Author's note: Last chapter. So it's longer than normal because I was adamant that it was the last chapter and it should have probably been two, but well, that's being stubborn and sticking to my own rules for some weird reason.

In the last nine months I have moved house, sold a house, bought a house (and helped my dad buy a house and move). From mid-August 2013 to the end of the year I did not have a home computer to write on (which didn't matter too much as both of my wrists were in braces for the most part of three months). Through it all I worked full time and been a mum to twin boys (who are now 3.5 – when I started writing this story arc with 'Into the Darkness' they weren't even one yet. They also have both undergone two lots of surgery each, one less than two weeks ago). Thanks for being part of this journey and sticking with it (and me) – you all deserve medals. Seriously).

CHAPTER TWENTYTHREE

The police have come and spoken to Dave; he'd gone to leave, but instead his hand had been firmly grasped and he'd listened as Dave outlined the attack. Four of the football team jumping him near his car at lunch, Terence stepping in and even more of the team jumping him. Dave's voice goes quiet when he tells the police about why Terence jumped in, not only because he's a great guy, but because he's gay as well. That Terence outed himself to everyone standing around watching Dave getting beaten, that they gave up on Dave and attacked Terence with much more ferocity. Dave admits he doesn't know who called the police.

His dad, and more importantly Paul and Claire, let him sleep beside Dave in the hospital, uncomfortable in the chair and head resting on the bed. He's glad he's there though; because in the quiet of the night Dave whispers to him that he feels guilty, that Terence wouldn't have been attacked if it hadn't been for him. He tries his best to reassure Dave that it's not his fault, but he wonders what would have happened to Dave if he had been outed at McKinley, without Azimio's friendship, without the Glee Club, whether it would be Dave lying in that bed instead of Terence.

The next day the principal from Carmel comes and talks to Dave, she seems nice. Stern though, but that is probably the circumstances. Carl and the others have been suspended. There are pending criminal charges and those with football scholarships will most likely lose them. They're not allowed to graduate with everyone else and even though Dave is nodding and saying it sounds fair he's quietly seething inside, because it doesn't sound fair at all. He knows the police are waiting for Terence to wake up, to get his statement before proceeding, but he just wants it to be over for Dave.

Fortunately Dave is released from hospital thirty-six hours later, and inwardly Kurt can't help but feel pleased how everyone has suddenly banded together, Dave's friends from Carmel, New Directions and Azimio, the latter sticking out a little but quickly taken under Honey's welcoming wing. Despite being released he goes back to the hospital with Dave to wait.

The relief is palpable when Terence goes from being classed as critical to stable. However despite the number of people coming and going during the day he doesn't think he's imagining the glowering looks sent his and Dave's way from Terence's family across the waiting room. Nate amuses him because he seems to do an equal amount of glaring back in their general direction. He remembers Terence telling him his family wasn't going to be supportive of him if he came out and he wonders if this, these circumstances, might change that.

LSY

He tries not to grip Kurt's hand constantly, but sometimes he just needs to. It feels like he can somehow draw strength from the simple touch and keep himself grounded. He's not sure if people are skipping school or whether they've been given blanket permission to come and visit him because his room feels like Grand Central Station whenever he's not up at the hospital. Although he's not allowed to see Terence. That's what he's been told by the nurses, told with apologetic looks. Family only they said, but he's not an idiot. He knows they already break enough rules keeping him updated with Terence's condition when they shouldn't.

Right now he's home, Kurt lying beside him, fingers absentmindedly stroking the plaid pattern on his shirt which Dave is forcing himself not to focus on too much, although it is doing a good job of distracting him about thinking about his inability to visit Terence. The proximity Kurt has been keeping the last few days has been wonderful and he doesn't want to make Kurt feel uncomfortable or self-conscious about it. Or worse, stop. It feels good. Easy. Although if he focusses on it too much he starts wondering what it might feel like without his shirt between them and he's not sure he's ready for that, let alone Kurt being ready.

His musings are abruptly cut short when Honey appears in his doorway, her greeting bright and excited and he lets out a mental sigh of relief. Nate appears behind her and he can tell from her energetic bounce to the edge of his bed that she has something she wants to say. He shuffles up the bed slightly, inwardly disappointed when Kurt sits up and moves away, although he leaves his hand on Dave's.

