Chapter 3- Choosing A Path

July 1889

Cora lay awake staring at shadows on the ceiling. She relived the dinner at Grantham house that night and wondered what they thought. Lady Grantham cringed every time her mother spoke; Lord Grantham smirked behind his wine. She, in turn, spoke very little. They had been civil and very polite and Cora had tried to be as demure as she could without being too timid. It seemed successful, on the surface, but her uncertainty kept her mind turning. She didn't know that she could imagine herself a permanent fixture at that proper table.

Robert's proposal the day before had been left unanswered. She may have said yes straight away if things were different. He was kind and handsome but she knew he didn't love her. He had been truthful about the state of Downton, which she had been grateful for. While he hadn't come out and said he was hunting her fortune, she was not stupid. She was more than a little confused and very torn. Her feelings for Robert had grown in a way that she hadn't thought possible after William. They had only known each other a handful of months, but there was a tenderness she saw at times in his grey eyes that seized her heart and made her believe perhaps they could find an understanding with one another. She was not supposed to fall in love, not after pledging her loyalty to William, not when knowing these Englishmen were only after two things, money and her womb.

Nevertheless, she found herself thinking of Robert more and more. He was the one bright spot on her whole miserable trip to England. She really wanted nothing more than to leave the cold country, but that was most likely not a possibility. Not if she wanted a moments peace again, for Martha would make her pay if another season went by without a proposal. Cora thought more about Robert and knew that she held him in genuine affection. Worried that the feelings she had for him would grow into more if married, she wondered what would be more painful in the end, a dead love or an unrequited one.

Cora imagined the life before her, in the drafty old house she had yet to see with the indifferent people she met the night before, her money sustaining them all. These tormented decisions always seemed to work out in Austen novels, but she feared she may not be so lucky.

"I am sorry Robert. I cannot give my blessing in this." Violet arranged the folds of her skirts and sat back, waiting for her son to battle on. She knew that he would. She had made the American even more appealing by disapproving.

"Why? She was spot on the entire visit. You cannot find fault in one thing!"

"Robert, I'll remind you to watch your tone with your mother." Richard Crawley said carefully, trying to maintain the peace.

Violet took a sip of her sherry. "She was lovely Robert. And she'll make some other man a lovely wife I am sure. She just isn't the one for you."

"And why is that exactly? Because she's American?" Robert's agitation was hard to repress. Cora's visit seemed such a success he was sure his parents had been won over. To be met with a fight was disheartening.

"Do you love her Robert?" Violet inquired, leaning toward him and raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I mean...it's very…." Robert stuttered, caught off guard by his mother's question.

"That's what I thought. Let me enlighten you, my dear. That girl is smitten with you. It's as plain as the nose on her face. Some young man is going to marry her for her money and break her heart. Do you really want that man to be you?" Violet's steel grey eyes bored into her son waiting for him to see reason.

"Mama," Robert started carefully, "I may not love her, but I am fond of her…."

"Robert!" Violet interrupted, tiring quickly of the conversation and losing her patience. "Fond of her? She is a child! You are going to try and build a marriage that could last another sixty years on her infatuation and your fondness. You'll be lucky if she doesn't run away after two months!"

"And were you so in love with each other when you married?" Robert looked at each of his parents, daring them to say otherwise.

"Now Robert, you know our marriage was arranged." Richard replied.

"So what is the difference?" Robert implored.

"The difference, dear boy, is that we came from similar stock. I was quite prepared for this life and Miss Levinson hasn't the faintest idea what being your wife will mean. Her parents will be three thousand miles away. Her whole world will be turned upside down. Really, I have both of your best interests at heart when I say this dalliance should end."

Robert stood tall and steadied his voice before replying. "I've quite made up my mind and I'll marry her with or without your blessing."

"Robert, perhaps your mother is right. I know you are considering Downton and while the dowry may be very appealing, marriage is a finality for people like us. "

"I know this Papa." Robert sat down, digesting the words his father spoke. He had thought about nothing else for weeks now, weighing all of the facts and implications. And at first the prospect of spending the rest of his life with Cora daunted him but as he thought on it more it became so that he couldn't picture anyone else by his side. Whenever he thought about five, ten, twenty years down the road, it was her gentle spirit and fierce beauty that was by his side.

"Really, I've thought heavily on this for many weeks. It's not a decision I am making lightly. I want to make her my wife." Robert looked pointedly at his mother. "And for more than just her money. I'll not lie, it's what led me to her in the first place. But it's her that's made me want to make a life together. It may not be love, but it is something."

Robert watched as his parents exchanged looks, hopeful that there would be no more fighting on the subject. His father raised his eyebrows and his mother sighed and waved her hand in irritation.

"I'll only say this. Beauty fades. Remember that." And with that Violet closed her mouth, knowing that her son had quite made up his mind.

Not able to stand the weight of her disdainful squint any longer, Robert averted his eyes to the floor. She had met his knock at her door in her robe and negligee, as was her custom but he had made no move to disrobe himself of his tails. Perhaps he should have made his intentions explicit when he asked to see Lady Pembroke, but he knew he needed the upper hand for what he was about to tell her. And by her disgusted expression, he had been right.

"So that's it then? Because the foreigner has said yes we're finished?"

Robert sighed and ran his hand under his collar, feeling the heat of the room. "Julia, surely you must see it has to be this way-"

"No, I really do not." Julia interrupted, her voice remaining cool. She regarded Robert with an arched eyebrow. "I'm disappointed. I thought you were more mature than your years, but clearly you aren't as far removed from the nursery as I once believed you to be."

Robert's irritation at her reaction was rivaled by his irritation at himself . From the beginning he had caught glimpses of her vapidness and people talked of her cruel ways, but he had been naive enough to think that he she would never turn on him.

"Robert, you aren't that strongly convicted. Don't pretend that you are. Was this a stipulation of the American's? She refused you until we broke it off? She's quite young but you must be firm with her from the start."

The look on Robert's face must have betrayed his thoughts because Julia 's mouth curved into a smirk and she released a low chuckle. "Oh Robert, you haven't even told her. My, you are a devious boy! What will she think when she finds out after the fact?"

Robert felt a swell of anger heat up his face. He stepped toward her and clenched his fists by his side. He swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue, smart enough to know not to provoke her. Calming himself, his voice held little of the hate that he now felt toward the smug woman before him.

"Julia, I'd prefer she not know about this. We are done. There is nothing left to discuss." And with that he quickly left her room and her home.