Chapter 9- The Sum of Us

January 1891

Violet left her room with purpose and walked down the gallery toward the stairs. She took note of the silence that permeated the upstairs quarters and thought how soon that silence would be interrupted once Robert and Cora's child arrived. She rather enjoyed the idea of a grandchild, but the squirmy, screechy newborn stage was a bother she had never relished.

Passing by the third door down from hers, she noticed immediately that it was ajar and wondered who would have left it that way. She paused and reached out, about to close it when she spotted a shadow stretching out against the floor. Pushing the door open Violet saw the back of her daughter in law, standing in the middle of the room, clutching a stuffed bear to her chest.

Violet cleared her throat, "It seems odd to see the nursery ready for a baby again."

Cora turned and looked at her mother in law smiling slightly, but her eyes were far away.

"Is it to your liking?" Violet asked.

"Yes, yes. It looks marvelous. It's hard to believe that in a few weeks there will be a tiny inhabitant." Cora went to the crib and ran her hand over the rail.

"Is something troubling you?" Violet inquired.

Cora shook her head and rubbed her stomach absently but Violet was not convinced. She sat on the sofa in the room and motioned for Cora to do the same. The younger woman hesitated a moment before joining her.

"What is it?" Violet probed gently.

Cora sighed and looked at her hands, resting on her distended belly. "I'm frightened."

"Ahh," Violet answered.

Cora met her eyes and felt herself redden with her admission. She was embarrassed to admit her distress to the stoic woman sitting beside her. Her mind had been full of worries for the past few weeks, as the arrival of her child barreled closer. She had tried to talk herself into banishing them. However, this morning she woke in a panic, realizing that the birth could literally be any day.

"It's natural to be afraid, Cora. Even more so the first time."

Cora let out a shaky breath and tried to laugh her fear away. She couldn't speak about this with Violet. She wished her own mother were with her, as rocky as their relationship had sometimes been. With her, Cora knew she would be able to cry on her shoulder and give voice to the terror she was beginning to feel. Martha would hold her and calm her. Violet had offered her a shoulder to cry on before, but Cora was cautious to take advantage too often, afraid the woman would think her weak. Despite her resolve to be strong, tears sprang to her eyes.

"I'm being silly. I'll be fine. We'll both be fine." Cora said as she nodded her head and straightened her shoulders willing herself to exude a bravery she didn't feel.

Violet patted her hand. "We'll all get through this. Now, Robert I fear, may not come out of the experience quite so unscathed."

Despite herself, Cora laughed genuinely with Violet at the picture in her mind of a harried Robert, pacing the library.

Robert entered Cora's room after breakfast expecting her to be in the midst of her mid-morning nap. He was surprised to see her maid still in the room, dressing her for outdoors.

"What are you doing?" Robert inquired in confusion. "I thought you would be resting."

Cora sighed. "Robert, I am going utterly stir crazy in here. I need some fresh air. Please come for a walk with me."

"What? No! You aren't in any condition to be walking around. And it's freezing out there." Robert turned to leave, wanting to give her maid a chance to change her back into her night dress but was surprised when Cora dismissed Jenkins.

"I'll go myself if you won't accompany me!" Cora declared petulantly. She fitted her gloves on her hands and straightened her hat, ignoring him.

"Now Cora…."

"Don't 'now Cora' me!" She whipped around faster than he thought possible, her face flush from her rising irritation and her eyes wide and piercing. Robert knew to be afraid of that look. "You have no idea what I am going through! You have no idea what this is like! And you have no right to tell me what to do!" Her tirade left her slightly breathless.

Robert held up his hands in mercy and cautiously went to her. "So tell me."

Cora deflated and he cupped her shoulders in his hands, rubbing them gently. "I'm going mad with the waiting, Robert! Please, I need to get out of this room and think about something else besides all of the things that could go wrong!"

She regretted saying the words when she saw Robert blanche slightly. He recovered quickly and pulled her into an embrace. "Let's go for your walk then." He said softly.

"I think I'll say goodnight." Cora got up slowly, allowing Robert to help her off the sofa. The faces that looked up at her smiled sympathetically.

"Are you alright?" Robert asked his voice low. She had looked pale all evening.

"Yes. Just tired, Robert." Cora stretched and kissed his cheek.

"Would you like me to go up with you?"

"No, no. You stay." Cora squeezed his arm before waddling out of the library. Robert sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Robert, my boy, have a drink and calm those nerves. The main event hasn't even started yet!" Richard laughed at the panic stricken look his son had developed.

"She hasn't seemed herself all day. I wonder if we should call Dr Brown." Robert stated before taking the brandy that his father offered.

"Robert, she is about to have a child. And once that child is here she will be a mother. She won't seem herself for the rest of your lives together." Violet quipped.

"Well, that is reassuring. Thank you Mama…" Robert muttered.

Cora stared at the ceiling. The pains that had woken her a half hour before had been sporadic and dull at first but were beginning to build in intensity. When one particularly sharp stab caused her to cry out, she decided it was time to wake Robert. He snored gently beside her, looking like a little boy in sleep and she stroked his cheek with tenderness. Another ripple of pain vibrated through her and she gripped Robert's shoulder hard, without thinking. He sat up in a bolt and looked at her frantically.