"Prom was cancelled!" Honey says, seemingly delighted.

"Uh. What?" He says, because it doesn't make sense, her happy demeanor with that statement. Honey had been looking forward to prom for months. Years probably.

"Well, no one really felt like celebrating anyway. I mean, the football and hockey teams are currently at the bottom of the social ladder. And I mean bottom. Some of them won't even show their faces at school, haven't been turning up to training and the coach is talking about having to cancel the summer camp."

"Is that right?" Dave asks, looking to Nate for confirmation, because Honey is known for her tendency to over exaggerate but Nate is pulling an 'I can't believe it either' face.

"She's spot on. I'm getting back slaps and those weird head nods when I walk down the hall. People are… on your side? At least outwardly," Nate says, and he hides a smile at Nate's incredibly cynical side. He imagines Nathan is right though, that even if people hate him and Terence for being gay, they wouldn't say anything given the current atmosphere that he's heard about.

"Anyway, as I was saying, prom may have been cancelled, but they still announced king and queen." She looks at him expectantly and he shrugs helplessly, suddenly realizing why she's so happy. "It's you and me!"

Kurt has started laughing beside him, hand waving and Dave supposes Kurt's trying to look apologetic, however the giggles he keeps letting escape completely belie the effort and he pokes his tongue out at him playfully before turning back to Honey.

"Really?" He knows he sounds resigned but at least he didn't have to dance.

Nate is nodding and actually looks apologetic, while Honey is saying something about how gorgeous they would have looked on the dance floor. Kurt, the total asshole, is agreeing with her, wide smile on his face and eyes sparkling with amusement and then he's pressing his face into Dave's shoulder and he doesn't care anymore.

LSY

He wishes Kurt was allowed to stay over now that he's out of hospital, not for anything more than to have someone near him while he sleeps. The first night home his dad had woken him from a nightmare. One he doesn't remember and he's glad of that. The nightmares he does remember are bad enough and he's woken at least once a night drenched in sweat, throat sore, face sometimes wet with tears. He's been offered counseling, the school guidance counselor calling in and saying she can organize someone else if he'd prefer. He doesn't, he's always liked her.

He asks Kurt to stay for his first therapy session, wanting to be open and vulnerable in front of him but also hoping that Kurt might see how it's meant to work. He introduces Kurt to her, adding 'this is the guy I used to bully at McKinley' and notes the slightly raised eyebrow that's quickly followed by a small smile and nod of the head. He talks about his nightmares with her, pats Kurt reassuringly on the back when he spies tears in his eyes and accepts the tight bear hug Kurt gives him. He talks about Terence, his worries about college, his guilt, over everything. As usual she listens, validates his feelings and offers coping strategies and differing points of view. He can tell Kurt is listening and paying attention intently, and when she leaves Kurt grips his hand and just tells him he's going to go and get her number. He has no idea if she takes private patients but he hopes she might make an exception in Kurt's case.

Claire mothers him, and he lets her. His cast is a waterproof one thankfully, but it still means taking a shower is something he can just do anymore. His right arm is in a cast halfway up his upper arm, so he's unable to move his wrist and his elbow. He realizes several issues every time he goes to do something for the first time since the attack. Eating is one of the messiest and most embarrassing activities now, and he's making just as much mess as Lily and Adam. Kurt had helped cut his steak up the first night and since then Claire's made sure to make meals which he can just eat with a fork.

He tries to be as much help as possible without helping in the kitchen. During the day he lets himself be playful with Lily and Adam, although they think his cast makes a great drum which makes his arm ache. He takes naps in the afternoon when they do and the first afternoon he wakes up to find Kurt curled up asleep beside him he doesn't stop grinning for hours.

He's been home for four days when he hears from Honey that Terence is awake.

LSY

He has to ask his dad to drive him, because once he hears that Terence is awake he has to at least try to see him. He notes the complete lack of people in the waiting room and hopes that they aren't all piled into Terence's hospital room. The nurse at the counter recognizes him and smiles encouragingly which he takes as a positive sign. She tells him Terence's new room number and he nods his thanks.

"I'll just wait here."

"Thanks dad. I won't be too long."

"Take your time."

