surprise!" I huffed in annoyance and tried to get away. They wouldn't have that.

"What?" I complained playfully. Yazoo came up behind me.

"Big brother's coming!" He grinned. I froze; Kadaj and Loz didn't stop fast enough and fell face first into the dirt.

"What?" Yazoo gave me a devilish grin.

"Tell us!" Crystal ordered.

"You're to meet him tonight" Kadaj smirked.

"On a date" Loz added.

"With Sephiroth" Yazoo grinned. Loz glared at him.

"No, with Rufus Shinra" Yazoo rolled his eyes.

I was trembling. As the brothers bickered, Crystal came up to me.

"Sammy?" She asked. I turned to her.

"Chris, oh, I – I'm screwed!" I sobbed. "We're out of time and, and look – look at me!" Crystal gave me a sympathetic look as she looked to what I was wearing; my father's old "Got beer" tee covered in ice cream; ripped jeans unclean and covered in grass stains. I was screwed.

"Tears won't help you hun" Crystal sighed. She glared daggers at the brothers.

"How dare you wait so long to tell us?" All three of them turned to attention, and when they saw me, became confused and sad.

"Sister, I'm sorry!" Kadaj mumbled, running up and hugging me. Yazoo and Loz followed behind somberly.

"We should've thought ahead, we're sorry" Loz murmured sheepishly.

"I – Its okay, guys" I sniffled. "Let's just get this over with"

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"I can't do this"

I felt very stupid. Across the street was the restaurant, not a terribly fancy one, but it wasn't exactly a sports bar either. Actually, it was a bar; a place my mom and I use to go to. And here we were, on the other side of the street, our heads poking out from behind a corner.

Crystal gave me a sympathetic look and for the fifth time in an hour, bonked the brothers over their heads. Growling, Kadaj looked at me.

"Don't worry, Sephiroth will love you! You're beautiful!"

"For a gorilla, maybe" I complained moodily.

There he was, standing on the corner, waiting for me. There he was, tall and elegant, and as couples walked by into the restaurant, the women kept their eyes on him, as their dates wanted more than anything to make him disappear. There he was, my angelic date, the most handsome man I'd ever met; and here I was, on the other side of the street, in a beer shirt covered in ice cream.

He stood in a black tux, with a rose in his hand, only a single, white rose. His hair sparkled in the light as his eyes searched the streets desperately. Did he look… worried? Concerned? Uncertain? Was Sephiroth actually…

UNCONFIDENT?

Hell will freeze over, I'll become lesbian, Loz and Yazoo will prance through Atlanta naked, Kadaj will become president, and Crystal will finally be taken to a mental hospital before THAT happens!

I flushed and looked away. Crystal growled.

"Just go have fun!" She insisted. I groaned with exasperation.

Yazoo huffed and tried to push me into the street and into sight. I stood my ground. Sighing, Loz and Yazoo attempted to shove me out there, but I wouldn't budge. The four of them looked to one another, and gave me one monster shoe before finally pushing me into his line of sight. If I hadn't yelped, he might not have seen me.

Every coherent thought disappeared as he strode towards me. His eyes were burning into me, devouring me, overwhelming me. I was about to collapse from the pressure, as I felt like a tsunami roared through my mind. When I opened my eyes, there he was, standing right in front of me. His scent tickled my nose; a crisp, rough forest like scent. The warmth of his body beckoned me; I wanted him to hold me, to keep me warm, and I wanted to cry so badly.

I was being overwhelmed. Why did it keep happening to me? But that time was the worst of them all; it felt as if he was inside of me, and all around me, and everywhere. It was so beautiful, but it was so much, I felt I would die.

Sephiroth looked over my shoulder to the others. They immediately dispersed, but of course, Kadaj and the others had to drag Crystal away.

He looked back down to me. I regained control, and backed away. In shame, I hung my head, and with my arms tried to cover myself. A hand lifted up to my face, and when I tried to back away again, he came towards me, and firmly his hand held on to my chin. I could feel his gaze on me as my heart raced and my emotions got the better of me. I wanted to cry, I wanted to run away.

"I… I'm sorry…" My whisper was hoarse and weak. "I'm so… bad looking."

His deep, husky voice made me tremble. "Bad… looking?" He murmured, elongating the word.

When he began to slowly lean towards me, I felt I would burst. In anticipation, I leaned towards him, though I so wanted to disappear. I heard him chuckle, as he came up, and lightly kissed my cheek. I gasped, as Sephiroth's mouth hovered over my cheek. His lips were so warm and soft, and again, he leaned down and caressed my cheek.

"Sephiroth?" I murmured. He chuckled, and stood, his body still very close to mine. He held up the rose, the beautiful white rose. I stood in awe of it, the lone rose. Lightly, I took hold of it and held it to my chest.

"Thank you" I murmured.

"Come" he whispered into my ear, and gently led me into the restaurant.

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The first time I'd entered that restaurant had been with my mother, and we had spent the entire time looking at boys. This time, I had eyes for only one man.

