AN: Hello everyone! So sorry for the delay! This must be the hardest (and longest...) chapter I've written in the Asian series (I think I re-wrote this around four times... and each draft ended up looking COMPLETELY different). But, it's here now! Yay! I feel terrible for the whole 'more-than-one-month-no-post' so I sat myself down and straightened out my priorities. Fanfiction over studies. That's the way to go.
Anyway, think of it as a late Christmas and New Year's gift! I hope you enjoy it!
This is the last chapter of A Very Asian Vacation, but stay in turned for the third and final installment, A Very Asian (Insert something related to story) ( as you can see, the title is still being debated on by the voices in my head) which should be out in a couple of weeks!
Read, enjoy and review! :D
Warning: The rating of this story has gone up form K+ to T (just in case) and I feel that this particular chapter is quite... sensitive.
"Why don't you apologize?"
Even though it was a whisper, it slammed against Japan's ears. Even though it was softly breathed out of those dry lips, it crawled under Japan's skin. Even though it was gentle and sad and tweaked by an urgent desperation, it made Japan's blood run cold. He remained still, feeling the cold tears trickle down his cheeks and hang off his chin, tense and waiting, lingering and unmoving. His breaths became weaker as he waited for the Korean to move away and cast his shadow elsewhere, but he didn't. Korea remained kneeling over him, his spidery, hard fingers on Japan's shoulders, pressing down.
"Just apologize."
Japan swallowed. But there was something lodging his throat. He remained stationary. He remained still. Korea had to move away at some point. He had to. However, the fingers on his shoulders became tighter. They were like iron bars against his bones, the calluses roughly rubbing against the soft silk of Japan's kimono. He felt shudders run up his spine.
"Japan?"
There was a hardness in Korea's voice that wasn't there before. A steely edge that was still hidden behind a sheath.
"Kiku?"
"May I please stand up?"
The fingers tightened further, pushing down on him, before releasing. Korea swiftly stood, his slim frame towering, as Japan struggled to get back onto his feet. His knees ached and his body was doused with a heaviness that wore him out completely. It was as if his blood had been turned into molten lead, oozing between his exhausted muscles.
He almost collapsed-
He gripped the wall, his hand too numb to register pain.
But all the blood that was seeping out of those scratches and scars… all that blood that throbbed from his veins, staining his skin, made his weary mind wonder whether it was his own blood for once, or the blood of a savage stranger? He could see Korea in the dim room, standing to the side, watching him. He avoided his gaze. He tried to look for his bed, but his vision was obscured by fatigue and this unexplained sickness that knotted his stomach.
"Japan?" Korea's voice was louder.
He could feel his feet weakening. He shook his head to clear his mind, his stray tears piercing his collarbone, his cheeks dry and cold.
"I apologize for disturbing you," Japan mumbled.
Korea bristled.
"That's not the apology I've been waiting for."
Japan turned sharply. Too sharply, in fact, for his head threatened to burst with striking pain. The searing subsided; his eyes clenched shut, his breaths like hisses from the back of his throat. His joints felt detached and he had no idea how he was keeping himself standing.
"Now's not the time-"
"Not the time?" Korea softly scoffed, incredulous. "Not the time- if not now then when? Do you know how many years have past-"
"Exactly, years," Japan cut him through. "Many years have past. We can put whatever happened in the past behind us."
Korea stiffened. He stared at Japan with eyes that were teeming with disbelief and shock. There was doubt in the way Korea held himself: as if he wasn't sure he heard correctly or wasn't too sure he completely understood what his brother had said. He winced.
"E-excuse me?" his smile was laced with bitter disbelief.
Japan placed his shoulder against the wall, the cold biting into his skin, as he tried to support himself. However, his eyes were adjusting to the dark and were adjusting to the numbing fatigue in his bones. He could see just how angular his brother had become: stiff and terse and tense, as if his limbs were made of impenetrable wood that was splintered and jagged and pained. The twitching of Korea's brow, the tremble in his callused fingers and the teeth that bit agitatedly at those dry lips poked at Japan irritably.
"What do you- you mean… forget it? Is that what you're saying?"
The irritancy that was once a small prick at the side of Japan's temple became a continuous pulse.
"Yong Soo, let's discuss this later-"
"No, we're discussing it now!"
Flare. He could feel his temper suddenly flare like a fire fed fuel and allowed to blaze. However, he stifled that urge and stepped back.
It pulsed against his temple.
Pulsed and pulsed- stronger and stronger and stronger with each heartbeat.
"Later-"
"You're guilty. You're guilty and it's eating you- you're sick by what you've done and you regret it every time you breathe. Why won't you apologize?"
