Heroes of the Past and Present

Disclaimer: Do not own Victorious, do not own the video game

A/N:

Chapter 30 (Listening to the Heart)

Trina sat in the driver's seat of the car they'd conjured, Tori unveiled it for her out of request. It was the middle of the night and Trina had the headlights on, it did not concern her whether there were any dangers out or not, she wasn't going far. She simply wished to think, and needed some time alone with the Shakira CD that Sinjin conjured up for her.

Currently the song playing was the one that spoke most to her, she replayed it repeatedly, unable to let her idol's music go to any other song on the album. She closed her eyes for a split second, letting the words sink into her mind as she sang along. The song was Underneath Your Clothes, one of Shakira's softer tunes that truly spoke volumes for her. This song, among many others, was what made her think more of Sinjin.

What was in her heart when it came to her feelings for him? Her lips tugged back at the corners and her eyes slanted at various moving objects ahead of her. Darkspawn surely, but they were not reacting to her car. Likely because to them, in the pitch blackness of night, all they saw were two bright lights and nothing more. She was easily disguised. Her eyes drifted towards the sky and her voice left her with the song on the radio.

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story, there's the man I chose, there's my territory and all the things I deserve…" She stopped her car and peered out as the creatures slipped past her. She looked away, dreaming of the moments with Sinjin that she'd had through the years. The laughter, the tears, the ability he had to make her smile.

"Hey Trina, you think I can do a rail grind?" Young Sinjin smirked as he leaned his skateboard against the railing beside the school. Trina shook her head and shouted as he got on the board and attempted to hop onto the rail, only to fall off and land in the grass. She rushed to his side and knelt down, narrowing her eyes as he looked up to her and grinned. "I'm okay…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah angel…" With that, she dropped him back to the ground and folded her arms.

Trina smiled at the memory and slowly shook her head, feeling her heart skip a beat. "Because of you, I forgot the smart ways to lie. Because of you I'm running out of reasons to cry…" Her head lifted up and she slowly pressed down on the gas, exhaling slowly as she continued to sway along with Shakira's words. "When the friends are gone, when the party's over, we will still belong together."

This was an interesting road she was on, a perilous one at that. Tori's friends were making efforts, but now it seemed the problem was with her. It was her trust issues that weren't allowing them inside, it was her trust issues not allowing her to be with the man she loved. How the hell was she supposed to get past that?

Trina mourned at the heaviness in her chest and shifted the gear into park. She closed her eyes and reclined in her seat. Her brain danced circles round her heart, mocking her for being so weak. She let out a defeated sigh and moved her hand over her eyes, groaning as her head began pounding.

"Is there a problem?"

She pulled her hand away at the sudden voice, her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes tore to her right. Sitting in the passenger seat was a woman with wavy brown hair and plate armor. She had a vague appearance and soft eyes that stood out over all else. What was this? Did ghosts exist now? "Who, or what are you?"

"Someone whose conscience is linked to you because of whatever magic Merrill or Zander has done to me. I'm Hawke." Trina's eyes widened and her hand moved up to her mouth. "He woke me temporarily again."

"I thought…you couldn't be woken without me? I'm your descendent, Trina." Sarah's eyes lit up and she slowly shook her head.

"He's only been able to wake my mental state temporarily, even he can't wake me fully. I'm a little frightened, but I'm guessing Aveline figured something out?"

"Bethany did. Merrill had to use blood magic, but it was all to find you. They had to go through some portal and find us…My friends came along with me, we've discovered Zander lives somewhere in Orlais." Sarah nodded and looked around, scanning her surroundings. Her face tensed and sadness swept over her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I can't see anything other than you. I'm the one that put the dream in your head that other day, by the way. I figured out I was linked to someone else, it was the only thing I could think to do. Now, what is troubling you?"

"Just a number of things…not like it matters, I just, it'll go away after a while."

"You do nothing about what ails you?" She rolled her eyes and put her hands to the steering wheel, hovering her foot above the gas pedal.

"What's the point? People are always going to hurt me and these trust issues will never go away. I can't let the people I want to let in inside, and the one man that I love…I can't let him in…"

"I don't know how much time I have before I black out again, but let me think about this. You can talk to me…who has harmed you?"

"Want the list?"

"I have time. Sort of."

"Let's see, the first man I dated, I was thirteen. He was a cheat. Danny, he was going between me and one of my best friends at the time and neither of us knew. Lindsay. He then dated my sister for a period of time, which I wasn't happy about. He cheated on her…then he dated one of her friends and started to seduce my sister again, not happy about that. Second guy I dated was abusive and possessive. Third guy I dated, when I was seventeen was barely decent, a compulsive liar. Fourth and fifth, don't get me started. Then the last guy I tried to date was someone named Seth. He was number six, he got Tori's friends to dump me, in a song!" She removed her hand and buried it in her hair, holding back a scream. Sarah frowned and shook her head.

"You've had bad luck with men, but we've all been there. Surely not every one of them is the same?"

"They're not, I know that because my best friend Sinjin…I love him with all my heart, he loves me too, and I know he would do nothing to hurt me. I-I'm just more afraid that I'm too emotionally damaged for him." Her head fell back on the chair and her lips released a sorrowful moan. "Tori's friends ran all my other friends off, berated and mocked me for years, abusing me. Verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically, and now they're trying to make a turn around. I can see them doing that, I can see them working on it, but I'm unable to let them in. My best friend over all, Lindsay, also reached out to me recently, wanting to start over…"

"But you're afraid to trust that?"

