Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 39 Choke

With a cursory word to Charles he drags me out of the library like a toddler with a dirty nappy.

All the way up to my room, so he knows where it is then.

The door slams back into the wall as he flings me inside, rebounding to shut behind him like he's ordered it.

I manage to regain my footing at the last moment, like the plucky heroine in a bodice ripper, heaving chest and all.

"Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?" He demands.

"No. You managed that all by yourself because you're a complete JERK!"

"I am the King!" He roars.

"Good for you." I spit out. "You're doing a great job, terrorising someone weaker than you are. What next, stealing candy from children?"

I'm up against the wall, held by the throat, his face in my face, fangs down.

The Eric light and my heartbeat are throbbing to the beat of the same drum, wild and intense, like his eyes. He's actually going to choke me if he doesn't put me down soon. It's not my apparently impending death that squeezes the tears from my eyes, it's the knowledge that despite what's happened in the last few days, the pattern I've been sensing, the closeness building between us which I know I didn't imagine, and Thalia's implication that he cares for me, he actually doesn't and he never will. He's a vampire and I'm just someone vaguely useful and sometimes alluring who exists further down the food chain.

I've been a fool, filled with false confidence in a person I barely know.

Abruptly he releases me and I sink down to the floor, rubbing my throat and closing my eyes so I don't have to look at him.

The throbbing wildness leaks slowly out of us into the room, filling the silence with tension, leaving me drained and weak.

If I didn't now totally distrust myself where he's concerned I'd swear he's fury is now directed inward at himself.

How do I feel about revealing my secrets now? Do I still trust him? Does it matter, Pam is sick and he's going to find out anyway.

"You should take my blood." His voice is soft and quiet. "There will be a bruise."

I shake my head and he lapses back into silence, I sigh, resigned to telling him everything and wondering where to start . . . .

"Do you remember the night Bill first brought me to Fangtasia?" I whisper.

"Vividly."

"I met my Great Grandfather for the first time later that night too. Turns out he's a fairy."

Silence.

"After Dallas it was him who explained to me about vampires being deadly to fairies and how Bill wasn't protecting me properly. That's why I didn't put up much of a fight when you wanted to exchange blood with me, I thought I'd be safe from the attentions of other vampires, if I was yours."

He lets out a short bark of a laugh, but he doesn't feel amused.

"He told me never to let a vampire find out that I'm part fairy. That's why I didn't tell you when I saw him in Newlin's mind. He took him and got him turned into a vampire, I don't know how and I don't know why. I haven't seen him since Rhodes."

Silence.

"The night of the takeover it was fairies who were attacking Madden's forces outside."

"How do you know that?" He asks.

"Thalia told me when she rang to report in last night. She and Pam were attacked by Madden's men too, they wanted Pam as insurance, to use against you if there were problems here. My Great Grandfather rescued them, but he had to give them blood because they were injured."

"Injured?" His concern for them sharpens his voice and makes me feel worthless by comparison.

"They are both fine. Pam has sliver poisoning but Thalia says she will heal quickly because she's had fairy blood."

"Why have neither of them told me this, I have spoken to both of them since that night."

"They wanted me to do it, so I could tell you the truth about me before you saw them, they both smell strongly of fairy and they would have had to tell you why."

I think that just about covers it but regardless I'm done anyway. I still haven't opened my eyes to look at him and I'm hoping I can get through whatever happens next without having to. I don't think I could bear it right now.

"Your Great Grandfather is right." He says after a long pause. "Never tell a vampire you are fairy."

"I'm only part fairy. And I just told you."

More silence.

"I am not sure what to do." He says eventually. "We are bonded and you are my asset, it is my duty to protect you and c . . . . see to your needs."

"But you don't want to." I sigh, not liking how forlorn I sound.

"The coronation is a week tomorrow and your presence will be expected, you may return to Bon Temps if you wish, as long as you promise to be here for the ceremony, we can discuss any outstanding matters between us then."

"Okay." I choke out through my suddenly constricted throat.

And, he's gone, the door closing softly behind him.