"What's happening?" He demanded, all traces of sleep gone.

"I think it's time Robert." Cora said through clenched teeth. The spasm passed and she breathed out slowly and tried to look calm, hoping to erase the terrified look plastered on his face.

"The baby's coming? You mean really? Right now?" His words were a rushed jumble of nonsense that began to irritate her.

"Well, not right this instant, most likely. But soon." Cora said.

"I'll get Mama! And Mrs Temple! And Jenkins!" Robert said in a frenzy. He leapt off of the bed and twirled around, looking for slippers and robe and then fought with the piece of clothing to get his arms through the holes and tied.

"Robert." Cora called. He came rushing to her side and took her face in his hands, searching for the reason she was delaying him.

"It's just, this is the last night it will be just you and I. Tomorrow we will have our own family." Cora swallowed around the tightness in her throat. "And I want you to know I love you."

Robert stroked her face and kissed her hard. "I love you. And you will do great!"

Robert smoked a cigar in the library with his father, a rarity in the middle of the day but the older man thought it would help calm his nerves. It only slightly soothed the nausea he was experiencing. If he strained hard enough, he could hear Cora's cries through the solid oak doors.

"Don't ever tell your mother I said this, but I've often wondered who has the harder part. The women doing all the work or the men left behind to wait and bite their nails." Richard said.

Robert chuckled nervously. "Yes, I think I'll keep that sentiment from all of the female members of the family."

The sound of the door opening sprung Robert from his chair. His mother stood there, looking weary from lack of sleep. At his expectant look she shook her head and he sagged back onto the sofa he vacated.

"How is she holding up?" Richard asked. "For that matter, how are you?"

Violet sighed and walked to where the sandwiches from tea had been left and proceeded to eat one. "She's managing. Exhausted of course. Things have stalled a little so she's trying to rest."

Robert stared out the window, trying to imagine what was happening upstairs. The doctor had been rung for immediately and he had stayed with Cora until he arrived. The little he had witnessed was enough to leave him with a tense foreboding. He thought about his last words to Dr. Brown as he was ushered out of the room. If it comes down to a choice, save Lady Downton. He tried to think positive thoughts, but one heard all sorts of horrors. He stood up and began pacing. It had been more than twelve hours since Cora had woken him.

"I've got to go back up. Make sure they aren't bungling the whole thing." Violet said in a hurry. She paused at Robert and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry dear, Cora's American stubbornness will see her through. It should be anytime now."

He had stepped out into the dark January night, hoping to get some air. It was well past midnight and still there was no baby. Even though his mother had assured him that first deliveries often took a long time, even she had begun to look concerned which of course threw him into a tail spin of imagining the worse. He had needed to leave the confines of the library.

"Robert!" The shout of his name made his heart stutter as did the shadow of his father framed in the door. He ran back to the house searching the older man for a sign of what to expect. Behind him was Mrs Temple, looking disheveled and bone-tired. She clasped her hands together and a wide grin pulled at her face.

"Lady Downton has delivered the child." He noticed the silence suddenly blanketing the house as he ran up the stairs, two at a time.

He came to the door and knocked tentatively. Jenkins opened it and ushered him into the room, which was bathed in candle light. He barely acknowledged the poor woman, his eyes trained on the large bed. Cora was lying on her side, back to him and he could hear her voice murmuring something. Walking carefully closer, he stopped short at the sight before him. Her head rested on the pillow, sweat curled hair splayed over the linen. Her eyes were half closed and dreamily looking at the wide eyed little face nestled between the crook of her arm and her breast. He took a shaky breath, hardly believing that they were his. And they were both perfect. She slowly became aware of him as she looked up and smiled tiredly. He had never seen someone look so exhausted and so gorgeous at the same time. He hurried to her side, placed a deep kiss on her lips and then brought a chair right up to the bed. The baby, who he was now nose to nose with stared into his eyes.

"Meet your daughter, Robert." Cora's hoarse voice said.

"Daughter." Robert repeated, mesmerized by the funny movements the baby was making with her mouth, her little tongue darting between her lips as she stretched her head on her fragile neck.

"I hope you aren't terribly disappointed." Cora said softly.

Robert looked up and captured her eyes with his own. He stroked her forehead. "I am many things right now my darling, but disappointed? How could I be that when I am so elated. And relieved."

Robert got up and kissed Cora again, this one longer, and she closed her eyes, the exhaustion starting to win its battle. The door to her room opened and Violet stood in the entrance, carrying a tray, which she brought over.

"Robert, take the baby while I help Cora sit up." She deposited the tray down before watching her son gingerly handle the infant, his face strained with concentration as he made sure to support the head and gather the blankets around the tiny body.

Cora groaned and allowed the woman to help her. While she ate her toast she watched Robert bring the baby over to the window. He talked to her in a low voice, telling her secrets meant for only the two of them and Cora felt amazed and grateful that this was the life she had been given.