Author's note: Just in case you were unaware, Nate is a nickname for Nathan. Dave uses both, like how he gets called David and Dave, he tends to shorten people's names sometimes.
CHAPTER FIVE
He feels like his life has become a neat Venn diagram and the circle that has Kurt's name in it has gotten bigger and now intersects pretty much every other aspect of his life. Except school, although Kurt knows a fair bit now about his school life, but no one really knows about Kurt. Except Nathan. Nathan has fast become… a best friend. A different one from what he's ever had before though. Nathan, who still has panic attacks occasionally and has moments of social anxiety. He's not sure why he's such a soothing presence, but he is.
When Nate first told him that he felt safe with Dave he'd almost choked on his lunch. They'd been sitting in his car, turned on for the purpose of heating the small space, and Nathan had turned to him and frowned. It had prompted him to explain his past in more detail. The bullying. Kurt. The kiss. His super creepy behavior. Nathan had listened, silently, and then asked a few pointed questions. Did he mean it? How far would he have gone? Did he apologize? Does he have any photos wearing the Bullywhips uniform?
He'd answered as truthfully as possible, which had led to Nathan asking more about Kurt and he'd hesitantly said they were friends now. Like not telling Kurt about Nathan's personal shit, he doesn't share Kurt's personal shit with him, and the final outcome of the conversation is that if Kurt can get over it and forgive him, then he's definitely not going to hold his past against him. So they hang out, and sometimes he's his shadow, quiet and silent, almost hiding behind him, and other days they're side-by-side, bumping shoulders and making stupid jokes. Terence has continued joining them, which has been good, because it means less sideways looks, and also Nathan has shared his condition, which Terence had accepted with a quiet nod.
Walking down the hallway they kind of look like the three Musketeers, except Nate is lean and lanky and occasionally reminds him of a puppy before it's grown into its oversize paws. Terence is built, taller than him, solid muscle with no inch of fat on him that he's seen and with the silent act he has going on most of the time he comes across as pretty reserved. It nice though to walk down the hallway and have people step out of his way because they want to, not because of fear. It's a nice feeling.
Another thing he's noticed is that he likes physical contact. Not that he's an overly touchy feely guy, but he's used to the semi-gentle shoulder checks, the fist bumps, the slaps on the back which just comes with the territory of being in a sports team. He gets them from pretty much all the guys, but he has a whole new level of appreciation for Nathan who doesn't shy away from him or physical contact. They fist bump and shoulder check, and when walking side-by-side he doesn't jump away if their hips accidentally brush. It's comforting, knowing he can have a normal friendship with a straight guy who knows he's gay, although the more he hears about Nate's life previously in New York he expects that's got more to do with it.
When he pulls into the drive on Tuesday after school the hairs on the back of his neck prickle and he feels as if someone is watching him, but a quick glance up and down the street provides nothing and he frowns. This week's cake smells like lemon. He sighs, because he really wishes he could cook. Bake. Anything that doesn't involve the smoke detector going off. Kurt's already come around once solely to see Claire and get her recipe for the maple and walnut cake. He came last Wednesday as well, and it reminds him of Az, who always used to come on Tuesdays solely to sweet talk Claire into giving him cake. She always obliged of course, and Kurt seems to have slipped into the slot, except they swap recipes and discuss the various ways to line a tin. It's weird.
He enters the kitchen and sure enough, three cakes sit on the bench, one more than usual and he frowns. He and his dad don't eat that much cake.
"Hey Claire…"
"Hey. How was school?"
"Fine. Normal. For Carmel. Uh… are we expecting guests?" He asks, pointing to the third cake.
"Oh, no. I made one for Kurt. Well, his family. It's a low-fat citrus cake that he's been dying to try but hasn't had the time. He's coming around tomorrow right?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess."
"Maybe I could drop it off tonight?"
"I guess?"
"Well, would he be home? I don't just want to turn up at a random house where I don't know anyone…"
"I don't know. Seriously. We aren't like, best friends or anything…"
"Oh Dave… I know. I'm sorry, I –"
The doorbell interrupts them and she pats his arm as she walks past and he pours himself a glass of water, and something is up, because Claire is not usually this… inattentive. He can hear her talking to whoever is at the door, telling them to come in. He hears the other voice clearer now and he knows it's Az before he sees him, and he swallows, because he's suddenly nervous. So nervous he's broken into a cold sweat, in his own house.
They meet each other's eyes, silent, and Claire is exclaiming about how he hasn't been around in a long time, and shit, Az looks pissed. Claire stops talking and looks between the two of them before declaring that she's off to pick up the twins from daycare. Early. He swallows, kind of wishing she wasn't leaving, although he's pretty sure Az wouldn't actually punch him he doesn't really want to risk it.
"Uh, cake?"
"Yeah, go ahead, I need some sweetening up."
Az watches him as he cuts a slice, plates it up and slides it across the bench to him. He pours him a glass of milk and sets it beside him, and he waits, too nervous to eat anything himself. When he's finished he slides the empty plate away and studies him over the rim of his glass.
"So, want to tell me why you've spoken to Hummel since leaving McKinley, but you haven't even bothered to say anything to me?"
