Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 40 The Hardest Part of Ending is Starting Again

EPOV

That first night I had Charles find me a secure room and I stayed up, pouring over the documents the arrogant human brought me until the bleeds started, but they told me nothing he had not already. I should have gone to her as we had agreed. She was ready to tell me her secrets and perhaps they would have made sense of the situation. I wanted to go to her, but I convinced myself that it was not a good idea, there would be time later for that . . . .

When I woke obviously nothing had changed. I was still confused and full of unfocussed anger.

I had a problem.

It is not my way to avoid problems but this was one I had no idea how to deal with. So I made a mistake. I ignored it. I was under no illusion it would go away, I just wanted to time to process everything and deal with it sensibly, unemotionally . . . .

It turned out to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was proud of myself for being able to do it. Every molecule of her calls increasingly to every molecule of me.

I had help, the night was extremely busy and I was forced to do and say many of the things I had abhorred in other monarchs. It annoyed me. Her presence tugging at me like a lodestone annoyed me. Her beauty annoyed me. Her easy intimacy with Charles annoyed me. The way the vampire and humans disdained her annoyed me. If I had become any more annoyed someone else would have become dead.

Not a terribly good start for a new ruler.

And when Charles delivered her to my side like a primed parcel bomb I realised my mistake. The non-human does not like to be ignored. Trouble was coming but try as I might I could not define what it might be or how I could prevent it.

And then, like a landmine, I stepped right in it.

Truly I dragged her out of there as quickly as I could because I did not know whether I was going to rip her head or her clothes off. No one. No one. Speaks to me like that. Ever. Whether I deserve it or not.

Then, like a guided missile she homed right in on my fear, that I was not, and never would be, a worthy King.

I lost it.

Not completely, but more than enough. I hurt her. And I proved my unworthiness, proved her right.

Everyone has regrets, even vampire and I suspect that I have yet to plumb the depths of this one.

Then, to further prove her superiority, she told me her truths anyway.

She did not even deign to look at me . . . . only Godric and my human father have ever been able to make me feel so . . . . small.

And I was desperate again, for a way out, for the space to think.

Did I believe she would choose to go, is that what I wanted?

Regardless, go she did.

And I felt it, awake in my room again, with only the bleeds for company.

…..

'I am not your anything Eric Northman'

…..

I awoke the next night, acutely aware of her in our bond, determined to take refuge in logic and deduction. So many unanswered questions . . . .

Fairies. Devious, vicious, killers.

After the last war, many hundreds of years ago, the gateways between our worlds were sealed by the Prince of the Sky Fae although we always suspected that many Fae elected to remain here. Vampire are fatally attracted to fairies, their blood is the only substance that can give us a high. Older vampire avoid them like the plague, the chances of catching one without meeting the true death are very slim, but younger vampire who disappear from time to time are often suspected of falling prey to their allure. And they are beautiful fairies, incredibly so, the ultimate betrayal by Mother Nature.

I always knew she was dangerous but I had absolutely no idea just how much.

Is this a game to her? Does she like to play with her food?

Who is her Great Grandfather that he would murder the Rhodes bombers, I have no doubt now that he did, there was magic involved, and have Newlin made vampire? Attack Madden's men when he attempted to takeover Louisiana?

I am concerned about Madden, though not in a friendly way, he has not been seen since the takeover, not in Philadelphia nor Louisiana. The King of Nevada has already telephoned to request permission to search for his former Second in my state, I have told him I will consider it, but I will not allow it. De Castro has even less interest in Madden's wellbeing than I do, he is just looking for an excuse to flood my state with vampire loyal to him. The spies she found have already been fed a little disinformation to keep him at bay.

Did Sookie's relative have anything to do with Madden's apparent disappearance? And if so, why?

I do not find it difficult to believe that a fairy would be involved in nefarious deeds and though I cannot see what the fairy would gain from what has happened I cannot rule out that he has.

But what I cannot fathom is why the fairy would rescue Thalia and my child. Give them blood? It is unheard of. What does he gain from that . . . . I have no clue.

I asked Pam for a full description of him but she must have been as high as a kite at the time because frankly the being she described sounded like every female under thirty's wet fantasy. Generic. Though the narcotic effect of his blood has now worn off she still remains uselessly dewy eyed over the whole experience. Apparently his sword was huge and he tasted like manna from heaven.

Thalia on the other hand knows exactly who he is and took great delight in refusing to tell me. I should have pressed the issue and forced the information from her. Except. First and foremost, I respect her, trust her, care for her, and would never see her harmed. And second, if I am honest I am not entirely sure I could. She may be tiny but she is much older than me. I had to settle for her promise to tell me if she ever felt she needed to.