It was like I was in a dream. At any moment, I might awaken in a sweat, with Crystal's face leering down at me.

"How come your dreams are so nice?" She'd complain.

I was a fairy tale princess, all dressed up in my converses and souvenir tee shirt, being escorted by the most handsome, angelic knight.

Of course, he'd once been a murdering madman.

But don't all princes start out as frogs?

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"So, what's your favorite color?" Sephiroth blinked at me. "What?"

"My favorite color?" He mumbled. "Black, I suppose"

"What a surprise" I joked. Playfully, he leered at me. "You?" He asked.

"Um… green" I met his eyes shyly. Of course, he smirked.

"Green?"

"Sure, green" Sephiroth shook his head.

"Okay, um… what do you want to talk about?" Sheepishly, I traded the conversation over to him.

Sephiroth looked at me, his deep eyes examining my face. I could never get use to it, and I blushed furiously.

"Why do you do that?" He wondered, leaning towards me. We were at a circular booth, so he could scoot right over next to me.

I huffed. "Well, uh… why do you do that?" I asked him. Sephiroth looked at me like I was an idiot. "What?"

"Why do I do what?"

"That… thing! You know!" Sephiroth shook his head lightly. "When you look at me; it's like I'm… drowning." I admitted.

Sephiroth's deep laugh resonated through my ears. "Ah, but when I look at you, it's as if you're on fire. Not drowning."

I rolled my eyes. "When you look at me… I blush. End of story."

Sephiroth leaned closer. "Why?"

My blush increased. "Why?" I wondered. "I don't… know…"

Slowly, Sephiroth's hand came up to my cheek. Lightly, the back of his hand rubbed lightly against my skin. I almost moaned, but I covered it with a cough. Sephiroth laughed and moved away.

"I heard that"

My body reacted as soon as he moved away. I followed him. I don't know why; maybe I was cold. Okay, so it probably doesn't have anything to do with being cold. But there I was, scooting back over to him, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, very embarrassed. Sephiroth looked shocked.

"I'm cold… okay?" I mumbled sheepishly. I shivered when Sephiroth lightly chucked against my neck, leaning his head down to me again.

"Of course" he planted a light kiss on my neck. Again, I moaned, I mean, coughed.

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"Sephiroth, have you… have you ever loved anyone?"

We were eating dinner, but I wasn't really touching my food. I was staring intently at Sephiroth. He stared at me, and for a moment, I was afraid I'd hurt him.

"Have I … loved anyone?" He murmured. I nodded. "I loved my mother… once. But I suppose, I've only ever loved one person."

"Okay, well you have to make me a promise" I told him. Sephiroth looked up at me. "Promise that from now on you'll love your family."

"My… family?" He murmured.

"Yeah. Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo. Promise me you'll love them, okay. So that way, if I ever disappear… you'll have each other."

Sephiroth's gaze was so strong. He was looking at me as if I was the only person in the world. At first, I wasn't sure he understood what I'd asked of him. Maybe he had, and he couldn't comprehend it. Sephiroth placed his hand over mine.

"Nothing will ever happen to you" So he had understood my meaning. "But… yes. I will… if it's what you want."

I beamed.

"Thank you, Sephiroth!"

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As Sephiroth and I stepped out later that night, both content, I leaned against him. "Thank you for such a nice night"

Sephiroth looked down, and squeezing my hand, gave me a small smile. "You're welcome" Flushed, I looked down.

"And thanks for… being nice about me looking so stupid"

Sephiroth did not take my third attempt to apologize for being ugly lightly.

In the time it takes to blink, Sephiroth gently pulled me behind the side of the building, and I felt my back hit the back wall. His arms were on either side of me, and his strong eyes were devouring me again. I was scared; he seemed on fire with passion and even anger.

"What is it with females always judging themselves?" He asked himself with an angry growl. I shrank back, frightened. Sephiroth noticed and calmed himself, and with a sigh, leaned so close to me that he was talking against my cheek.

"You are the most beautiful woman on any and all worlds. You are the one I want, the only one I want" Sephiroth gently placed his cheek against mine. I couldn't believe it; tears rolled down my cheek, but I smiled and leaned into the touch.

"Why?" I murmured. "Why me? We've only known each other for so long"

"Wrong"

Confused, I leaned away, but we were still very close. His eyes were only an inch away from mine, and I for once, did not look away from them. Gently, his hand lifted to my shoulder, tracing the collarbone, and up my neck to my cheek, massaging me. I rubbed my cheek against his hand, sighing contently, as his hand wiped my tears away.

"Have you not once felt as if we've met before? As if there is a connection between us?"

Slowly, it sank in. "We've met before?"

My entire body shivered as Sephiroth's tongue traced my cheek and his chest met mine. "Yes" he whispered heavily and huskily.

We had met? We knew each other?

"Don't trouble yourself over it, Samantha" My heart fluttered when he spoke my name. "Just know this…" I let his arms envelope me as his wing erupted from his back and we took to the skies. "I have claimed you as mine" His breath tickled my ear.

"And soon, I will make you mine."

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark.


- Anonymous