Chapter 4

The next morning, Sarah woke up in a hotel room that she didn't recognize. Her arm & head was killing her and… she wasn't in bed alone… Slowly she rolled over enough to see that Dean was lying next to her. His head a few inches from her own. His arm rested on her abdomen. For a moment she thought the last year had just been a bad dream but her latest injury from the night before pulled her out of that thought. Tears filled her eyes at how nice it felt to be next to him again.

"Sarah? You okay?" Dean asked waking up and seeing her tear filled eyes. Sarah moved to get out of the bed but Dean held on to her, so that she couldn't. "No. You're not getting up or leaving until you tell me what is going on."

Sarah turned her face away from him. Dean sighed, "Geez, Sarah, I know we can't really go back to the way we were before I went downstairs but can't we find some way to talk to each other. I mean, we're family, we should stick together."

"We are not family," was all Sarah said.

"Not this bull again. How many times do we need to tell you that family doesn't stop at blood." Dean said exasperated.

"He's right Sarah, we will always be your family." Sam chimed in from the other bed.

"No, Sam, we are not. You particularly are definitely not." Sarah said through tears. Pain and heartbreak showing in her eyes.

"What does that mean?" Dean asked curious.

"It means, that you don't beat up the only person trying to help you through your grief, if your family. You don't ignore every phone call for months. You don't ignore S.O.S. messages. You don't leave your family to be vulnerable to demon attack. You don't… You don't… Oh GET OFF ME!" Sarah yelled pushing against Dean.

Dean continued to hold her down until she swung her legs up and managed to push him away enough to wiggle out of his hold.

"Dammit Dean! Why can't you just leave me alone?" Sarah yelled at him, looking for her keys while showing she was ready to fight if needed.

"Ah! It's like we are talking in circles. You know why." Dean gruffly replied, standing up. Sam quietly got up too and disappeared into the bathroom.

"What? Because you took pity on me and decided to spend your last night with me. Besides I'm pretty sure you did that only because you didn't think you'd ever have to see me again. Now let's just cut this stupid string that is tethering us together. Now where are my keys?"

Dean looked at the desperation in her eyes and sighed before walking over to Sam's jacket and pulling a set of keys out of the pocket. He put his hand out to give her them to her but quickly pulled it back.

"No." Dean said.

"Dean, come on. Don't make me hurt you."

"No, It's my turn to talk. First of all, what you said about us is bull and you know it. What we have may not be perfect but that was just bull." Dean said causing her to look away. "And second, what are you hiding?" Sarah's head snapped up. "I deserve to know."

"You deserve to know?! Like hell!" she snapped back.

"Yes, I deserve to know what happened to make you like this. You owe it to me." He said not backing down.

"I owe you nothing. And let me say this slowly, so that it can penetrate that thick scull of yours. We are nothing. We never were anything. I had a stupid school girl crush on you and it ended up almost killing me. That's over. I feel nothing for you and I never will. So give me my keys and let me go." Sarah yelled at him.

Dean watched her for a moment then quickly pulled her to him and captured her lips. Kissing her for all he was worth. After a moment he placed a hand on her hip and the other he buried in her hair. He slowly worked his fingers under the hem of her shirt. When his fingers made contact with her skin she let out a soft moan.

Dean pulled away and looked at the haze in her eyes. "This is real, Sarah. You can't deny that."

Confusion crossed over her face and just as she was about to say something, Dean said, "Here," and placed her keys in her hand but not letting go. "Just to show you that I do love you, I'm going to let you go. You have a choice, you can go and continue to hate us. I promise I will leave you alone. Or you could stay and we can work on rebuilding what we lost. The choice is yours and yours alone and I will respect it. Just know, whatever you choose to do, I will be there for you if you need me." And with that he grabbed his jacket and keys, yelled for Sam and walked outside. Sam hurriedly grabbed his jacket and followed passing a dumbstruck Sarah.

When they were gone, Sarah Sat in one of the chairs and tried to think over what had just happened. She couldn't believe how mature he acted. But nevertheless her mind was made up and she got up to leave. She noticed that the boys would need to come back for their things and decided to leave an explanation.

Dean and Sam returned an hour later to find Sarah's car gone and the room empty. Dean let out a heavy sigh and collapsed on his bed.

"Dude." Sam said holding a letter out to Dean. "She left you a note."

Dean grabbed the paper from Sam and unfolded it.

'Dean,

I can't tell you what it means to me that you did not try to force me to stay. I admit it was very tempting, but I couldn't stay if you knew my secret. One thing you said was right. You deserve to know why I am this scarred and broken person now. Mainly because it has to do with you. So here goes.

The night Sam and I had our disagreement, I managed to get myself to a hospital. It was there that I found out that I was one month pregnant. I don't know how but by some miracle the baby survived the beating. So in this depressing time I saw a small glimmer of hope. I was actually happy. You not only gave me the best night of my life but you gave me a gift that I never thought I could have. And for two months I put down roots. I planned ahead. I even enjoyed the morning sickness. I was so happy that I had a piece of you. You weren't completely gone anymore.

Then the demons attacked me. I found out later that they captured me to make you do something in hell. I was their leverage. They threw me in a room and held me prisoner for just over a month. Then after you were pulled from hell, the demons decided to send you a present. Me. In pieces. That's when I pulled every ounce of my strength and escaped but as I was escaping a demon managed to stab me a few times. Killing the baby. That is why I can't be there with you. I see you and see not only what I lost but my failure. I failed to protect our baby. I failed you. Please forgive me.

-S'

Dean read the letter as he paced around the room then nearly collapsed into a chair.

"What? What is it?" Sam asked rushing over to him. Dean looked up at Sam with shock. "What? Dean, tell me."

"Did you know?" Dean asked.

"Did I know what?" Sam asked confused.

"She said before that she had tried calling you for months. Was that true?"

"Wha…? Uh… yeah… but…"

"So did you know?" Dean asked cutting Sam off.

"Know what?!" Sam asked frustrated.

"That she was pregnant?!" Dean yelled.

Sam stared at Dean then sat down on the bed behind him. "She was…"

"Yeah."

"Dean, I swear I didn't know. If I had I would have taken care of her."

"You should have taken care of her any ways." Dean scolded.

"I know." Sam said ashamed then said, "Wait, did she say who, uh… slipped one past the goalie?"

"Who do you think?" Dean said sarcastically.

"You two? Really?" Sam said with a slight smirk. Dean just continued to stare at the letter. After a minute Sam stood up and started to pack his bag. "If we hurry we can catch up to her."

"No." Dean said just louder than a whisper.

Sam stopped just long enough to say, "Seriously, she can't be more than an hour away."

"No!" Dean said a little more forcefully.

"What? Why?" Sam asked stopping.

"I promised her I would let her go if she left. And she left. So… I'm going to leave her alone." Dean said almost in a daze.

"Come on. You're not serious. You can't let her go off without talking to her about this."

"No, this is one promise I intend to keep." Dean said firmly.

"Then what are we going to do?" Sam asked sitting down on one of the beds.

"What we always do. Let's find us a job." Dean started sadly as he folded the letter up.