CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Transformation

I had never been so afraid in my life.

I loved Sephiroth. I really truly did. I was going to marry him. This was all truth.

Wasn't it?

Sephiroth's sudden change in behavior and his leap on me had scared me shitless. I had never gone farther than kissing a man. I couldn't do this. Not yet. What happened to the wedding night? What happened to our argument, to being mad at each other? My hands twitched as all these thoughts swirled like a maelstrom in my mind, and Sephiroth's hands traveled lightly up and down my hips.

"Seph – Sephiroth, wait"

His lips were just above my ear, and hearing my fearful, pleading voice, he ceased for a moment. Could he feel my fear? Was he ashamed? I was ashamed. Didn't I love him? And yet, all I wanted was to run away. What kind of fiancé… or wife… runs away from her husband's advances?

"I know it will hurt" Sephiroth told me, his grip on my hand becoming a reassuring one. "But it must be done"

"Why?" I pleaded. "Because some kid hit on me?"

The part of Sephiroth that was still a conniving, jealous super villain was coming alive. I had never seen this side of him before. His eyes were especially green. I didn't like it.

Jenova… are you making him do this? Are you telling him to drive me away?

Sephiroth was leaning towards my neck, liking his lips tentatively. Time seemed to be very slow, and my mind was almost on the breaking point.

I can't do this. Not yet.

"Not yet, Sephiroth" I sobbed. "Please, not yet"

His tongue danced across my throbbing skin, near the base of my neck, and I heard him murmur something I couldn't understand. It sounded foreign, strange. He took hold of my hands, held them tight – and then his teeth broke the surface of my skin.

I'm not sure how long it took me to realize that Sephiroth's goal was something totally different from intercourse, but an even darker fear filled me when I did. His teeth feel like ice cubes, shooting terribly cold into my blood, and the cold spread, almost as if death was taking me cell by cell. My body was trembling and my ability to see began to fade. My vision was jumpy, blurred, and I couldn't speak. All my muscles were throbbing and twisting, and I heard people running up the steps, probably because they'd heard me scream.

My body wouldn't listen, I couldn't understand. As soon as the cold spread through my whole body, warmth began to fill me; not good warmth, terrible, hellish warmth, made me cringe and want to leave immediately. But I couldn't leave my body, and I couldn't get away from Sephiroth, no matter how hard I tried.

Then, once the cold and the heat melded together, into my heart, making my entire body feel like thick metal, he let me go. I fell to my knees, and he made no move to stop me. Looking up, I saw his bright eyes dim, almost as if the presence was leaving him. I didn't care who made him do whatever it was he did. I was pissed.

"What – Sam! S – Sam? No, god, no Sam, I –"

"Bastard!" I screamed. It wasn't my voice. Gasping, I reached for my throat. It felt different – a little stronger. The few wrinkles of age I had were gone.

"Samantha!" Crystal's piercing scream alerted me to reality and I sat up. It hurt terribly to do so, every muscle I had burned. Why? What had happened?

"My – my voice" It was my voice, but stronger, a little deeper. Stumbling to my feet, I dodged Kadaj and whoever else was trying to get to me – somehow I had the strength to toss Loz like a fly. I ran downstairs, to the only known mirror I'd seen in the house – the big one above the fireplace.

Sliding to a halt, I looked up with terribly fear and fury into eyes that were not mine.

They looked like snake eyes.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I was sure as hell different. Everything about me was kinda the same, but different. It was as if, if I were a drawing, someone had come in and used the old me as a basis, but changed everything, made me stronger, fiercer, more like a … I don't know.

My eyes were the same vivid green I had seen in Sephiroth's eyes. Every muscle I had had grown, not immensely, but enough to make me much stronger. My face was narrower, my skin paler, my thin hands a little quicker with reflexes. Everything was enhanced.

My hair … it was as silver as the moon's reflection on water.

I hated it. I realized that now, I had never expected Sephiroth to make me one of them. It should've been expected, but even then, I would've thought he'd explain, give comfort, instead of just jumping into it. The old me was gone; not even my own mother would recognize me. I hated it; where was I in that terrible, cold reflection? Those green eyes had engulfed whatever little bit of light had been left in them. Stamped out by Sephiroth himself. The man I had thought I was in love with…

How?

