Author's note: Sorry for the delay. If you follow me on tumblr you know why, if you don't, then it's involved multiple trips to the doctor and hospital for one of my twin sons so updating stories becomes the least of my concerns.

I will always update as often as possible, and I will never abandon a fic. Thanks for the reviews – I am behind on replying, and am likely to miss a couple, but I love getting them. This is a very conversation intense chapter. Definitely a bit more angst, but it's me. So not really that angsty at all.

CHAPTER FOUR

He doesn't close the door to his bedroom, because he doesn't want to, but also because his dad doesn't need to say the words anymore. Although just the idea that he's okay being alone with Dave in his bedroom makes him feel a bit better, stronger, like he isn't completely and irreversibly screwed up. He sits at his desk chair and watches as Dave looks around his room, and he's moved on from jewel-colored gauzy fabrics to… well, jewel-colored velvets, just accessories like cushions and two throw rugs, but he likes the soft feel of them.

"You wanted to talk?" Dave asks, sitting on the trunk at the end of his bed.

"Yes. No. I mean, I feel like all I do is talk at you and complain about how horrible my life is…"

"Uh, you're kind of allowed to do that. I mean, the last couple of weeks haven't exactly been a ride in the park for you. Plus I don't mind listening."

He sighs, because he knows Dave is probably telling the truth, but it doesn't stop him feeling like the whole thing is quite one-sided, despite Dave's assurances he doesn't mind listening.

"Fine, but once I'm done you're going to complain to me about at least three things… okay?" Dave looks amused but agrees. "They're angry at me. They think I've forgiven and forgotten."

"First off, who're they?"

"Mercedes and Santana."

"Okay. And have you? Forgiven him?"

"No!"

"Wow. No need to snap okay. Simple question."

"Why do people just assume I'm going to forgive him?"

"Uh, well, you're a pretty forgiving person…I mean, you forgave me."

He snorts, because he can't even draw a comparison right now between what Blaine has done and what Dave did.

"If I'd asked you. No. Begged you to stop bullying me, would you have?"

He watches as Dave swallows a couple of times and he feels bad for bringing it all up again when he knows Dave has made such a concerted effort to change and not be that person any more.

"Fuck Kurt… you…" He realizes his error then, that he'd mentioned begging Blaine to stop. Dave probably didn't need to know that detail on top of everything else he's heard about that night, which is pretty much everything. On top of reminding Dave what he used to be like. Yeah. He's obviously a gem of a friend. He sighs which seems to prompt Dave into speech.

"I… I don't know. Honestly I don't think it would have made any difference, although… I would have felt even more shitty than I did anyway."

"Well, that makes two of us at least. Anyway, you were easy to forgive by comparison. Everything you did was fuelled by fear."

"Yeah, doesn't excuse it though."

"You apologized. Several times. You aren't that person anymore. And Carmel obviously agrees with you…"

"Thanks for that by the way."

"What?"

"Forgiving me. I… needed it. To, this is going to sound so cheesy, damn therapy, but I needed to know you forgave me so I could forgive myself…"

"Oh. You've had therapy?"

"Just a couple of sessions, Carmel High have a really good one. Anyway, I needed to have that from you. So, yeah, thanks."

"I… you're welcome? I think?" He pauses. "Do you think Blaine will be the same?"

"Huh?"

"Do you think he'll need my forgiveness before he can move on?"

"I don't know. Maybe? We're not the same person. Do you need to give it to him before you can move on?"

He stares, because he hadn't thought of it that way.

"Maybe?"

"Look, Kurt, you're the one that has to live with yourself. If you want to forgive him, then that's your choice. It's not up to Mercedes or Santana to do it for you. And even if you do forgive him, well, it won't make it suddenly all better. What makes them think you forgave him anyway?"

"I rejoined Glee Club."

"Wait, so you going back to a club that you love, that you live and breath for, is somehow forgiving Blaine?"

"Well, I did talk to him and ask him about his nose. Puck broke it."

"Yeah. You told me…"

"Well I would also look terrible in a little black dress…" He says it to break the mood, and Dave looks up from studying his hand to stare at him bug eyed and he laughs at the expression. It feels good. "They had a mini competition between the two Glee Clubs. Drama drama…"

"Wow… and to think I used to wish my life were more interesting…"

"Yes, your turn now. Tell me. Three things you want to complain about. Go."

"What? Right now? I don't get time to think about it?"

"Well you just started. You think your life is boring."

"No, I used to think my life could be more interesting. Not anymore. I like my life as it is. In fact, I'd be happy for it to be less interesting."