He pushes the door open and takes in the sight before him, meeting Terence's eyes in the fortunately empty room. Terence looks like he barely escaped death, face swollen and mottled. He reaches out with his fist, bumping it against Terence's gently before sitting down beside him and he tries to ignore the overwhelming guilt he feels when he sees the tears roll out of the corner of Terence's eyes.

"Hey man."

"Hey." Terence sniffs. "You're not meant to be here."

"No. I'm not. You want me to go?"

"Hell no. You're the first face I've been glad to see since I woke up. They wouldn't even tell me you were alive."

"Huh." That might explain the tears. "I'm… alive. Thanks to you. You've scared the shit out of us the last week or so."

"Like to keep you on your toes…"

"Yeah, you do. I've… your…" he's not sure how to ask about his family. "Sorry it took me so long to come visit."

Terence snorts, looks away and shrugs before wincing in pain that the movement must have caused.

"I guess my family didn't exactly make it easy for you…" Dave bites his lip and shrugs, because he's here now. "They… my dad, he said I'm not allowed to lay charges. My dad said that if I laid hate-crime charges then I'm not his son. They'll kick me out."

"Fuck…"

"Yeah, but if I don't and I stay at home he's saying I have to go to one of those camps…"

"No. Fuck that. Those are sucky choices. That's lose-lose. I… you know that's not your only choice right? I know it would suck, but if they did kick you out you'd have a place with me. Us. My family I mean." He hasn't asked of course, but his dad had said something in passing, having obviously picked up on the tension in the hospital room as much as everyone else and he just knows his dad would never let any of his friends be homeless.

"My dad isn't bluffing. And I don't want to be a charity case."

"Neither am I. Bluffing that is. And it wouldn't be charity."

Terence doesn't say anything and he has no idea how long they sit in silence before his dad comes to get him to say it's time they left. He doesn't understand until he passes a woman he thinks is Terence's sister in the waiting room.

If looks could kill he would be dead.

LSY

Kurt's not sure what drives him to bring it up with his dad. Well, he does know but he wishes that he wasn't even thinking about it. Dave had told him about his trip to the hospital and he hadn't been able to help his mind starting to come up with possible solutions. He'd like to lay them all out and show Terence the various options; he doesn't want him to feel like he has to stay where he is. His dad had agreed, face grim but wholeheartedly supporting him and that brings him here.

He knows his way around the hospital, knows the usual visiting times and routine of Terence's family, and that right now, seven in the morning, Terence might not even be awake. He knows Dave came to see him, that Dave offered Terence his home. But Kurt has an ace up his sleeve, one he thinks Terence will appreciate. His friendship with Terence has been all about empowerment for himself, the karate lessons helping more than the therapy had and he wants to give that back in some way. Although now, seeing Terence lying in bed, his six-foot frame still he wonders what the point is sometimes. If Terence hadn't been able to protect himself what chance does he have?

Letting out a quiet breath he knows Terence is going to need therapy as well. Physical as well as psychological. His own fears feel lesser now that he's found someone he can talk with. He thought he'd talked enough, but recent events have left him with a set of different fears, ones he doesn't want to burden Dave with. He sits down on the chair beside Terence's bed, wondering if he'll have to wait long before he wakes because he doesn't want to be alone with his own thoughts for too long.

Of course silence ticks by, half-an-hour dragging and he's second guessing everything when Terence's eyes finally scrunch a bit before one eye slits open, sees him and both eyes blink open in bleary confusion.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to give you another option."

Terence lets out a long sigh and he bites back an equally tired sounding sigh. He's not the one that almost got beaten to death.

"Dave already offered me his place…"

"Yeah. I know. He told me. Thing is his family is growing and moving and it's all a bit transitionary for you right now." He watches as Terence looks away, wonders if he has even given it serious consideration. "You have a long road ahead of you. Physical therapy…" He feels like utter shit saying that, watches as Terence tenses, mouth gone tight. "You're going to need to stay in town. Which sucks. Anyway, my point is that you have another option. There's my dad," Terence looks like he's about to interrupt. "No, listen, please. Finn and I are both leaving. There will be space, lots of space. Plus when you're better you can help my dad out in the garage. You can help him with the paperwork until you're well enough to be on the floor, and you'd be helping him out and you'd be able to work for board…"

He doesn't mention that his dad is likely to put all the board money into a separate account and hand it right back to Terence when he moves out. He has no idea if Terence will be able to get a deferment on his college admission but he hopes so.