"I don't know whether I'm afraid to trust that…or afraid I don't trust myself." She opened her eyes and looked towards the ancestor, still curious whether this was the actual woman or just her imagination. She sounded real enough, though, and perhaps a temporary link through blood magic was possible. That was what happened with all the ancestors and their descendents, after all. Was it possible since Merrill's magic didn't affect Sebastian, that the stream that was meant for him somehow struck Sarah instead, though she was far away?

"If this man you speak of, Sinjin, loves you as much as you say…how long has he been there?"

"Through everything. He is practically the nice guy there while I dated all those assholes…ironically enough…"

"So he was there to see you through all the pain and suffering?" She nodded and Sarah folded her arms over. "Don't be afraid of your heart. Trust me, I know how hard that can be and how much of a hindrance it is to not let anyone in. He won't be around forever, will he? Eventually he's going to have to move on."

"I don't want to lose him. I just…"

"If he's seen it all, then certainly whatever emotional pain you feel won't damage him. He wouldn't let it, if he loves you as much as you say, then he'll still stand by you. Maybe even help those fears and doubts you have about yourself to go away. Do you think he would?"

"Maybe…he and my sister. My sister Tori and I have a strange relationship, you know."

"You still see her every day?"

"Yeah…"

"I don't get to see Bethany every day, sometimes many months go by and I don't see her. Can you imagine it?" Trina's eyes widened and her heart sank. She understood why it was, since she read about the Circle, but it was still traumatizing. Sarah bowed her head and narrowed her eyes. "I…I don't know if things would have been different had I taken her into the deep roads when we went on that infernal expedition, but somehow I feel like I did the right thing. Something tells me I would have lost her had I taken her down there, and this Circle, is a better fate still than death would be…because at least now I get to see her sometimes."

"Right…I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Tori. It's just, when she went to school at Hollywood Arts, she changed away from this girl that used to look up to me. She used to need me and love me and follow me everywhere."

Sarah laughed and reached over, patting her on the shoulder. "Your sister is only growing up, don't worry. However, I can tell you right now that as your sister, she probably will never stop needing you. As much as she needs you and loves you, you love and need her. That never changes, no matter what happens externally. You mentioned her friends, and I suppose they're the reason you feel she's changed?"

"Yes…but she told them they had to respect me." Sarah smiled at her, her voice lowered to a whisper and her eyes connected with Trina's.

"There you have it." Trina's heart fluttered within her chest, and a relaxing calm started to sweep over her. She didn't question her sister loved her, but now she felt as though she shouldn't dare to question it. "If her friends are making solid attempts at befriending you, and their attempts are genuine, why push them away?"

"Because I'm afraid they'll go right back to how things used to be."

"What do you care? They are Tori's friends, I thought." She chuckled at her ancestor and looked away. The woman had a point, Tori's friends were slowly making attempts to befriend her or respect her, and maybe that was enough? She honestly didn't know.

"I said I'd give them a chance, but it's so hard…"

"Leave it at that. You said you'd give them a chance, it means you're open to the possibility. You don't need to do anything more, you've left it open and the ball is now in their court, is it not?"

"It is…it really is…"

"Tell me about Lindsay."

"Her?" Trina smiled in admiration and leaned back, sighing heavily as her best friend came to mind. "My best friend above all else, we did everything together. She introduced me to my favorite entertainer and helped me get away from that abusive boyfriend I mentioned. We…drifted apart after arguing over my lack of standing up for myself when it came to Tori's friends. I ran into her the other day, and she wants to start a friendship again."

"She was apologetic over drifting apart?"

"Yes. She was."

"Then what is the problem? Are you afraid of drifting apart again?"

"Yes…"

"So, I'm seeing what the problem is. Your heart wants to take chances, it wants to take these leaps. You want to trust these people, but your brain is pulling every bad experience as some sort of evidence."

"Almost like a criminal trial," she laughed once and swept fresh tears from her eyes. "In my head I can come up with every bit of evidence as to why not to do something."

"Then tell it, firmly, to kindly shut up." Trina was astonished and looked over to see Sarah smirking and wagging her eyebrows. "Yes, it is that easy. Follow your heart." Sarah reached up, placing her hand beneath Trina's chin. "You're a strong, beautiful and independent woman, you deserve a chance to be happy. You won't be happy if you don't take risks, if you don't take chances. If you keep shutting your heart out, you will never be happy."

"Just like that?" She held her breath, wavering on the inside. Sarah nodded and Trina closed her eyes. "I…I want to be happy, I do deserve to be happy."

"So let your heart do the talking, like it is right there. Now…" Sarah pulled her hand away and inhaled sharply. "I feel the darkness coming back in, I can't linger any longer…"

"We're going to find you."

"I believe you, but first…could you try to take a few risks while you're on the way? If that man is around, talk to him. I know you want to."

"I-I'll try."

"Then, hopefully when I see you, I'll see you with a smile?" Trina chuckled and brought her hand up, tucking her hair behind her ear. When she glanced up, Sarah was gone. She frowned and looked out the windshield as Shakira's next song played. Waka-Waka by Shakira.

"You're a good soldier, choosing your battles. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and back in the saddle. You're on the front line, everyone's watching. You know when it's serious, we're getting closer. This isn't over. The pressure is on, you feel it, but you've got it all. Believe it. When you fall, get up, and if you fall…get up…"

Trina stretched her arms out and gripped the steering wheel firmly, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. "I will…do my best to try…"

A bit of an echo if you will, Varric's words from the game not mine, haha. Well, Trina's gotten some much needed advice, lets see if she can follow through. What do you think? Think she's starting to get a bit stronger, maybe?