Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 14 A Whole Lot of Nothing

SPOV

Life is a strange thing. These have been the most intense times of my life. Jason accused of murder, me not a human, Gran's slaughter. Beaten, again, and almost raped to throw something different into the mix. Bonded to a vampire. The end of my first and possibly last romantic relationship. A cryptic message of doom. And then nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I was braced for impact. Loins were girded. Peaces were made, fences mended. Affairs, such as they were, were put in order.

Nothing. Zip. Nada.

Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased I'm not dead, enslaved, or whatever the hell else I imagined was on the cards. But the sudden outbreak of nothing hasn't exactly been great either, lots of time to think.

Gran is constantly on my mind and I just don't seem to be able to shake off the feeling of loss. She'd be appalled that a Stackhouse is being so drippy but I can't seem to help it. I made her miserable and I got her killed. And I feel even guiltier about it because I'm still a little mad at her too. Niall wasn't able to tell me much about her relationship with Fintan, since his son kept the whole thing a secret, and I hate that I'm never going to get the answers I want. I keep thinking about it, trying to imagine it, desperate to put some kind of acceptable spin on Gran's behaviour, but I can't do it without her. I always end up back at the start, how bitterly disappointed she'd have been in me if I'd done something so dishonest. Her absence leaves a big hole in my life yet apparently I never knew her at all, how does that work?

Being a fairy. It really doesn't mean much to me to be honest. I have a Great Grandfather, I like him and I'm certainly coming to appreciate his infrequent participation in my life, just his presence fills me with warmth, chasing all my cares into the recesses of my mind. Problem is they come back as soon as he's gone. He gave me a cell number I can contact him on if I need him and though part of me longs to, the stubborn part is insisting that I can get through this on my own. He's already given me more information about myself and the world I'm suddenly part of than anyone else and though I still have a cornucopia of questions it feels wrong somehow, when I've only just met him, to be bothering him with every little thing. Bill's threat might not be little but how do I know? Besides I bonded myself to poor Eric so he could protect me and he's confident that he is so it might be a bad move to involve the powerful relative at this point, maybe I should keep him as the ace up my sleeve. Oh god, listen to me, what do I sound like? Niall is the Great Grandfather I didn't know I had, not a genie in a bottle to do my bidding.

There's work. I lasted two days of my extra week off before I called Sam and begged him to let me come back. He and I have talked out our differences and reached an accord. Or something like that, he wasn't at all happy but as time goes on and I don't call off work to tell him some vampire's got me chained up in his secret lair he's started to relax. We both have. I told him pretty much everything, minus the fairy parts, he'll probably stake Bill if he sets eyes on him again but other than that we're good. And it's just work again. Waiting tables, slinging beers and trying to stay out of everyone's heads. Funny how I'm not enjoying it so much any more.

I've seen Tara at work but nothing more. She doesn't seem to have noticed the changes in my life and I'm equal parts grateful and resentful. She'd freak. But it would be nice to be able to confide in my best friend. I'm telling myself that I'm protecting her by keeping her out of these new developments, but an unworthy part of me is just longing for her to realise how much my life has changed and offer me comfort.

I've seen Jason all of once in the last couple of weeks and he's not yet bothered to introduce me to his girlfriend. Of course I know who she is, I went to school with her. She seems okay and he seems happy, leastways he does when he comes into Merlotte's or I sneak into Hoyt's mind to make sure he's okay. I'm a little hurt if I'm being honest, he and I have never had the closest of relationships but nevertheless we used to see each other fairly often, and I feel like I've been dropped like a hot brick. But then Gran was usually the catalyst for bringing us together and I am hiding a whole bunch of stuff from him, including family we didn't know we had.

Then there's Eric. I have barely seen him or spoken to him since the night of Bill's last visit. But my fears that he'd abruptly seize control of my life have been unfounded. Apart from the debacle the first night he woke up, I haven't told him what happened because we're not exactly on friendly terms, and besides I've a suspicion he'll just laugh at the naïve little 'human' who didn't ask enough questions. Since nothing else seems to have changed in our bond after that night I've taken the coward's way out and decided to wait until I can ask Niall.

I have done a couple of mind reading jobs for Eric in Shreveport, only one of which he was there for. Pam's been my 'boss' for the rest of them.

I've also been present for one vampire 'meet and greet' at Fangtasia. And I was more than happy to keep my mouth shut as per Eric's orders and be seen and not heard. If nothing else it served to reinforce my decision, oh ha ha, to 'belong' to Eric. I was much admired and the disgusting sharing thing came up. The message that Eric does not share was received loud and clear and I felt a bit like an antique doll, look, admire, but do not touch.

Cautiously pleased is how you could describe my reaction to all that for now.

Though each time I do see him his reaction to me is becoming frostier and frostier. So perhaps it's no bad thing it isn't very often, a couple more meetings and his ice blue eyes will probably freeze me in my tracks like a popsicle.

As a way of avoiding my other problems I have wondered why but I can't come up with anything, not even if I cross reference the inevitable stuff I've picked out of other people's heads over the years. I can understand why he wasn't comfortable with me seeing his pain at what happened with Godric, vampires are intensely private and that's not even allowing for a general 'man' type response to a situation like that, to having allowed me to comfort him, however briefly. But I really don't get the rest of it. He offered me his protection because it served his purposes, I suspect Bill was right about that, but it seems to be making him resent me for some reason. Or I could be over analysing it. Bill also told me Eric was cold and calculating. Maybe his behaviour now is how he'd normally treat a human and his playful advances and flashes of humour before were part of the effort of prising an asset away from another vampire? Somehow that wouldn't surprise me and it's not like I was ever going to yield, boy could he imbue that word with sexiness, to him anyway. I miss it though, the old Eric, even though it used to upset Bill, it was good for the ego.