"I'm not guilty."
It was instinct. Pure instinct that made him lash against any accusation that was thrown at him. The way Korea had worded it- the way the words were laced with disgust and interwoven with repugnance- made the pulse in his temple turn into full-blasting throbs. His fingers tensed, his nails dug into his palms.
Korea looked as though he had been slapped.
Japan wanted to bite his lip but forced to maintain himself. The damage had already been done. There was no point in taking it back. He was tired, his mind was blurred with suffering and his knees were going to give out if he remained standing any longer. The damage was already done. That's it. There was nothing he could do about. Japan kept his eyes boring into the wide Korean ones, forcing a view of blatant confidence. However an inkling- a prickling that was starting from the pit of his stomach and rising all the way up his throat- of regret started to overtake him. He could feel his fingers shake in their fist and feel his heart hammer manically against his chest.
That was a mistake.
But he couldn't take it back.
He couldn't allow himself to take it back.
And from the shock on Korea's face, he doubted his brother would remove those words from memory. Korea twitched slightly, almost turning away, before turning back. He tried to smile yet it was more hysterical than it was painful. But Japan could see every muscle being tautened in his brother's lithe limbs, could see every inch of his stance become taken over by rage.
"Not guilty?" there was something flashing behind those dark eyes. "Not guilty?" the sourness in his voice was biting. "Not guilty for destroying my land? Not guilty for killing my men- torturing my people, raping my women, using them as animals in your little labs- stripping the dignity from my people- starving them until they died from disease-"
Not this again, Japan stiffened.
"You did all of that," said Korea softly. "You, in your fancy imperial clothes and your insane imperial dreams. You."
"I know."
"Do you?" Korea's eyes widened mockingly. His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Do you really? No, I don't think you do." The throbs were getting stronger and stronger, winding around Japan's head like iron. "I don't think you understand- because monsters like you can't possibly understand what it's like to have your dignity stripped from you- to be forced into servitude like a slave- to be killed in the most savage of ways by a fucking barbarian who thought he could rule when everyone was at his feet-"
"Enough," Japan cut through softly. Threateningly. "I'd appreciate it if you would be respectful." His voice was icy. His head was pounding. "We will not discuss this tonight."
Korea's laugh was loud, reverberating off the walls of the empty room, and mordant. It sent shivers up Japan's spine. That loud, twisted laugh… the last time he had heard it was over a barren earth that was saturated with blood, echoing and echoing in the silence, resounding and reverberating with so much force that the littered bodies of the dead and desecrated could've cried with it.
"I'm not your colony," Korea glowered. "I'm not your slave. I'm not under your rule so you'll stand right there, you'll get yourself some damned respect and you'll apologize."
"No."
That oppressive tone. That forceful demand. Japan hated it. He wasn't going to bend and break for him-
Japan stiffened.
What was wrong with him?
What was he thinking-?
SLAM
"Apologize!"
Korea's fists were curled into the front of his shirt, his back pressed severely against the wall. Japan felt his throat constrict- his eyes blur- his breathe tighten-
His fingers gripped the hands that held him and he finally found those furious eyes.
"Let go," hissed Japan.
Korea's grip tightened "Apologize."
"I'm warning you."
Korea slammed his back against the wall once more. His lips were curled in a feral growl. "Apologize."
"Korea," his voice grew louder, hitched with spites of anger.
"I've been cordial to you- all this time, I've been every bit as respectful as I could," hissed Korea. "But I have never forgotten and I will never forget. And I swear to you- I swear- I will not leave my dignity lying in the ditch you threw it in."
His body was surged with frantic adrenaline- Japan thrashed- his hands like shackles on his brother's wrists- a sudden kick- twist of his body- SLAM-
There was a shout- loud and piercing- he could see blood smearing the wall-
Before he knew it, Japan was thrown back against the ground, pinned down-
Korea heaving against him, his callused hands riveting Japan's arms to the ground, his knees on either side of his legs, keeping him firmly planted. Japan's eyes darted from the bleeding bruise on Korea's temple then at the scrape of blood on the wall. He tried to push against his brother's body but Korea kept his weight centered and unrelenting. His breaths were more like the growls and snarls of a provoked animal, his eyes as scathing as they had been when Japan forced him and his brother into separate rooms. As scathing as they had been when Japan had stalked past him in the halls of the high emperor. As scathing as they had always been.