"You helped me feel strong again," he stops, remembering his coffee cup that Dave gave him. "I want to give you that feeling back. You will get through this. And it's not an offer that has an expiration date. You want to try living at home, that's cool. Just… you can give my dad a call any time and he will come and get you. I'd say you could call me, and you can, but even if I'm not in town I'm not exactly one of the most intimidating people around…"

"Don't underestimate yourself. You're pretty fucking intimidating." He smiles dryly and shrugs a shoulder, taking the compliment for what it is. He knows Terence gets what he means. "Thanks though… I… I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

"Have you ever spoken to your school counselor?"

"Mrs. Barnett? No, well not recently."

"Well, I've asked her to come visit. She's… really good. I think she'll help."

Terence doesn't say anything but he nods slightly and Kurt nods in reply. He's done everything he can and now and he stands, leaning over Terence to give him a gentle hug, moving slowly and hoping he doesn't freak him out. They've never hugged before.

"Whatever you decide, and you need to make the decision, I will support it one hundred percent. Okay?"

"Okay," Terence says with a watery smile.

He counts the smile as a win.

LSY

He's not sure how his dad and Claire have managed with him being in hospital, unable to help as much with the twins and Claire being either nauseated or exhausted. Or both. Every time he goes to help he's pushed away, told he needs to rest and recover. It gets frustrating after eight days, even though he knows with his cast he's not as much use as he would be. One of the positive aspects is Kurt stepping in, a guy that looked at him with terrified eyes when Dave asked him to hold a baby seven months ago is now bathing them by himself, or cooking meals for his family. He loves the completely seamless way that Kurt has stepped in, doing things without being asked, like he's a member of the family.

He'd briefly worried that maybe Kurt was feeling a sense of guilt, or like he somehow needed to rescue them as a family, or he'd been relegated into the role of friend… and then Kurt had come into his bedroom after dinner and made out with him, gentle kisses leaving him breathless and aching. And of course Kurt had seemed to know exactly what was bothering him without him saying anything.

"You know, you told me something not long ago," Kurt says, wriggling his body slightly so they're lying side-by-side, fingers linked.

"Uh…"

"I was feeling bad that you were having to deal with all my… issues and you know what you said to me?"

"No," Dave replies, face scrunching because he honestly can't remember.

"You said it was what relationships are about. Dealing with stuff with the help and support of someone else."

"Oh… yeah, I remember." Very vaguely he adds silently.

"Well, it's a two way street. I know as soon as you're able you'll be helping out as much as you can, but until then… enjoy. You have a broken arm. It needs rest. Also I like helping. I look at it that I am helping you by helping out your family. That's what boyfriends do…"

Even hours and days later the memory makes him smile and feel warm all over.

LSY

He doesn't bring it up with Dave, not really sure how to with everything that has been going on. But he's going to Ohio State. Planning to relocate later in the summer and already has a place in a dorm. He'd looked at the other colleges, thought about being so far away from his dad and decided he just couldn't. The idea of being so far from Dave hurts but the logical side of him knows he can't make such a life decision for someone else. This needed to be just for him and he knows if anyone will understand it will be David. He just wishes he knew where Dave was going, if anywhere; he's not sure Dave sent acceptance letters with everything that has happened in the last month. Either way it's not a conversation he is looking forward to having, which is why he's been avoiding it, changing the subject every time it's raised.

School has officially finished, graduation felt like a complete non-event, although he suspects his building anxiety over the upcoming changes are likely impacting his state of mind. It's that which has him visiting with the counselor from Carmel, and she's much more helpful than anyone else he's spoken to. Even though he'd thought he was completely over the assault she'd carefully told him that it's not like a switch; some days it might feel like it, but that it's more like a piece of string that can loop back on itself and some days he might feel like it all happened yesterday. And that that's normal.

He always feels calm and thoughtful, more restful when his session with her ends, and there is always something for him to mull over. His last session, that morning, she'd finished with a calm 'You need to talk to David' and a pointed look and he knows she's right, because their relationship has no chance if he doesn't give it one. Thinking about it more he decides he needs to talk to Dave, now, before he loses his nerve again and he heads out. When he passes the dining room there's an extra place set and he blinks before heading into the kitchen only to find it empty, although there seems to be enough food cooking to feed an entire football team.