Pam's been teaching me more about vampires, coaching me at Eric's behest, on the art of being his human. There was some confusion and much awkwardness initially since he's tried, thankfully, none of the activities she seems to enjoy with hers. This seemed to surprise the hell out of her but she didn't tell me why and I didn't ask. She has an extremely dry sense of humour and at times is almost fun to be around. Which is just as well as her coaching sessions have been frequent in the interests of carrying out her other instruction from Eric to, and I quote, 'make sure I do not cause her Master any trouble'. As apparently are her nightly calls at ten to check up on me. I guess it's kinda sad that I look forward to them.

I have Alcide in my life too. I gave him a key a while back, he might not have minded pacing my porch but it made me feel bad, this way at least he can get himself a coffee and some breakfast while I wallow in bed. I count him as a friend now and like Sam I've told him almost everything. In return he's told me about himself, the pack he belongs to and his own impressions of the supernatural world he belongs to. Trouble is I'm starting to quite a bit more than like him, but though I know he has the same interest in me he's clearly got no intention in doing anything about it. And I'm not surprised, we get on well but there's a strangeness to our friendship that's probably been brought about by how it came into being, namely the big black cloud with Eric's face in it. Alcide hides his feelings well but I know he's afraid of Eric.

I don't see him every day, the poor man's got a life of his own he's trying to lead and he's been very good about not cramping mine, but still I bet I see him more often than I see most people. Despite the sometimes embarrassing, though welcome, lack of anything he needs to be guarding me from.

Which brings me neatly into the whole sorry mess of my love life, what an enduring joke that's turned out to be.

Though I was resigned to not having one I'd always hoped, vaguely, and for a brief golden moment of time it happened. I almost fell in love with Bill, it was so close. And I was sorry it didn't work out. But that was before. Before I found out he'd been lying to me from the start. Using me, manipulating me. I feel dirty. How much worse would it have been if Niall hadn't showed up when he did? Or if Bill had said 'Hey Sookie, come live with me in New Orleans, there's someone I know who really wants to meet you'? Lovely how it was Eric, of all people, who filled in that blank for me. I don't just feel dirty, I feel stupid. And I feel a hurt I wasn't expecting considering I never actually went all the way and fell in love with him. It would have been nice to work my issues out with him, okay, yell at him and tell him what I thought of him, but I didn't get the chance, he delivered his warning of doom for Eric and me and then he left.

Eric went after him as soon as I'd filled him in. But he didn't find him. Bill had disappeared as effectively as Niall does. When the furious Viking strode out of my kitchen I'd been afraid for Bill, had almost regretted calling Eric but when he came back, just before dawn and confessed he'd lost him I wasn't so soft hearted. So help me I was sorry.

Because I'm afraid, despite the whole lot of nothing going on, that what he said will come true.

NPOV

I am alone in the Audience Hall. Left for once to gaze into the bowl without a gaggle of nosey fae slavering over every detail I see fit to reveal. I gather some great feast is being prepared elsewhere in the palace. Perhaps there will be a roast? I can but hope. I believe it is for some form of celebration. A birthday perhaps? Possibly even mine, it rings a vague and distant bell and there were new robes in my chambers when I rose this morning. Oh well. I am sure someone will tell me if I am supposed to do something, they usually do.

As a last task before my appointment with the Royal Consorts, a fairy cannot live by bread alone, I tune in on my little ray of sunshine.

I could so easily make the world right for her. I wish to. But that does not really help her. We must all learn and grow, especially one with her potential. Life can offer the harshest of lessons, who am I to take those opportunities away? How would that ultimately help her? It would not.

There is still so much she has not asked and I have not told her. Do I feel guilty? As her kin yes. As an old and therefore experienced man? No. The best lessons I have learned I have learned the hard way. She has enough of my blood to prosper by the same method. I will not let any lasting harm befall her. And if she comes to hate me in the process I will deal with it. It will not be the first time nor probably the last. With the exception of her Grandfather, my beloved Fintan, my children are all complacently secure in their positions. Most of them able to largely ignore the real dangers they face, that I protect them from. In this I have come to realise I have failed them.

I made sure they learnt to fight. Use their magic. But never to really understand why it would be necessary. You have to know what you are fighting for to be successful. Just as I did. As she will. He does.

I am pleased she was brave enough to bind herself to him and he did not have to force her. Though I want her to learn, I do not wish for her to suffer unnecessarily.

Do I hope? No. I cannot see the future in my bowl. Only the now and the past. It is often enough, with my years of experience, to prophesize with reasonable accuracy. He is as oblivious as she. Only the Stars can be certain. Maybe this time? If the Stars will it. She has eluded him for so long. Perhaps her soul knows something I do not. Nevertheless I have done the best I can for now. There are many other matters that claim my attention and I cannot abdicate my responsibilities for only one person.

Fates aside he is strong enough to protect her and his love of his own life will ensure his best endeavours even his if his love of Godric does not. At least for now.

I will miss Godric. Even though I appreciate why he would want to free his soul to start again. And especially as I know my involving him, convincing him, to commit his beloved child to the defence of Sookie was part of the catalyst.

I wish I could do the same. But the time is not yet right. It is not ego. But without me much would crumble.

Eric was Godric's life's work.

Defending my people is mine.