"Can you be more of a child," Japan struggled to move. "Korea- enough-"
His temper was biting against him. His head was pounding. He was not going to be forced into anything. He was not going to have his pride reduced in anyway possible. He was the Empire of Japan. He was-
"A child?!" but for a striking moment, Japan felt naked and exposed in the eyes of his brother. For a striking moment, Japan felt a douse of horror. For a striking moment, when he looked into those dark and angry eyes, it was not only the usual anger that blazed but also, desperation. "A child- you humiliated me! Are you proud of what you did? You're crying from fucking nightmares and you're calling me a child?!"
Japan felt his face burn.
"You can't even live with what you've done but you still won't- God, you're infuriating! Why can't you just apologize?!" Korea slammed him against the floor with each word. "You know you were wrong! You know you were insane-"
"Korea- ENOUGH!"
Enough, his mind screamed. Enough with the insanity. Enough with what he had done. Enough with what he was. Enough with the past. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Each and every time they brought it up it sent spears through his body. It made him tight and sore with so much anguish it threatened to tear him apart.
"Enough of what?! I've had enough! I'm sick!" screeched Korea. "I'm sick of you- I'm sick of me- I'm sick of everything!"
Japan's body was getting pounded with panic. A frantic, frenzied agitation was pulsating through him. His hands tried to wrench out of his brother's inexorable grip. Korea slammed him down once more. His head threatened to shatter.
"I've been tortured my entire life," vicious tears. Vicious, angry tears. "I've been tortured- I've been divided- I've been separated- my brother is dying everyday and I can't even breathe!" He was slammed against the floor. Japan felt constricted. He couldn't move. Hecouldn't breathe. Everything. Closing in. Tighter. Breathe. He couldn't. "Why won't you-"
"FINE!" Japan exploded. "Fine!" His head was bursting. His blood was boiling. His muscles were searing. All the exhaustion dissipated. He felt blinding rage- hot and violent and uncontrollable. I'm sorry that you're stupid enough not to realize that without me you would've become nothing! I'm sorry that you were pathetic enough not to be able to stand up on your own two feet! I'm sorry because I will not apologize- not to China- not to Hong Kong- and definitely not to you- I won't apologize because I did what was best for my people- I fought for my people- and it's not my fault you're too inferior to even be worthy of holding a country! I'm sorry because it's not my fault you ended up the way you are- I'm sorry because you're so ridiculously idiotic that you went and got yourself divided from your fuck-buddy of a brother! Are you happy now?! Are you better?! Is that it?! Will you stop?! Is that enough?!"
He could hear his own voice echo.
Is that enough?
It was raspy. He could taste blood in the back of his throat.
It was silent.
It was deafening.
Korea's fingers were slack. He sat, eyes wide and lips parted and skin pale.
It was silent.
It was deafening.
Korea's breaths were jagged and hoarse, as unstable as his fingers that went closer to his chest. Japan swallowed. His body was throbbing with fury. He could hear his own blood gush through his head and could feel his heart thrashing with insanity in his chest.
The doorway was open.
China was standing there.
Japan swallowed, and when he swallowed, he swallowed blood. Blood that left his throat dry.
He pushed Korea off him roughly and staggered to his feet. He could see China take a step back.
It sent daggers through his heart.
In distraught anger, Japan threw a glare at the room. Was it to hide the tears that were burning his eyes? He lowered his head, letting his hair cast a shadow on his face, and started to make for the door. The moment he was close enough did China move to the side and turn his head away, staring at the cold, hard floor with unforgiving shadows in his eyes.
It sent daggers through his heart.
He stalked down the hallway.
It felt exactly as it did seventy years ago when his uniform was as black as misery and when the heavy cape of imperialism hung from his shoulders, sashaying with confidence around his feet. It felt exactly as it did seventy years ago when the walls were dark and radiated the fear of those that resided within them. It felt exactly as it did seventy years ago when he was angry and cornered and hated.
Exactly as he was seventy years ago.
CRASH
The glass splattered across the floor, stained with blood. His knuckles were cut and bleeding, the window now shattered at his feet. He sucked in a jagged breath, wrenched the door open and plunged into the darkness. He stalked down the pathway that led to the small harbor and, beyond that, the spacious seas. He glanced back at the house over his shoulder-
Taiwan.
Silently weeping, broken. Hong Kong held her back, his arms around her small body, with an indescribable expression. It wasn't angry. It wasn't cold. It wasn't harsh… it was-
He opened his mouth, as though to call out to him, but Japan had already stormed away.
His fury was possessive. It reigned through him as he ferried back to the mainland. It pulsed through him as he thundered through the airport and it throbbed through him as he drove manically down the highways in Tokyo. He lost count of how many times he swerved insanely down the roads, screamed himself hoarse when he almost crashed into an unfortunate driver before he pulled over at the side of a road. He couldn't even register where he was. He pulled out his phone and punched in the number of the first person that came to mind.