"Are we expecting company?" he asks Carol when he finally finds her.

"Oh. Well… yes? I thought he would have told you."

"Dave's coming for dinner?"

"No. Terence. And not just for dinner."

Well fuck.

LSY

He's not hurt by Terence's choice to move in with Kurt instead of him, but he is stunned by the abruptness of it. Terence had only been home for two days before moving out and then in with Kurt and his family. He feels like a complete idiot when Kurt, somehow completely on to him even though he was careful not to say anything, pointed out that with Finn gone there's the space, there aren't small children around while Terence recuperates and Terence is planning on helping his dad in the shop, making him feel less like he's a guest in their home and contributing.

Nate and Kurt say they'll take turns to bring either Dave to Kurt's house, or Terence to Dave's, which will allow them to hang out. Kurt and Nate both have part-time jobs and neither he nor Terence can drive with their casts on respective body limbs. Dave tries not to think too hard about other activities he can't carry out easily with a cast on his arm. It's only been the four days since Terence has been released, two days since he moved in with Kurt and they're sitting on the sofa about to watch a movie when Terence speaks.

"My dad was going to hit me…" he says it quietly, almost like he doesn't want Dave to hear and a part of him wishes he hadn't. For all he was scared about coming out to his dad, he never thought his dad might hit him. Terence coughs. "That's when I knew I had to get out. I can barely walk and… I had to do what was right. What I could live with on my conscience for the rest of my life."

Dave swallows the lump in his throat. Terence wouldn't be able to fight back like he had done to save Dave. He knows that Terence has agreed to press charges, like he's done himself, although without the full support of his family behind him.

"It must have been a hard decision."

"No. It was an easy decision. Just fucking terrible repercussions for me personally. But it was going to happen. Timeline just shifted up."

Terence shrugs and Dave doesn't know what to say, he really doesn't and he wishes he did because he doubts he'd be so pragmatic about it. "Dude, I knew I would be getting kicked out as soon as they found out. They're… very black and white about it," Terence snorts and then rubs his face. It makes Dave feel worse, wonders if this is what Kurt had an idea about, for Terence waiting for the inevitable, waiting for fuck knows how long. He swallows again.

"I just, wanted to tell you. You have it good."

"I know. I wish I could make it good for you…"

"Sorry man, but you're not my type."

He snorts, hiccoughs and then smiles, letting a couple of tears run down his face.

"Yeah, you're not exactly mine either."

"Don't I know it. I live with your boyfriend now. And you know how I told you that you were a lucky guy because Kurt was with you?"

"Uh… did you? Cause I don't remember that, not really, but okay?" He will never not think he's lucky to have Kurt, he doesn't need other people telling or reminding him but he's kind of curious to see where Terence is going with this, and quite a lot relieved that the subject matter is much lighter.

"Well I take it all back. Kurt is great, but living with him? Oh my god… his dad went out and got us stealth cheese burgers. Is he this bad with you?"

"Uh. No?" He tries to recall if there's ever been a time when Kurt has told him what to eat. Or what not to eat. And there hasn't been a single occasion. In fact recently Kurt has been ensuring he does eat, and has even taken over baking on Tuesdays, which has been much to the delight of Azimio because there'd been one Tuesday when there had been no cake when he'd shown up.

"Man, make the most of it. When you guys move in together… he's a tyrant."

"I… I think that's just because it's his dad and his heart you know? Because have you seen Kurt eat? He packs away pizza and cake just as well as Az does…" He's quietly reeling over the idea of Kurt and him even living together, considering they haven't even talked about where they will be in a couple of months' time.

"Oh my god, you're right. It's only when he's at home. Bring on the day he moves out…"

"He's definitely moving out then?"

"Yeah," Terence says, and something in Dave's tone must have alerted Terence to something being off. "You mean he hasn't told you?"

"Uh… not exactly?"

"Fuck, you two are as bad as each other. You needed me and Nate to get you to even admit that you liked him like that…"

"Actually I think that was me that did that…" Azimio says, walking into the room bearing pizza boxes. "Claire let me in. You having romance problems? I can help. Honey's an expert you know."

"An expert at what?" Honey asks.

Dave groans, wishing he could have his quiet afternoon back.