How did this happen?

How could he do this to me?

I looked away from the terrible green eyes to see many others on the staircase, a good five feet behind me.

Kadaj looked the least surprised. Somehow, he probably realized Sephiroth would do this. Why didn't he warn me? For once, I felt like… hurting someone. My own brother.

Loz was behind him, totally confused. There he was, always a little behind everyone else… stupid.

Yazoo looked almost cold, but his eyes were wide. What? Come to stare at the freak?

Crystal was almost crying. Why was she crying? She wasn't the mutant freak in the room? And Namine and all her friends looked like they were herding cattle, trying to come down the staircase.

And there he was, his eyes devoid of all light, mouth agape, his look forlorn; Sephiroth standing on the bottom step.

What?

Are you realizing you just as well lost me?

Your last hope for happiness is gone, isn't it?

Why did I kid myself into thinking I needed an angel?

Where were these awful thoughts coming from?

I couldn't control the power, the flow flooding my veins. I heard voices in my head, and I knew it was her whispering those terrible thoughts. Sephiroth had passed his curse to me. She was in my head. My hand was twitching. Was it trying to reach that ornamental sword on the wall? Would she have me slice away at them, trying to kill those I had begun to call family? No… She would have me kill him. Did I not want to? My hand kept twitching…

Then the terribly echoing silence was broken. He was trying to mend the gap. Sephiroth had messed up, and he was flailing around, trying to grab hold of something and fix this. But he couldn't.

If he, as my fiancé, had asked me if I would join him in immortality, most likely I would have agreed. It was almost as if, if he and I had consensually gone to bed together, I would have been fine with it. But I wasn't fine with it; he raped me. That was as good as what it was. I could never be normal again.

A tear fell down my cheek at the idea in my head. I really wanted to kill him…

I couldn't look at his sad eyes anymore, the eyes that looked so much like mine…

Using my newfound power, I sprinted away, through the glass window, out into the darkness, with voices calling after, tears falling down my face.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I don't know how far I ran. I only stopped running when my legs couldn't anymore. Half the time, my eyes were closed tight, stinging with tears. How had everything that had seemed so wonderful, gone so wrong?

She was laughing at me. Telling me I was being a fool. I was a coward, not strong enough. She didn't have to tell me that. I knew.

So, I fell to my knees, blood staining my jeans. I must've hurt my legs. The sight of my blood scared me. The last time I had seen blood was the mugger. Maybe I should've let death take me.

A picture of Sephiroth's face drifted through my mind. So beautiful… so fake. I fell in love with him, and he pulled me along, to this fate. Did he ever love me? He had to, hadn't he? If he had never loved me… the idea was enough to force my dinner out of me.

So I sat there, crouched over the floor, sitting in blood and covered in sweat, dry heaving long after I'd emptied my stomach. Where could I go? I had no one. Crystal and Jamie were far away. They were human. I wasn't. Where could I go? Nowhere.

Humans repulsed me now. No; I was repulsed by myself, so as to not remind myself I wasn't human, I stayed away from them. I couldn't go back to them. I regretted leaving them with Sephiroth, but… Kadaj would take care of them, wouldn't he? Loz would, I knew. Loz…

She was laughing at me again as I tried to pick up the pieces. Where could I go? was there no one else cursed with dreaded immortality?

I tried to think of the movie. Who in the movie was not human? Anyone?

There was the cat. The Red cat who could talk. And there was the doll, but I was pretty sure it was a machine, so it wouldn't have food, and food was what I needed. The cat might be hard to find…

Then I remembered. Back when life was normal and boring, and Crystal was just my agent, my editor, we had been looking over my book when she commented on him.

… Just finished playing Dirge of Cerberus, which was okay, but I never liked shooters anyway, and man, I gotta say, Vincent's hotter than ever… Vincent's the one in the cloak, looks like a vampire? He's immortal…

Immortal.

The one in the red cloak… he was Cloud's friend in the movie.

Immortal.