He was furious.
He was angry.
He was livid.
He wanted to vent. He wanted to shout. He wanted to screech out all that pent up anger that was bubbling underneath his skin, scalding him and searing him and eating him inside out-
"This is Germany-"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S THEIR FAULT- IT'S THEIR FUCKING FAULT- THEY THINK THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES HURT?! I'M SUFFERING- EVERYTIME I DO ANYTHING THEY HAVE TO BRING IT UP- EVERY SINGLE TIME- AM I ALLOWED TO CHANGE?! NO!"
"Japan?!"
"I CHANGED! I CHANGED, YOU FOOLS, I CHANGED! I'M DIFFERENT NOW- I'M DIFFERENT! I'M BETTER- I LEARNED- BUT YOU DON'T LET ME- BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME- SHE WAS NEVER MY PROPERTY! I TREATED HER PERFECTLY- IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE! I DIDN'T WANT T-TO HURT HER- I DIDN'T KNOW- HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"
"Japan, calm down-"
"NO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN- I'M SICK OF CALMING DOWN! I CAN'T- I'M NOT PROUD- I'M NOT PROUD- I DIDN'T- YOU'RE NOT- pathetic, you're not- I hurt- I was p-panicked- I didn't know what to- they kept b-blaming and I- I" he started blubbering. His words were getting slurred into one another, entangling like the chaotic mess in his brain. But his body was enraged and his heart was aching in agony. He kept screaming at the phone- screaming over Germany's voice- screaming and screaming and screaming until he was sobbing unintelligibly. Sobbing as clumsily and as incoherently as a child who had lost his entire family. Germany had long been silent, allowing him to pour out his distress. Allowing him to weep and wail and bawl in the most undignified, most indecorous and most improper way possible.
He had never felt more human in his life.
Eventually, he ceased.
"Kiku?" it was Italy's voice, warm and soft and gentle. "Where are you now? So we can pick you up."
Japan helplessly looked around. He was too tired to understand the road signs.
"I- I don't know-"
"It's ok- it's alright," Italy's voice cut through. He sounded afraid Japan might burst into tears all over again. "Give us a few minutes and we'll be there, ok?"
"Hm."
He waited. He was scared he'd think during those dull, heavy minutes. Intead, he numbingly decided to push against the accelerator and drove back onto the highway. He felt completely detached: his mind, body and soul, completely separate. He had to go home. That was the only thought prevailing through him. He had to go home because he was tired and he had enough. He had to go home now, because waiting would make him think and he didn't want to think. Not about his family, not about himself and not about the road signs that, for the life of him, he couldn't make any sense of.
He drove. Slowly and sluggishly, a complete contrast to the rage he had when he tore through the streets earlier.
But the more he drove, the more he could remember. The more he could remember the more he could hear. The more he could hear the more he could see. Even listening to the sound of their names in the back of his head sent piercing needles through him. He shuddered and clenched his eyes shut-
He didn't want to think. He didn't want to see. He didn't want to hear. He didn't-
A loud noise. Booming. Screaming. Like a horn.
He could feel his heart like a stone in his chest.
His eyes widened. Turning slightly-
Getting brighter and brighter and brighter-
Two glaring headlights-
Crash.
AN: Hello y'all! Lovely, happy ending right there, isn't it? :') Simply rainbows and bunnies!
I wanted the last chapter of this story to be different- not the whole usual 'yell at Japan' scenario (but, I couldn't avoid it at the end- Japan's just so feisty!)- so I threw in a bit of research (more so that usual xD). So, I extracted the idea from the stance of Japan's prime minister Abe who did bring a bit of an uneasy stir in Korea and China by visiting the shrine dedicated to war criminals and those who served Japan during WW2. The Koreans and the Chinese were, of course, insulted since they believed the Japanese were celebrating the men who devastated their people. Also, one of the attitudes of the Japanese was to simply 'ignore' the fact that Japan had done anything in the past and act as though nothing had happened (hence the whole "leave the past behind us"), a view the Koreans and the Chinese were keen on. Japan's whole 'I'm sorry you're such a pathetic country' scene was from some of the insincere apologies Japan issued after WW2 that really insulted the Koreans as well as a recent political tension where the Japanese prime minister literally called Korea a "stupid country" and China "absurd". It's also partially from the Imperialist Japan's view of Korea as a country of savages that were far too inferior to them. But that's all the tip of the iceberg!
Please do point out any typos/mistakes littered about so I can clear up :D I hope this chapter has been worth the wait! I'd be elated to know what you think!