NPOV

I remain crouched in my hiding place on the balcony, tears in my eyes. I am so proud of the way she handled him, even with no idea how powerful she truly is, she stood her ground like a Princess.

However if he ever makes her feel this way again I will scrape the skin from his body with a blunt silver knife and nail it to the wall over my bed, I do not care how much she loves him.

I must return to Faery for a while now the danger is past. I did not truly expect him to harm her but it would have beeen reckless to ignore the risk to someone so precious.

I do not know how long this next phase will take but if it drags on for too long she will need me.

Regardless, now that she has fully let go of her humanity her magic, which is already beginning to show, will grow and she will need guidance. Soon.

SPOV

I can't believe I slept but I did, not that it did me any good. This unrequited crush business is unexpectedly painful and surprisingly debilitating. I feel like an overcooked noodle, limp and useless.

And I have a sore throat, which I maintain is from the near choking, not the heaving sobs.

Alcide is dying to ask me what happened but fortunately is choosing to keep his questions to himself. Beside if I tell him I can't see the subsequent werewolf to vampire confrontation going in my friend's favour. Thankfully I woke up this morning with no marks on my neck, Eric's blood must still be doing its job even if he's not.

Vladimir has lent us a car, a little import that immediately made me want one for the other foot, like a skate. But despite its diminutive appearance Alcide's managed to get himself behind the wheel and it's so comfortable I'm able to drift in and out of consciousness. I hope I can stay awake better when I drive it back next week. If I go back next week. I'm a fool, not a masochist.

Alcide kindly stops off at the store when we get back so I can stock up on groceries. Then he drops me home, to collect his truck which he left here only a few short days ago.

I want to thank him for everything he's done for me and remind him that friends keep in touch but as we stand in front of his truck I can't find words to say anything.

"I'm sorry." He says eventually, enveloping me in a tight hug. He doesn't know what's wrong with me and he isn't prying, but he cares enough to offer me comfort anyway.

I pay him back by bursting into noisy tears that soak his t-shirt. Jeez, if anyone finds the Stackhouse that used to be in me would they please return it, I don't seem to be functioning properly without it.

Several minutes later, with many muttered and embarrassed apologies, I manage to peel myself off him so he can go home, dragging myself into the house and locking the door behind me as I watch his truck disappear down my shamefully pock marked driveway.

By dint of moving very slowly and deliberately not multitasking I manage to string out seeing to my personal needs and household chores until it's good and dark.

Then I curl up in the chair beside the phone and dial Fangtasia.

"Fangtasia, the bar with bite."

"Ginger?"

"Hey Sookie! How are you? When ya coming in to see us?"

"Hey Ginger, I'm good thanks, is Thalia or Pam there?"

"Sorry, no. Pam's off doing something for the Master I think and Thalia was in charge last night." Her voice drops to a whisper. "She can be real mean Sookie, real mean. Anyway, she should be in in about twenty minutes."

"Okay, thanks Ginger, can you ask her to call me?"

"Sure thing. See ya later."

"Yeah, bye."

Twenty minutes. I can amuse myself for twenty minutes without going insane. I can ignore the fact that Eric's awake and I don't know here he is, what he's doing or why he's feeling what he's feeling. And that it makes me worry about him . . . .

…..

The phone finally rings and I snatch it up.

"I called the Palace." Thalia says by way of greeting. "They told me you had come home."

"Yeah." God I sound flat.

"You told him." It's a statement, not a question.

"Yeah."

"He called me. He wanted to know why I kept your heritage a secret from him." A pause. "He was unpleasant."

"Oh Thalia, I'm so sorry."

"Do not be." She laughs. "I am more than twice his age, he is perfectly well aware that I can and will hand him his own buttocks if he pushes his luck with me."

I manage a wan smile at the mental image but no words.

"I asked him if he'd done anything stupid." She says softly. "He changed the subject and he did not tell me you were back in Bon Temps. I take it he has done something stupid?"

"In fairness to Eric I lost my temper and pushed all his buttons first. There may have been some gin involved."

"Explain." She demands.

So I do.

"Forgive my disrespect Princess, but the two of you are completely useless." She chuckles when I'm done. "You care for him?"