I had to find him.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.

Marlene Dietrich

I was in the middle of nowhere. Where was I supposed to go? What was I supposed to do? How could I find him, when I wasn't even on his world? Didn't know where he lived?

She was smirking at me from the back of my head; still a little too weak to do much else. I hated her so much; probably not as much as Cloud did. She was giving me that look; I can help you, but will you ask for it?

I was a monster, so I might as well consort with monsters.

"Can you take me to him? Where is he?" I asked the empty air. My chest was heavy, my eyelids too.

There was silence. But when I blinked, I saw a picture. It was fuzzy, but I could make out a village and a large mansion there as well, sitting near a mountain. It looked familiar; Nibelhiem.

Though she gave me the message, I knew it was not free; why would she help me? I felt a sting in my chest.

Take my gift. I want to watch the terrible story play out. I want to watch each actor fall.

How much I wanted to make her stop laughing. I so hated her. Apparently, … I was hating a lot of things recently. Even the one person I never thought I would hate… I pushed away the images as soon as they'd come. It was time to leave.

I had to find Vincent.

So, mustering whatever strength I had, I looked to the night sky. The green dot we had been following was huge, almost the size of the sun. I was surely close. So, turning towards the horizon, I began lumbering along, no longer able to use my inhumane strength.

My strength was zapped in a few hours. I fell to my knees and just laid on my back, unable to move, barely able to think. My angel was gone. I was alone for the first time in my life. But hadn't an angel always been with me? Before Sephiroth… there had been another…

As I faded away, a flutter of wings came near, and the falling feathers above me looked like snowflakes to my weak eyes. Heat filled me, the ever pleasing heat of another person, and my heart inflated to know I was not alone. At least for now, I was not alone.

"Oh, damn, Sephiroth…" Zack was sobbing. That alone was enough to awaken me.

"Zack…"

"Go to sleep" He whispered, his voice cracking. I must've been horrible to look at, blood, sweat, and bile covered… "I'll take care of you, just… oh god!"

I couldn't hear anymore. My ears had started to bleed.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

When I woke up, my body was bandaged, and I was clean. A few trees were around me, birds flew above. As soon as I groaned, a familiar face came near.

"Samantha?" It was Zack. Surprised I sat up.

"Zack?" I muttered, trying to take everything in. "Where are we?"

Smiling reverently, Zack took gentle hold of my hand and helped me into a sitting position. He smelled so nice, and his skin was warm… almost as if… Zack smiled and leaned me against him, preparing to stand.

"Welcome to Gaia, Samantha" He sighed. "Though I truly wish I wasn't the one to introduce you"

Looking around, I brushed a hand through the soil, I touched the trees and the flowers. "They don't like me" I murmured my eyes distant. "Their souls recoil at my very glance"

Zack looked on the verge of tears. "Sam, I … you're actually of Jenova now… Gaia… the planet… hates you."

Of course. Jenova and Gaia were like old enemies. And I was as good the last thing on Gaia with Jenova in it. So I left Earth and all its somber pain, to come to a new world alone, and even more hated. Hated by the wind and water and the world itself. Only a dead man to accompany me. How was he alive?

"Zack… why… how are you here?" I whispered my voice not very strong. Of course, it wasn't really… my voice.

He smiled, placed his hand on his fist. "I came to lead you to Nibelhiem. Once you're there… you won't need me. Course, there's a price to helping you… the years I have to live in my next life have been shortened a little but… that's fine. I want to help"

Ready to cry, I wiped my tears away. Looking up to Zack and I ran to him and hugged him tight.

"When I lived alone you were all I had" I whispered. "And now you're all I have, all over again" Sobbing, I held him tighter. "Don't leave my Zack"

Almost ashamed, Zack hugged me lightly. "I put this pain on you in the first place… if anyone, you should hate me"

"No!" Falling slowly to my knees, I clutched to him. "No! No, no, no, no…"

Cradling my sleeping body, Zack felt tears run down his cheeks. "What have I done? Why Sephiroth? Why did you break a broken girl?"

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it.

We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us,

and only then do we forgive it.

Lewis B. Smedes