"Uh…How do you know that I… talked to Hummel?" It feels weird in his mouth now, calling Kurt that after calling him Kurt for so long.
"Because Hummel came and told me you missed me, like he knows you now or something…"
"Uh…" He has no idea what to say to that, because anything he says is only going to make Az more pissed off, and he gets it, because he'd be pissed off too, but he doesn't know how to undo this, how to make it right between them.
"You transfer schools without telling me, you shut me out all summer, like you were in hibernation or something but in the wrong fucking season, then you're never on Xbox anymore, or Facebook, and you ignore my texts and then Hummel comes and tells me you miss me. Could have fooled me man, could have fooled me…"
He lets Az rant, because he's good at ranting, far better than him, and it gives him a couple of minutes to try and come up with something. Damn Kurt. He guesses he was trying to be helpful, but he really doesn't know if he can do this right now, and he has no idea where to start. He hasn't had months to think it out and strategize, but he has thought about what he would say.
"I'm… sorry. I just…"
"Look man, talk to me okay? I've waited like… ages, for you to talk, and I figured I'd have to move Mohammad to you, because you're being all quiet like the mountain, but the silent act is kind of boring and I've kind of given up on you talking to me yourself, so here I am. Now talk."
He stares at the kitchen bench for several long minutes that seem to drag on forever, and he looks up to find Az watching him, waiting.
"I'm gay."
He says the words so quietly he half expects Az to ask him to repeat them, but he doesn't. Instead he seems to be studying the ceiling, looking around as if waiting for something else to happen and he glances up and around at the ceiling quickly.
"Look at that, the world didn't end and the roof didn't fall on your head… was that so bad?"
"I… you knew?"
"I… yeah. I knew. I mean, Hummel and his boyfriend were yelling at you and it wasn't exactly the quietest of conversations…"
He stares, because fuck, there are actually a couple of times that Kurt and Blaine yelled at him when he thinks about it, but…
"When?"
"Dude… ages ago. Like, a year?"
"The first time then…"
"They yelled at you more than once huh?"
"Yeah," he sighs. "I deserved it. And more."
"Yep. Probably. Gimme another piece of cake, I'm still pissed off at you."
"I…" he starts, but stops, cuts another piece of cake and puts it on his plate.
"You're kind of screwed up man."
"I was kind of screwed up. I'm actually figuring things out now…"
"And you figured out you're gay?"
"Yeah."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Right then…" Az says, and starts on his second piece of cake.
"You're a lot calmer about this than I thought you would be…"
"I've had time to work through my issues. I mean, I watched you like a hawk watches a baby rabbit and you did nothing, said nothing, that made me think of you any differently, except be an even bigger dick to Hummel, but I figured you were working through your own issues… but you never said anything to me. I kind of got over the gay bit, but I'm still pissed you never told me. That Hummel knew before me."
"Yeah well, that wasn't exactly planned…"
Az looks at him and nods once, sharply, and it feels strange, to be called out on his bullshit of over a year ago.
"So what, you guys are friends now?"
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"I'm going to have to apologize to him aren't I…"
"Only if you mean it. He can spot bullshit a mile away."
"So, you guys been hanging out since the start of summer –"
"What? No… just the last couple of weeks."
"Huh. So he didn't convince you to change schools?"
"No. Up until a couple of weeks ago we hadn't even seen each other since… before summer. Months."
"Oh. That makes me feel better, that I wasn't dumped for a homo."
"Az…"
"What?"
"Can you… not use that word? Or fag?"
"Seriously?" Dave nods and Az lets out a long breath. "Fine. I'll try. Promise."
"Thanks."
"Still pissed off with you though you fucker."
"Fair enough. How's school for you?"
"Boring shit. I mean, Beiste is awesome, but she runs us hard. And if she sees or hears about anyone bullying then you're benched."
"That's awesome…"
"Yeah, except the puckheads don't have the same rule, so they think they rule, which is of course stupid shit."
"I'm a puckhead again…"
"What?"
"I'm playing hockey and football at Carmel…"
"You join their glee club too?" Az asks, his voice high and a little incensed, and he probably feels like Dave's a traitor right now but he can't find it in himself to care. He kind of has his old best friend back and he laughs and shakes his head. He can't explain his feelings about glee clubs to himself, let alone a third party, but he isn't joining any of them, or becoming friendly with them.
"Good. My body can only handle so many shocks before it kicks the bucket you know…"
"Sure. So…"
There's an awkward quiet pause between them and he feels bad, because they used to be best friends, and now he just feels stupid for thinking the worst.
"Yeah. So. You're the one that made this awkward by the way. If you'd just told me I could have freaked out and then everything could have gone back to normal. You're a dumbass."
"Look, I only told my dad a few weeks ago…"
"Shit. Really?"
"Yeah. I'm not exactly telling everyone. How do you think that would go down?"
"True… so who does know?"
"Dad. Claire. Kurt. Santana. Blaine I suppose, and Nathan."
"Hold up, whose Nathan?"
"A friend at Carmel…"
"Dude, okay, we can go back there, but how the hell does Lopez know? Wait, does she have that sixth sense where she can smell gay people out?"
"That doesn't exist Az, she's just… observant."
"Right. Now we can talk about your life at Carmel…"