…..

'Who is he?'

'It makes no difference Eric, not to her, she has no idea.'

…..

Charles, who I am now certain I will name my Second, tried to ease me into my second night as King with a little fine dining and entertainment.

I drank bottled blood, I was still replete with her, and I sent the nubile young women away untouched.

I do not know what I needed, but it was not that . . . .

…..

"She is an amazing woman Your Majesty, you have chosen well."

…..

Now I have the information the Council of Monarchs convened in Rhodes requires I am unsure what to do with it.

The bombers were indeed members of Newlin's church and all involved have been punished by an unknown fairy.

I cannot report that.

It would place her at risk, since the Monarchs would require to know why a fairy was involved, and the only answer I have is that he was protecting her.

No one must know what she is. She would be neither tolerated nor safe.

The wretched fairy is practically advertising it, it is only a matter of time before his interference is noticed by others.

I must protect her.

Arranging bodyguards in secret is easy. Britlingens. Telling anyone else that you are looking for a fairy is tantamount to asking to be chained in silver for your own safety.

…..

'It is no longer your problem.'

…..

The contract may be null and void but I have bonded with her.

How much time does she have left, fifty or sixty years, barring ill health? The Fae are extremely long lived, I could be forced to feel her and provide for her for an eternity. As a monarch I will be doubly expected to protect my asset.

Although of course, without the contract, I could simply end her with no repercussions for myself.

…..

'Eric, you have not done something stupid, have you?'

…..

Louisiana has always been a well-run state, despite Sophie Anne's fluctuating attention to detail. She chose excellent Sheriffs, inspired loyalty, and was lucky that we picked up the slack.

The state's finances, however, are chaotic.

What she did with the money from the contract to protect Sookie beggars belief.

A gold toilet, in a room where no one need succumb to bodily functions?

A group of us managed to go through her assets and identify those which should be immediately and profitably sold, but even so I will be dipping into my own funds to clear her tax bill.

Interestingly one of the biggest drains on her resources was to Nevada.

For the first time in a while I felt the thrill of a challenge I could rise to. A mystery I could understand and solve without help I would not normally expect. Without her.

…..

'Master. Your woman . . . .'

…..

I cannot find my way to the truth or reality of this situation and I cannot help but wonder if it could be found if she were here to help me.

It was one thing to want her body. Another to become accustomed to her physical proximity, her touch. To begin to trust her, despite myself, was uncomfortable. To be so affected by her absence is not something I know how to understand or deal with.

I should be even more suspicious of her now, it is not like I do not have enough reasons. Yet I am not.

I should probably kill her and end all of this uncertainty and discomfort, now that I can. Yet I will not.

I do not think I have ever been so completely at a loss for what to do, been so enmeshed in a situation I felt so little in control of, had so little idea how to resolve.

I want something I cannot quite see or comprehend.

And I am afraid. Afraid to go forward, backward, or stay where I am.

…..

'I am surprised you shared this with me.'

'Please don't make me regret it.'

…..

Is it twisted that I am hoping the pain I can feel in her now is my fault? If another is the cause and I have done nothing to stop it I will feel . . . I will be . . . . guilty of not caring for her properly. She is my bonded, my asset, mine to protect.

If her pain is my fault then it might mean . . . .

…..

'I don't want you to die because of me.'

…..

On the third night of my reign I demonstrated just how quickly affairs of state can be dealt with if sycophancy and misdirection are removed from the equation. It would have been quicker with her help but I can be a highly motivated self-starter when required. And her Great Grandfather is not the only one who is able to wield a big sword.

Driving is cathartic, I do not know why, when it is such a new invention. Sophie Anne was faithful to her French roots but fortunately her taste in cars was unashamedly Latin.

Selecting a Ferrari I take off into the night.

With my elbow on the door sill and the wind in my hair I suddenly feel like I am able to think again . . . .

…..

Done with driving I park up and make my way through the night on foot, drawn by my hungers to the human dwelling I can see in the distance.

The porch steps are old and creaky as I ascend, the door slow to be opened.

"Do you remember the night Compton tried to trick me into taking you to the Queen?"

A/N First and foremost. Thank you so much for all your reviews and encouragement. I've caught up with myself so I'm writing each chapter as I go along now and I can't tell you how motivating it is to know that readers are enjoying the story and waiting to see what happens next.

Second. Happy Holidays!

And third. Drinking and eating Chez Mortissues commences on Christmas Eve. If I can string a coherent sentence together after that I'll post again. If I can't, I'm sorry, but I usually dry out fairly early in the New Year . . . .

In the meantime your thoughts on poor Eric are welcome ;o)