LSY

When he gets to Dave's place after helping out in the garage it looks like the remnants of a party, albeit a very tame one. Honey and Azimio have left to go on a date, and he's secretly thrilled at the idea of them dating, now that he knows them both better. Nate swings by to pick up Terence, taking him home and he knows they have plans to do something violent on the Xbox which involves a lot of shouting. He's glad he'll be out of the house. He has Dave to himself for the night, with Claire and Paul taking the kids to Columbus for the night. He's cleared it with his dad, trying not to pull the 'I'm eighteen and can do what I want' card but rather the 'My boyfriend and I need to have a long overdue discussion about some things. No dad, we won't be having sex' and trying his best not to roll his eyes.

He'd been waylaid when he'd last tried to come and talk to Dave, but he's now been wanting to talk to him for two days and his life seems suddenly time poor. He's been talking to Terence, wanting to ensure he feels welcome and had wanted to mention that if he had nightmares he only needed to text and he'd be right there. Not that he expects Terence to text him, not because he doesn't have nightmares but because their friendship just isn't quite at that level, although he hopes that it will be one day.

He finishes tidying up, ignores Dave's protests about leaving it, that he can tidy up. He places the pre-prepared food he's intending to cook for dinner in the fridge. He's left his bag in the car, not wanting to commit to staying unless everything goes well. He's fairly certain that Dave and him are on the same page, but regardless there is still the churning in his gut, the nerves that maybe he's wrong. He settles himself down beside Dave, curling into his left side and rests his head on his chest. Dave's arm slowly settles around him, going firm like a hug for a second before releasing to just rest comfortably around him.

"We need to talk…"

LSY

Despite the words and the spike of dread they cause he forces himself not to jump to conclusions. Kurt is cuddled up against him, he's pretty sure that's not a 'we need to break up' kind of posture someone would take when coupled with the whole clichéd 'we need to talk' statement. Then again Kurt's always bucked the trend.

"I, yeah. I figured as much. I mean, Kurt, you've been… avoiding something. What?"

He's pretty sure he knows what. College. He tries not to get distracted by the way Kurt nibbles on his bottom lip when he's nervous, before he realizes he's doing it and then he licks and presses them together like he's brushing creases out of his shirt.

"I… it's going to sound childish and immature."

Dave raises both his eyebrows.

"With a side of dramatic?" He feels Kurt's face scrunch against his chest and can just imagine the face he's pulling right now.

"The future. I'm avoiding the future…"

"Oh. The totally unavoidable thing that slowly but surely happens to all of us?"

"Shut up…" Kurt mutters, but he can tell he's not really upset because he squirms a bit closer.

"This is about college huh? Where are you going?" He knows there's only three, and even though he knows Kurt had his heart set on NYADA a totally selfish part of himself hopes Kurt chooses somewhere closer. He's going to Ohio State, having had a long conversation with his dad and Claire. So he won't be moving out of home, but he will be moving with his family to Columbus. He hasn't told Kurt that, so he doesn't feel like he can really be mad at Kurt for wanting to face up to moving away from each other.

"Ohio State. I didn't want to be too far from my dad. What with everything, I just… it's reminded me of how precious everything in our lives is and I want to be able to come home in weekends and see him if I want. Or heaven forbid need to come home…"

"I'm going to Ohio State too. Uh –"

He doesn't get much more out as Kurt has moved and is straddling his thighs, eyes bright, arms resting on his shoulders.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Dad and Claire are actually looking at houses in Columbus tomorrow. I… we had a long talk and I said to them that I wanted to stay close, because of Lily and Adam you know. I don't want them to grow up and not know me. And then this other little baby… I want to be around you know?"

Kurt is nodding, smile wide and blinding.

"We both made the same choice. Wow… I didn't even think this would be how it would work out."

He's almost afraid to ask.

"How exactly did you think it would work out?"

"Us figuring out how we were going to manage long distance. I figured you'd choose MIT."

Dave shrugs, smiles while shaking his head and wraps his good arm around Kurt's waist gently.

"Nope. Maybe it's just meant to be huh?"

"My thoughts exactly."

Author's note: Just the epilogue to go, which I have set an update time of two-weeks from now (and intend to update First and Foremost in a week's time). Four days before I posted this, I had 3,500 words written and I almost re-wrote the entire thing and killed Terence off. Aren't you glad I didn't?