He laughs, but it sounds like Dave really means it, that he likes his life as it is. He's happy about it, for Dave's sake, and he wants to get back to that place himself. Wholly there all the time.

"Gah! That's so boring! Come on, there must be something…"

"Okay, things that really bug me… uh, being peed on by babies. Any bodily fluid from a baby is kind of gross actually. They're cute, but I could happily skip over that part."

"I would have to agree, baby by products are undesirable…"

"Secondly… well, it's having to hide my sexuality. Not that I'm… I don't know, obvious, but everyone just assumes. And fucking Santana…"

"Wait, what did she do?"

"You know how you sent her round –"

"Uh! There was no sending around of anyone by me! If you think I can control Santana Lopez then you are seriously misguided."

"Well whatever, when she came round I had friends around and… well, she made it obvious to everyone there that I am apparently straight –"

"Wait! Did she kiss you?"

"What? No! She just said I'd transferred because I was so heartbroken when we broke up and I couldn't handle seeing her everyday or something…"

He starts laughing and Dave rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath something he doesn't catch.

"I'm sorry, but that's kind of funny…"

"Yeah, laugh it up. I bet you haven't had the problem of telling people you're gay and them notbelieving you…"

He stops laughing immediately and looks at him.

"Seriously?"

"Yep. And then Santana comes in and confirms that I am apparently not gay at all, but just not over my stunning ex-girlfriend, meaning I have to continue to put up with Honey patting my arm and looking sad…"

"You know someone called Honey?"

"Yeah. I haven't actually been able to use her name to her face yet, because… awkward."

"Hmm. There's a girl in the TroubleTones called Sugar… oh god. Sugar Pie… Honey Bunch… I can't help myself…" he hums the rest of the tune and Dave snorts. "It can be their theme song…"

"Only if she believe you're straight and wants to date you…"

"Pfft. I don't think anyone has ever believed I'm straight. Except maybe Brittany. For a week."

Dave chuckles again, and it feels good, this easy conversation they have going, a lot like last week, and he supposes this is what guy talk is. Or gay guy talk. He's not sure if there's a distinction. With the girls he feels comfortable talking about fashion, singing and boys. With the guys, the guys like Finn and Puck, he's usually sidelined except when they're apparently trying to misguidedly defend his honor, and he's always careful to not make them too uncomfortable, not since his whole crush on Finn thing and the trip to Dalton. He hates that he has to tone himself down a bit when he's around them, but has resigned himself to it. With Dave though he feels like he can say anything. Won't be judged or scoffed at. It's a nice feeling. Of course, he doesn't expect Dave to be up with fashion or musicals, but they've yet to have an awkward moment of silence.

"I didn't realize that was bugging me so much. I mean… she's annoying, but harmless. I've talked to Nate about her. He just thinks it's funny."

"Nate?"

"Yeah, he's… a friend. The one I came out to. He's cool. I think you'd like him. He's from New York."

"I don't think someone's geographical location makes them more palatable…"
"Ha ha. I meant that he's into shows and shit. He says he used to go all the time, loved the atmosphere."

"What's he doing in Lima?"

"Uh… that's kind of private. Sorry. I'd tell you, but I don't know how he'd be about a complete stranger knowing…"

"No, of course. That's fine," and it is, because it probably means Dave isn't telling anyone else what happened to him. "I understand. I'm glad you have a friend like that. Do you ever miss Azimio?"

"Yeah. Course."

"Have you ever thought about telling him?"

Dave snorts and shrugs.

"All the time, but I have no idea how he would react…"

"You're not talking right now right?"

"Nope."

"Well, if you told him and he didn't want to talk to you… you wouldn't exactly be any worse off…" he hedges, although even he knows it's not as simple as that. Lima isn't that big, and Azimio could easily have the news across town in hours if he was so inclined. He doesn't know him well enough to make that call, and it's Dave's choice.

"He could hate me and not talk to me…"

"Isn't he pretty pissed off with you anyway?"

"Yeah," Dave sighs, looking dejected, and he suddenly feels terrible for making Dave depressed, making him bring up aspects of his life to complain about solely so he could not feel like he's monopolizing the market on moaning.

"Well, you could try talking to him. You don't have to tell him. Completely up to you, but… things are usually never as bad as you imagine them."

"I guess."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring you down to my level. You were pretty happy when you arrived. You're never going to come around again…"

"That's a little melodramatic don't you think?"

"Me? Melodramatic? I think you've forgotten who you're talking to Dave…"

"Clearly. My eyes must be deceiving me. Obviously not melodramatic in the least," Dave says, grinning, lowering his head and he smiles. Yeah, he likes this.