It's a simple enough question and unfortunately there's a simple enough answer.

"Yes."

"Well, I cannot pretend that you have not chosen a hard row to hoe but I am glad. He is worth it."

"Thalia, he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Have a little faith, you have opened the book and are digesting the contents. You should know that he has asked me to make arrangements for your continued protection until you return for the coronation."

"Right, because he'd look real stupid if another vampire made off with me before then." I sound bitter and childish, even to my own ears.

"Princess require more reading. Call Thalia when head out of bottom."

"Thalia, please, I'm sorry, this is just freaking me out. I thought, I thought, I knew him, that we were becoming friends but it turned out I was wrong."

"Sookie." She says softly. "You were not wrong. He is over a thousand years old and very set in his ways. Ways which have kept him alive for this long. You need to exhibit some applied knowledge."

"Jesus." I laugh, despite myself. "Is the ability to be cryptic part of the supernatural kindergarten curriculum?"

"Ask your Great Grandfather." She fires back. "He wrote the syllabus."

"Alright." I sigh in defeat. "My non-understanding part fairy ass is tired and going to bed."

"Sleep well Princess, I am sure you will feel better in the morning."

"Humph."

Click.

…..

Speaking to Thalia made me feel better, it really did, until I put myself to bed and woke up the next morning.

Empty and aching.

This crush stuff really sucks and the capacity for self-doubt and over analysis is mind numbing. Though not enough to stop you blubbering and then despising yourself for it.

I want something from Eric he isn't equipped to give me. And wouldn't even if he was.

I slept late, even though I couldn't possibly have needed it.

There was no Alcide drinking coffee in my kitchen, I had to make it myself.

Bill's empty house is like a hole in my gums, where a rotten tooth used to be, his now permanent absence proof positive that everything I think happened, happened.

Once again I string my chores out for as long as I can, the yard has risen to the occasion, it looks like it hasn't been touched for weeks. Which it hasn't. Gran and I only ever claimed dominion over a small part of it, leaving the rest to go wild, but even so I find a couple of hours of back breaking work waiting for me. I will reward myself with a spot of sunbathing when it's done, I feel abnormally pale.

…..

Tired and dirty I retired to the shower, wondering if I have enough money yet to upgrade from the paltry trickle I've been used to my entire life.

I sorted out my laundry.

I flirted with the idea of calling Sam to get myself put back on the roster at the bar but never did it.

I went to the store even though I didn't need to.

I contemplated visiting the library but decided I wasn't fond of books at the moment.

I told myself repeatedly that I needed to get a grip because there was never anything except a business deal between Eric and me.

I made an appointment to get my hair done, I exfoliated like a demon and I painted my toe nails.

I made an elaborate meal and tossed it in the trash, opting for a tub of Ben & Jerry's on the couch instead.

Then it got dark and he woke up.

So I got glammed up and climbed into my car, which was kind enough to start, and drove to Merlotte's. My home from home.

The parking lot was packed and I had to park under the trees at the back. They drip goop on the cars, you have to scrub like a demented person to get the marks off, which does nothing for the lustre of the paintwork but is probably good for sculpting the arms.

I switched off my engine but I didn't get out. I could see my erstwhile colleagues hurling themselves about to wait the packed tables as quickly as they were able. I couldn't see Sam or the bar, but the pool tables were crowded with our usual inebriated weekend clientele. I hadn't realised it was the weekend.

And I read every single one of their thoughts. Having apparently forgotten how much I relied on them to properly feel part of the lives going on around me. I'd missed a lot, but I couldn't bring myself to care, Hoyt's a man, he can ask for more cheese on his own fries, if he really wants it, no one needs a fairy for that.

I should have gone in and talked to them like a normal person, I've done it before when I wasn't working, when I was lonely, it's the reason I went tonight in the first place.

But in the end I didn't. I re-started my car, pausing at the main junction of the highway to Shreveport for an inordinate amount of time, before heading home again in absolute floods.

I couldn't be bothered to go to bed so I reprised my position on the couch and stared at the TV, convinced I was going to get up again at some point and turn it on.